Everyone has their story of “the one that got away.” I’m not sure it’s entirely possible but I’ve got two “ones that got away.” One was my fault, the other less so. Ironically they both had the same name too- just spelt differently, one with a ph in the middle, one with a v.

S with a V was the first. I was 22-23 when I met him at work. My experience with men up until then had been terrible. My first love, the first man I had slept with, had pretty much fucked me up for a few years and I was still feeling those effects. At the time I had feelings for a guy C, I’d worked with before S, but it was never going to go anywhere. He hated the idea of marriage and kids and even thought me wanting a new car was materialistic. But he and I had many intellectual debates and ended up at the same uni. I stayed at his place a few times but nothing ever happened. In hindsight this is a good thing! (Irony: J, C and S all worked for the same company along with me just in different stores. Talk about keeping it in the pizza family.)

S, however, was in a relationship. It was his first, and only, girlfriend from when they were about 15ish. (He ended up marrying her.) And it was, to put it mildly, a pretty turbulent relationship. They fought all the time and he confided in me quickly as we clicked instantly when working together. We both had the same wacky sense of humour and in between deliveries we would sit and chat. On slow nights I might go out with him on a close delivery or vice versa to chat more. He confided in me about his girlfriend. Some of the things he told me made me look at him askance; how the fuck was he still with a girl who got jealous if he even made a female friend yet she went to a party where they played spin the bottle and she pashed a few guys and when he got shitty about it she turned it back on him and somehow he became the one in trouble? She was forever cracking the shits at him for no reason whatsoever. When she would ring him he wouldn’t know if she was going to be nice or she was going to abuse him for some imagined problem. She was forever out partying, drinking and doing drugs. He was at uni, she worked as a waitress and I think was doing a TAFE course. Because we got along so well we would often chat after work and then he’d head home and if she was there she would go nuts because she thought we were shagging. I remember something he said once- “at least if we were I’d know you were sane and I’d not be in the shits all the time with a schizo girlfriend.” I just sort of laughed it off but that night, back home, I realised I had a bit of a crush on him.

To counter that I’d spend more time with C, the guy I had feelings for. My friends often joked that maybe C was gay when he’d had me in his bed a few times with no reaction. We often went out for drinks. Even though C was a couple of years older than me he was on his P’s because of a drink-driving incident. In his past he had been a bit of a bad boy- alcohol and drugs. But before we met he’d pulled himself together, gone back and finished school, done a tafe course (I can’t remember if it was a certificate or diploma) and had started at my uni. Occasionally he would do things that gave me hints that maybe he liked me- such as putting an arm around me, or rubbing my arm and asking if I was cold, once grabbing my hand when I had cracked the shits with him and saying come stay at mine. But, ultimately, nothing happened. We ended up losing contact maybe three or four years later when he cracked the shits with me for not wanting to go drinking that night even though I explained because of my back surgery sometimes I couldn’t just be so spontaneous. After that he refused to reply to another email. (The days before FB or early days of it but he wouldn’t have had it anyway and I have looked his name up occasionally but not found him.)

But back to the one who got away. He would sometimes kind of flirt with me and I let him because harmless flirting seemed okay. We wanted to have a drinking night one night, as mates, but his girlfriend went apeshit so that got nixxed. Then one morning he rang me at home. We were both working that night (Saturday), me until 9:30, him until 10 or 10:30. I hadn’t seen him since the weekend before and he told me he and the girlfriend had broken up last Sunday. I was like are you okay? He said yeah, it was the right thing to do. And the fact was he had been talking about breaking up for awhile, before he started sometimes flirting with me even. Anyways he was like so wanna have that beer night since she can’t say no. I was off my P’s by then so could have a few without a major issue driving but he’s like you can crash here. (He was in the caravan at his dad’s house.) I was like oh okay, why not. (There were probably plenty of reasons why not truth be told!) The topic of the girlfriend came up again- I can’t remember how or why- but I *do* remember him saying something like but that’s okay you can give me a hug tonight right? I was like sure.

