#rapmon net

How do you think all this started? Namjoon couldn't explain this to himself. How he woke up in the arms of a beautiful man just now, snuggling close on this December morning when just three months ago, this man had been a total stranger. Just three months ago, on an early September morning, when this beautiful stranger – a prince in shining armour – with an umbrella, saved him – the damsel in distress – and his book, from the rain that fell from the sky with a brazen assurance. It just happened.

Namjoon could have expected the rain the second the cold wind played with his hair, teasingly twisting it in all directions while he himself fought the chills that ran down his spine. But really, what else did he expect? Why would the sun shine on his day off? During September? Yeah right. Not that the weather would stop him from going out anyways.

He wanted to buy a new book for a while now. Bundles of pages and ink were already dwelling on the many shelves in his apartment, yet he wanted more. He had enough time to read. If he wasn't working, Namjoon would read. On his train ride to work, he would read. Travel by plane for a business trip? Not that that would ever happen, but he would probably read as well. Sometimes, even at work, he would read.

Hundreds of books, smiling at him every day, waiting for him to check them for blemishes before getting tossed into a box labeled 'rejects'. The former label read 'junk' but Namjoon did not like to call those books junk, just because no one wanted to read them. His co workers thought it was funny how easily he would zone out while reading those heavy lectures that made their own stomachs turn by just thinking about the amount of pages.

But on this day, this September morning, a few days before his birthday – was it two or three days? Namjoon forgot – He bought a new book. New as in 'he hasn't read it before', because the cracking leather back and yellow pages basically screamed 1963, without having to check the date in the book. The old lady at the second hand book store neatly placed the old book into a plastic bag, treating it like a treasure that she happily handed down to one of her descendants. She knew he would treat the book right. He always does.

He's been shopping at her store for so many years, rumors have it that he's the one that keeps the woman from closing the shop. “Maybe one day, you will come and give up a few books.”, she said and Namjoon smiled on his way home, thinking about how much money he could probably make by selling his books. But he didn't want to sell his books. They were too precious of a collection to him,  even if none of them were related.

Why would he give up the sight of his collection every day when he comes home? When the sun is about to set and smiles one last time at his shelves, eying his knowledge in envy. Would he give up the smell of ink and leather, as well as the sound of pages swiping beneath his fingers? No, never.

The leafs under his feet were soggy and slippery, yet they felt like they were glued onto the pavement, looking like a rather ugly patchwork carpet which has had one too many holes. Chills crept up his skin as the wind whistled after him once again. He hugged his coat closer and pulled at his scarf with his free hand. A few blocks past the train station he was headed to, there was a cafe he knew of. The weather won't change that quickly, he thought while looking at the clouds in the distance as he crossed the street to get further away from his station. The windows of several bigger shops came into view. Clothes mainly.

One small shop in between. They were selling sweets, and even though their shop window was only the size of the mirror on his wall at home, they were selling well. Past the last corner, the wind was already waiting to assault him with another blow to make him shiver, and it would have brought tears in his eyes if his hat wouldn't have blocked the cold breeze that came for him.

When his eyes met with the windows of the cafe, he saw how full it was inside. Groups of friends, sitting so close they might as well be stacked upon one another. Tired elders that used the opposite chair to rest their handbags and suitcases. Namjoon gave up on looking for a place inside, right away. All he wanted was to sit down and read. If he was lucky, the waiter would dare to go outside and ask him to order, or if he wasn't up to order, to ask him to leave.

Step by step he walked towards a table on the terrace. The terrace had no roof and it wasn't clearly separated from the streets by anything, so it looked like an extended sidewalk, which people also used as such. The cold steel frame of the cheap cafe chair almost made him draw his hand back as he pulled it back. The woven basket construct, which formed the seat and back, bend under his weight as he let himself fall down into it. The plastic bag dangled around his wrist and hit against the steel frame, giving off a >thud< sound which was muffled by the plastic bag.

After a few moments of watching the people go by while Namjoon untangled the plastic bag, he realized that he won't be served today. At least they won't send me away for not ordering anything either, he thought with a shrug and opened his copy of Doctor Glas. It was one of the first copies to be released in English – every now and again, Namjoon likes to buy a book in English to challenge himself – and it was obviously worn out.

But not from reading. The inside of the book was rather untouched. The pages weren't as yellow as the edges. Whoever owned it before him had it stored somewhere, closed, probably in a shelf without a back, with lots of sunlight shining onto it. Yet, the cover seemed to be newer than the pages. Someone must have restored it already.

As his fingers trailed over the first few pages, he felt the cold wind breathe into his neck every time someone walked past him. Hoping the chair won't break, Namjoon pressed his back deeper into the back of his seat, hugging his coat before burying his face into his scarf, just deep enough to let the eyes peek over the rim of the dark brown fabric so he could read about the fictional Swedish physician Dr. Glas.

The first few words wouldn't stay in his head, appearing like a faint whisper before they were gone again and he re-read the sentence over and over. The sound of people walking and cars driving was distracting him too much. He re-read the sentence again, and again, and another time before the noise slowly faded out and the flow of the words came to him as steady as a streaming river.

Little drops of water started to fall from the sky but his mind was too focused and his fingers too numb to notice the change of weather after the first 15 minutes of reading. Not even a minute later, the drops became thicker, faster, and Namjoon almost jumped up as he saw the ink drip down the page. His hand was grasping for the plastic bag but the wind must have carried it away while he wasn't paying attention.

His eyes shot up at the sky, curious, helpless – he wasn't sure what exactly he was looking for – but suddenly a pastel pink umbrella came into sight. He thought a kind lady or young woman was behind the gloved hand that held the handle. On further inspections, the hand did not seem to belong to a petite lady so Namjoon looked up.

When he was graced by the sight of a man as beautiful as the sunrise that kissed his bookshelves hello and goodbye every day, his jaw dropped. If Namjoon's lips wouldn't have been covered by the scarf, this would have been a little embarrassing. The stranger's dark eyes were framed by a set of half moon shaped glasses that were covered in tiny drops. His blond hair that ended just above his eyes hung wet above the red-brownish frame of his glasses. There was something in his eyes, Namjoon couldn't tell exactly what it was, it was the look of someone who just found something. Innocence, admiration, wonder. It felt like the time stopped between them while Namjoon was eying the man in front of him.

Namjoon’s gaze wandered over the other’s face, making its way down to examine his lips. Oh those lips, he thought. Looking so full and kissable soft with this pinkish tone, shaped into a tiny 'o'. With a tardy hand movement, Namjoon closed the book in his hand, hoping he wouldn't smudge the pages any more. His other hand reached to his scarf and as he got close enough to pull it down a bit, something changed in the man's facial expression. “Thank you.”, Namjoon said, “Ah- Thanks a lot! I uhm...” the stranger started to smile as Namjoon got up from his chair and thanked him with a bow. When he bend up again, he noticed that he was taller than the man, nearly hitting his head on his umbrella.

Would it be enough to thank him? He was about to go on, to tell him how much he appreciates the gesture of keeping him dry and saving his book. He wanted to tell him that he just bought the book and would be very frustrated right now if it wasn't for the pastel pink umbrella. A small chuckle escaped the stranger's lips and he suddenly seemed shy. “Ah, don't mention it, really. I'm glad to be of help.”, he replied and shook his head. - Back at this time Namjoon thought this was the end. They would say goodbye and part ways like nothing really happened - “You seemed so lost in your book, I couldn't just stand by and watch.”, he added and Namjoon's face morphed into a smile, showing off his dimples.

They always were his special charms. All his friends loved his dimples. The lady at the bookshop loved them too. She would always tell him about how he reminded her of her son who also had dimples and he would always smile just to see that look of a happy mother in her eyes. The fact that her son left her, together with her first husband, when he was still young, was only mentioned once and never talked about again.

