#realisticadvice

Thankfully, I’ve graduated a month ago. The anxiety is momentarily at bay. The self-hatred and anxious thoughts are not as harsh as they were back when I was doing my thesis. 

I want to be that optimistic person and say you can overcome these challenges and be happy with your life again. I mean, you can, but not like the deep sated fulfillment that you seek, which every narrative would always portray after graduating uni, “Go to school, be happy, graduate, be happy, get a job, be happy, get married, be happy, die, be?” (they never really follow through after this part).

Because, to be honest, every challenge that you faced, you’re facing right now, or you will face would feel like the hardest thing you’ve faced, you’re facing right now, or you’ll face in the future. It would always seem like one of the hardest challenges at that moment in time where it will occur (disclaimer: this may not be true ALL of the time, but just mostly).

The victory does not lie in winning the war (who knows when this war would ever end) but rather in the little wins after each battle. 

I feel like most people, at this point, would feel like they’re turning the next chapter of their life, but I don’t feel like that. 

I got my first job as a video editor and podcast transcriber (it’s an online gig), and the job is, quaintly, unfulfilling. Too many hours, too little pay, fake praises to control your subservient behavior, I could go on. People might say, “if you know then why the fuck are you complaining? Besides, that’s how life is!” (pardon the exclamation point, that’s what I think the average joe would say). I would say to this “How about instead of reading this blog, you can, pardon my french, suck my dick. Just because you think this is how life is, doesn’t mean you have to follow it,” and would probably show that person an unfavorable sign that includes one particular finger.

The thing is, I’m not saying I should follow my passion and suddenly, I would feel fulfillment. The whole narrative is quite delusional to be honest (I quite hate all those motivational guros), I can only aim for the ideal but at the end I still need to be practical. Since I really need the money, might as well maximize my skills and learn more. The best way to beat the system is to use all that it can offer and rebel over it the moment that you’re good to go.

College was merely the tip of the iceberg, one battle in itself, the few months after college is the cold war. Not as physically destructive as war in itself, but a more insidious challenge of plunging down in the unknown. The challenges, not revealing itself, waiting at the shadows, giving you the false sense of relief.