#rayjack

Jack walks up next to him, high heels clacking against the concrete roof. Ray doesn’t have to look at her to know that she’s got one hand on her cocked hip, concerned eyes raking over him. Ray knows her well enough that he would bet his Tacky Tacos discount card that her mind is racing, going over all the events of the day; their breakfast together this morning, going to buy ammo with Ryan and Michael, shooting flares at pedestrians as they drove too fast to their meeting point.  The heist.

Ray knows she figures it out when her eyes land on the paper in his hand. “What’s that?”

“Picture.” Ray takes another hit of his joint. “Billy Welson, age 25. Mom and dad own an ice-cream shop in Missouri. Sister’s in college and his brother is in the army. In two months, he would have hit his one year anniversary of being on the force.”

“Cop.” Jack sounds surprised.

“Yep.” Ray draws it out, pops the p. “Shot him this afternoon during the heist.”

“Ah.”

Ray feels the beginning of something like anger ooze through his veins, at how simple Jack made the whole situation sound with that one little word. “Shot him through the lung and he choked on his own blood. Died with his partner standing over him.”

“And it bothers you.” Jack says it with finality, as if she’s head the same scenario a thousand times. She probably has.  

“No.” Ray spits, finally getting fully angry. “I don’t and that’s the problem. I looked at the guy through my scope, basically looked him in the face. And shot him. Killed him. And it doesn’t bother me. Just like everyone else I’ve killed. I don’t feel a fucking thing.” Ray quickly takes another hit, trying to get back into that peaceful place before Jack showed up.

Jack sighs and moves to sit down next to Ray, legs hanging over the side of the building. “Good.” She says.

Ray whips his head to look at her, mouth opened into an angry ‘o’, only to find Jack there, grabbing his joint and sucking in. Her other hand grabs Ray’s face and brings him in, mouth fitting itself against his and blowing in. His ire dies away and his eyes flutter. When he opens them, Jack is staring at him, soft smile on her face. She gives him back his joint and looks out over their city, sunset shinning along the windows. Ray looks down at the cars below, small. The people are even smaller.

“How do you deal with it?” He asks.

“Hm?”

“This. Our business. Fighting other gangs, dealing drugs. Killing people.” Ray looks down at Welson’s picture. “I know how the others deal. Geoff drinks. Gavin throws himself into his work. Michael works it off in the gym and Ryan…well, Ryan is Ryan. He was made for this life. But how can you look yourself in the eye when you stare in the mirror and not wonder how this became your life.”

“Honestly?” Ray eagerly nods, turning his whole body to face her. He’s wondered for a while how Jack can stay so calm when everyone else was thrown into chaos. Jack never seemed fazed, no matter what she was doing and Ray was dying to know so maybe, possibly he himself can learn how to copy it.

 “I don’t think about it.”

Ray snorts. “Alright. Thought we were having a moment there. Guess not.”

Jack shakes her head. “No, really.”

“Bullshit.”

“That’s what I do.” She insists.

Ray eyes her. “Seriously?”

“Yep. I just don’t think about it.”

“How? It’s impossible not to think about what you’re doing. We’re criminals, Jack. How can you not?”

Jack hums, looking back at the city. The dying light lights up her hair, red turning flaming for a few seconds. “It’s because every time I start to think about it, when my nightmares start to claw at the back of my mind, I think of you guys. And how, if I didn’t do what I had to do, you might be dead.”

Ray stares at her, silent as she continues. “Last week, that guy whose fingers I cut off? If I hadn’t, he would have sold weapons to our rivals, which might have led Geoff getting shot. I rob banks so we can live the way we want and Michael doesn’t have to go back to what he was doing before he joined us. I join Ryan on hits so I can make sure he doesn’t fall too deep. Shoot anyone that shoots at Gavin or you. And that includes cops.” Jack looks back at him when she says the last part.

Ray frowns. “I care about the crew too.”

“That’s not what I’m saying. Like you said, everyone else has a way to deal with their demons. That’s how I deal with mine.” Jack stole the joint from his limp fingers, sneaking a hit.

Ray bit his lip. “But…you don’t think it makes me a monster? The not feeling bad thing.”

“Ray,” Jack breathes out a cloud, eyes closing briefly. “I’m saying embrace that monster. It’ll do you good. Certainly, better than sitting out here, beating yourself up about it.”

Ray sighs, stealing the joint back. He takes a quick hit, breathing out hard. “Yeah, I guess.”

They sit in silence, passing the joint back and forth until the moon hangs high in the sky. Finally, Jack stands, stretching her hands high above her head, back popping. “Gotta go drag Geoff out of the bottle.” She puts her hand on Ray’s shoulders. “If it helps, remember you’re doing this for your family. It’s up to us to protect our crew. If that means becoming something you fear? Well, I’m not going to stop you.”

