#realitydecoder

Anon, I’m glad you came to me. Now I finally understand why Extreme Shippers see EVERYTHING so differently from the rest of us. It’s because you guys live in an alternate universe, where your leaders are keeping the Reality Decoder a secret from you (patent pending). Well, lucky for you, I happen to have my handy dandy top of the line Reality Decoder in my hot little hands, and it is especially made for Extreme Shippers. So, let me translate for you what Cait said in the Irish Tatler interview. It’s not that Cait couldn’t “muster any excitement about her wedding,” as you incorrectly surmised. Okay, before we continue…go sit down in a quiet place, take off your tinhat, and listen carefully to what I’m going to say. Here’s the decoded info: It’s not that Cait isn’t excited about her wedding, it’s that she DOESN’T WANT TO SHARE THE ACTUAL DETAILS OF HER WEDDING with the public at large. So she gave the interviewer some vague, non-committal answer so that over-zealous fans wouldn’t go searching every church, meadow, mountain, beach etc in Ireland, Scotland or wherever looking for her and Tony on their special day. Doh. 

Because, I and the rest of the fandom live on Planet Earth and we don’t need a reality decoder, since, um, we have our actual human brains to help us deduce things, we figured out right away that’s what Cait was doing. Obvi. I’m sure privately Cait is verra excited about her wedding to the man who has had her heart, mind, body and soul for the last four years, one fine Scot named Tony McGill, she just doesn’t need US to know about it. She doesn’t owe us anything. Capisce now? 

Decoding completed. It’s safe to put your tinhat back on and have the mothership beam you back up, Anon. Feel free to contact me again the next time you need the Reality Decoder. I’ll be riiiiiight here. Spielberg fans will get the reference. :-)

Reality Decoder Session Activated: Repeat after me, Anon…”Mackenzie Mauzy is Sam’s real girlfriend, not Cait.” Do this as many times as it takes until it sinks in. When you think you’re ready, you can put your tinhat back on and stand in line to get beamed back up to the mother ship. If you need a booster session, just holler. I’ll be riiiiight here. Reality Decoder Session Deactivated. Go in peace.