#reading tho

"fortunately our healers in the Apollo cabin were able to reattach Paolo's arms." Ex- excuse me? No, no, no. No. They're having a three-legged death race. And they've done it before. A boy lost both his arms and they still want to do it again. Chiron, no. Don't do this. Not even to satisfy the overeager eight year old. I cannot begin to express how bad of an idea this is. I also cannot begin to express how excited I am to see this happen and for this to become a regular camp thing.

"Paolo understands English okay, but he only speaks Portuguese." Paolo's like me! :))) I can understand some Cantonese, but forget it if you want me to speak it back to you. I just can't remember the words. It also comes as a surprise that the gods can't naturally speak all languages.

"You're staring." "I am merely assessing how well Paolo's arms are functioning after surgery." My beloved Portuguese ex-amputee. I am immediately very attached to this character. Will knows where it's at.

"It also expands our understanding of the Labyrinth." THE FUCKING LABYRINTH??? YESYESYESYESYESYES. We have it confirmed, folks! The Labyrinth is fully revived: a sentient beast that now, with Daedalus and Pasiphaë gone, answers to no master! Well, no master except Harley the sadistic eight year old boy who is deliberately making the maze even deadlier.

"Doesn't feel so evil. Not quite as deadly." So naturally, you brought in Harley the mad scientist to make up for that!

"Thank you, Sherman. It's good to know you won't be giving the god of archery a swirly." It's probably for the best. I think that would've broken him.

Okay, a lot just happened. Peaches is here to save Meg from being dunked, the loyal good boy he is. I feel sorry for Connor's hair, but he probably deserves it considering his pranking history. Anyway, I see Meg and I are on the same page. Magic weapon rings are where it's at and so are curved swords. This also basically confirms it. Meg is a Roman demigod -- and clearly one that has been trained before, too.

I've figured out why Apollo feels more human than Percy. IT'S BECAUSE HIS NARRATION SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE MY ANXIETY. That's what it is.

"I wished I had a doctor's note." Will is literally your son. I'm sure he'd give you a doctor's note if you asked politely. Does falling from heaven and being reduced to a shell of your former self count as an injury?

"Clarisse La Rue I could at least charm with my dazzling smile." *doubt*

"From here I could work my way up to scaring farm animals, then demigods, monsters, and minor deities." Nooohohooo he puts farm animals above satyrs!

"Suddenly, my fingers spasmed. I dropped the guitar in surprise." So, Apollo experiences on-and-off bursts where his powers come back, but they're temporary. This is definitely made purely for moments when Rick Riordan needs him to win a battle despite the odds being impossible.

"Chiara huffed. 'Idiota! Now I'll never get my turn!'" Damien and Chiara have a really cute dynamic. I ship it and I've known them for only three and a half pages.

"African nymphs Athena used to hang out with at Lake Tritonis." I looked up this lake only to find out that it either doesn't exist anymore or never existed at all :C

I love that the Victor twins are such advocates of "practice makes perfect" rather than just being good at everything. Idk why I expected that, but I'm pleasantly surprised.

"And, yes, of course it's possible for a demigod child to spring from [a homosexual] relationship." So... we're all asking the same question, right? Do they have belly buttons?

"I swear upon the River Styx--until I am a god again, I will not use a bow or a musical instrument!" Uhmmmmmm. So. Bad choice. And. I've seen the covers. Pretty sure he's got a bow and a quiver of arrows in at least one of them, so unless those are stage props, that oath ain't gonna last. How's he gonna fight? With a sword?

"How can you mortals live in such tiny places? Where is your pride?" Apollo, it's called poverty. It's also called NYC-will-charge-a-million-bucks-for-two-square-feet-of-living-space. Dude is very out of touch.

"Sacred Sibyl! Madam, there is something wrong with your midsection!" Wow, I knew he was out of touch, but not THAT out of touch. Then again, this is the same guy who thought every apartment should have a landing deck for flying chariots. Still, ain't he the god of medicine?

Apollo says he should have lunch with his mom, Leto, when he gets back to Olympus. Didn't one of the Titans in Tartarus in House of Hades say something like "I wonder if Leto is still reforming"? Well, I guess she's been done for a while now.

"Sally cupped her hand under Meg's chin. Thankfully, Meg did not bite her." Now, that is a fun mental image. banana peel gremlin

At least Apollo still gets fast healing. The Icarus shirt tho...

"my usual motivational speech in the mirror" Apollo's always had self-esteem issues since even before he fell out of the sky, hasn't he?

