He pointed to the pink bow he had taped to the side of the pot. “You guys match!”
I chuckled at his cute enthusiasm.
“Looks like Bob and I have some chemistry,” I joked. Jackson gave a slight pout.
“Hopefully not more than us,” he added before taking hold of my hand and leading me down the street.
I looked at our hands together. It was weird—holding hands with a different person. I could feel the calluses on his palm rubbing against my hand and it reminded me of the hands I used to hold. He had calluses too.
Jackson let go of my hand, bringing me out of my thoughts.
“Here we are!” he announced, pointing at the building in front of us.
It was the train station.
I laughed at his silly, pleased grin.
“You’re surprised right?” He chuckled. I nodded, waiting for his explanation. “I don’t use the train system very often. I thought we could go on an underground adventure together!”
And despite my hatred of public transportation and being in crowds of people who didn’t understand the word “personal space” I ended up smiling and entering the loud and humid air of the underground place. It was hard not to smile and go along with it when Jackson looked so eager.
But I was really regretting wearing heels today.
“Be careful with Bob, Jackson,” I said as we finished paying for our tickets. He smiled, showing me that he was holding the pot tightly. I smiled back before leading him towards the train platform.
“So, can I get a hint about where we’re going?” I asked as we took a seat on a bench, waiting for the train to arrive.
“Let’s make it a game!” Jackson declared suddenly and I swear I saw his eyes twinkle. “Let’s ask each other 20 yes or no questions.”
I chuckled. “Alright.”
“Ladies first.”
“Mm, are we going to an outdoor place?”
Jackson tapped his chin, glancing up thoughtfully. “Mmmmmaybe.”
He laughed loudly at my crestfallen face.
“I know I said yes or no answers but it’s kind of both,” he explained. I nodded my head before looking away. The train was arriving, disrupting our game as a crowd began to gather.
I grimaced as Jackson and I were pushed into the center amidst the hot and sweaty bodies—one reason why I hated summer. But I couldn’t stop worrying for Jackson who was holding onto Bob tightly with two hands. Although it was hard to fall in between so many bodies, my mother instincts were kicking in.
Squeezing myself between the people, I managed to grab at the bar in time as the train began moving. I linked my other arm with Jackson’s to keep him balanced, almost breaking out into a fit of laughter when I saw his eyes on me.
His look of surprise and gratitude made him appear exactly like his nickname—Wang Puppy.
I breathed a sigh of relief when we exited the train.
“Okay, it’s my turn now?”
I gave him a funny look as he dragged me up the stairs and into the open air.
“Our game,” Jackson reminded me. “So, do you like animals?”
I smiled. “Yes…Are we going to see animals?”
Jackson giggled before walking ahead. “Maybe~”
I chuckled at his silly teasing before catching up to his pace.
I wondered if we were going to the zoo. I hadn’t gone to the zoo since I was in grade school. The idea made me smile. But as Jackson led me towards the river, I knew it couldn’t be the zoo.
He nudged me with his elbow as we approached the edge of the water. “We’re going to ride swan boats!”
Jackson grinned proudly, as he stepped into the swan boat, placing Bob in his lap before patting the seat beside him. I smiled back before carefully taking a step forward, trying not to trip on my heels.
I was really regretting my choice of shoes today.
I smiled at one of the workers who had taken my arm gently and eased me into the boat.
“Whoo!” Jackson cheered once I was settled in. “Let’s row all the way to Jeju island!”
I laughed, clapping my hands softly with him.
“You lied,” I added. “You said we’d be both inside and outside.”
He gave me a cheeky grin, pointing above us. “But there’s a roof, isn’t there?”
I laughed at his logic and he joined me with his hyena cackle.
But my own enthusiasm quickly wore off as I found myself struggling to peddle with my too-short dress and pink heels that were not so cutely falling off the peddle every two seconds.
“Look at those two ducks,” Jackson pointed out as we passed them. I smiled politely, my hands tugging at the ends of my dress as they continued to slip further down each time I peddled forward. “It looks like they’re on a date too.”
