#raw expression

I exhale and I exhale all my negative thoughts that consumed me from my past

Thoughts that held me down

Thoughts that filled me with anxiety

Moving forward and not looking back for the past is in the past

No longer will I allow for it to define me

No longer will I be caged in your dungeon

No longer being told that how I felt was not valid when I had every reason to feel

For every time I tried to walk away you grabbed my arm and begged me to stay

I use to look at myself and hate myself

Allowing my insecurities and your words define me

Allowing them to affect me to the point that I could not see myself for everything that I was and still am today

I chose to walk away because I to like everyone else deserve happiness

I chose the path that I felt was best fit for me to experience everything that life has to offer

Love, happiness, and growth

See you and I were growing in different paths

You wanted to remain stagnant and I wanted to make more room to grow

Desiring to find myself again

To love myself and to show others that I can love them too

Here I am with no regrets walking down this path

of the things I’ve lived with since I was knee high.

The whispers I’ve swallowed.

The shadows I’ve worn like skin.

The rooms I shrink in,

just to be told I’m too much when I breathe.

I don’t always enjoy “who I am.”

But this slow becoming—

this crawl toward the self I can stand beside—

has taken longer than I promised myself.

And baby steps feel stupid when you always take them.

When momentum looks like movement

but sounds like doubt.

Sometimes I wonder if the imposter is a syndrome

or just me caught in costume,

forgetting who I was under all this trying.

Every leap invites a fall.

Every fall finds a wall.

Then the tape loops again—

a soft lie set to a loud beat:

“You were almost there.”

Almost.

Prayer is the most peaceful place to be.

Still.

Faith is a fist in my chest that won’t let go.

Even when I want to.

It clings to me, sings to me,

reminds me that almost does count—

the efforts that get you closer.

’Cause baby steps are better than death.

And who am I kidding—

it’s a marathon, not a sprint.

Even last place still has to finish.

This is the first poem I am writing for you. Passionately writing about you. But it's not the same because Everything is over. This is why I didn't post pictures right when we started dating Why I waited three months before started calling you my girlfriend Why I waited to change my status on Facebook.

I wasn't sure what I wanted. I rushed, and I settled. Earlier last year I promised someone that I would never settle And I settled for you. Right now I could so easily rant about you Vent about you Every little thing that I could pick out. I could say "....." or "..." And to be honest I've been saying everything in my head for every second Of this day. Trying to realize what I want to say But I don't want to say it.

Because even though I can say all those things There is still so much more that you have done for me. You have brightened my faith. You have given me so much And I know there are times when I didn't give My best I didn't give you what you deserved. I didn't try at times. And I'm just going to leave at that. You deserve so much more than what I've given you. And even though I know it should have ended I can't help but hurt. It hurts so much. I can't bare it. I feel like I have never been so lost or confused. I could talk to you at night while we were studying or when I would drop you back home

And now it has stopped.

Everything just stopped. And I can't handle it. I don't know what I'm supposed to do I'm lost.

You being there was my only comfort. But now I don't have that. And now I'm going through my hardest week. I don't know if I can handle it. I don't know. I don't know anymore. I know this was eventually going to happen. But not now, Not now. Not now. I'm praying that you find someone that will give you his all To give you more than I have given you. You truly deserve it. You deserve everything Stay faithful.