#rax king

Sarah: The other cops' emotions are rage & embarrassment. And suspicion.

Rax: And then he adds in insecurity. Which is a nice little triangle of feelings to have.

From “I Married Jordan Catalano” by Rax King.

https://electricliterature.com/i-married-jordan-catalano/

My father is dead

My father is dead and I want your attention. Look at me. My father is dead. My father died one month ago in one gasp. No, it’s not your business but I smell every averted eye. My father is dead. You have never unbreathed yourself to death. I want your attention tethering me to the earth. No, I have never unbreathed myself to death. My father is dead and my life cleaved wet in the guts. When I think of who might like to read this poem, I cannot not think first ‘my father.’ A hatchet binds the grasp- ing blood to flesh and I want it unhatcheted from my head. My father is dead and my metaphors are fucky. My father is dead and I just wrote the word ‘fucky’ in a poem. I want to say it’s okay to laugh at me but I want to say it’s not. My father is dead and I pity the little girl that no one knows I am. She sprawls in a darkened room, blinking her flashlight. She is a face full of eyes frantic to no one. She loves her father. My father is dead.

A little boy who lives in the mirror alone

2014 I look in the mirror. I shimmy into the mirror. I do not // see tits. I see thin lips. I // do not see hips. I see big chin. I see it round and name it [square]. I blacken my brows. I black them blacker. I grow me hairy // then hairier. I have just left a man I red-despised // not for his cruelty but for being taller than me. I hate men for being bigger and stronger than me. I am the oldest kid in the locker room // I spit and swagger. I learn my language. 2016 I look out of the mirror. I look away and afar from the mirror. I am askance all over. I [hide] inside a dress. I hide in eyes that forbid my hiding. I hide in storms of men. I say I like it // yes // I like that. 2018 I look in the mirror. I see a girl in the mirror but // not me but me, just, young. I see a child hugging her bear in the mirror // I see

a child hugging his bear in the mirror. I see a [boy] because it’s the way I see my father I make the mirror summon a boy because it is the only way I can see my father // ***