#realit check

So....I'm very much aware that it is not Friday and that I have not posted in 3 weeks if I'm not mistaken. Things have not been that hectic in my life. I just didn't want to bore anyone with forced sarcasm and wit. I wanted to speak truthfully when I did decide to post again. I am currently dealing with an issue but due to professionalism and company policy (since I'm typing this at work) I won't go into too much detail. I was going to title this post Working hard at Hardly Working but I figured a title that long wasn't worth what I have to say. With one week left in summer vacation I just wanted to express my feelings on this past summer and the people that I have been blessed to share it with. Just bare with me. This is not a Welcome Back newsletter post. 

To light skin. Thank you for showing me a side to life I did not know existed and helping me understand (or remember) what is looks and feels like to be adored. I will never forget the many days and nights I spent with you just watching your eyes spread wide or dilate from excitement and the mere mention of us spending time together. I admire you for being able to make it through the storms you faced and slowly mature and grow into the young woman you are becoming. I enjoyed the time we shared together and I look forward to our future. One thing. All that whining and complaining shit......has got to stop! Prince said it best. Act your age, not your shoe size. Please understand that asking people to treat you like an adult does not come with much appreciation or acceptance of YOUR responsibilities. It's not my job to remember what your schedule is. You have to learn to stop taking things so seriously and appreciate the little things for that is where peace and tranquility solely lie in this cruel and unjust world. I pray and hope that your continued growth includes fixing known issues. There is no point in acknowledging that there is an issue.....and doing nothing to fix said issue. That's just exhausting. At the end of the day, I'm glad that you have become a mainstay in my life and look forward to whatever life has in store for us.

To you Mohawk. I'm very proud of the man you are slowly becoming. Yes, I said slowly. You're moving like a snail in a race with gazelles. I'm not even sure if you've noticed that I have given up trying to instill a sense of urgency into our life because I'm too busy trying to place in my own race. Unfortunately, we may not be old but we damn sure are not young. Technology is allowing more people to fight for the jobs and positions that you are after so you don't have time to not go for what you want NOW. We have been blessed to live in an age where every single day someone can become a millionaire. I remember when we were younger, we used to talk about buying cars and going to Atlantic City and Vegas. We've accomplished those things and it's about time that our sights move on to bigger and better things. But I can't hold you hand through this. They say, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. You're a very smart and capable person. You just to get out of your own way and see what it is that you are supposed to do with your life....and then DO IT! You deserve so much more than what you are currently receiving from life.... champagne rooms included lol. 

Mommy. I miss you so much. Getting this tattoo was the best thing I think I've ever done because it allows me to think of you everyday for positive reasons (there weren't too many negative reasons). I know that I didn't hold up my end of the bargain by leaving college all those years ago. But as we approach the beginning of Fall semester....with the knowledge that I will be walking in May next year....I just wish you were here (physically) to share in this with me. While other people blog and post and step out into the limelight to stroke their own egos, I did it because I innately knew that with my birth with most of your opportunity to do the same for yourself. I did poetry because I knew you enjoyed it. I stuck with radio because I knew you you admired it. I love the music you grew up listening to. Everything I do, I do to show the world that your sacrifice was not in vain. I feel so alone in this life sometimes. Like no one but these words you and grandma ever truly understand this enigma wrapped in a riddle that is T. Mitch. And now that i know that I will be receiving what was most important to you I feel like I have finally gotten back to where I am supposed to be in life. And before my co-workers begin to ask me why I'm crying....I'll end this by saying I love you now, loved you then and always will. 

T.G.I.F. This was not what I expected to "Rise" to this morning. I'm very sad and disheartened by the news of the shooting in Aurora, CO earlier this morning. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the families of 12 people who lost their lives. I know it's entirely too early to pass judgement or jump to conclusions but this is just a traumatic situation. I found myself looking at this situation and finding so much terror and evilness as if this came straight out of the movie itself. It's disheartening to think that at a movie theater showing the movie that was supposed to signify the world's return to spending money on movies, ends in another reminder that the scariest villains are not actors on movie screens but the all black wearing, loaded gun shooting terrors walking among us everyday.