"Gaea had duped one of my progeny, a boy named Octavian" So we get confirmation! Octavian was manipulated by Gaea! Doesn't excuse everything he did, but it does explain why he was so intent on believing that Gaea's awakening was a trick by the Greeks. Gaea didn't want him to focus on the more important enemy.

Lol Percy passes out for six months courtesy of Hera, Apollo passes out for six months courtesy of Zeus. Sounds about right.

"Percy leaped heroically from his mount and slipped in hellhound pee." Heroic entrance right here.

"Apollo, did you do this?" "I am offended! . . . I am only indirectly responsible for this!" I love their banter.

"I need a few more minutes to enchant this arrow." "Of course you do." Cut him some slack, he's still getting the hang of this whole hero thing.

"I had to admit Percy Jackson was moderately impressive." :/ ? Least reliable narrator I've ever seen.

"This time, the words came to me." Wait, so the plague chant actually isn't PLAGUEY, PLAGUEY, PLAGUEY? This is a massive disappointment. I don't think I'll recover. Also, that Styx punishment really didn't last long. The River's going soft.

"sneezed so hard he collapsed." Uh oh.

"FIE! TOO STRONG IS THY PLAGUE." FIE (exclamation): used to express disgust or outrage

"Kayla, be careful. Don't breathe--" "ACHOO!" Oh no.

"MOREO'ER, HIE!" I hate this fucking arrow. HIE (v.): go quickly

"Somehow, I managed to react appropriately. (Three cheers for reacting appropriately!)" I- Wins where you can take 'em, I suppose.

"you and Harley take Kayla and Austin to the Apollo cabin for healing." "But they are the Apollo cabin" VALID concern. Will's gonna be overworked again. Who's gonna heal everyone? Don't any campers other than the Apollo ones learn healing? People are dying left and right; you'd think other campers would learn medicine.

"Perhaps if we got some harpies and some kite string..." He's really desperate if he's suggesting that.

"I'm a stupid ugly mortal teenager! I'm nobody!" Is he throwing a tantrum? "I thought for sure . . . The cosmos would stop turning. Percy and Chiron would rush to reassure me. None of that happened . . . 'You're Apollo. We need you. You can do this. Besides, if you don't, I will personally throw you off the top of the Empire State Building.'" My friend compared this scene to the one in Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles where the four turtles are about to be crushed to death in the Labyrinth maze and Leo[nardo Hamato, not -nidas Valdez], who is the only one who can get them out by making a portal, first pouts at them to ask for a self-esteem boost. Something like "Y'know, it would really help me out if you told me I'm your champion" because the whole point of the Labyrinth was to get to the center and become a "champion" and receive world-class pizza (that episode was freakishly reminiscent of how PJO characters often end up beating their villains of the week). Yes, my friend and I frequently miscommunicate which Leo we are talking about when we discuss fandom stuff.

"just the sort of thing Zeus used to say to me before my soccer matches." Yeesh, never a good thing to be compared to Zeus, but the throw-you-off-a-building threat was deserved. Also, I think Rhea might not be the only one mixing up their centuries.

"a monument to my own conceit. Nero's pride was no more than a reflection of mine." A character development moment! Yes!

"The demigods were getting very good at scattering." I bet they've had a lot of practice, what with all the attacks on their only safe haven over the years.

"a gust of wind caught it... perhaps Zephyros" Yeah!!! That's good. It would've been too hard to believe if Apollo made that shot naturally. A bit soon to call Zephyros awesome, though, since this is just making up for the murder he committed, but good on him for helping avoid the deaths of dozens of small children.

"like a pachinko machine." I know what you're all thinking: "What's the difference between pachinko and pinball?" That's what I'm here to answer. According to Google, pachinko is an upright, vertical version of pinball that uses multiple small balls as opposed to pinball's singular, larger ball.

"geysers of motor oil out his ears" NOOOO! Not the harbor! Oh man, the beach naiads are gonna be so sick after this. Do beach naiads exist? If not, the beach animals and plants are gonna be sick. This is the third geyser we've seen this book and by far the worst.

"a case of hay fever . . . the statue's head achieved first-stage separation from his body." Deadliest case of hay fever I've seen yet. Hey, if it works, it works.

"In 1928, Alexander Fleming failed to give me credit for inspiring his discovery of penicillin." I'm told this is in reference to how Fleming returned from vacation to find that something strange had grown in one of his petri dishes and that led to his discovery of penicillin. I didn't make that connection at first! So I guess in the PJO universe, Apollo made that mold grow in the petri dish.

