#rapunzello

Rapunzello called today and consoled me after the funeral. It was really sweet of him. He also got my letter and book! He said he won’t read it until his birthday though so I’m glad. Sadly I can’t talk to him on his birthday because I work when he has phone time. He said it’s possible that he might run out of phone money soon but he doesn’t want me to give him any money and that he doesn’t want that from me. That made me feel good n secure in that area. When he called back after yard time we had two more calls. Those went good we talked about traveling, my neighborhood, and tv shows. He told me that he really likes talking to me. N I told him the feeling was definitely mutual. He feels the whole past life deja vu thing with me too. Just as he was comparing my convos with him to his “fans” the phone cut off. We weren’t out of time. So I’m not sure if he accidentally hung up or the facility ended the call on me. Hopefully it was just an accident. I don’t want to get our calls taken away. They’ve made us so much closer. He didn’t call back after so I’m assuming he couldn’t. I hope he didn’t think I hung up on him. He said he’ll call tomorrow afternoon so I’ll guess I’ll wait until then. Hopefully he’s able to call tomorrow. I need to hear the rest of what he was going to tell me. I know one thing is forsure. I definitely have feelings for this man.

Today he called me again. We talked for about an hour straight and then he called me for another 20 later on. It was really nice as usual. All my doubts from the other day are put aside. This man keeps telling me stuff that blows my mind. First of all why is it that a man in prison has more respect for me than literally any one else I’ve dated. He said he knew I had a weird past and before I even thought of telling him about my sexual assaults he asked if I was comfortable being touched physically. And if I had anywhere I wasn’t comfortable with someone touching. That shit was so fucking sweet. Showed me he really is compassionate and cares. He also asked the materialistic comment in regards to dates and gifts from a significant other. I said I’m really not picky cuz I don’t get gifts at all so as long as someone thinks of me I like it. He couldn’t believe that I’d never ever gotten flowers from anyone. That kinda made me said because I guess I really have been treated like crap by these other guys and they don’t do even simple things for me. I’ve never once gotten a gift from the joker. And Rapunzello is here saying he would if he could. I need to stop giving so much to men that don’t care about me. That taught me something. It’s making me really sad thinking about more ways I’ve been hurt. But I hope that he ends up being the one that’ll actually treat me well. Also on the book catalogue he gets he was gonna buy the book I said I liked (book of awakening). And I thought that was so cute! I had to tell him not to buy it because I already bought it for him. He said thanks he appreciates it. I hope he likes the pictures I got him. And I hope he likes the book. We talked about relationships and stages of dating (talking, dating, dating exclusively, in a relationship) and he was asking what defines each stage and how do I like someone to ask me out. I gotta elaborate on that cuz we ran out of time. But I think he does like me. And idk if I would date him in prison. But I know I do have feelings for him. So I guess I have a decision to make. He told me a bit about his parole when he gets out. Apparently he has to be on house arrest for about 6 months. And then regular parole after to finish out 2 years. The only problem is he needs somewhere to parole at. His mom might be deported because she’s undocumented. The only reason she could stay so long is because of his little brother. That makes me so sad. He could parole at his homies house but they’re in gang shit and he doesn’t want to be apart or around it. They offered to get a place closer in the city but he still said it’ll be the same shit when he’s around them and he doesn’t wanna go back. I’m glad he said that. Makes me think he really wants to try n change and stay outta trouble. I just gotta pace myself. Knowing me I’ll tell him to parole at my new apartment.

Today comepletely threw me off. I had a really short 7 minute call with rapunzello before work. He called as I was brushing my teeth and about to head out the door. My fat ass was walking quickly and jogging across the street. And he asked was I speed walking cuz I was out of breath. I was so fucking embarrassed. Fuck I probably sounded so fucking fat. I hate myself. I wanted to burn and die that instant. And then he ended the call early so I could “get there on time” but I had a good 8 minutes to spare. That really upset me because in my mind he got off the phone after being disgusted by my fat ass breathing sounds. I literally wanna die. It made me spiral all day and feel suicidal. And then I made an excuse about planning a funeral so I left work early. Really I was just in such a bad headspace. My codependency has gotten bad because my whole day was ruined because of that interaction. I wanna crawl in a fucking hole. He said he’ll call Monday but what if he doesn’t. I’m so self conscious because the girls he draws are so skinny and have perfect bodies. And he works out 1-3x a day. I know he’s in shape and I look like a fucking sack of potatoes. Ugh. Why can’t I just look how I want to. I feel like I’m so out of shape now working out feels impossible. I don’t feel good after I always feel horrible. I wanna die.

Today rapunzello called me twice! Per usual our calls went really well. I think I actually am developing feelings for him. And maybe because he’s the only guy I’m talking to but there’s just something about him that attracts me. The convo we had earlier was funny because he got a letter while he was on the phone with me. But it was from another girl. He never met her before. But he called her his fan. Because she found him through his friends and she was talking about being a hoe and all this other crap. He said he probably won’t respond to it. But our letters are like night and day and he doesn’t think the girl had any self respect. So he didn’t like her. Made me feel better about myself. He’s always saying I’m so different than the other girls. Second time he called I was in the car w my uncle coming back from my cousin’s birthday dinner. He told me he sent me a letter in the mail yesterday and I should get it soon. He was really ominous about the letter. But he kinda briefly summarized it by saying that he gets a strange feeling when he talks to me. And he’s always heard people talk about that feeling you get when you meet someone but he never believed it until now. I think he’s basically saying that he likes me and gets a feeling of fate in a way. I hope that’s the case. Cuz I do like him back. There’s just something about him. I feel like I’ve known him in another life. And I feel like we’re supposed to be together or something. I’m meant to see him again. I’m not sure. Either way I’m super anxious to read the letter. I did give him permission to call me in the mornings from now on. Though I might be a bit groggy n tired. But to hear his voice more often and get that time is worth it. Besides I probably shouldn’t be sleeping in so much. He told me he works out 1-3 times a day. That’s insane to me lol. But I guess what else do you have to do. His body is probably so nice lol. I told him he can make me a lil workout plan. I wouldn’t mind. Maybe I’ll actually do it since he’s tell me about it. That’d be kinda cute. Anyway here’s to hoping he can call me tomorrow 🤞🏾

My prison boo responded to my last messages! He sent 3 whole parts of a response! Apparently he sent those before the picture response but mail is just slow. So now I know to just be patient. The stuff he said was really sweet. He’s also really funny. I like that he’s a little sarcastic and whitty. He told me while he has gotten other messages from strangers I’m the one he’s most interested in chatting with by far. He’s a tiny bit flirty too which I like. Idk I have a good feeling about him. As if I was meant to meet him. I wanna do his birth chart lol. So far the stuff he’s said about his loyalty and his passions make me really attracted to him. Hopefully we can phone call or video visit soon. I definitely want to send him a birthday card for next month. And some more pictures. I just find it funny how someone in prison is literally more interested in getting to know me than literally 90% of the guys I’ve dated. Maybe it’s a good thing. I’m not saying I wanna marry the man. I’m not saying I wanna date him. But I’m not going to lie and say the thought of us being together once he gets out has definitely crossed my mind.