“It would have been a shame if the book got drenched.”, Namjoon smiled and his hand found a way to get tangled in his scarf. He shook his hand to free it from the woolen mess as he continued: “I just bought it and I was really looking forward to read it.” The stranger gave him an interested smile. He wanted to listen. When this signal arrived in Namjoon's head, he couldn't stop his own mouth from talking. Not that he wanted to stop. If he would have known by then where this conversation would lead to, not right on that day, but months in the future, he would have kicked off his blanket every night in regret – but now, he did not have to regret anything.

“I was so eager to read it that I couldn't wait to get home. I even walked past my train station just to get here. Can you believe this?”, Namjoon asked and the other man laughed. Suddenly, another look was plastered on his face but Namjoon was too busy pushing back the chair to notice it. “Oh! You're headed to the train station too?”, the man asked, still carefully holding his umbrella above Namjoon, a little higher than before, who replied with a nod. “We can head there together. There's enough space under my umbrella for the both of us.”, the man suggested and Namjoon gave another bow before uttering his appreciation.

“I'm Kim Seokjin, but you can call me Jin, for short.”, the man, who just introduced himself to Namjoon while they started walking away from the cafe, said with a smile and Namjoon was quite shocked. They have just met, and he would already let him call him Jin? “I'm Kim Namjoon.”, he replied and just as he spoke his name, he realized something - “Wait, you're a 'Kim' too?”, he blurred out and Jin laughed. “You're a 'Kim' too? Ha! What a funny thing to say.”, he repeated, not answering Namjoon's question. Not that he needed to. He already confirmed that his family name was Kim.

“Are you really ok with me calling you Jin? We just met… and you seem to be older than me.”, Namjoon added after their feet carried them to the edge of the streets where they waited for the traffic light to change. “Oh really? I thought you were my age.”, Jin's reaction showed how confused he was by his misjudgment, but he wasn't ashamed or shy about it. “92?” - “94.” - “Oh you're really younger. Strange… I thought you were my age or older because of how tall you are.”, Jin uttered and the masses of people that passed by signalized both of them that the lights changed from stop to go.

They were walking close, almost wrapped around the umbrella to not walk into another person, but with a respectable space between the two of them to not make the other uncomfortable. It felt weird enough to share an umbrella and a conversation with a total stranger. “You can still call me Jin. I'm so used to people calling me Jin instead of Seokjin.”, he explained with a rather annoyed sigh at the end. “Really? Because I like the name Seokjin.”, Namjoon mumbled, partly because he did not want to be rude to someone who's older, but also because he actually liked the name Seokjin.

Saying Jin felt like one's everyday life, way too casual, walking down the street in the cold while strangers pass by, maybe giving you a glimpse or two. Seokjin however felt like sitting near a fireplace, cuddled in a blanket, with soothing music in the background and cups of tea that had just the right temperature, paired with an unknown but somehow caring feeling around you.

Namjoon couldn't tell what kind of feeling it actually was at that time. He was just much more comfortable with calling him Seokjin. Not much of a surprise, Jin preferred being called Seokjin, too, and it made him much more relaxed once Namjoon said his last words.

They passed some more shops and Seokjin suggested they share some sweets once they reached the small candy store that Namjoon walked past earlier. The inside of the store was crowded with boxes and shelves and overall not bigger than Namjoon's living room. Seokjin paid for a pack of 10 sweet cakes and gave Namjoon a sign to leave. Outside the shop, Seokjin handed his umbrella to Namjoon so the younger one could open it while he himself would open the plastic box their sweet cakes came in. When Namjoon was about to continue walking, not noticing that Jin was opening the box, Seokjin took out one of the sweet cakes and pressed it in the other's palm. Startled, Namjoon turned around and as Seokjin's hand retreated, the cake fell on the wet ground and Namjoon almost stepped onto it.

“Ah, no!”, Namjoon sighed as he picked up the soggy and dirty pastry, “I dropped it, I'm sorry. I didn't expect you to hand me one right away.” It was wiggling in his hands and almost fell apart from the water that the spongy cake soaked up. Seokjin just laughed. Despite knowing that it partly was his fault to just press it into Namjoon's hand, Seokjin couldn't help but laugh. His friends would consider him mad, laughing at a delicious cake that fell on the floor rather than mourning over the loss and being in a bad mood about it. “It's ok. We still have some more.”, Seokjin assured and took out another one while Namjoon threw away the one that fell down.

This time, he carefully reached out for it and as he was sure he wouldn't drop it again, he bowed his head and thanked Seokjin. They continued their way while eating and chatting a little more. They went from knowing each other's names and birth years to knowing each other's jobs and birthdays and hobbies. Namjoon worked in a local library and Seokjin was a waiter in a bistro at the other end of town, a few streets away from the cafe they met. A few times, they even missed the traffic light switching because of how deep they were concentrating on their conversation. Of course they did not mind at that time.

It's not like they felt uncomfortable with each other – oh no, the opposite even – so they chuckled every time they stood at a traffic light and one of them would ask “Oh wait! Did we miss the lights again?” before actually paying attention. The strangers around them were slowly starting to not bother them anymore as they kept walking and talking and while their minds were occupied with what has been said and what to say next, their bodies moved on their own, evading oncoming pedestrians even if it meant they had to almost collide with each other.

Their feet knew the way and the pace that would get them there. Another turn and then up the stairs, away from the small sidewalk that was stuffed with people and their umbrellas. The way towards the train station was short and uneven, covered in fallen leaves that made the pavement shimmer even more.

Both men had lost their sense of time as they walked and talked together, sharing the last sweet cake by breaking it in the middle. It was when a woman hurried past them on the slippery road that they noticed their train was coming in very soon. A moment of eye contact. “Should we run?”, Seokjin asked as their ears were filled with the sound of a train in the distance. “If we run we might catch it.”, Namjoon said and their pace became faster. “Well then let's hurry!”, Seokjin replied and grabbed a hold of Namjoon's hand around the umbrella, practically dragging him with him as they started running. The umbrella was straight and steady but the rain still whipped against their faces, making them squint and wipe their eyes.

They saw the train coming to a halt at the station and all of the sudden, so did they. It felt like the world was tumbling as suddenly their vision tipped over and the ground was swept away under their feet, kicking back a few loose leafs as Namjoon slipped backwards and pulled Seokjin with him. Namjoon landed on his back while Seokjin fell on his side, pushing himself up on his elbow. They let go of the pastel pink umbrella that was now somewhere behind them, tainted with mud and dirt. The men let out groans of pain as they sat up on the ground. They looked at each other, faces painted with pained expressions, but they didn't say anything. Way to go, Namjoon thought, you made both of you miss your train. You should apologize.

“Ah sorry, I shouldn't have suggested that we run.”, Seokjin suddenly uttered out of breath before Namjoon could speak up. “No, it's ok. I'm sorry for making you fall.”, he replied and helped Seokjin up after he was back on his feet himself. Namjoon quickly fetched the umbrella and wiped his hands over the dirty fabric in an attempt to clean it but he only smudged the mud along the way. Annoyed, the younger man sighed and went back to Seokjin who was holding his arm. “Seokjin, did your hurt your arm?” - “Ah, it's ok, really, don't worry. It will be over once I'm home.” Namjoon was reaching out with the umbrella so Seokjin could grab it but instead, the older one hooked his arm around Namjoon's, who got quite flustered and pulled up his scarf.

“My arm is going to be fine.”, Seokjin explained as he slowly started walking again, making Namjoon tag along, “but I think I hurt my ankle. I hope you don't mind me-” - “No, no it's fine. After all, I made you fall.”, Namjoon said a little shy as Seokjin slightly leaned on him, whispering a faint “Yeah you made me fall.”, that Namjoon barely heard. The train was departing and Seokjin let out a sigh before looking back. His expression changed from annoyance to surprise and before Namjoon turned around too, he heard Seokjin say “You dropped your book!”. Quickly, Namjoon pressed the umbrella into Jin's hand and hurried back, paying attention to where he was running so he wouldn't slip and fall again.