So I finished work but I went on S’s deliveries with him and we chatted and when finished I followed him home. We had a beer and then went to his brother’s house for a bit (with my hash cookies) and then back to his. We were just sitting around chatting and drinking beer. There may have been a little flirting but not a lot. When suddenly the girlfriend turns up. She’s here for “her stuff” after the concert she had been to that night (it was one of those slightly psychedelic rock bands from the late 1990’s, a band I remember I liked back in high school like three odd years before). Seeing me she said “replaced me already?” I was quick to say “no!” S was just watching while she grabbed a few things and then she went out the van and he followed her. He was out there awhile, I was sitting drinking my beer thinking okay I haven’t drank too much it may be better to go home. So when he came back in as she left I said “maybe I should go.” “Please don’t.” Was his reply. So I didn’t.

We kept sitting on the bed drinking beer, listening to music or watching tv and chatting. At some point in this he said to me, “so where’s my hug?” Hence we ended up half lying half sitting for awhile with our arms around each other, only moving when I finished the end of my beer. (One should never ever leave beer in the bottle, this is a philosophy I live by to this day!) After that he lay down and was like come on, so I did too. I was on the inside (next to the wall of the caravan), facing the wall and he was lying behind me, facing me, his arms around me. We lay like that for awhile. Then at some point I became aware of him moving his body closer to mine. And I would then reciprocate and do the same. Anyway next thing you know he’d rolled us over and he was lying on top of me kissing me. We made out for awhile, he spent some quality time with my boobs and another part of my body. For some insane reason I said to him I didn’t want to have actual sex. He’s like that’s okay, can we still fool around? I said yes. So we continued. Whilst this was happening we had a shock thinking his ex was back so my clothes were quickly fixed. It wasn’t, it wasn’t anyone. By then I had to go the toilet and we went inside and went the toilet and came back out.

We had another beer and then he started kissing me again. He said how much I turned him on and how gorgeous I was. I said dude you haven’t even had that much beer or hash cookies! He laughed and said no, you are, let me show you how much and placed my hand on his work pants covered erection. Im not big on talking too much about sexual details- even with mates to a degree unless I’ve had a few lol- but I will say he got a BJ.

Then we got ready for bed. I turned my back to him to put my pjs on (. my yellow flannelette ones with I believe teddies or dogs on them). Whilst doing this he asked me “The Question.” The one I regret answering how I did to this very day! He asked it casually but I think kind of hopefully, “but you don’t want a relationship do you?” “Nope.” I said. “Damn.” He said. ‘Damn!’ I thought. Why the fuck had I just lied and told the guy I had a major crush on that I didn’t want to be with him when I did? I have analysed that lie a few times over the years. One theory I came up with was I lied because he may have ended up back with his ex and I would have looked like an idiot but my prevailing theory is that I lied because I didn’t know what he was going to say and I may have looked like a total fuckwit! If I had known he would say that I would have told the truth. But I couldn’t take it back.

He slept on the floor that night rather than in the bed with me because he thought it would make the girlfriend feel better if that was the case and they got back together though he did say he wouldn’t take her back because what she had done was fucked. (He did tell me what she had done and how the breakup had gone down but I can’t remember the details now.)

In the morning we went inside to get breakfast (I just had a coffee cos of my whole not eating in front of people especially those I have crushes on policy), and I met his Dad, his Dad’s new (younger) wife and the one or two kids. I remember chatting with the kids for awhile and them wanting to show me toys. When I left he gave me a hug, said he’d see me at work Weds but we would email before then.

We did email. He told me his brother told him he really liked me, like better than he did his ex. He said he spoke to the ex once but nothing came of it. That weds I was nervous going to work. It was the firs time i would see him after what had happened. Would it be be awkward? But when we first saw each other- maybe twenty odd minutes into my shift- he acted like he always did. We were pretty busy so it was awhile before we got a chance to talk when we both got back from deliveries at the same time. And he mentioned “the girlfriend.” My heart literally dropped but I managed to keep a straight face as he told me he went over there the night before; he gave her a bunch of flowers, she gave him a ten second blow job. (10 seconds- either dude has no stamina or she has pornstar skills?!) I was like oh, cool. But the first chance I got alone I sat in my car with my head on the steering wheel and had a little cry. And then told myself well it was my own fucking fault for lying!

