I feel like my entire childhood I spent trying to ‘play it safe’ to stay out of trouble. I was a real goody two shoes. But the rules changed so often, without warning, and often without explanation, in retrospect it was usually impossible to know what the safest option was.
I limited myself. I made extra rules that nobody asked me to follow, in an attempt to stay under the radar. I actively sought out and tried to eliminate anything different about myself, anything that could get me in trouble. When both opposing opinions were met with rebuke, I just. Stopped having opinions after a while.
But I think I wasn’t playing a game that was ever intended to be winnable. So I guess it makes sense that I never won it, and I guess it makes sense that I was never really safe.
