your #charlesbadatsex thesis post has been haunting me (in a good thoughtful way) since I saw it.
I haven’t seen the photo/video you’re referring to but my imagination is painting a picture well enough to understand.
I’d love to hear more of your insight on it if you’d want to share. and to unleash more #charlesbadatsex ghosts into my brain <3
it's from this video of their civil wedding! honestly, i think it should really be #f1driversbadatsex like not even to specifically pick on charles, but i will certainly start by picking on charles.
charles wants to go FAST. he's really impatient, and we've seen what happens when something doesn't fit as quickly as he wants (ferrari suitcase packing video; above linked marriage ring adorning video): he just shoves it in with even more force. i mean i don't even think it's his fault. no one as good looking as charles has ever received one piece of accurate feedback in his life. but from the way he shoved alex away when she offered him a piece of chicken and how he's shown his deepest passions in kissing that fucking wiener dog that he birthed himself, i also just think charles is deeply uninterested in even trying to be good at sex. it just straight up has not occurred to him. i think people he's slept with have probably faked it in such nonsensical ways that he doesn't even understand the concept of a female orgasm. it's like in porn when she's just screaming the whole time and you're like... was one of those supposed to be an orgasm or like what are we supposed to think is going on here? but then it's not really worth pondering for too long and you just tune out the racket as noise. i think charles comes as fast as he can and as often as he likes and that is truly the end of his consideration of sex.
we've already talked about lando being a never mouth-er, and if someone won't even kiss on the lips... and attractive rich men are already bad at sex, and then men with big dicks are usually bad at sex, so like my god does he have a lot going against him.
with carlos, i think you'd be like, umm, could you maybe -- and he'd be like SHH i'm DOING SOMETHING. and you'd be like, right, just wondering if i could provide a bit of feedback, and he be like NO, i'm the one who's good at feedback, everyone agrees, my feedback is the most helpful.
honestly and speaking of providing feedback, i feel like having sex with lewis would be the most work you had ever done in your whole entire life, like my god, you would be trying harder than you'd ever tried and nothing would be right, and truly you'd have to be someone who got off exclusively on pleasing your partner, like a service top's mt everest. but then he stops you midway through because the lamp on the bedside table has been nudged and he simply can't go on because everything isn't at the right angle.
with george, i think he yaps so much that it's like the opposite of "it's always the quiet ones". like he's out on netflix talking about how his gf has panties with his face and he has a photo but he's nawt going to show us and the whole thing was so unbelievably embarrassing that it's just impossible to imagine him having good sex. even the way he talks about how of course he knows what pleasures a woman, the tone of his voice when he dragged out pleeeaasurees, THE FACT THAT HE WAS TALKING TO TOTO. i mean i'll give him one point for opening the male sex toy but everything else he said sounded like a threat.
ollie making scrambled eggs was an offence to all of humanity i'm actually terrified of what else he might think is normal behaviour.
max: doesn't care, isn't interested, likes to be disgusting. i think there's the tiniest sliver where someone could have literally the exact same preferences as him and through force of luck alone have a good time, but that if you wanted to do even one (1) thing different he'd be like, you're a fucking psycho for asking, absolutely not. let's go back to you pouring hot wax all over my body like normal.
i'd say the one i'm not 100% sure about is oscar, and i'm willing to hear arguments for or against. i know the main argument against is his nails but i just don't think they're that long, like you would for sure still have sex with a woman if her nails were that long. and i know it's a different situation because women know better to be careful, but oscar usually seems pretty dainty in his touch. but like aside from his nails... what do we think?