"the primary-colored shoes of a traitor >:(" LMAO "She is a member of the Imperial Household." So she's not just any child soldier-gladiator taken in from off the streets. She's special. I wonder why. What set her apart from any others Nero has taken in (bc I'm sure it's not just her)? Also, you'd think that a member of the Imperial Household would be better cared for, unless the traffic light clothing was a disguise to make her seem pitiful?

"They Labyrinth has a convenient opening in the myrmekes' nest." I can imagine a giant ant wandering aimlessly through the maze, tired and desperate to get back to its home. Sad and alone without the companionship of its colony, it is slowly losing hope. Suddenly, a noise! It is a pair of demigods conveniently tied together at the legs in a foolish death race, a perfect snack to keep it going in its darkest time! I wonder if any of the campers have come across myrmekes during their Labyrinth-based camp activities or if the ants are smarter than the campers and avoid the maze entrance in their hill.

"You used a nature spirit to destroy nature?" That is actually really messed up. I didn't realize it. How does Meg tolerate this? She probably feels she has no choice but to follow what her "stepfather" orders her to do.

"I guess the grove was quite nervous about that attempt. We got two demigods for the price of one!" No, I'm sure it was just because these two idiots were tied together at the leg and even if only one of them heard the grove calling, the other one got pulled along anyway. But they could've woken each other up if they heard the trees, so he might actually be right, never mind.

"we didn't have fiddles back then." Hahaha Nero setting straight historical inaccuracies

"Nero leveled the neighborhood and built a new palace--the Domus Aurea." Wow, Apollo's spilling all the tea!

"it became famous as the Colossus of Nero!" That's it! That's the big giant bronze statue that I remember from years ago that attacks camp!

"mauve-and-gold Rolex" I want that. Give me that.

"They will be released" Into the cold embrace of death, probably.

"strung up Christians all over his backyard and burned them to illuminate his garden party. I was there. I remember the screaming." YEESH. Also, Apollo, you were there? I hope by that you mean you could hear the screaming all the way from the heavens and not that you were at the garden party.

"I saw how easily he could have twisted a scared child's understanding of the world" Boy, I'm really glad Apollo's not blaming Meg for all this. It's what I would have expected from a god and I'm glad Apollo's not falling into that trap.

Less than ten paragraphs in and Apollo's already crying. I would, too, man. I would, too. I feel so sorry for him. Like, it sounds like he broke all his bones in that fall. Eesh.

Can confirm, we mortals are meat sacks that wish we could turn into hummingbirds or pure light. That'd be rad.

Lester Papadopoulos is... a name. I'd give it a 3.57 out of 10.

The fight (being generous calling it that) with Cade and Mikey felt like secondhand embarassment 'cause every time Apollo says something like "I deffo still have these powers" it's like WELL NOW YOU'VE JINXED IT. Are these guys gonna appear again?

Why is Chapter 39 the last chapter? Did they not want to commit to 40?

Looking at the words "Hunk Muffin" in the haiku has me scared. It's the last freaking chapter. What could possibly happen?

"Nico commanded a dispenser from the snack bar and carried it around, yelling, 'The line starts to the left! Orderly queue, guys!' . . . She punched Leo in the arm." Wow, warm welcome. Also, they have a number dispenser at the snack bar? The.. dam snack bar number dispenser?

"the immortal sorceress Calypso." istg she's something different every time they introduce her. She's a goddess, she's a nymph, she's a sorceress... her resumé must be impressive. "Even though Leo was the one getting punched by everyone in camp, I was reasonably sure he was the least uncomfortable one at the table." Oh shit, yeah, it's Leo, Calypso, Percy, and Apollo all at one table together. Percy, your biggest what-if is back! I know Apollo visited Calypso, but it doesn't seem like there should be any awkwardness there. "I hadn't witnessed such a tense greeting since Patroclus met Achilles's war prize, Briseis. (Long story. Juicy gossip. Ask me later.)" I'll hold you to that, Apollo! I want to know what happened!

"Calypso had never liked me, so she pointedly ignored me, but I kept waiting for her to yell, 'BOO!' and turn me into a tree frog." Does that happen a lot? Is that the vibe you got from her after knowing her for so long? I don't think this girl even knows what a tree frog is. She's probably never been to anywhere they're native to.

"Albania was particularly difficult." "Please do not mention Albania!" Nico had better snitch about what happened in Albania in The Sun and the Star. I know, I know, all the Reynas in the "reading PJO" fics are gonna be mad at him, but it's worth it. Also, does this mean Leo and Calypso and Festus had to cross the whole Atlantic to get back to camp? I thought leaving the island landed you wherever you wanted to go. I guess that's just the little raft, then.

"Damien White punched Leo's arm and walked away grinning. I wasn't sure Damien even knew Leo." LMAO that's my boy!