I nodded. “Looks like they’re already married.”
Jackson chuckled. “I hope I’m not like that when I’m married.”
“What do you mean?”
“They’re not even talking or touching,” he explained. He turned to me with a grin. “I want a marriage that never loses its spark.”
“I see,” I replied quietly, glancing back at the ducks. “I don’t think I’d mind their kind of marriage though. I think it’s comforting to have someone you can be silent with.”
“That sounds boring,” Jackson chuckled in response and I felt myself tensing at the word.
“Won’t you get tired trying to think of things to talk about all the time?”
“Mm, if it’s a good relationship I think there’ll always be things to do and talk about, but that’s just me,” Jackson laughed. “I like to talk if you haven’t noticed.”
I laughed along, nodding my head. “I wish I could be more like you. Sometimes there’s just nothing left for me to say.”
Jackson shrugged, putting a friendly arm around me before smiling at me reassuringly. “But there has to be people who listen to the people that talk. I think we complement each other well in that sense.”
I nodded before quietly looking ahead.
“You have a million stories in your pocket. You just don’t share them.”
Mark’s words from the other night kept ringing in my ears like an annoying echo.
But I liked Jackson’s interpretation. It was true. In fact, my very relationship with Miyoung was founded on the fact that she had so many stories to tell and I was good at listening to them. And Miyoung and I have been close friends for years.
If I can maintain a friendship with Miyoung, I could do the same with Jackson, right?
I could already hear Mark scoffing.
I let out a sigh. I shouldn’t have stayed late at the coffee house that night. If Mark and I never had that conversation, I would have had a lot more fun on this date.
…right?
“For someone with so many words inside, you sure don’t tell people a whole lot.”
“So Y/N, what do you do for a living?” Jackson spoke up again. “Besides cactus farming.”
I laughed, brushing aside my worried thoughts.
“I’m just an assistant, just secretary work,” I replied with a smile.
“You come here every night to work on your book. That makes you exactly a writer.”
“What about you, Jackson?”
Jackson grinned as if he was anticipating that question. “Well, my main job is a high school gym teacher but I volunteer at a children’s hospital after classes and I’m a weight trainer during the weekends.”
My eyes widened as his list kept going on. “Wow, Jackson, that’s amazing.”
He blushed at the compliment, smiling coyly.
“Is that why you have calluses on your hands?”
“Ah, yeah,” he chuckled sheepishly, looking down at his hands. “I used to be self-conscious about it, but now they’re like my trophies. Every time I get a new one, it reminds me that I’m doing my best to become a better person.”
I liked that. Jackson was more hardworking than he let on. It sounded like a tough life though, being that busy.
“How do you find time for yourself though?”
“What do you mean?”
“How do you recharge after doing so many things? I’m just an office assistant but by the end of the work day all I want to do is go home.”
“For a girl who so proudly claims to be fine by herself, you sure don’t like being alone.”
Jackson chuckled softly, looking off into the distance. “For me, I don’t need that alone time to recharge. When I’m with my students, or the children, or with my trainees—seeing them trying their hardest—it motivates me to keep going. I don’t need to recharge because it’s like they’re my batteries already.”
I nodded my head. Spoken like a true extrovert.
Something in the tone of Jackson’s voice was so sweet though, it made my heart smile. But I wish I could experience that kind of feeling too. No matter how I thought about it, being with people always ended up tiring me.
But I’m an introvert.
I’m boring.
That’s something I just couldn’t change.
After the swan boats, Jackson, with Bob in the crook of his arms, led me along a garden path, telling jokes every other minute until I was sure I’d wake up with abs the next day. We walked and laughed like this until the evening had cooled into a purple dusk.
“I had a great time, Y/N,” Jackson spoke up as we stood on the corner of a street just a couple blocks away from my apartment. “Bob did too!”
I laughed. “You must’ve had a hard time carrying Bob everywhere.”
