#rdbjj

March 1, 2020 marks one full year since I started teaching the “Wonder Woman Program” at the Rosendo Diaz Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Academy in Harleysville, PA. What started out as one day a week slowly evolved into two (and despite the group size being small, the passion and commitment are larger than life). This female program is something I could have only dreamt of 10 or 15 years ago…

Up until about four years ago, I wasn’t really training with any females. My entire jiu-jitsu career, it was just me and the guys; But in hindsight, being the only female wasn’t healthy, mentally or physically. It didn’t allow me to see what I was missing. It almost created a sense of entitlement within me that was for no other reason than the fact that I have a vagina. So, once we started having females trickle in, it was initially thought provoking, but in all honesty, very unsettling. So many thoughts would run through my head. Where would my place be? Would I even be relevant anymore? Basically, I thought of myself as a lioness who wasn’t ready to share her pride. It wasn’t an easy transition for me. Many weeks I wouldn’t show up just because I was feeling sorry for myself. Why? I don’t know…because that’s what some of us crazy, weaker females do…act irrational.

It wasn’t until I took some time off and eventually put it all out on the table with my instructor (in a tearful conversation spilling my guts) that he replied to me “Just stop. Just come back and train, you need it. We are old heads now. You have to share your knowledge and pass it along. You are on a different part of your journey now.” And so that’s what I did. After forcing myself into having a new outlook, I decided it was time. I realized that it “wasn’t my time anymore” and that times have changed, the school has changed, and I needed to change (damn it).

After a few years of just training with a couple of women, Rosendo brought up the idea of the all-female class. I wasn’t sure if this was something that I could do or even wanted to do, but I reluctantly agreed. What became apparent to me sooner than later was that I could learn just as much from these women as they could from me. I’ve never considered myself a “girl’s girl” and these females coming to train weren’t either. These women also seem to walk to the beat of their own drum and not follow the “norms” of everyday society. They aren’t afraid to get dirty and they aren’t afraid to smash my face in.

The entire experience has made me love and appreciate my gender. After a lifetime of avoiding females, serious friendships, and “not having a tribe”, I now have a better understanding of what I was missing. My jiu-jitsu team is my family and my girls are my tribe. My biggest thank-you goes to my girl Lauren Baker, our team/school manager. She was the lioness who came in 4 years ago and took over the pride…and she did it with ease. She is a beautiful person inside and out.

We might not all be “friends” hanging together outside of jiu-jitsu, but because of jiu-jitsu we will have a bond forever.

This rant originally started out as a facebook post....but it just went on and on and on.  So I figured its been a while, I should just write a little blog as it was obnoxiously long, and I feel extremely passionate about this subject. Check out the article below.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8026881/Comedian-raises-30-000-send-bullied-9-year-old-dwarfism-Disneyland.html

See video at bottom of blog....

To see the outpouring of support from all over the world today for this one little special needs boy who was bullied is heartwarming. How can we not feel anything but horribly outraged and saddened for his overwhelming grief.  This all came about after his mother recorded him crying and upset after being bullied at school and she wanted to “show the world what this can do to a child”.   The images and video went viral.  The response from the public emotional and swift.  Everything from a go fund me account was set up, to sports team invites being extended and even a trip to Disney has been arranged...and despite all these wonderful sentiments,  an unsettling nagging feeling kept gnawing at me.  A sense of generalized irritation.  At first I wasn’t sure why. Then it hit me. The questions.... What is the point of all that in the long run?  How is any of that stuff going to change the culture of our society?  How is any of that going to help solve the problem? Are sporting events and a trip to Disney going to make the problem of bullying go away?

The reality is that almost half of all school age students are bullied at minimum once a month (many times much much more). On avg 70% of students (and staff) report witnessing the bullying....30% admit doing the bullying. Most common types of bullying are verbal and social. Physical happens MUCH less frequently. Tactics utilized- Name calling,  teasing,  spreading rumors and lies, pushing/shoving, hitting/kicking, exclusion, threatening, stealing belongings, sexual comments/gestures, and online/virtual messaging- the list goes on and on.  So, how many kids aren't recorded by their mom or dad and posted online,  but are tortured by other children every damn day????  How many kids continue to suffer in silence and sometimes take their own lives b/c "we" as a society haven't equipped them for this cold, heartless world? How many of us are failing to teach our stronger little or younger humans to "be the protector" of the people who surround us???  Studies have shown that when bystanders intervene bullying stops within an avg of 10 seconds. Why doesn't this happen more often?  There are always strength in numbers (A bully will use this to their advantage b/c they rarely do it alone). I’ve said this in another blog post,  DO NOT expect your school to protect your children.  The numbers alone are not working in your child's favor. The staff are significantly outnumbered.  Plus a bully will craft their art. Many times these instances take place away from adult ears and eyes...parking lots, school playgrounds, hallways, bathrooms, gym class, locker rooms, stores...the list goes on and on. Zero tolerance in any institution mean zero, zip.