After that we went back to being friends and while he seemed the same I pulled back a little, talked about C more, not wanting to seem at all pathetic to him, not wanting him to think I was pining away for him, or to know I had shed more than a few tears on his behalf. We worked together for awhile longer before I left. He was sad when I left and said he’d miss working with me, I said you can email me? And we were Facebook friends on and off for a few years. I saw him one day, the year after I’d left, at the train station in the city. His Uni was near there and I’d started going to Melbourne Uni. I could have said hi. I didn’t. I slowly melted back into the crowd and was glad his train came next.

Like I said he married the girlfriend, they’ve got a few kids together. She clearly grew up and stopped being the partying slut she was (but hey isn’t that what our late teens/early twenties are for??).

If I’d said yes to The Question would life have been different? Would we have had a relationship? Would we have lasted? Would he have ended up with her? I’ll never know…..

Fatgirl.

On his online profile, Pete described himself as "kind, intelligent, country boy values. Dark blue eyes." Coming from a music background myself, I always find I connect well with the musical ones. After we matched, he sent me a message almost immediately "hey I'm new to this, I can't believe we just matched." Pete was definitely a want to meet in real life type guy, almost immediately asking if I'd like to meet for a coffee. Yes, ok then. We meet for coffee and I'm struck by his demeanor, he's direct yet thoughtful, I feel like Pete only says words that are worth saying. He tells me about how he's returned from Peru living at the base of a volcano and previously was living in Palestine, how both experiences had a profound effect on him. I definitely feel like he's a nomad of sorts, telling me he was currently house sitting in Sunbury, a suburb that is classified as practically regional. Pete is also into barefoot running, training to run a marathon barefoot and says that he's enjoying testing his body and understanding how it works. My my, he IS a thoughtful one. 

Our coffee date is brief but I definitely enjoyed his very interesting company and say very directly "here, have my number, I enjoyed our interesting conversation." To which he immediately calls me saying "and now you have mine". Indeed. It's maybe a few days later I get a message from Pete asking me what I'm up to sat night, I say that I currently don't have plans and he suggests that we do an anthropological study of nightlife in Sunbury, ha, of all places to spend a sat night but sure, he's interesting and it has piqued my curiosity. I jump on a train and venture out to see what awaits. He greets me in his stoic way, which makes him at times hard to read but I have a hunch that Pete wouldn't invite me here if he wasn't interested in spending time with me. Once again, the conversation is anything but dull, after doing a few circles of the place we find a bar that feels like a ski resort, lots of dark wood and from memory a stuffed animal head on the wall. We settle in with some beers and move onto scotch after. We are told the bar is about to shut (11pm in sunbury is closing time apparently) but get told of another place we can venture to. Upon getting there, it's a no from both of us and Pete suggests the idea of going to where he's house sitting as he not only has scotch but also has mini cigars. I do love a man that knows the way to my heart. 

I know, I know, I said I wouldn’t date artists after having a bad run with two (you can read about that here) but god damn my creative curiosity... 

I’m out with my friend awaiting my last date with Lovely Man when I start receiving interesting messages from an Artist I had matched with... I’m curious so I engage to see what his deal is...

He starts sending me a roleplay where he is a stepfather to a teenage girl that is seemingly trying to seduce him. I am someone who won’t shy away from taboo and he catches my attention with the balls that he’s displayed in sending me something so detailed... He also looks like a cuter younger version of Jemaine from flight of the conchords...

We talk some more and he tells me he’s exploring this subject matter for an upcoming exhibition as it relates to a situation he found himself in when he was younger and involved with an older woman who had two daughters, the older one acting in a provocative way but explains he never acted on any desire yet she haunts him, I feel like this is his way of processing this experience that left him so very confused... He tells me he put my name in his phone as stepdaughter as we’ve been exploring this taboo in our conversations. On a serious note, I just want to stress that this is never something that I’d subject a minor to, this is purely fantasy roleplay. 