He shook his head with a grin. “It was fun bringing him around. He gets lonely cooped up in the house all the time.”
I chuckled lightly.
“I’m glad you agreed to seeing me again,” he admitted quietly.
“Well, it was too hard trying to resist Bob,” I joked before giving him a warm smile. “I had fun, Jackson.”
He gave me a final bright smile before saying his last goodbye, and as I waved him off in the opposite direction, I let out a long breath I didn’t even know I was holding in.
Letting my shoulders slump, I walked on, feeling a soreness in my legs that I knew was going to be a pain tomorrow morning. I shivered as the night air blew at me. I probably should have brought a sweater along, but then again, I probably shouldn’t have worn what I did either.
My steps slowed as I passed the coffee house.
There he was behind the counter, biting at his bottom lips, eyebrows furrowed as he wrote down his calculations. I couldn’t help smiling at the familiar sight. As much as I hated how his words echoed through my head the entire day, seeing him in the flesh was always a pleasant sight.
“Noona, do you want to come in?”
Coming out of my trance, I smiled at the barista who was about to lock the front entrance. I glanced back at Mark who was too busy to notice me just yet.
I shouldn’t bother him tonight.
But my body moved on its own and I found myself moving towards the familiar seat behind the bar stand.
At the sound of my heels clicking against the hardwood floor, Mark raised his head up curiously. A smile spread across his face as an identical one made its way to mine.
“You look pretty,” he uttered quietly as he closed the register.
They were spoken softly, those simple words, but suddenly all of today’s regrets vanished. I was glad I wore this dress. I took a seat by the counter, watching as Mark put away his notes. I let out a groan of relief as the strain in my feet subsided.
He glanced my way at the sound.
“How was your day?”
I sighed, leaning forward to rest my head in the crook of my arms. “It was fun. I’ve never laughed so much.”
I closed my eyes, listening to Mark rustling behind the counter before his footsteps made his way towards me.
“Did you have dinner yet?”
I shook my head, turning to look at him with my head still on my arms. He looked at me softly.
“Me either,” he replied.
“Shall I treat you to that meal then?” I asked as I lifted myself off of the counter to face him. He chuckled softly.
“You aren’t tired after your date?”
I was.
Normally, I would’ve insisted on going back home, but tonight felt different.
“I’m not too tired. Plus, I owe you a meal. If you don’t take my offer now, who knows when I’ll be offering it again.”
Mark smiled softly. “Must’ve been a good date then.”
I shrugged my shoulders with a smile. It was a good date…but how do I explain this feeling?
…Like this entire day I had been holding my breath, waiting for this moment.
“Aren’t you glad you gave dating a fair try?” Mark grinned cheekily at me. I smiled at his playful mood.
“I still wonder if I’m the right girl for him though.” Mark looked at me to go on. “I mean, Jackson is amazing to the point where it sounds almost impossible to be true how kind and hardworking he is…but his personality is…so much like my ex.”
I paused, my eyes trailing down to the floor. “I can’t help thinking that I’ll eventually be too boring for him too.”
Mark nodded quietly. “But maybe you should worry less on whether you’re the right fit for him, and focus more on whether Jackson is the right guy for you.”
I smiled at his advice before shrugging my shoulders. “How about we think about dinner? What do you want to eat?”
I got up from my seat only to wince as my feet hit the floor, the strain on my legs coming back to me twice as painful.
“Are you okay?” Mark asked, ushering me back into the seat. “Did you hurt yourself?”
Before I could even answer, Mark pulled at me heels and examined me. His eyes widened at the sight of dark red blots staining the back of each heel. He took hold of my foot, revealing the raw skin behind both of my feet.
“Y/N,” he sighed my name before letting go of my leg and standing up. “Wait here.”
Mark left to the back room, returning with a first aid kit in hand. Taking a seat next to me, he lifted my leg onto his lap.
“You walked all day with your feet like this?” he muttered as he began disinfecting the raw skin with light dabs. I cringed at the painful stinging. His face softened when he saw.
