#reallydont

Hugh Hahn Heaven L. Nuñez

       This is so cliché. Does everyone really have that one phrase or sentence that impacted them a lot. The first time I heard about this new blog entry, I couldn’t think of anything. I felt like it was too forced. I found a hard time thinking about it. I think I found one that could work, “kagurang mo na.”

     This is said in my dialect back in my province, Masbate. It basically translates to “ang tanda mo na,” or “you are already old,” (or of age.) I think this came to be because even though I’m the second child, I’m usually considered the more “grown up.” My parents didn’t necessarily say this all the time. There were just a few moments that they did, and I feel like out of all the things I can think of this one stuck the most. “Kagurang mo na,” they usually say it when they ask me to do something, or when I ask them to do something. My dad usually says it when he tells stories about his college years. He said things about how when he was my age, he would do this and that. At first you’d think it as annoying at times. But the more you think about it now, the more it seems like they were trying to help me grow. Thinking about it from my perspective right now it kinda seems like at those moments they were trying to make me more independent.  

     “Kagurang mo na,” thinking about it more I think they were also trying to make me take responsibility. My big brother has ADHD so he learned slower and stuff. Growing up, I was considered to be the more “responsible one,” the more “reliable one.” The role of the “panganay” seems to be really important. There has to be a role model for the younger siblings. That was pushed to me. They made me the one to take care of my siblings and stuff, cook for them, etc. etc. This phrase felt like it was trying to push me into a certain role for the family. They had to fill the gap of the seemingly important role of the “panganay.”

      I don’t think it worked out as I explained though. I would consider myself to be more childish. I like to play around and joke around. This would be the normal me. I don’t think it fits the “role model” that parents would usually want. I was childish, yes, but I still would seem to do work. I joke around about not doing it, but I do it anyway. It worked out weirdly. I still kept the personality I usually have, but unconsciously I was more responsible. It kind of shows how the little things that influence you when you grow up. It proves how the norms that we have right now were brought up because of how we were raised. I believe I nurture vs. nature. I think that experience works on how the human acts more than biological factors. You act like your parents because you grew up with your parents, because they raised you. So experience affects how we think greatly.

     There is another think I can say about this phrase, it might seem forced, but it works when you think about it. The way “kagurang mo na,” works may also depend on one’s gender. Gender stereotypes and roles are very common in our society. Again one of the factors is because of how we were raised. This phrase was used on me for things like going out to buy thing, commuting, traveling, etc. My dad would talk about how he would commute from Cavite to Intramuros and vice versa. My mom would use it when asking to buy stuff at night. It was used when they made me travel alone to our province. These are things that you won’t necessarily hear said to a woman in those cases. It would be dangerous for them to commute alone, or go out at night alone, or travel alone. Parents won’t usually allow it. But for me, I’m old enough, I’m grown up. We can see here how even with a phrase that you won’t attach to forcing gender roles, you can still see it underlying somewhere.

 Sources:

The psychoanalytic theory of adolescent development by Muus

Gender, sexuality, and romance by Moore

Presentation of the self in everyday life by Goffman