He invites me to his studio out of which he both lives and works, the creative in me loves seeing someone else’s process so I’m relishing the aspect. I do inform him prior that I see this as purely one creative hanging out with another creative and that maybe if there’s a vibe we might make out. Upon meeting him I’m pleasantly surprised: he’s endearing in a soft spoken way yet he’s off beat and humourous. I feel at ease in his company and his studio habitat is one of beautiful creative chaos unfolding. He offers me what he’s drinking and asks if I’m hungry and promptly orders us a pizza, leaving me there while he picks it up sending me cute messages saying I’m a sweety and saying that I am how he imagined I would be, asking me in turn my thoughts on him, to which I say he’s endearing and funny. He comes back with the food goods and we sit around and chit chat and we have those lingering, unwavering stares going on folks. Vibe? Check. 

He starts painting and talking to me as he does so asking me questions about myself and shows me some pieces of his subject matter that he says he’s put me in, saying I’m an excellent muse. Now, while it’s a lovely idea to be someone’s muse, I’m also very wary of creative types growing bored with their muse so I am mindful of this. He relaxes every now and then on the couch with me and on one of these occasions I relax my head into him and he puts his arm around me. It’s nice, it’s organic and weirdly I feel that I get him. He has already alluded that he’s at a stage in his life at the moment where he’s processing some traumatic events and has said to me he needs to fix himself before he can embark on anything so maybe in a way this has taken the pressure off. 

We continue talking and during one of those unwavering bouts of eye contact he says to me “You’re giving me one of those looks...” I say yes, yes I am and then we finally kiss, his hand moving to my face tilting my chin, oh damn it, that’s my making out kryptonite... things turn unexpectedly heated and I decide that I want him, dismissing my earlier pretence as it just feels so right... He asks me “Do you want to move from the couch to my bed?” I nod and am happily led over to it. We ease into the initial roleplay and it’s very much a turn on to both of us, we seem naturally to fit intimately and everything he does feels so damn good. After he gets up to paint some more and I laze in his bed looking up at these two beautiful pieces above he that he’s painted, a rubinesque roman woman and a statue version of her. I then persuade him to get some sleep after an impromptu round two and I feel that the whole time I slept I was cradled into the nook of his chest and we didn’t stray. 

It’s been a little over a week since I last saw Lovely Man because of him being sick and having a very hectic week at work. I definitely felt his activity had diminished but as to why... it was hard to say... but what I did know was that our next encounter would reveal all. I decided to coyly suggest that I was after another date by messaging him “So is it my turn to see when you’re free?” and got a very prompt reply suggesting 2 nights time for another shared film at mine.

I was having a quick catch up drink with a friend and told him to meet me where I was with her, saying she was leaving shortly. When Lovely Man arrived, he seemed completely unperturbed by this, being lovely and charming meeting her as she was departing. We settled down for a drink and caught up as the last time we saw each other was just a bit over a week ago. Throughout all of our dates, there was something about Lovely Man that I couldn’t put my finger on... it felt like he was all the things expected but was it just for show? There were a few things going on in my life such as being unexpectedly in a position to look for a new place to live which was definitely causing some unexpected stress so perhaps he was weighing up if I was someone worth his time in dating or seeing how I handled said stress... or maybe he was realising the romantic notion of dating a creative person wasn’t as interesting as he anticipated..

Regardless, we go back to mine, settle in for my choice of film Rocky Horror Picture Show which having just seen the musical version of it, I had an intense hankering to watch..

So we settle in and it’s mainly me chortling along to the camp antics of the movie, he seems to also be enjoying it and right on cue as soon as Janet’s Song “T-t-t-t-touch me” starts... well it’s seemingly a case of life imitating art...