“Sorry,” he whispered, dabbing lighter now. “But you need to speak up when you’re hurting.”
I bit at the bottom of my lip as I watched him attend to my wounds quietly.
“What do you want to eat?” I asked again.
Putting on the last band aid, Mark looked up at me with a chuckle. “Let’s have dinner another time. You should go home and rest.”
I nodded quietly.
“Next time then,” I muttered. “I’ll treat you to something extravagant.”
He laughed, “I’m holding you to that, Y/N.”
I smiled as I watched him take the kit back before returning with a pair of pink clogs in hand. I laughed at the sight, allowing Mark to slip them on me. They hung on my feet awkwardly, being two sizes too big.
He unzipped his hoodie and handed it to me before grabbing at my heels and walking away. A smile resting on my own lips, I slipped on his sweater before following behind him. With the clogs on, we began walking to my apartment even slower than usual.
But I was glad.
For some reason, I didn’t want to go home today.
But it wasn’t because I didn’t want to be alone. Mark was wrong about that one. If it was Jackson or Miyoung walking me home, and even if it was my ex, I probably would have been glad to be heading home. Mark’s company was just different. I couldn’t explain it.
“Mark,” I murmured, my hands fingering at the edges of the sweater. “What’s your ideal girl?”
He broke into laughter at my sudden question.
“What? I-I don’t really have one.”
“Then, ideal relationship?”
Mark chuckled. “Where is this coming from?”
“We visited a pond today and saw these two ducks. Jackson said he didn’t want a quiet marriage like that—that marriage for him had to stay fun.”
“I think that’s a fair thing to want,” Mark spoke up. I couldn’t help feeling disappointed at those words. “But, everyone’s definition of fun is different.”
He smiled gently at me, his arm brushing softly against mines. I could only frown though.
“I don’t think I’m fun.”
“Y/N,”
“I go to your café at the same hours and I do the same things. Aren’t I boring?”
“Why are you so stuck on being boring?” he let out a weak chuckle. “I’d rather call it…being consistent.”
“But that’s boring isn’t it?”
“If it was boring, you would have stopped, right?” he spoke up more firmly now. “But you haven’t because you’re doing what you love. I think being passionate and driven is anything but boring.”
“But I do the same things over and over,” I sighed. “Today, whenever I asked Jackson a question about himself, he could go on and on with a story, an anecdote, a joke. His life is so full and interesting. But I’m just an assistant. I go to the office, then the café, and then home, every single day.”
“There’s more to you than that. You keep saying you have nothing to say but I know of this journal that is proof that you have many things to say.” He looked at me, his eyebrow raised because he knew he was right. “You’re a really private person, Y/N. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, but it seems like you’re afraid to share yourself. You end up holding back your words.”
I bit at my lips as Mark’s words settled into the air.
“Maybe I’m just being selfish,” I finally spoke. “I just want someone who can accept me in all my quietness.”
Mark nodded his head calmly as we reached the door to my apartment. For a while, we just stood outside my door, not moving and not speaking. It looked like he had something to say but instead, Mark just smiled.
“Rest up, Y/N.” He took a step back.
“Ah, wait,” I interrupted. “I-umm, do you want to have dinner here?”
He looked at me curiously as I fumbled with my keys.
“I mean, I’m not much of a cook, but I make a pretty mean ramen.”
He chuckled, his eyes crinkling into sweet lines, as I finally got my door to open.
“I am pretty hungry,” he admitted, setting my heart at ease as he stepped forward again.
I smiled, gesturing for him to follow me inside. “You can take a seat on the couch while I cook. Sorry my place is a little messy right now.”
He chuckled as he looked around my studio apartment before settling down onto the couch. As I made the ramen, I watched as Mark’s eyes wandered around my place. He was the first guy in six months to enter my apartment and well, only the second guy to enter ever.
As I chopped up whatever vegetables were in my fridge, I began to question my impulsive actions. Perhaps it was too much, inviting him in.