When he reached the book, he bend down and his back was filled with pain. With a groan he slowly picked up the book that, as if it was protected through a miracle, was not soaked in water and ruined forever. When he got back to Seokjin, who patiently waited at the spot Namjoon left him, he stuffed the book in his coat and gave away his arm to support Seokjin again. Their eyes met again and despite the many raindrops on Seokjin's half moon shaped glasses, Namjoon could see something sparkling in his eyes.

Without another word, they continued their walk towards the train station. The train was long gone by the time they got there, and so were the people waiting for it. Only the two of them stood at the platform. The rain was playing a monotonous melody on the tense fabric of the umbrella as neither of them knew what to say. Seokjin was constantly moving his leg and sometimes his movements made him twitch a little. I hope I can still go to work next week, he thought as he leaned on Namjoon who was absently staring into the distance.

The sky in the distance was grey and cloudy and it seemed like there was no end to this rain. “Today was very exciting.”, Seokjin suddenly said and Namjoon's gaze was guided by the older man's voice. “I usually just walk home from work without anything really happening.”, he continued and smiled, “but today was actually really nice. I could do that again.” - “Really?”, Namjoon asked disbelieving and just then he realized how glad he was to have spend his day with this stranger – no – with this friend. “I was having fun too… and I wouldn't mind doing that again either.”, Namjoon muttered while thinking about everything they talked. “Maybe, except the slip and fall incident.”, he quickly added with a chuckle and Seokjin sighed dramatically.

“Well if I would get to be held by you again then I wouldn't even mind that.”, Seokjin teased and Namjoon had to laugh. It wasn't a mocking laugh, not at all, it was more a surprised and flustered laugh. His dimples graced his face again and the rain seemed like it was non existent after all. Seokjin smiled at the sight of Namjoon's happy face – Namjoon still swears that when Seokjin smiled the sun came out that day – and soon the next train arrived. They boarded the train and sat down and it felt like heaven for a second. Just then they realized how much their feet actually hurt.

Seokjin threw his head back and let out a satisfied groan as he felt a wave of relaxation wash over him. Namjoon gulped – Why? He wasn't sure. – and took a deep breath. A few seconds passed and the almost empty train started rolling forward. For a moment, Namjoon thought Jin fell asleep, but he soon faced the younger man again with a smile. “So when will we see each other again?”, Seokjin asked and Namjoon was taken aback. He was just looking at him for what felt like a whole minute before he actually processed what he just heard.

It's not that he didn't want to see him again but he was quite shocked at that moment. Seokjin kept on smiling. Namjoon's mind went blank. When will they see each other again? – He didn't know. – “Uhm-”, was the final sound he managed to get out of his throat. “When fate decides to let us bump into each other again.”, he said with a soft smile and Seokjin seemed confused. But there was more. “If you can't wait that long, I guess next week will do too. I just happened to have a day off then again.”, he added with a slightly ironic tone. Of course he had a day off. He would have. The amount of time he spends at work, staying overtime and collecting hours that will be turned into free time, would manage to get him another day off.

Seokjin started to chuckle and fished his phone out of his pocket to mark the date. Then, a pause. He looked up to Namjoon with a rather blank expression. “Hey, can I have your number?”, he asked and Namjoon's heart skipped a beat. – Why? He couldn't tell – Hasty fingers dug through the pockets of his coat to get the silvery phone out. “Sure.”, Namjoon uttered through his scarf as he kept looking. The fear that he might have lost it struck him but the panic was wiped away once he found it. They exchanged numbers and – Seokjin told Namjoon much later – if he would have looked up, Namjoon would have caught Seokjin smirking.

The smirk was covered up with a cough and a hand in front of Seokjin's pretty pink lips that caught Namjoon's eye again. Whoever kisses those lips is the luckiest person on earth, Namjoon thought at that moment – He still thinks so, now. But boy! He himself is the luckiest person on earth – and little did he know, Seokjin was also mesmerized by the other man's full lips. The train kept rolling along the way that someone else set for it but the way Namjoon and Seokjin had to go was not handcrafted by anyone else than themselves.

~*~

“Why would you put me in a position like this?”, Namjoon whined as he sorted in the new books that just arrived – and by just arrived he meant that they arrived the night before his day off and no one bothered to sort them in until now. His co-worker, a man not much older than Namjoon, named Hoseok, who took this job for different reasons than Namjoon, smiled at him from the end of the aisle. “Come on, you're great at this job. You love your books and you love this library. No one is more suited for the office than you.”, he explained.

Right, Namjoon thought, if it wasn't for me, none of my co-workers would actually take care of this library. It's a shame that his boss had to retire. Actually, Namjoon hadn't spend much time with his boss. The first few weeks, they had a chat once or twice, but as Namjoon started to get familiar with the building and the furnishings that held books with the most amazing stories, he rather engaged in the stories a 20 year old romance novel could tell rather than the stories of a 60 year old, unmarried man that was his boss.

“Can I be honest with you, Namjoon?” - That smile again - “Of course, Hoseok.” - “Look, I don't want to run this thing. I'm more likely to ruin this thing, haha! Get it? Uhm-” he cleared his throat “What I'm trying to say is… if you don't take the job, which also comes with a raise by the way, this library will probably close in – what? One or even just half a year! But if you get to be the manager, the boss, the leader of this mess, this library will last forever! Or like… for as long as you live.”, Hoseok joked and Namjoon ran his hand down the back of a book as new it could have been wrapped in plastic just today.

“Uhm- You forgot to take off the plastic wrap.”, Hoseok mentioned and Namjoon rubbed his forehead as he pulled out the book again with such force that the ones next to it came down stumbling with it. He really wasn't himself. Too many things occupied his mind. First, the thing about his boss. Who would take the position to run the library? Everyone wanted to keep their jobs but no one was brave enough to consider taking the burden to become the boss and run this library. But that wasn't the only thing on Namjoon's mind that stressed him.

It's been three weeks since Namjoon has seen Seokjin the last, or rather the first, time. They wanted to meet but time always forced them to exchange text messages that ended up in a “Later for sure!” or a “tomorrow is another day.” which led up to a “Next Week, I promise” and left both of them a little hurt. At least Namjoon.

Hoseok helped him pick up the books and pushed them back into the shelve, his smile suddenly replaced with a frown. “Are you ok? Are you not feeling well? Or are you mad because of the office thing? I didn't mean to-” - “No it's ok. I'm just… over-thinking stuff. If I would take the position, I'd have even less time.”, Namjoon mumbled, taking a break from sorting the books. His eyes were roaming over the several backs of the books he still had to sort, distracting him from the almost mocking tone in Hoseok's voice.

“Time? That's what you're worried about? Namjoon, all you do in your free time is read. It's as if you live in the books! But hey, if you own this library you can read all you want. You can move into this place and no one would mind.”, Hoseok laughed, and Namjoon felt a little more hurt than he thought he would be. Was that his image? The book lover that doesn't live in the real world but just drowns himself in his books? Did people really think that? Yes, he likes books but… does he really want to escape reality through them? It's not that my reality is bad it's just… boring, Namjoon thought.

“I'll consider taking the position.”, he then mumbled, still lost in his thoughts. Hoseok's hands dropped onto the other's shoulders as he happily shook him, a smile stretched across his lips and working like a mirror, making Namjoon smile on the outside. “See? I knew this argument would get you to think about it!”, the other one replied and proudly crossed his arms before walking back to his position at the entrance.

Namjoon knew that Hoseok would leave work early again. Many of his co-workers often do that because people don't come in late. They always go out to eat and want him to tag along, but Namjoon stays. If he's good at something it's reading, waiting and staying. After Hoseok left him behind, his smile slowly faded as he ran his fingers over several book covers that seemed either way too plain or way too stuffed to attract anyone's attention.