Now one rule that mostly applies is that if making out is good, then what comes after usually is also.. however this was now our third trip to poundtown and hmmmm I was still struggling to get the groove, I have no doubt that he sensed this on his end also. The movie finishes and he is so beat from the week that he falls asleep momentarily... awwww poor Lovely Man... then when he wakes he says he should head but I sense something... it’s like he doesn’t want to be there with me anymore, curious... Gradually our end of the nights have been getting earlier and earlier, perhaps this is indicative of something deeper...

The next day I decide to send a message saying that it was nice that he made time to see me after he had such a nuts week and... radio silence. Ok... it ticks over to a few days, then a week... Being a seasoned dater with some scar tissue I wasn’t overly fazed but at the same time felt just a bit disappointed after him saying how it’s all about clear communication that he simply let things drop off after 5 dates... Yet I also know if I go hunting an explanation it’s not like to change anything and I am truthfully glad that I held my emotions in check. Good work Lucille, maybe you’re getting better at this afterall....

Lovely Boy then spontaneously gets in touch saying that he’ll be paying me a visit exactly a week after lovely man’s last date. I’m chuffed because, well, I enjoy Lovely Boy’s company and find it very easy to chill with him which is exactly what I have on the cards for that night. We hatch a plan to get pizza and watch Chopper because god damn, I’ve had a hankering to watch that also... The dude abides he replies.

So when we last left, the dating gods had decided to make it rain with two lovely dates: Lovely Boy and Lovely Man (you can catch up here). 

After a steamy late night make out session with lovely man on our first date, I was looking forward to our follow up date, a drink out with dinner at mine. What struck me with lovely man was how affectionate he was, immediately putting his hand on the small of my back as we walked to the bar for a drink, both being fans of a whiskey cocktail. Post cocktail, lovely man grabbing a nice bottle of red to match a bolognaise that I was cooking for an entire day, (served with lashings of parmesan naturally) making a cute little dig at me, commenting “would you like some bolognaise with your parmesan?”. The delicious dinner was matched by food for thought conversation, with me enjoying the complexity of lovely man’s mind. I suggested after dinner that we sojourn to a more comfortable part of my abode, which as it turns out is my bedroom due to my bohemian living set up. 

For a little while the talk continued, however it was clear we were both very keen to pick up with from the end of our last date, now that the constraints of making out in a car were no longer limitations... It was just as good if not better now that we both had free reign, with both of us knowing where the evening would inevitably lead.. True to his word, lovely man was intent on teasing me with his touch: his hands, his mouth, telling me to tell him what I liked as he made his way south... It was a very passionate experience with him kissing almost every inch of me, when I asked if I could do something for him, he simply said “no” and continued languidly.. 

Our evening was one of talk and passion and it’s an overall very good starting point, both of us basking in the company of one another and finding more things out about our pasts, with me sharing the good and the bad, him commenting that some men will always be boys... Talking to such a level headed pragmatic man, he just became more attractive to me... I confessed he was the first solo dad I had ever dated and asked how that generally works, to which he said “I’m not looking for someone for my kids, I’m looking for someone for me. Generally there’s no set road map but if something is going to be longer than 6 months then yes, I’ll introduce that person to my kids, but it’s important that I show them stable relationships and not just fleeting ones.” Everything seems so very transparent, so well thought out and considered and it just makes me respect him even more for balancing all the aspects of his life. We both realise that somehow it’s 4:30am, tomorrow might just hurt from a sleep deficit.. just a bit... 

Lovely man reluctantly departs and tells me to message him when I wake up. I wake up at the late hour of 10:30 and touch base, with him confiding that he still hasn’t showered and slept through to 9am, dropping the kids late to school, oh I have a touch of the guilty feels knowing that.. He then makes a date a coffee date for wed, 2 days later and yes, I do feel like I’m dating a man, one that is self assured and completely honest. Huh. 

Sometimes it’s easy to get jaded in the crazy world of modern dating which is why... it’s good to hold onto some good experiences.  Enter Greg, a bearded creative type who’s outlets were writing and music. We started chatting late one evening and while it was civil there was definitely some flirt talk going down about how damn good making out is. Before I knew it we had set up a date for the next night. 