We give our kids so much material "stuff" all year long....but what we really need to give them is the gift of empathy. Empathy, compassion and the strong desire to feel for more than their own person.  Damn it.  

We may not ever “want” our children to use violence....but heaven forbid that day comes when it is used against them. Then what?  I damn well would rather raise my child to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war. Give your children confidence.  Get them into contact sports...Give them training in self defense. Confidence acts as a bully repellent-I promise.

www.GraciePA.com

Why do we say...I can’t?  Many times it’s because we are scared.  It’s based on an irrational fear of the unknown. 

After being contacted by numerous women about being interested in "wanting to try jiu-jitsu" but they aren't sure if it's "right for them" bc of excuses x, y and z...I figured I'd write this short blog about my own challenges.  

In 1997 (shortly after the birth of my first child) I was ridden with body pain. Everywhere. All my joints hurt all the time.  I went from being extremely active and working out 5 out of 7 days of the week pre-pregnancy to having trouble standing up.  After much testing it was decided by an endocrinologist that I had hypothyroidism and “fibromyalgia”.  Having worked in healthcare I knew the black mark that would be on my medical record (this was a time when they knew almost NOTHING about this disease). I would be “that patient”.  Every symptom or complaint from that moment on would be chalked up to “it’s just the fibromyalgia” and all of my problems would be disregarded.  So, after hearing that diagnosis I never returned to that Dr.  It was at that time I began experimenting with what would help improve my symptoms naturally....and exercise (as difficult and almost near impossible as it felt) was the one thing that did. It was shortly after this when my karate and then jiu-jitsu journey began and never ended (and your’s can as well). 

Fast forward to 2019....I write this as a I lay in bed on a Sunday afternoon in a bathrobe (with Breaking Bad on TV).  I feel like a big slug.  Many people who follow me on social media (and don’t know me personally) tend to assume I’m this super active individual who just “doesn’t stop” and has a plethora of energy.  I mean, doesn’t the grass always look greener when we post pretty “happy” pictures all the time?  Well, as much as I’d like that to be the truth- it just isn’t.  I can’t function at that level with any consistency bc my body physically will not let me. Why? I don’t feel good.  I struggle with chronic migraines (and have for the past 7 years) and many days I feel “flu like” and just barely have enough vigor to perform BASIC everyday tasks.  Today it was waking up, going to lunch, doing some wash, tending to the animals and maybe a few other little things (and camping out in my room)….but that’s it.  My migraine clusters go in waves. The past few weeks have been bad.  I’ve had more days where I feel like crap than not (and I will rarely let anyone outside the house know b/c to complain about it is useless. And in all honestly- I feel like a weak person admitting to these short comings).  “Rest” doesn’t alleviate my discomfort, nausea or lack of energy.  More rest causes more fatigue.  More activity can cause more discomfort.  The nausea is daily….the worst is always in the morning and many times kicks up again in the late evening before bedtime.  The increase in symptoms usually means that I need to increase my medication dosage (which I save a last resort b/c it decreases my appetite and makes me dopey; Seizure medication does that).  My medical marijuana is a life saver as it helps me sleep and is an immediate relief for severe head pain and nausea(But obviously I’m limited when I can use it).  There is no “fix” to my problem.  It’s just finding ways to manage it.

 The purpose to me writing this blog is to encourage females from all walks of life to give jiu-jitsu a try if it’s something that you are curious about.  You don’t have to be in great shape, have experience or have a full tank of energy to participate.  You just have to be willing to toss aside all the B.S. excuses and say “I can, I will, I’ll try”.   Listen, if I can do this….you certainly can.

 This Friday will be the first all female class (March 1st) from 6:30-7:30pm.  You only need to wear comfortable workout clothes and come with an “I can” attitude.  First 2 weeks of training are FREE.  

https://graciepa.com/contact-us/

I just can’t….

I’m too busy

The kids have me running everywhere…

I’m too fat

Not athletic enough

Don’t have any experience

It’s probably too much money

I have old injuries

I’m not strong enough

It’s too difficult to coordinate around my family’s schedule

I’m afraid of getting hurt

I have these piercing and nails I’m afraid of ruining

But

What if….

What if I tried it?

It would allow me to muster through the anxiety induced “Excuse list” (which is a win already).

It would force me to live outside of my “comfort zone”

It would allow me to be with other females in similar circumstances (maybe they feel the same way as me?)

It would give me an experience that I’ve never had before

It doesn’t cost ANYTHING

If I have any physical deficits, I can just let my instructor know ahead of time what they are and work within my own limitations (no shame in that)

If I have body jewelry or nails I’ll make accommodations to adjust my nail length and borrow “head gear” so I protect myself and the others I work with

It would give me the confidence to know that “I CAN do it”.  

The bottom line-The anxiety and excuses didn’t win.  

I can overcome the mental adversity of “the excuse list”.