As we all sit by and await the police investigation attempt to find a motive (or what I like to call, justifiable reasoning), I wonder what is going though the mind of the people who scoff at individuals who constantly aware of their surroundings. To all the people who thought these events only happened in the hood, what are you feeling? Within a year, we've seen 2 shootings in the Midwest to catch national attention. What is the world coming to when people can't just enjoy a movie in peace? Why was their an attack on innocent individuals? What could have happened to James Holmes to lead him to do this? He didn't resist arrest. He didn't run. He just broke down an emergency door, threw tear gas and opened fire on adults, teenagers and children dressed as their favorite Superhero. I wonder what was the message that was being sent?

T.G.I.F. It feels good to be able to sit down without any distractions and write. Been a positively hectic week. However, it wasn't hectic enough to give me something to blog about. I actually had to scratch my head and come up with something. So I did what I always do...I reached out to YOU! You, the readers and supporters. And she'll probably hate me for this but my home girl down in DC gave me the perfect idea for today's rant. Now, I see a lot of you out here boo loving and caking and starting relationships like it isn't over 100 degrees outside. 1. being that close is just nasty right now. 2. If you aren't already in a relationship, you should be running away from love AT ALL COSTS! Cuffing season is over and you should be free and bouncing around and singing the leading song from The Dirty Dancing Soundtrack (Time of My Life). But are you?!!! NO!!!!

Why in the hell would you want to start a relationship now anyway? This is not the time for getting to know anybody. Now is the time for beaches, half naked bodies, sleep overs and breakfast with sunglasses and Advil. Now is the time for trips to New Orleans for the Essence Music Festival, Florida for some sun, California for the weather and Vegas for....the strippers!!! These 3 months are about strengthening the bond between "sisters" and "bros". I beg you. STOP FLOODING MY TWITTER WITH YOUR SAPPY TWEETS ABOUT LOVE!!! There are 12 months in the year. Save that lovey dovey crap for the other 9! These 3 months you should be learning what the phrase "about that life" means to you. But no! What are you doing? Ruining your makeup because he didn't text you in the morning. Calling all guy meetings because you want to get "serious". There's a reason why Labor Day isn't until September. I don't want to deal with anything that requires WORK during the summer! Right now, you should be enjoying life and learning more about yourself and who you are becoming. Between June and August, people have the most experiences in their lives. No one on this planet is validated by a relationship. No particular woman, besides your mother, makes a man who he is. And no particular man, besides a father, makes a woman who she is. There is entirely too much insecurity during the summer because of this. You don't need someone to show off. Be the someone to show off. 

T.G.I.F. Week 1 of year 2 and I'm already upset. But not with someone else. No, normally I rant about what someone else has done or said and give my warped yet rationale opinion. But today, I'm upset with myself. Feeling just like the picture I posted above. I swear the commandment do unto others as you would have them do unto you means absolutely nothing in today's generation. It's like if you want to be free to talk to someone about anything, you have worry about if that person is willing to be equally as open with you. Today, I learned that the slightest misuse of a word can lead to entire change of emotion. I went from thinking of late nights and early mornings to utter disgust with myself in the time frame it took for the iPhone camera to focus. 