What a mess, he thought and grabbed one of the plain books on the cart. The book was egg-shell white and had a pastel pink rose stretched across the cover and a title so cheesy he didn't want it stuck in his head. As soon as the first page flung over, Namjoon wasn't in his library anymore. He wasn't in Korea. He was in a small cottage upon a hill in France, experiencing the story of a certain Choi Haru, that hid from her family and their plan to give her hand away in marriage. It was when the sun slowly ducked away under the hill that the phone rang…

Seokjin used his break wisely. He used it to call Namjoon because he was tired of texting all the time. He wanted to hear his voice again. The voice that sounded like it was following its very own melody but still harmonized with the sound of the world around it. With rolled up sleeves and a loose lime green tie, Seokjin leaned against the wooden paneling of the break room, phone pressed against his ear as his head was filled with a loop of never ending, equal sounding, boring beeps instead of Namjoon's voice.

“Pick up...”, he whispered as he checked his watch as if time was running away from him. Time can not run, he thought, but why does it feel like it does? The monotone beeping stopped but Seokjin still wasn't greeted by anything else than computer generated sounds that told him Namjoon won't pick up. With a flick of his hand, away from his ear, Seokjin almost threw his phone away. Gripping it tightly, he checked the display as if he was expecting a call back right away. Somehow he knew, the call back wouldn't come, yet he couldn't take his eyes off his phone for more than the whole break.

He got back in position and a fellow worker greeted him right away. “The boss noticed you extended your break for 5 minutes.”, she whispered, observing the few people that were eating in the bistro. It was a joke, actually – She was his boss. “I know, I'm sorry. I was expecting a call.”, he apologized and checked his apron for stains, brushing off what he said like it wasn't that serious. The woman next to him frowned. “A call? Did something happen?”, she asked and Seokjin scoffed. No, the opposite, nothing happened, he thought.

“No, nothing. Something personal – Hello! Welcome in our bistro, how can I help?”, his conversation was cut short as a guest approached. A young woman, maybe 2 or 3 years younger. Her smile was as sweet as a banana cream pie and her soft red cheeks were the cherry on top. “I just wanted to ask if you had another napkin for our table?”, she said and her voice was confident, yet sweet, and it made Seokjin feel weird. A negative weird, like he was about to be jumped at.

“Yes of course.”, he said with a smile and grabbed a paper napkin from behind the counter. The woman smiled and opened her mouth to speak another few words: “Could you lend me a pen, by the way?” The negative weird feeling grew. “Yes.”, he said, still smiling, grabbing the pen from his apron and watched as the woman started writing her name and her number on the napkin. Seokjin took a deep breath. Oh, this feeling, he thought, the feeling of having to break someone's heart. As she finished, her smile grew with confidence.

As she reached out the napkin to Seokjin, his co-worker carefully took it away from her. “Oh my”, she said in a sickening sweet voice, “Would you look at that? I think you need a new napkin.” Her attitude shocked the female guest and Seokjin had to concentrate not to laugh. This strong attitude fit perfect to her honest and straightforward character. That's why they got along so well. She had an aura that drew Jin close and made him tell her his deepest secrets. She knew him.

“Don't you worry, I will bring you a new one right to your table.”, she added, looking at the shocked expression of the young woman. But before she could reply, the female waitress turned to Seokjin. “Mr. Kim? Would you mind going to the storage room and bring some new napkins to the front counter?”, she asked and even though Seokjin just saw that they were fully stocked up on napkins, he didn't refuse. It was a codeword. “Of course, Ms. Choi.”, he replied, bowing to the guest before leaving, hearing the guest yell that she will leave a bad review on the internet before the door fell shut.

Seokjin was waiting for almost 5 minutes before Ms. Choi entered the room. “Thanks.”, he muttered and they both started laughing. “You know”, she started, holding her stomach from all the laughter that she let echo through the shelves,  “if I had a dollar for every time some girls walk into my bistro to confess to you, I could pay you more.”, she joked and Seokjin laughed. They shared many hours in this storage room, talking, just talking, about themselves. Ms. Choi found out about Seokjin's preference for men after a female guest got too obtrusive – that was also the day where they set up the codeword of “stocking up napkins” - and Seokjin ran in the storage room to keep his cool.

He wasn't one of those people that get angry easily, but god, he was annoyed that day. “So about the call...”, Ms. Choi suddenly muttered, a little more serious, “if it's personal, do you have a-” - “No… no. I don't have a partner, no.”, Seokjin assured but the groan he let out after that made it clear that yes, he did not have a partner but he would really like to have one. Namjoon, if possible. His boss noticed it.

“Ok but be careful. You don't want to get someone like that other guy before, right?”, she said and Seokjin had to swallow hard to keep him from puking. “Yes.”, he breathed, thinking back at the time when he was somehow drawn towards this mysterious young dark haired man with a temper that made you forget why you loved him but a smile that made you remember why you do. It wasn't healthy. Far from it.

“I'll give you another 5 minutes, ok? You know you still have to work overtime, do you?”, Ms. Choi added before turning around, opening the door to get out. Seokjin didn't answer. He didn't need to. It was already clear that he had to work overtime the second he stepped into the storage room. He checked his phone again just to be greeted by nothing else but the time.

It was at the time that his shift should have ended when Seokjin was still out in the guest area, cleaning tables, when a group of people entered. A man and two women. The man's smile was so bright it was lighting up the whole room, settling down in everyone’s face as he passed them. The women were following him as they all sat down at a clean table. Seokjin put away his cleaning rag and hurried to their table to get their order. It was late already so the menu changed, the bar was open and people were watching some sort of sports match while the barkeeper was polishing glasses and agreeing to all their opinions.

The group was chatting happily about their work and as Seokjin approached, he almost choked on his spit as the name Namjoon fell. “So, Hoseok, did you get Namjoon to take the position?”, one of the women asked. She was sitting in front of him, across the table. The man, Hoseok, smiled and leaned back. “He says he will think about it. But I'm sure he will take it. If no one else will take it, he has to. Our Joonie wouldn't want his precious library to close, would he?”, he laughed and the women laughed too.

Seokjin's head tilted to the side a little bit as he stopped in front of the table. Silent, he stood there, watching and waiting, listening and realizing. A few seconds later, Hoseok turned towards him. The surprised look on his face made Seokjin snap out of his trance with a smile, almost neatly without any noticeable sign of distress in is expression. “Good evening. Do you already know what you want to drink?”, Seokjin asked, pen and paper ready to collide.

The group looked at each other before taking a look at the available drinks. “Uhm, I'll have a coca cola.”, the woman next to Hoseok said, looking at him as if she needed some sort of confirmation. “I'll take a coca cola light, please.”, the woman across the table said, not even looking up. Now it was Hoseok's turn to order. “Do you have ice tea?”, he asked and his expression was so genuine that the fog that poked Jin's insides with dreadful thoughts lifted. “Yes. We have a fruit mix, lemon and peach. We also have a new green ice tea, if you would like to try that.”, Seokjin explained while writing down the other orders.

Hoseok made a dramatic pause, with a loud and very stretched “Hmm~” sound. A little too dramatic for Seokjin's liking, but he has had worse at this place. “I'll take the fruit mix.”, Hoseok replied, and put his hands behind his back. Seokjin nodded, noted the order down and bowed before asking if they already knew what they want to eat. Since it wasn't a traditional Korean restaurant, the group needed some time to decide. Seokjin left and rushed behind the bar. Within the blink of an eye, he was back at the table again, approaching slowly.

“It's such a shame I can't have him.”, the woman next to Hoseok complained rather loudly, “It would have been so nice. Imagine he would become the boss… if he was mine, I could come and go to work whenever I wanted! Not to mention the money he'd have!” The tray slipped but before any of the glasses could tip over, Seokjin got back into balance, stopping dead in his tracks as he eavesdropped to their conversation. No one noticed it. They were talking about Namjoon again. The seed of curiosity that was planted in his heart a few weeks ago was blooming.

Why would she want to have him? Or more important, why couldn't she have him? Namjoon didn't mention that he had a girlfriend. Why would he need to, Seokjin asked himself, it's not like he could tell that you might be interested in him. The conversation continued. “Oh, Hoseok, what do I do? The good men are always taken or...”, she said but her voice got more quiet with every word passing. – taken or what? - She looked at Hoseok, who gave her a weak smile. “You could have him!”, she complained loudly and Hoseok started to laugh, startling both women that sat with him, and Seokjin who was still standing far away, unnoticed by anyone.