"looking for a way out of the Sea of Monsters." Ah, no wonder they couldn't come back for six months. They got lost in the Hell Ocean. You know what? I want a spin-off book consisting entirely of Leo and Calypso's Horrific Near-Death Experiences in the Sea of Monsters documenting Calypso's first experiences in the mortal world as she wonders whether she would've been better off staying on Ogygia while sprinting for her life from a pack of man-eating sheep.

"Hey, Sherman. Where'd you get the new scar, dude?" I love these little interjections so we know exactly who's punching Leo and how he casually greets them and catches up with them. For example: "Sherman told Leo the story of Crotchkicker McCaffrey and the Demon Peach Baby"

"her invisible aerial servants" Yeah, did she leave them on the island? Are they allowed to leave now that she's gone. I hope they're doing okay.

"Since leaving Ogygia, I have no powers . . . I am fully mortal." Are we gonna get to see Apollo and Calypso bond over both being ex-gods-become-mortal? One had it happen unwillingly and the other chose it. That'd be interesting.

"A few millennia ago, I had opposed her petition for early release from Ogygia because of some... ah, drama between us. (Long story. Juicy gossip. Please do not ask me later.)" WHAT? So she knows he opposed her release and that's why she dislikes him. WHAT'S THE DRAMA? Tellllllll usssssss

"Calypso had lost her powers. Leo felt responsible." Awwwwww "She won't call me Hunk Muffin, though. I dunno why" Ok good, the Hunk Muffin thing isn't as disturbing as I thought it would be.

"H-Meister. You're a hero!" Awwwwwwwwwwwww

"Oh, the middle third of the U.S.! . . . Piece of torta, then." I love Leo saying what we're thinking.

"And you freed Calypso, I see. Well done" For goodness's sake, Chiron. The boy died and came back to life and traveled for six months trying to find home and you're like, "Good job. Well done. Congrats."

"After he lent me his help in defeating the Colossus, it would have been the least I could do." This is progress. Apollo is not asking for/expecting favors with nothing in return. He wants to pay Percy back for his help. Maybe he should do that for the rest of the camp, too, considering they also risked their lives fighting the Colossus. Just a thought.

"Calypso even pecked Percy on the cheek." Calypso! Percy's taken. You're taken.

"geraniums bloomed in my stomach." Nice callback.

"Leo Valdez's Victory Lap World Tour." Imagine being Leo, dying and coming back to life, flying circles around the western hemisphere for six months trying to get home, and when you finally do, you have to immediately get up and save the world a-freaking-gain.

"I missed the whole Roman Empire." Oh yeah, you did. She's gonna be missing a lot of context for this whole quest.

"the Triumvirate might well have orchestrated all our previous troubles with the Titans and giants" Oh wait, did they cause the Great Stirring? I feel like every few days I have this same epiphany over and over again and it never gets old. Every few days I'll be like, Wait, are the Triumvirate and the Great Stirring linked? Did they cause it? Are they profiting off of it? and then three days later I'll realize the same thing again like I'm caught in a time loop. Help me.

"and an overly theatrical arrow." Oh no, the Shakespeare arrow is coming along. I hope this guy's easy to warm up to the same way Meg was.

"preparing rows of marshmallows on what looked like femur bones." I'm pretty sure femur bones are too thick to stick marshmallows on. Unless you got some big freaking marshmallows.

"Sherman Yang's chariot, which was still circling the statue's legs in a vain attempt to electrocute its kneecaps." Is this the same flying chariot that the Apollo and Ares cabins were bickering over during The Last Olympian and that the Lost Hero trio were picked up by at the start of Heroes of Olympus? I have a headcanon that the Ares cabin felt bad about their lack of participation after the Second Titanomachy and gave it back to the Apollo cabin and that's why it's stated as belonging to the Apollo cabin in The Lost Hero. Now with Sherman using what I assume is the same chariot 'cause there's no way the camp has multiple flying chariots laying around, that means they share it sometimes! Awww I love this background storytelling.

"Hades used to love sneaking up on me that way and yelling, 'HI!' just as I shot an arrow of death." The way Apollo knows Hades is very, very different to the characterization of Hades we're familiar with. To Apollo, he sounds like the weird uncle who shows up every winter solstice and encourages the kids to participate in dangerous activities that their parents would never let them do.

"A plague arrow" That thing is a giant metal statue. It does not have organs, nor an immune system, nor any flesh whatsoever. A plague arrow is possibly the least effective weapon that could possibly be used against it other than maybe a feather on a stick. "disease to kill the Colossus's animating power" Mmm still dubious but okay.