But we had barely seen each other all day and I found myself wanting him to stay. Even if we didn’t exchange another word for the rest of the night, I wanted him beside me just a moment longer.
“Y/N,” Mark spoke up, walking towards me. “Are the drawings on your table part of the book you’re working on?”
I blushed, staring down at the ramen cooking on the stove.
“Ah…yeah,”
Mark broke out into a wide smile. “I didn’t know you were an artist too.”
I rubbed at the nape of my neck shyly before turning around to grab bowls for our ramen. “They’re just doodles…it’s a children’s book.”
Taking the bowls from me, Mark helped to set them on the living room table. For a while we just ate silently. I watched as Mark’s eyes trailed towards the coffee table where I had drafts of my drawings laying around. Quietly, I got up, shuffling the papers into a neat pile before taking them into my lap.
“It’s what I’ve been working on the past six months,” I finally spoke up, handing Mark the pile for a closer look.
I ate my ramen quietly as I watched Mark finger through each page slowly. His gaze lingered over the last page carefully before he finally raised his head to look at me. He smiled, setting my heart at ease.
“You’re the first person to see my work, Mark,” I commented when he didn’t say anything. “Please be gentle on my fragile heart.”
“You should have more confidence in yourself,” he spoke quietly, handing me back the pile. I blushed, setting the pages aside. “And you say you aren’t a writer.”
I took a big bite of ramen, looking away as a smile crept its way onto my lips.
Mark smiled softly before finishing the rest of his ramen. After clearing the table, I sat beside Mark on the couch, neither of us saying a thing, but it was a comfortable silence. It was a quietness I had only ever shared with Mark.
A safe kind of quietness.
Mark glanced down, his hand beside mines on the couch. Our fingers were just barely touching but I could feel the warmth of his skin next to mine.
“Are you gonna go on a third date?” he asked gently.
I looked up to see him biting at his lip softly.
I glanced down thoughtfully. It actually never occurred to me. Jackson never asked for a third date before we said our goodbyes. Maybe he didn’t want a third date.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be nosy,” he spoke up after my silence.
“No, you’re not,” I replied with a chuckle. “I just don’t know the answer to your question.”
“Is it because you’re hesitant about dating, or are you unsure about Jackson?”
I chuckled, leaning closer to him so that our arms touched. “How do you always know the right questions to ask, Mark?”
He laughed quietly against me, wrapping an arm around me. And though Jackson had done the same thing today, this felt different. This felt both safe and nerve wrecking at once. I could feel the tiredness from my body melting away as I let myself lean into him.
“What’s your ideal guy, Y/N?”
I closed my eyes, feeling Mark’s steady heartbeat against me.
What did I want?
I wanted a guy who I could be quiet with, who just understood me. I wanted someone who could be patient for me, allowing me to open up at my own pace; someone that didn’t find me boring.
“Are you asleep?” Mark whispered, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“Umm, I don’t really have an ideal guy either,” I finally answered.
And this time, Jackson’s words rang in my head. I didn’t understand him when he said it, how being with people recharged him, but this was it, wasn’t it?
It was why I came to the coffee house every evening.
It was why I wished for our walks home to be longer each time.
And it was why I invited him into my space, a place that even Miyoung had never entered.
“It’s getting late,” Mark uttered. I nodded my head, getting up suddenly.
“I-I’ll treat you to something fancier next time,” I blushed sheepishly as I handed Mark his sweater back.
He smiled. “No heels next time.”
I chuckled as I walked him to the door.
“Thanks for always being there for me,” I whispered as I stood at my door. Mark bit at his lip as he took steps back slowly.
“I just,” he mumbled, glancing at me softly as he stopped moving backwards. “I hope you know that you’re enough.”
I nodded my head quietly, as I watched him walk away. I stayed at my door even as he disappeared completely from sight.
And despite the smile on my lips, tears streamed down my cheeks for the second time in six months.
I hope you know that you’re enough.