It was as if he was a shadow, his black apron and pants, followed by the shoes, merging into one with the black granite floor. “Me? Oh no! You know I'm taken. And I wouldn't leave my Sugar for Namjoon.”, he uttered shyly, looking out of the window. For a second, Seokjin thought they saw him in the reflection. His lungs felt empty, his throat tied together. The blood running through his veins became icy and he felt nervous. Then, Hoseok turned back to his co-worker, not noticing Seokjin at all. He relaxed.

What are you doing, get going, he thought and was about to take another step when - “Oh come on. Would you rather have more money with Namjoon than to stay poor with your so called musician boyf-” - “I said no.”, Hoseok said determined, his smile not slipping away even an inch. His eyes wandered to the woman across which was more engaged in the top fashion trends flashing on her phone rather than the conversation the other two had. “The library is a safe space for people like us.”, Hoseok whispered but the emptiness of the dining area carried the echo to Seokjin, whose heart dropped at the sudden realization.

He let out a heavy but somehow silent sigh, as if he held his breath for all this time – did he really? He couldn't remember – and soon his feet started moving towards the table. “I'm sorry you had to wait.”, Seokjin apologized and placed their drinks onto the table, “Do you know what you want to eat already?” As he took their orders and went into the kitchen to pass it on, exchanging some tips with the cook, Seokjin felt his phone buzzing. His hand lazily reached into the pocket of his apron, fishing out the phone to check the cause of the buzz.

A message from his boss and one missed call from Namjoon. He called and I didn't notice, Seokjin thought, his wide shoulders sagging down in disbelief. He checked Ms. Choi's message first – which was a good idea – and read that he is free to go and he should get changed quickly because someone was expecting him. Without hesitation, he hurried into the dressing room and got rid of his apron, his work shoes, pants, shirt, everything! - almost everything – and got dressed in his street clothing. His phone buzzed again. He's waiting behind the building, at the side entrance!, the message of Ms. Choi read and Seokjin's heart jumped. Could it be Namjoon? The thought made his blood rush into his cheeks that lifted under the influence of a smile that drew his lips apart.

But what if it isn't him, he thought and his smile dropped. He couldn't risk not talking to Namjoon today. He flung his bag over one shoulder and pressed the field to dial Namjoon's number as he stepped into the short hallway and made his way to the door his boss mentioned. The long and plain sounds of computer generated beeps filled his ears just like it did during his break, but as he reached out to open the door to the side entrance, another sound filled his ears.

It was the muffled sound of a phone ringing. His hand, heavy like a chunk of metal, dropped down and forced the door handle to give up under his weight as he pulled open the door, revealing the back of a man that was about to press his phone against his ear, turning around because the sudden change of atmosphere and the loud clicking of the door startled him. Seokjin looked up into those dark eyes after what seemed so long and his smile was small, yet happy and carefree.

Namjoon's hand was slowly sinking, and as it was sinking his shocked eyes got calm. His lip, no longer sucked in by his teeth as his body and mind came to ease by the sight of the beautiful man that Seokjin was. The night was clear and cold, apart from some faint clouds that didn't hint on rain like the days and weeks before. It was a total different feeling. It felt like a total different realm. The clouds were drifting by as the two of them looked into each other's eyes as they suddenly walked up to one another and greeted each other with a handshake and a hug. It seemed so sudden, yet like they have been waiting to do only this.

“Namjoon! I finally get to see you!”, Seokjin's words were muffled in the other's hood. As they pulled away, Seokjin's bag got tangled into something as it was sliding off his shoulder. They looked down and Jin spied a plastic bag in Namjoon's hand. It was too packed to be a book, but maybe it were more than one. “Ah… I bought us some food. I thought we could hang out or walk around and eat something.”, Namjoon explained as he lifted up the plastic bag which swiftly curled around the strap of Seokjin's bag as they tried to undo the mess they caused. “You know we could just have eaten here. I could have served you.”, Seokjin replied with a playful wink once he freed his bag from the fangs of the white plastic monster that usually caused so much pollution all around the world.

The wink was unnoticed by Namjoon as he checked the inside of the bag, but Seokjin's words were still enough to make him smile. “I didn't want to bother you… also, I know some of my co-workers are here today. I didn't want to be split up between you and them.”, Namjoon explained, looking up, “After all, I came here because I-” - Namjoon didn't dare to say “I missed you” at that time, so he had a little pause - “because I wanted to spend more time with you, and not with them.”

Seokjin's smile turned into a shy laugh, disbelief filled his mind as his cheeks burned up in this cold night as he placed a hand on his friend's back. “Alright, let's go.”, the older man uttered and scooted a little closer to indicate that he was ready to leave. “What did you buy, by the way?”, he then added after taking the first few steps together. The wind played a song with the synthetic material of the bag in Namjoon's hands as he peeked inside.

“Fried chicken with rice and also noodles – I didn't know what you preferred – and some hot sauce, fried vegetables and uh-”, he listed, getting quieter as he asked himself if he forgot to buy Kimchi or if they didn't give him any. Seokjin didn't mind, not at all – he loves fried chicken – and the fact that Namjoon bought all this was enough to satisfy him. More than enough.

They were headed nowhere in particular. They just walked down the empty streets, headlights racing past them and streetlights guiding their way as the wind was dancing around them, gracing their skin with light touches that made Namjoon rub his hands. He might have been packed with layers and coats, touched up by a big grey scarf, but he had no gloves. Seokjin however, he had gloves. Late September nights tend to get very cold, especially when it’s the end of September and the cold breath of October mornings is already knocking on your windows.

The older man looked at Namjoon rubbing his hands. “Are you cold?”, he asked, stating the obvious as if he needed an answer for that. Namjoon hesitated and slid his hands into his pockets, lifting his shoulders up to his ears before easing again. “A little bit. I didn’t think it would be cold enough that I would need gloves, if I’m honest.”, Namjoon said and Seokjin nodded his head and took off his gloves. The expression on the younger one’s face signalized Seokjin that he better explains what he was about to do.

Seokjin smiled. “You can have my gloves.”, he muttered and reached them to Namjoon, who shook his head in response. Seokjin tilted his head, not retreating his hands. His eyes were fixed on Namjoon, who dug his hands deeper into his pockets, making the plastic bag rustle. “They are yours. If I take them, you’re hands will get cold.”, Namjoon said, “And that’s not helping any of us.” - of course he wanted to take them, but he was too shy – Seokjin rose an eyebrow, unimpressed by the other’s reason to not accept his gloves. Sure, it did make sense, but Jin didn’t want sense.

Was there a reason they met? Not really. Did fate set them up? Maybe. Do they both feel strangely drawn to each other and genuinely happy around each other? Hell yeah! Seokjin didn’t want any explanations to what the sense behind their meeting or his feelings was – Seokjin wanted Namjoon – and since he knew that it was possible, he wanted to show him. Slowly, Seokjin put on one glove, handing the other to Namjoon, who frowned at him. “I told you I don’t want your gloves. Your hands will be cold.”, Namjoon repeated and Seokjin shook his head again, placing his other hand on Namjoon's shoulder, stopping both of them from walking.

“One glove.”, he said and Namjoon looked around, confused, before looking down to the glove. “You take one, I take one.”, Seokjin explained and Namjoon smiled. He was looking for words to tell the other that it wouldn’t make any sense to only wear one glove, but he found himself in an endless labyrinth of possible reactions he could receive. Defeated, he took the glove and looked at it, taking a deep breath of the cold autumn air. As he slid his hand into the woolen glove, he noticed that the glove was rather tight around his fingers, yet it was still wearable for him.

Namjoon looked up at Seokjin, unexpectedly meeting his smile that framed his face more than those glasses of his. He took the first step to continue walking and Seokjin followed proudly. “So what about the other hand?”, Namjoon said jokingly, “Each one of us will have a warm and a cold hand?” To his surprise, Seokjin, an amazing actor, put on an innocent face paired with a played shocked expression. “Oh right! How didn’t I think of this.”, he muttered, shaking his head and making Namjoon smile with his performance. When his ungloved hand reached out for Namjoon's, the younger’s eyes went wide.

