#recent thoughts

sometimes, all you need is to grab a girl by her hair and walk her like a dog a little. sometimes all you need is to make a girl recite an apology over and over through tears and punish her when she stumbles over the words. sometimes all you need is a girl to kiss and clean your heels for you. ❂

remember when Glinda said “i didn’t expect magic to be so hard” and Elphaba responded “maybe it’s harder to make magic because things have been kinda easy for you, so you don’t need it” in that one deleted scene from part 1? okay so you know how Nessa her whole life had people do everything for her therefore she’s never had to work for anything (i mean she did have her own struggles, but her life had been easier compared to someone like Elphaba), and she was the sibling without magic, and the only time she cast a spell was when in act 2 she was experiencing the consequences of her actions for the first time and her life was falling apart and she tried to get Boq to love her but she read the spell wrong cause she can’t read the Grimmerie properly, therefore shrinking Boq’s heart by accident. (although we never got any confirmation that Nessa struggled with magic like Glinda did before that point, so maybe she did have more magic potential but it’s not certain) what if it has something to do with that? what if the rules of Oz/the Wicked universe is that magic only comes in times of hardship because it helps makes things easier, and it can’t come in easy times because if things are already easy, magic is not needed? and that’s why Elphaba had so much power (besides being a child of two worlds, of course) because her life was always very hard, and magic was a way to cope with it. (even if her attempts to help others and make things better with her magic backfired and even though she struggled with controlling her powers) i guess that’s why Elphaba gives the Grimmerie to Glinda in part 2, because she knows Glinda will need magic now that things are harder for her, and whatever spells she learns from the Grimmerie will make things easier for everyone in Oz.

I dunno why, but I shouldn't normalize a certain sick era from Depeche Mode yet it's getting to the point where it's popping up in my dreams as well as Dave in general (literally had a dream involving fancy hotels and Depeche Mode/Dave Gahan). My god what's like happening to me. I'm like so needy for Depeche Mode and Dave this year, and I blame my hyperfixation yet I'm not stopping my fixation because it's needed due to how my year has been. 🥺😩🖤

regret is a funny, funny thing. like on one hand you wish with your whole heart to go back and change things, and you think about it constantly: what if i did this instead of that? what if i said that word instead of another? but also, you can’t help but wonder if you would be the same person if things would have gone the other way, the “right way”. would you have meet the same people? would you have learned the same lessons? and it’s up to us i think to find the right balance. being able to mourn the chances lost but also being able to celebrate the good things that happened because of a wrong turn.