I get to my regular first date haunt and find he has an irish accent, hot damn! The conversation rolls easily and he’s quite witty, all very good things. We discover a mutual love of the new star trek movies and decide to go to his to watch it. As I drop off my bike and mine, we opt to catch an uber and it’s at this point Greg says “Ok so I’m just going to kiss you now..” I guess all that making out talk paid off.... 

We both genuinely thought that we were going to his to watch the movie, however when we got to Greg’s place and settled on the couch, things took a very heated turn... Cue a very heated making out session, with Greg and I grinding up against each other which ultimately leads to him asking if we should relocate to his lovely king size bed... indeed, I would like that.... 

Following my gut instinct, I broke my rule of no poundtown on the first date and what followed was some of the best primal sex I have had, both seemingly completely in sync with one another... god damn... The ultimate test of how good a human someone is I think is how they are the morning after. For example if your paramour exudes signs of a personality transplant post coitus, you know that perhaps your choice was an ill made one however this was certainly not the case with Greg who came out and bought me a coffee before I departed for my day.

Post first date, Greg and I had some relaxed banter with each other, it was nice, it was respectful and we both conceded that we did not expect the shenanigans that went down but were both glad that they did. We started casually hanging out with one another, sometimes we would just stay in, other times it involved eating steak and smashing down some pints, he being irish and myself having an eastern european background, this went swimmingly well, our rapport being very easy and comfortable with one another. After about 3 weeks, Greg took the initiative to have a version of the relaxed chat, saying he was enjoying my company and that he is cautious but that we’ll both know when something turns more serious between us. Good man! 

Something however was looming on the horizon, being that Greg’s future in the country was in the balance with the visa gods... He had put in his paperwork and was not sure if it would be granted and was very open and communicative with how it was affecting being around others. I felt that he was slowly retreating, but it was understandable and at no point did I feel any promises were made. He finally heard back from the powers that be and... was granted a visa that would not allow him to work. Balls. Greg being ever the pragmatic guy said that we should stop before we get in too deep and I agreed, he offered to meet in a few weeks as a friend should I be open to that and of course, I most certainly was as I enjoyed his company even from a purely platonic point of view. 

Post few weeks, we caught up weekly and I won’t deny at times there were some slip ups such as post concert where we were enjoying the beers a bit too much and oh whoops! I feel on Greg’s cock. But there was always understanding and complete honesty that was hugely appreciated. Greg was also a delightful stand in man post the shenanigans of Jerky McCockface at my birthday drinks, good man Greg! 

Sometimes the dating gods bestow their love upon you, but in true “What is this?” form, when it rains, it god damn pours.... 

Enter Lovely boy. A lovely bearded man with an olive complexion who had a creative side whilst living in an unconventional way, working only when he needed to as a contractor. I like those that walk to the beat of their own drum considering I walk the road less travelled and after a very energetic exchange, was rather flattered when he offered to brave over 2 hours of public transport to have a drink with me that night. Part of me though was cautious, I mean it seemed unlikely he’d be going back considering our meet up time was 9pm... I asked him bluntly and he replied that he’d simply get a room somewhere Happy with that, we continued messaging until we meet up, discovering we liked many of the same things. 

Both avid whiskey drinkers, I recommended one of my favourite haunts in the city finding the music level perfect for spirited conversation, with the painting of Bill Murray nursing a whiskey like some sort of dating blessing. Lovely boy was a very energetic, lively individual which I appreciate yet he was also quite thoughtful aswell which is always a good balance to strike. He was also very upfront about that he had a mental health condition that he managed, which I always respect when individuals know and choose to manage it. We opted for a bar change for the rooftop variety and our enjoyable night took a more enjoyable turn when he kissed me: lovely boy kisses were also quite lovely. We stay til close and choose to go to the loving embrace of Old Bar for more drinking goodness and making out shenanigans and then eventually... my place. 