"And... if you fail?" "I won't have the strength to try twice. You'll have to . . . Find an arrow, try to summon some sickness, make the shot" Y'ALL CONNED ME. We've all been going "give Will plague powers" WHEN IT'S IMPLIED THAT ALL CHILDREN OF APOLLO NATURALLY HAVE HAD PLAGUE POWERS ALL ALONG. Or at least it's common enough that Apollo has faith Kayla and Austin can pull it off if he fails! So all, most, or some children of Apollo can conjure up sickness, but they either don't know or simply choose not to. Maybe Will stands a chance in Tartarus after all. After all, Annabeth made it through and all she had was superpowered weaving and the ability to bruise any immortal deity's ego.

"Sherman Yang's chariot, minus Sherman Yang." Uhh, Canoe Duo, what did you do? Tell me Sherman Yang isn't dead. All y'all had to do was tell him you have a plan and you need to borrow the chariot. "Nico convinced them to disembark." You threw them off the chariot when it was dozens of feet in the sky because talking would have taken too long? Will, you're the medic! You know you're gonna have to get them fixed up and yet you deliberately cause them bodily harm!

"after that shadow travel, Nico is going to pass out any second." "'No, I'm not,' Nico complained, then passed out." First of all, funny. Second of all, Nico got seriously nerfed. There's no way he's still recovering from fading halfway out of existence. Even with the inconsistency of demigods' powers throughout this series, Nico could open a passage to Asphodel and drag someone (Bryce Lawrence) into it without even touching them. Now he tries shadow traveling within seeing distance and passes out. Yeah, he took Will with him, but that should be easy as pie after taking three people and a forty foot tall statue overseas. And it was within seeing distance. How's he gonna survive Tartarus again, let alone save one or more people from down there? With this new revelation, I seriously have more faith in Will making it through than Nico.

"Another time, in a Stockholm tavern, I met this god who was smoking hot, except his talking sword just would not shut up." My friend tells me this is Magnus Chase reference. I think. Or it might've been Kane Chronicles. I don't remember, but I'm pretty sure they said Magnus Chase. Neither of us have read either of those series.

"The arrow quivered." Do not apologize for that pun. Lol. Apollogize

"PRITHEE, SHOOTING IS NOT MY PURPOSE." PRITHEE (exclamation): please (used to convey a polite request)

"'FORSOOTH,' said the arrow." FORSOOTH (adv.): indeed (often used ironically or to express surprise or indignation)

Why does this arrow talk so loudly. Such a small thing, yet such large bellows.

"In a flash of silver light, the camp's magical barriers collapsed." Fuck.

"'You can't hear this arrow talking?' Judging from her wide eyes, I guessed the answer was, No, and does hallucinating run in the family?" This made me laugh. She really must've thought he'd gone mad. Too much time in the Grove of Dodona and whatnot.

"'I'm fine!' Kayla yelped . . . splattering drops of red all over the chariot's floor." This just about sums up the demigods' attitude toward injury.

"Only one of the missiles was unbroken, and its shaft was warped." But he's gonna make the shot anyway, 'cause he's awesome. Odd how he keeps calling them missiles, though. It never occurred to me that the word for missiles might have existed long before the missiles we know today were invented.

"STARTEST THOU: PLAGUEY, PLAGUEY, PLAGUEY." That friend I was talking about earlier: This was the line that took her out. THIS line. Can you believe...? Of all the jokes.

"My plan would take much too long, if I could even remember how to make a plague arrow. This was my punishment for breaking an oath on the River Styx." How does he know? Does he just... know? This is for using the whole anthill as a giant instrument and shooting arrows at the ants, right? So we know the geyser oath to save Meg doesn't supersede the oath on the Styx against using arrows or instrumental music and this is the punishment for it. I don't like how the Styx oath is just an excuse to do certain plot points. This plan not working could easily just be blamed on Apollo's faulty memory or human error (which is possible now that Apollo is human and really even if he weren't). Anyway, I wonder if he's ever gonna break a Styx oath and then, like it was said that Styx oaths could take a lifetime to wear you down and ruin you, the punishment doesn't take effect so soon after and he lives in fear of that coming back to bite him.

"Hey, Bronze Butt!" Classic weak Percy insult. "Over the Colossus's head" Shadow travel can't make new shadows. The volcano thing was a one-time incident and that was because the mountain gods working for Gaea interfered. Unless hellhounds have more advanced shadow travel than Underworld demigods.

"The weekend was here." I like that introduction for Percy. He's like "I got time on the weekend. Might drop by." And then the weekend comes and he shows up for this epic battle instead of relaxing weekend-related activities. Story of his life.