“I guess we have to keep them warm with our body heat then.”, Seokjin smiled and shot a wink to Namjoon – the wink, that killed it all – whose shoulders sagged imperceptibly and the shy blush on his face mixed with the blood that tried to keep his face warm in the cold. Namjoon didn’t reply, his tongue was tied, but the fact that he didn’t mind Seokjin’s hand in his – he even lightly squeezed it – was enough to lift up the older one’s heart.

For a while, they walked without speaking a word. As they reached the cafe they first met at, Namjoon was about to say something. Something like “Hey, look! The cafe where we met.” but he thought it was unnecessary to say so he kept walking in silence. However as Seokjin realized where they were, blinded and hypnotized by the street lights every time they made the shadows around them dance, he nudged Namjoon's arm and nodded towards the cafe. They smiled and kept walking. Seokjin imagined taking Namjoon to that cafe for a date. He would like it. Hopefully, they wouldn’t have to worry about rainy days when it would come so far.

They passed the train station for it was too early to go home just then. A few streets later, they crossed the street and followed their feet which lead them towards a bridge. The plastic bag hit Namjoon's leg and he pulled it up. “Oh right! We should find a place to eat before it gets cold.”, he said and spied a bench across the bridge. It was surrounded by a bit of green, almost like a little park area.

The bench was cold but their coats kept them warm and it was as they sat down that they had to let go of each other's hands when Namjoon placed the bag with the food between them. - A perfect night, right? - Namjoon laughed as he saw the single glove on his hand again and Seokjin joined in too. As the time passed, they ate and talked and laughed and smiled. They finished everything Namjoon bought and Seokjin closed his eyes and leaned back. The sigh he let out was stretched and pleased, as if he was in a state of mind that offered him peace, even if it was only for a short while. While the older man enjoyed to just breathe and relax, Namjoon put the trash into the plastic bag and threw it away into a nearby trashcan.

The almost freezing breeze that kissed his skin let his fingers curl and if he had opened his eyes, he would have seen the cloud that formed from his lips with every breath that escaped. All of the sudden, the cold that attacked his hand was fading as Namjoon's hand found its way around Seokjin's, fingers intertwining as if they were meant to hold each other. It felt warm and nice – very nice – and Namjoon was blushing so much he hid his face in his scarf. Seokjin chuckled as he opened his eyes and saw Namjoon all curled up.

Maybe it was because of the time, maybe it was because of how comfortable he felt, but Namjoon could feel his eyes slowly flickering, dragging his eyelids down in an attempt to make him fall asleep. It would be very inconvenient to fall asleep right now. He shook his shoulders, giving him a little bit of energy back to stay awake. As he shook his head up again, there was a weird sensation coming from Seokjin and as the younger man turned to face him, all he could see was a smile on the face of a man as beautiful as how he imagined all the princes in all those fairy tales.

The street light was placing the shadows just right to emphasize all the beauty that was this man and – Namjoon didn’t notice at the time, but his mouth was open wide, his jaw dropping in awe – when his simple smile turned into a  muffled laughter, Seokjin turned his face back to the stars, the few that were visible that night – which also could have been airplanes, they still aren’t sure – in the sky, and the shadows switched places.

Namjoon was struck. What was going on? Why was Seokjin so nice – if not even more than nice – to him? His heart was beating faster than ten thousand steam rollers and his head was a steam pipe, hot and cloudy, leaving him no room to think straight with Seokjin around him. “You look tired.”, the blonde prince in the delicate street light uttered, getting up from the bench. “Let’s get you home.” His voice was as sweet as honey. All Namjoon wanted was to just lean on and walk home with him. Would that be too much? “Come on.”, Seokjin smiled and Namjoon got up, not letting go of the other’s hand.

Just like that, they walked across the bridge. Just like that, they walked down the sidewalks. Just like that, they went to the train station. The other people and streetlights became irrelevant to them, not that they ever actually worried about them in the first place. While people might talk behind their backs, they won’t hear it. The streetlights will place the shadows to keep the beauty hidden and shine on the flaws, but they won’t see it. All they saw were each other. Seokjin’s neat blonde hair that ended just above his romantic dark eyes that were shining behind his half moon shaped glasses. Namjoon's unruly dark hair and his dimples that framed his smile like the masterpiece it was.

Drunk on sleep, or rather the lack of it, Namjoon leaned onto Seokjin as if it was the most natural thing to do, as they stopped by a red light. “You’re not falling asleep, are you?”, the older one asked and Namjoon jolted his head away, looking straight ahead of him. “I'm just a little tired.”, he mumbled and Seokjin squeezed his hand. Namjoon was a little mystery to him. Seokjin did not know that Namjoon's tiredness came from a forceful awakening, of his trance after reading a book, so he could carry boxes of books across the library.

It was almost as if he had been awake for a whole week after being sucked into a book for merly a few hours before he continued doing what he got paid for. Their feet hurried across the street to finally get to the train station so that both of them could get home safely, even if it was a little late. When they walked up the stairs and were faced by the path which caused them to have this adventurous fall the last time, Seokjin couldn’t keep the smile on his face from growing. Not a single word was spoken as they calmly walked across the dry sidewalk, leaves bending under their shoes.

It was different, very different, from the last time they walked this road, the complete opposite even. As they got on the train, they sat down next to each other and Namjoon had troubles keeping his eyes open. His head fell onto Seokjin’s shoulder once or twice before bobbing back into place. He could hear the older man mumble sweet words, but he couldn’t make out what it was - Seokjin still refuses to tell him - but he knew that his voice was soft and soothing, almost like the voice of an experienced storyteller. Only that Seokjin wasn’t telling Namjoon any fairy tales - oh no, only the truth - and his aim wasn’t exactly to be heard.

~*~

They had many nights like this afterwards. One of them would walk to the other’s workplace and surprise them, walking home together in the night after eating together. It continued for another two weeks. The end of October was coming closer, when Namjoon almost choked on his kimchi that he was eating with Seokjin in a warm restaurant. “You want me to what?”, he asked again, gulping down his glass of water in one go. “I would like you to accompany me to a birthday party. Nothing big…”, Seokjin explained as if it was nothing, stuffing his food into his mouth. For him, it was a step he felt necessary to take, for Namjoon it was closer to the cause of a sudden sickness building up in his stomach.

“But… I don’t know that person. Or your other friends in general. Won’t it be weird if I-” - “If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. Don’t worry about the others.”, Seokjin said, cutting into Namjoon’s word. He did that quite often, Seokjin, cutting into Namjoon’s endless rambling to bring him back to reality, but only when he was about to get tangled into a web of confusing thoughts and small worries - small to him, but big to Namjoon - that he would worry about for a whole week. “I already told them I would bring a friend so they would be prepared.”, Seokjin added, waving his chopsticks around, giving off a careless vibe.

Suddenly, Namjoon wasn’t hungry anymore, yet there was a growl in his stomach. “Are you ok?”, Seokjin asked and lay down his cutlery, reaching for the other's hand. It made Namjoon's stomach growl again. “Did you eat something bad?”, the older man asked, eying Namjoon’s plate and Namjoon knew it wasn't the food. He was nervous of how Seokjin's friends would react to him. Not that there was a need to be nervous. They, Namjoon and Seokjin, were friends, right? It's not like they all expect anything, right?

“It’s nothing. Is it really ok that I come with you?”, the younger one asked and Seokjin smiled, realising that Namjoon was just nervous. His hand slipped off the other's and Namjoon curled his fingers. “They won’t bite, don’t worry.”, Seokjin assured him before giving him a wide smile, getting ready to continue eating. “Even if they were known for biting, I wouldn’t let them bite you.”, he added with a wink and Namjoon threw his head to the side with a grin. The younger one put his cutlery down and waited for Seokjin to finish eating.