So, long story short, I allowed the word "friend" to put me in a safe place to be blinded by what was really going on. You know what mean. "Oh, babe I'll be right back. I'm meeting my "friend" somewhere." "Don't wait up. I'm having drinks with my "friend." My dumb ass ASSUMED I know what friend it was. Or, I decided that the since the person I thought about is harmless it must be him. I started getting upset when the text messages and phone call wasn't responded to for 3 hours. So, I'm already in my feelings about this, convinced I had the wrong "friend" in mind....and what happens? They tell you the story like you not going to notice that the "friend" ain't the harmless dude you thought it was. See, you females think you slick! You call all your male friends "friend" so there is no way to differentiate in conversation. So we think you out with ol' boy when in reality you out with a new man. And then tell us about the shit like we not GOING TO BE UPSET!!! Do I come off like someone who likes being confused or being wrong in an assumption? Nah, I didn't think so either. But I'm pissed because I'm an open book. I tell whoever whatever they want to know so that all parties involved are informed. I use names so that no one gets confused as to who I'm talking about. When I'm out with a "problem" you know because I told you her name. So when I get hit with the "friend" line and I assume it's a friend and it turns out to be something else.....oh you know I'm a be an ass now! I'm about to make 4-7 new "friends". No names. No descriptions. Just friends. 

T.G.I.F. Not blog today. Just a simple point. Do have fun this summer. This song wakes me up every morning from now until September...whenever lol. Enjoy and head to the beach this weekend...Cause it's Summertime!!!

Chorus

T.G.I.F. I missed you guys last week. There was a lot going on. I've been touched emotionally recently. Everything around me has either been out to get me or trying to do too much too soon. The trip to Tattoo Nation at Willowbrook Mall was probably the most painless experience I had over the past 2 weeks. My life has come completely full circle and I've realized that though the world does not revolve around me, I'm feeling pretty significant these days. I don't know how Lady Love does it, but she definitely is on the same wave length. I lost a friend that I thought I would never lose and confirmed why I keep another around even though he's as sour as grapes stomped by workers with athlete's foot. I'm normally very good at picking out the bad apples but I've learned that there are no perfect fruit trees. However, I've also learned that sometimes what feels good isn't always good for you. Who would've thought I'd rather company of a K-9 than a human being.

So, the girl I once thought to be my soul's reflection in another....has decided to no longer stand in the mirror with me. No, I wasn't dumped or broken up with. It was actually me who gave the ultimatum. Too often when a man and a woman attempt to be friends and not lovers when there is an emotional attraction someone gets hurt. The person I attributed for everything that makes T. Mitch irreplaceable and bearable became replaceable. She began to believe that she could pick and choose when she was going to be a friend and be around. She assumed that an email once a year on my birthday would make for every other day she wasn't there. She thought that catching up over a period of weeks would keep the connection we had alive....until the next time she popped up. But the worst part of it all was that she never forgave herself for all the wrong doing she'd done in our friendship and so wore the mask of victim. You ever heard of a victim in a friendship? I never thought that my life would have her in it. She was intricate in helping me develop an ego and confidence. I learned how to talk to women from the many conversations with her. And dare I say I learned my worth as a man from all the things I knew I was deserving of that I didn't get from her. But there was no denying that Apollo 13 could be launched on the sparks we could generate. But at the end of the day, she taught me that being selfish enough to not accept what is below your own standards is a deal breaker. She wanted to have a great friend and be a fair weather one in return. NOT UP IN HERE (Hangover voice)! I've been telling people all along that I could breathe without her and you know what (inhale, exhale), I think my lungs take in more air now that the dust and clutter of the past has been removed. She will be missed....just not right now.

Tuesday and Wednesday I was down in Atlantic City enjoying myself in the Harrah's Resort and Casino. Real sexy. I have my own room and my best friend, Oxfort Singleton (lol) had a room. He invites a friend of ours to come with. This friend spends the majority of the trip looking for women to sleep with, alcohol to consume and just trouble to get into. We had a few things comped on this trip and he thought he had some say in how those comps would be spent! He's been given the benefit of the doubt on a lot of things have gone on since we all met in high school. There was even a moment Wednesday night/Thursday morning where my best friend was walking around The Pool After Dark (club) without his socks and shoes because his guest had them upstairs in some females room. When I suggested that he go look for our friend who invited him on this trip, he declined! The nerve of this dude right? And to top it all off, he didn't get any pussy!! But he damn sure acted like one. So why am I ranting today? When I got home from this trip, my German Shepard Neko was at the door waiting for me, tail wagging ferociously. He was so happy and excited. We went to the bathroom and I told him about my trip and how I lost my friend and how my other friend was acting. He covered his face when I told him bad news and he barked loud when I told him I won some money. Then we went back to my room and watched the end of Game 2 of the NBA Finals (Neko likes LeBron). It's amazing to me that I could have a more human relationship with a dog than I do with beings that share the same genetic make-up as me. So this rant isn't to tell you how to be a good friend. This rant is to show you jackass friends out there that you aren't being asked to do anything difficult by being a friend. So easy even a K-9 can do it.