Ray looks down at the photo in his hand.

Jack squeezes him before turning to walk towards the door. “Try to get some sleep, will you? Don’t want to hear you’re bitching tomorrow about how tired you were because you stayed up playing some obscure video game.” She calls over her shoulder.

“Pokémon isn’t an obscure video game, old woman.” Ray yells back in retort. Jack laughs before the door opens. Then she’s gone.

Ray smiles, enjoying the slight echo of her laugh. The city below him was abuzz with life, even with how late it was. Ray listens to the music of cars honking and people talking, the occasional helicopter flying by all tied together by police sirens in the distance.

The door creaks back open. “If you ever need help forgetting about it, my bed is always open.”

Ray smirks. Climbing to his feet, he crumples the picture in his hand and throws it over the side. Billy Welson fell to the ground below as Ray turns to eagerly follow Jack. “I think I’ll take you up on that.”

Jack walked in a few minutes later, a few cookies on a small plate as he sat down on the couch, pausing for a second as if unsure what to do before propping his feet up against the arm rest. Ray just gave him a quick smile before returning to his game. The silence was nice, but something just felt… Weird.

Not off, never off, but it took Ray a moment to realize that well… it’d never just been the two of them before. The six of them had been dating just over a month now, but somehow one of the other guys was always there, a filter of sorts – Gavin’s bizarre sense of humor or Ryan’s sensual energy (that had those particular times ending exactly how you think they would) or Michael’s upbeat personality, or even just Geoff’s presence to spread the load of conversation. But now they were together and alone and wow Ray could feel the strange brand of tension in the air. Frankly, he didn’t know what to say – and Jack didn’t seem to either. It wasn’t that Ray didn’t love Jack – hell, this relationship wouldn’t have gotten past day one if he hadn’t. But… Well, he was pretty sure that Jack preferred having that filter of one of the other boys there, to put it lightly. “What’re you thinking about?” Jack asked, looking up at him with calm eyes, fingers fidgeting around a half-eaten biscuit and if Ray didn’t know better he’d say the redhead almost seemed… Nervous? “Us, I guess.” Ray said, pausing his game as he made an unspecific hand gesture. He was hoping that Jack would leave it at that; but Jack was sharp, almost too much so for his own good and he just raised an eyebrow at the comment. “What about… Us?” Ray looked down at the controller, twiddling the thumbsticks. Shit, this was harder than he thought it would be. “…Do you like me?” It looked like Jack had been socked right in the gut, the way his eyes blew open and his mouth fell open. Hell, there wasn’t even any relief on Ray’s end – if anything it just felt like his nerves were going to eat him from the inside out. “What- I? Why?” Jack spluttered, sitting straight up with confusion written so painfully blatant on his face. Ray swallowed thickly. “I don’t know, forget I said anyth-“

“I thought you didn’t like me.” Oh. It was Ray’s turn to look shocked, the controller falling away from his hand because how-

“You met me last out of the guys, we were the last to ‘get together’. And we’ll hang out occasionally, but in the end you’re always hanging with the Lads, maybe Ryan or Geoff. I mean,” Jack smiled a crooked half smile and oh, Ray just wanted to kick himself because he looked so insecure “-we don’t even have a team name, what does that say about us?” There was silence for a few, long seconds.

“…Wow, we’re dumb.” Ray couldn’t stop his peel of laughter as he spoke the words, almost cutting off the sentence from how violently it came on becausegod, how could he not like Jack? How could anybody not like him? Before he knew it Ray had clambered onto the other couch, Jack giving him a curious look. Ray just grinned in response. Two hands resting on Jack’s chest, Ray pushing the other man down so he was lying lengthways on the couch and once he was happy Ray settled on top of him, lying between his legs. The other man’s hands came up almost immediately, resting on the small of Ray’s back and tracing circles into his back. “You’re so amazing, you know that right?” Ray said, resting his head on one hand while the other one played with Jack’s beard, the Puerto Rican running his fingers soothingly through the hair. “You’re always there if I need a hand with something, you’ll always catch what I say when we’re eating even if Gavin flips his mash potatoes and Michael starts yelling and everything falls apart.” “Thank god that was a onetime only thing.” “You just jinxed it.’ Ray grinned, shaking his head. “And you can always figure out a way to solve a problem in ten seconds flat – I didn’t even know we had duct tape in the car when we had to cover up that broken window so we could actually drive it in and get it replaced.”

“I still don’t know how Gavin convinced you to do that.” “Well he doesn’t have his licence to do it.” “But Ryan could’ve done it easily.”

“Well, Gavin just has a way with words, let’s leave it at that.” Jack just gave Ray a look – yup, the guy really was too smart for his own good.

“He blew you, didn’t he?”