It always amazed him how much the other could eat and how good he still looked - how fit and slim - even though he ate all the fried and greasy stuff. By the amount of food Seokjin was eating, Namjoon knew that he would not be the one that would pay. Seokjin never lets Namjoon pay when they - or rather he - eat so much. For him it seemed ok that he pays lots of money for food, but he wouldn’t want Namjoon to pay. “When’s the birthday?”, Namjoon asked, re arranging his plate in a manner to distract and calm himself, as Seokjin finally finished.

Before he answered his friend, he called for the waiter to tell him he wants to pay. Namjoon was about to say something but Seokjin cut him off: “It’s this weekend.” - “That’s… in two days.”, Namjoon replied and Seokjin smiled innocently, blurring out an ‘oh really?’ as if he didn’t knew. Namjoon sighed. It was a long sigh and there was no smile afterwards. No smile that would signalize the older one something like ‘you’re impossible’ in a friendly way or anything else that could have been replaced by friendly teasing.

“I’ll try to get a day off, but I can’t promise anything. Sorry.”, Namjoon said and Seokjin almost didn’t see the waiter coming. “You’re working? Since when? You never worked on weekends.”, the older man replied and his eyes darted back and forth between Namjoon and the waiter, then to the bill and back to Namjoon, but lastly, they rested on the bill as he paid. “Did something happen?”, he added and Namjoon just shrugged. The librarian had no idea how to reply. Saying that nothing happened wouldn’t only be a lie but also wouldn’t explain why he had to work.

Despite being the only one that applied to take over his boss’ position as soon as he retires, his boss wanted to see Namjoon’s capability. He wanted to see if he would actually work, instead of just reading all the time. The younger one had been working overtime for more than a week now, and he still had to work on the weekend. “I’ll tell you tomorrow.”, Namjoon replied and they got ready to leave.

Earlier, when he picked up Seokjin from the bistro, Namjoon was late because he had to work so much. Yet, he didn’t tell Seokjin about it. He made up a lie about getting lost and Seokjin smiled at him, taking his hand and calling him clumsy. What a mess. “I hope you’re not mad at me if-”, Namjoon started but Seokjin laughed, shaking his head. “Namjoon, I don’t think you can do anything to make me be angry or mad at you.”, the older one replied with a teasing smile, buttoning up his coat.

Seokjin grabbed his pastel pink umbrella on his way out and held the door open for Namjoon like the gentleman he was - and still is - in the younger one’s eyes. The first few drops settled down on Namjoon’s head and shoulders while Seokjin was rushing to his aid but alas, he couldn't open the umbrella. Namjoon frowned and reached his hand out for the umbrella. “It’s stuck.”, Seokjin whispered, shaking and pushing the pastel pink one in many directions before giving up and handing it to Namjoon. Hands blessed with disaster shook and pulled and twisted the umbrella in many different way, trying to loosen it up to get it to open and shelter them from the rain.

It took Namjoon a few moments to figure something out. It almost felt right until - crack - he held the handle of the umbrella in one hand, and the rest of the squashed umbrella in the other hand. Breathing suddenly felt like a foreign concept as he planned to take a deep breath, eyes staring in panic at the plastic and metal in his hands. Seokjin’s mouth stood wide open in shock, disbelief and surprise. The umbrella was broken. It was when Seokjin breathed out loudly that Namjoon realized he was holding his breath the whole time, mouth getting dry from the cold autumn air.

Seokjin’s previous words echoed through his head. Dear brain, this was not a challenge to prove him wrong, Namjoon thought, afraid to look up at the other man, whose trashed belongings were resting in his hands while the sky was crying down on them in the shine of the moonlight which was slightly dimmer than the street lights. Almost painful was the breath the younger one inhaled before taking the deepest bow he was able to do without getting on his knees. In his mind, he saw Seokjin’s disappointed face, a hint of anger in the shape of his mouth and dissatisfaction in his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I’m very sorry, Seokjin. I didn’t know- I’m-” - “It’s just an umbrella.” Namjoon’s head jerked up. His upper body was pushed up softly by Seokjin who was wearing the most carefree and calm expression, yet still with the expected dissatisfaction in his eyes. “Don’t worry too much, Namjoon. I can just buy a new one. It just sucks that I can’t shield us from the rain now.”, Seokjin chuckled, taking the broken pieces of the umbrella and going inside, asking one of the workers if they would mind taking care of throwing away the broken umbrella. Namjoon was waiting in the cold october rain, drops of water coming down on him, feeling like they were piercing into his skin.

His initial reaction when Seokjin came out again was to grab his hand. Holding Seokjin’s hand soothed him and he hoped to show Seokjin how sorry he is. The older man smiled, squeezing the younger one’s hand before cupping it into both of his hands and pressing them against his heart, eyes shining while peering deep into Namjoon’s soul. “I told you not to worry, Namjoon. It is just an umbrella.”, Seokjin explained calmly, shooting Namjoon a wink that made his face burn up.

They both knew it was not just an umbrella, but the older one’s words were steady and spoken with so much certainty that they ended up believing it. - It is just an umbrella - But there was one error in that message. It was an umbrella. That fact occurred to them not long after. “Is the rain getting heavier?”, Seokjin asked, blinking rain drops out of his eyes as he looked up into the sky, his skin getting pecked by the little splashes of water that bounced off his glasses. “This is really unfortunate.”, Namjoon whispered and as they passed a well known corner, he remembered a scene from a romance novel.

He forgot where it lead to, he stopped reading shortly after. It was too cheesy, even for his taste. However, sometimes cheese is enough to spice up the mood. “Hang on a second.”, the younger mumbled, stopping Seokin in his tracks. Namjoon started to undo his scarf and open up his coat. Seokjin watched him with curious eyes. Confusion and curiosity were holding hands that day for Seokjin. The grey scarf that was resting on Namjoon’s shoulder before was soon unwrapped and lifted and as he placed it around Seokjin’s neck and the older one had trouble to not pull Namjoon in a hug this instant. Arms weirdly engaging in an act that ended with crossing his arms, Seokjin rose a brow.

“What are you doing? You’re going to get cold.”, he complained and Namjoon took off his coat, lifting it above their heads as best as he could. Being taller than Seokjin, even if it was only for a bit, made it slightly easier to rest his arm on the other ones broad shoulders, giving them a little shelter. “I’ll be ok. I’m tougher than I look, Seokjin.”, Namjoon chuckled, honestly convinced that the happiness he found when spending time with Jin would keep him healthy, almost as if he’s untouchable - which wasn’t the case - when they are together. Long arms stretched the coat above their heads and Seokjin just realised how toned the younger one’s arms were, sleeves of his black sweatshirt hanging down slightly.

Well he needs strength if he carries boxes full of books almost every day, Seokjin thought as he bit his lip, which stayed almost unnoticed. Swiftly, his arm wrapped around Namjoon’s waist, dragging him close and hugging him, hip to hip, like a handbag. “The closer we stay together, the less space we take up.”, the older one said and his voice was almost teasing. His hand reached up for where Namjoon was holding the edge of his coat above his head and as if they agreed on it, Namjoon’s arm slid down along Seokjin’s before resting lazily over the older one’s shoulder. What a blast.

The younger man couldn’t get rid of the grin on his face that let his dimples appear more prominent than ever. Their feet carried them a few steps before Seokjin dragged Namjoon back at his waist. “Your scarf…”, he started and he was about to reach out for it but Namjoon’s light pat in the chest and a slurred “Don’t mind it” let his hand stay where it was. It was as if they stopped caring about the rain when they continued walking through splashing puddles or when their shoes sunk into muddy ground. The wind was chill but Namjoon didn’t mind as long as he had Seokjin’s warmth beside him.

He would get him a new umbrella, Namjoon promised himself. First thing tomorrow, he thought and looked ahead of them to see how long this would last. How long they would stay - or rather walk - like this, wrapped around each other, on their way to their separate homes. When they arrived at the train station, it was always a little saddening for Namjoon, knowing that they will share an awkward 6 minute train ride before the first one has to get off to go home alone and continue with his life without the other - They are glad those times are over now - before living another day, eager to see each other again.