T.G.I.F. First let me piggyback off @ladylove_TFP and say congratulations to all the graduates of 2012, especially the alumni and Scarlet Raiders of Rutgers University-Newark. I would say I'll miss you all but I feel our friendships are for life. Just don't contact me everyday lol. It is this feeling that has led me to my current feeling. That word above came to mind during a conversation with a great friend (no, not you. Should've been you but you fell asleep). I got to thinking and realized that the person I thought this title belonged is probably not the person most deserving of this title. The person that most likely deserves it isn't a girlfriend either. And I immediately felt like I had committed a crime against an unwritten commandment. How dare I have my soulmate in my life and not be in a committed relationship with her? Easy. No where in that definition does it say that I have to be.

Alright, if this applies to you let me apologize in advance. I have had it up to here with you folks and your affinity to being in relationships and equating the level of love in your life by a significant other with a title. Most of you act like if you are not in a relationship you are somehow devalued as a person. Maybe worse than that, you actually act like because their is no release of dopamine in your system for some person you kind of know, NO ONE HAS EVER LOVED YOU! Really? Really? The word soul mate and the connotation attached with it has put you all in the proverbial spinning wheel running in place looking for something that may be a figment of your imagination. No, I'm not saying I don't believe in soul mates. I'm just saying that because the relationship has gone well for a few years and you don't fight...a lot...it doesn't mean that this is the famed "one other person in the world God made specifically for you." How many exes did you already have floral arrangements set up for before the floor fell out from underneath you? I'm a huge advocate for love but only when it's done right. People you must understand that anything worth having is worth fighting for and if you are in love and not fighting, someone is being fake as hell! But please, stop thinking that because you like the same movies and music, enjoy the same sexual positions, finish each other's sentences that you two were put on this earth to procreate. Spare me! With all the social networking sites and surveys to fill out, I could have something in common with each and every one of you!! I'm more interested in that second definition of the word soulmate. 

Are you blessed enough to say that you have a connection with someone that you can't even put into words? That their mere presence makes everything wrong in this cruel world seem worth it just to be in that aura? Or without warning they will say the very thing you were thinking of saying, do the very thing you were thinking of doing, feel the very thing you were thinking of feeling and not make you feel stupid for not saying, thinking or doing it first? I do. I have someone in my life who scares me because everything in me lights up when I'm around her. People do not understand why I even deal with her and I can't put into words why every waking second I'm with her or talking to her or texting her is crucial. I'm learning from her about things I thought I already knew about life and myself but we are not in a relationship (pause for dramatic gasps). That's right. The person I have the closest connection to does not have the title girlfriend. Oh Lord! Shoot me now!! That has had no effect or affect on our relationship. I still want to do and be everything for her and I know she would do and feels the same way. I believe this so strongly that if other factors were not in my life, she would probably be the young woman with the title girlfriend. But in all honesty (being the dog that I am) I wouldn't date her for fear of destroying this beautiful friendship and affinity that we have for each other. It doesn't feel weird to tell her I love you and it feels great to hear it back. I have more faith that she'll be here for me than I ever had of ANY of the title holders. Remove the pressures of the institution of a relationship and enjoy the essence of what we all are. 