Really good debut sex is practically like lightening striking, you never know when it’s going to happen or who it will happen with. Lovely boy was a most pleasant surprise that had me thinking “this boy may just have the perfect peen!”, coupled with his touch, his moves, well... regardless to say the next day I did something incredibly uncharacteristic: I offered that he could stay a second night. Normally I’m very protective of my space yet with Lovely boy, I didn’t mind him being in it. Huh. He comments that he’s not normally so affectionate which is strange how it mirrors my feelings... We have another charming evening together having dinner out and then back to mine to make sure the last 24 hours wasn’t a fluke and no, it was not. Lovely boy, the next day headed back to what is practically the country and I might have missed him a little bit, maybe.. 

Then two days later, a message from Lovely Boy asking me how I would feel if he paid me a visit the following night. I replied I certainly would not protest, a little bit happy for this unexpected visit. We chatted late into the night and formulated a plan to watch two cult films we enjoyed, a great plan in theory however once in each others company, the overpowering sexual chemistry took hold once again. What followed was a delightful 24 hours, involving uber eats, another film, more shenanigans, sleep, the banh mi to end all banh mi and then more shenanigans... there was just one catch: I had organised a date the following night so a two night date was definitely not on the cards... Lovely Boy would need to go bye bye... I say that I’m going to an art opening which is true and that after I need to do some work so a two night date is off the cards this time, he is super understanding and internally these are my feels:

We part and I feel confident we’ll be hanging out again especially when he sends me a sweet text with a link to a song that he says reminds him of our time together, oh Lovely Boy, you are so very lovely... Despite the sweet overtures, I opt to remain vigilant and not be carried away...

So I depart for my date after the art opening to meet Lovely Man, who is a touch older than me and has been upfront that he’s a single dad with a bit of a brood however I’ve had some really interesting deep conversations with him that I’ve enjoyed thoroughly so I’m keen to see who he is in the real world. Lovely Man is also a whiskey fan and we meet at quite a lovely whiskey bar in my hood. I message him en route saying that I hope there’s food there as I haven’t eaten. He arrives just a touch after me and I can tell straight away there is a rapport between us. Lovely Man suggests we go somewhere for food even though he’s already eaten and we settle somewhere close for a pizza that we share. Lovely Man is very well spoken, intelligent and has a quiet wit to him that I find very charming, he strikes me as being someone very comfortable in himself, which is supremely attractive. He’s thoughtful and asks honest yet well worded questions of me to discover who I am. 

We head to the whiskey bar and I have probably the best old fashioned I have ever partaken in. We chat openly about dating and there’s a bit of flirting going on, with him admitting that I’m more level headed in real life than he anticipated for someone that works in a creative field. It’s a very delightful evening overall, with him telling me that he absolutely must drive me home as a courtesy. I certainly don’t get any creep vibes from him so I accept. He pulls up to my place and stops the car, releasing the seat belt which I’m quite happy with as I take it as a sign of perhaps a good night kiss. Lovely Man says he’s had a very enjoyable evening with me and wants to see me again, suggesting either Sun or Mon night. I concur and say that I should be able to make one of those a reality and then... the lean over from him and the kiss.... Lovely Man kisses very tenderly yet throughout the night he has said to me some telling things that suggest he may be the dominant man as far as intimate things fall which is a prospect that I relish.. So I stop mid kiss and say “Why do I get the feeling that you’re somewhat a dominant type?” The face he makes is a knowing one and he replies “Well... I can be, but I’m the kind of dominant where I will endlessly tease and tease you...” Oh. Good. Lord. 

Our makeout session intensifies, quite literally steaming up the car windows, at one point his hand wanders a bit too far on the inside of my thigh and I coyly hold it back, this is not going there tonight I’ve already decided... He tells me he’s been wanting to kiss me ever since his second drink and between kisses says the sweetest things to me, practically poetic which makes me melt just a touch... I’m mindful that he needs to work the next day earlier than I so after what feels like quite a while, I say to him that I should let him off the hook, and we realise we’ve been making out for almost 3 hours... Huh. Lovely Man says that he’s all about organic flow and let’s just see where this takes us, which is my terminology echoing back at me, I agree wholeheartedly. We say goodnight and I tell him that I’ll let him know re Sunday or Monday. 