First, I want to thank Lady Love for using aspects of my life to vent about on her blog (just kidding...but serious though). The advice is golden. I thought I was going to have a good week this week. However, you generous individuals who can't help but share your misery with the rest of us were able to bring me right back to this soap opera. I've tried so hard to kill my character off but you Dairy Queen ice cream cone taste testers are very skillful at finding ways to push my buttons. Take today's subject for example.

As a man I feel that sometimes I have to speak to the younger men of today's generation and educate them on a few things they missed at home or on Maury. When I was about your age (I'll mention that age later) my dad said to me, "Aye boy, (because when you don't have a relationship with your father they tend not to use your first name) in life it's not about winning and losing. It's about how you play the game." Now, when I first heard that I thought it sounded like talk from a loser. So I went through life attempting to win at everything. School, money and love were the major things I failed at because I was doing too much (see engaged at 19 for more info). While hanging out with a close friend last night I caught myself trying to win again. I was upset because we went to dinner and she ordered something that we could've made at her place with an iron! It really upset me and silence took over the night. But when I noticed her crying, I swallowed my pride, stopped trying to win or lose and just played the game. I apologized and we are good again. I know you're reading this and thinking to yourself, 'What is this soft shit he's talking about.' Here's why I told that little tid bit. There seems to be 2 little ignorant fucks I wouldn't pay to spit shine my Timbs that haven't learned how to play the game. Instead, they have decided to spend their time worrying about how I play it.

Now, because I have so much respect for my female friends and I don't think these BOYS are built to play this game the way they are playing it, we'll call this one In Secure. Now, Mr. In spends most of his days feeling himself (Pause). His girlfriend feels neglected and thinks that he has changed (guys we've all been down this slippery slope). Mr. In decides that instead of playing the game and making her feel security in the relationship, he would turn things around and make her out to be the bad person. Relationship ends. Mr. In has spent the last few months trying not to lose! How do you try not to lose you ask? Well, if you too are a slice of Swiss cheese all you have to do is contact your ex, twatch her twitter and question every guy that she is in contact with! OK! Word of advice little boy. Pussy may run the world but it damn sure isn't (supposed to be) powerful enough to turn you into a bitch. Instead of wondering who I am, wonder who you aren't! I didn't lose the title in her life. I'm not begging to come spend time with her. My dick is not dry from lack of attention from human touch other than my own. Spend less time asking questions about me and spend more time asking questions about you two. Because isn't that what's really important? You start asking too many questions and you might get an answer you don't want to hear. I know you are too weak to understand that she can spend time with someone outside of you but you may be pushing her into the arms of the very GUY you're trying to keep her from ;). Last thing you want to know is whether or not I'm sticking my above average (Modesty Alert!) penis inside of her! Stop worrying about me and let your balls drop!

The other guy we'll call Mr. Swig because his swag has not developed enough yet. Different guy, same situation. Instead of the insecure fuck from above, this jerk is trying too hard to win. Instead of fixing his problem, he's getting his dick wet from every female he can get to come spend time with him. Now, as a man, I'm not mad at you. The world has many pies to offer and you'll never know which flavor you truly like until you taste them all (and lick deep for the cream filling). Where does my problem come in? You guessed it! Mr. Swig still finds the time to twatch! But he has more balls than Mr. In. Swig sends me a tweet asking, "Who are you?" Now, I commend him for being man enough to address me. But c'mon son! No one likes an E thug typing recklessly on a keyboard. Same advice goes to you! Spend less time wondering who I am and more time about who you aren't! Because no matter how many pastries you're getting these days, I could be the noise making your ex's souffle come crashing down! And I know you love her because you broadcast what you're doing for her to see. You're just hoping that her own insecurities and jealousy will cloud her judgement and make her think that she's better off with you than allowing someone else to have you. Ask Charlie Sheen how that approach worked. He told the whole world he was winning and CBS decided they'll take a chance on someone else and did better (Message!). Stop kissing hoes, stop sucking my dick and suck up to your ex!