Every now and then I come across someone where it’s a unique meeting of the minds.. Enter Shane. 

Shane on his dating profile seemed non vanilla and interesting with his painted nails and interesting non vanilla body art, immediately I was curious to know more.... We matched and started exchanging messages, Shane being very forthright with sharing exactly what his situation was: he was a married father of three boys, he and his wife had agreed upon becoming polyamorous, also telling me he was currently watching project runway while drinking wine and eating cheese, oh good lord, be still my beating heart... 

If there’s one thing that’s truly alluring, it’s someone being completely down the line with me. Shane asked me what I was up to that night and in the interest of transparency, I fessed up and told him I was going on a date. Shane’s curiosity was piqued, asking if he was cute, I replied I think so???? The flirt fest continued right up to the point where I met my date, who was running almost an hour late, thankfully he gave me a heads up an hour prior. All the while joking with Shane that I’d make my date Jake buy me an old fashioned instead of my regular gin and tonic. 

My date Jake finally shows up and he’s an intense sort of chap, immediately reminding me of Iggy Pop circa late 70′s. 

Jake is very lean, very agitated and doesn’t really make much eye contact with me. He kinda apologises but then kinda doesn’t saying he’s always disorganised and generally running late. Ok.... He asks me what I’d like to drink and while I playfully said to Shane I’d make him get me an old fashioned, I just can’t bring myself to ask for what will probably be a $22 drink, so gin and tonic it is, using the opportunity to quickly message Shane and tell him that my date is awkward weird, Shane firing back that maybe he’ll have a decent dick. Ha! 

Jake gets down to business, firing away questions to find out who I am and what I’m about, he’s definitely got an intensity and seems past that an ok kind of guy but I’m calling it straight away, no vibe. He tells me he doesn’t drink and I don’t mind someone who doesn’t drink but it’s like he’s so taught and wound up he’s going to somehow implode at any minute... 

I finish my drink and he tells me he’s keen to go somewhere that has coffee and wants to grab some food, there’s a pizza place across the road and so we head in there. Jake is certainly a very chatty guy, immediately making friends with the pizza guy and offering me some of his pizza, but I decline as may have eaten a lot of pizza the night prior (you might say inhaled)... He then launches into a story about how he used to work at a pizza place and how the vegetable slicer didn’t have a finger guard on it and how he was planning on cutting his little finger off to make a tidy 12K. Oh. God. Cue me and the pizza guy exchanging some knowing looks.... 

Jake finishes his pizza and then we go in search of coffee, hitting up 7/11 for a caffeine fix. We have a bit more chat, him continuing to dart here and there with his conversation erratically and then abruptly he says to me “sorry I think I’m beat, I didn’t sleep at all last night. I can give you a ride home if you like?” I’m not getting a sex pest vibe from him as odd as he might be and it’s 11pm at this stage, so I take him up on his offer. 

Jake gives me an awkward hug and I get back to messaging Shane, who shares with me his insta account if I want to look at more photos, I decide to follow suit and say he can stalk me on my facebook, with him sending me a facebook request. We flirt some more, with me saying he looks dishy and him calling me a pretty lady... I give him the lowdown on my date and while we’ve agreed to have a drink on Friday night, he asks me to have lunch with him tomorrow as he says I’m fun to chat with, it’s a day off so I happily oblige. 

We flirt for a little longer, but it’s almost 1am and we both say that we have lunch dates tomorrow (with each other of course!) so manyana.... 

Lunch date arrives and we meet, Shane is indeed the same as his pics and I feel very relaxed with him. We try a popular dumpling place first but it’s so popular there is no service, we just walk out after 10 minutes of waiting and trying to rouse someone. Then we settle at another known place, despite him being a vegetarian, him telling me he’ll happily live vicariously through me eating meat. Oh, this is good! Shane is direct asking me how I feel about poly and what my stance is to which I tell him I’m enjoying meeting different people and going with the flow. We then exchange some dating stories and our vibe... I’m uncertain. What I do know is that I enjoy his company and I know he won’t bullshit me, so 50 points Shane.