The rain was playing a damp melody as it pattered on the cloth above their heads. It was different to the sound it made when it hit the pastel pink umbrella. A shiver ran down Namjoon’s spine and he couldn’t tell if it was from the cold or the guilt. Either way, he thought he deserved it. The train wouldn’t take too long, they knew. I want to stay like this for a little longer though, they both thought. Seokjin’s hand which was ever so slightly stroking Namjoon’s hips, fingers curling almost enough to squeeze them. His head needlessly fitting into the space that was left on Namjoon’s shoulder along the arm that was wrapped around the older one’s wide shoulder.

The ruthless rain cut through every breath that left their lips while the lights at the train station threw large shadows far behind them where they wouldn’t care to look back to. It was just a moment later that the train howled on the old rails in the distance, telling everyone to be aware of his presence. Seokjin, who was still leaning his head on Namjoon’s shoulder, let out an annoyed sigh. The blinding headlights of the train let their shadow dance in a circle around them, throwing it further away and letting it build up ten times the size of them cuddling under the coat.

As the train came to a shrieking halt, blessing their ears with the sound of what Namjoon imagined a banshee to sound like, Seokjin’s hand fell. He was no longer holding Namjoon’s waist close. Lonely fingers made their way into the pocket of his pants as the other one held onto the coat to lead them into the inside of the train. The inside was surprisingly dry.

Not many people got on or off the train at those hours, so it was only reasonable that it was dry. They sat down and without any more words, Namjoon hurrying to put on his coat again. They spend their 6 minutes of riding the train together in total silence. Namjoon lost in his own thoughts and Seokjin lost in the other one’s face that was reflected by the window across them.

~*~

Namjoon remembered the talk with his boss as if it was just the day before. In fact, it was just the day before. The headache that was evenly pulsing in his temple was giving him a hard time. “Sir, could I take the day off tomorrow.”, he had asked as he entered the office that hopefully would soon belong to him. “A whole day off?”, his boss asked in a concerned voice. It was not intended to be concerned. The old man wanted to mock him, but something in the young man’s voice hindered him. “If you can not spare me the whole day, maybe just a few hours. Two should be enough, Sir.”, Namjoon had suggested, even though two hours wouldn’t be enough. The old man twirled around in his chair, making loud, almost ridiculously long stretched ‘hmmm’ sounds as he thought about it.

Namjoon wasn’t feeling well back then, but it wasn’t as bad as this day. The day of the birthday party. He already told Seokjin he would come with him because his boss was gracious enough to let him off three and a half hours earlier. The young librarian was sorting books into shelves, putting on new labels because the old ones already turned yellow or fell off, before he was granted the time he needed to get home. “I expect you well rested on monday then.”, his boss had said after Namjoon left his office and what else could he do but say “Yes, of course.” and bow his head.

The noise in the streets seemed louder than usual. Girls laughing and mothers’ yelling rung in his ears like a tune that was recorded much too close and way too loud in front of a microphone. He just wanted to get home and take a nap before getting ready. Just a short nap. That would be all he needed, he thought. His nose was running a lot that day, almost as if it couldn’t wait to arrive at home. It was the day on which he found out he might not be as untouchable as he thought he was.

He remembered the night he shielded Seokjin and himself from the rain, thinking back and cursing at the man in the novel that did the same, hence giving him this dumb idea. He was sure the man in the novel did not end up getting sick. The author wouldn’t let this happen to his characters, would he? Otherwise, he would be a really cruel author to make his characters sick by something done out of love. “Give me a break.”, he whispered to himself, heavy feet carrying his limp body up the stairs to the train station.

It was almost a miracle how good his timing brought him home. As the door flew open and he tumbled in, the sight of his book shelf and which book to read next were completely ignored. His heavy coat, which carried several keys and his wallet, fell down next to the door as he still did not repair the jacket holder that broke off a few days - maybe even weeks - ago. Almost stumbling over his own two feet as he forcefully tried to slip out of his shoes. The bedroom - if you could call it that - wasn’t far from the entrance and he almost immediately fell asleep as he threw himself - face first - onto his bed. He could feel his body relax the moment his brain realised that he was in his safe space.

Suddenly, his phone started violently vibrating and shaking him out of his relaxed 5 seconds and fueled his headache again. As quickly as it happened, it was gone already. Fishing his phone out of his pocket, groaning into his blanket a couple of times, he was forced to sit up on his bed, pushing himself up with arms that were too tired already. It was a message from Hoseok, along with a message from Seokjin. Resisting the fuzzy feeling in his stomach, he opened his co-worker’s message first. The sole purpose of Hoseok’s message was to tell him that he forgot his umbrella at the library. Namjoon sighed loudly.

The umbrella. The one he bought for Seokjin to make up for the broken pink one. It might not be as pretty or colourful - it was plain grey - but Namjoon wanted to get him a new one. He didn’t reply to Hoseok and just checked what Seokjin wanted to tell him.

Change of plans, I’ll meet you on the train. I can not pick you up at your station. Thank you for coming with me! ♥, the message read and Namjoon’s heart fluttered every time Seokjin send hearts attached to his message. He liked to think it was because of him and not just because it’s the way Seokjin writes. He liked to think that he was special to Seokjin and that’s why he send him hearts. - Boy, was he right - Namjoon replied with a short sentence. It didn’t feel right so he hung another one behind it.

Alright. Thank you for inviting me! That was about it. A few moments later, Namjoon found himself drifting off into something similar to sleep, but without a dream. He wasn’t even sure if he really slept or if he just can’t remember being awake. Either way, he felt a little better than before. He spend about two hours asleep before he considered himself able to get ready. The march towards the bathroom felt longer than it actually was.

Namjoon thought it  would be appropriate to spend some time brushing up and lookin good - to impress Seokjin - so the people won’t think about him as someone who doesn’t take care of himself. The tiles were cold and somehow Najoon felt sensitive towards it. Yet he only wondered why the colour drained from his face as he looked into the mirror. He felt better. He felt good. That’s what he told himself, refusing to accept the fact that he indeed got sick.

He put on a light coat, paying more attention to his looks than his health, and went outside once he was ready. The wind was cold and felt almost like an attacker was hitting against his head. The way to the train station wasn’t long, 5 minutes maybe. However, that day, Namjoon needed 7 minutes to get there, being just in time for the train to arrive. He let himself fall down onto the first empty seat he spotted and a few moments later, his phone rang. “Yes?”, he asked and his voice sounded rough, despite not having talked for half the day.

“Namjoon?”, it was Seokjin, “Are you on the train? I haven’t seen you yet so I was- Wait!” Namjoon frowned and moved the phone so he could see the screen. Seokjin hung up, much to Namjoon’s surprise. He looked to his left and saw nothing but strangers, he looked to his right and saw - guess what - more strangers. Did he take the wrong train? That’s not even possible. He rubbed the bridge of his nose before someone started to talk. “Excuse me, handsome? Looking for some company?”, a voice asked and Namjoon’s head rose slowly, confusion printed on his face.

The person was wearing a coat in the colour of cardboard boxes, that fell down in a straight line, a grey scarf and half moon shaped glasses- “Seokjin.”, Namjoon blurred out and the other started to grin before sitting down next to him. “I saw you shortly after I called you.”, the older one explained and Namjoon nodded. He felt a certain way but he couldn’t tell what the cause if it was. It was a mix of feelings. The younger one didn’t even notice that Seokjin was holding his hand, hiding it as good as he could from the public.

“When do we have to get off again?”, Namjoon asked, voice husky and deep. “Just two stations from here. Are you ok?”, the older one replied, finishing off with an unexpected question, that wasn’t that unexpected after all. Namjoon chuckled, shaking his head slightly. “No, don’t worry. I’m ok.”, he said leaning comfortably in his seat. “I just got a dry throat, that’s all.” Of course that was a lie. It was more than a dry throat, but Namjoon wanted to enjoy this party with Seokjin and his friends. Just one day, he thought, one day to spend with him.

They arrived at the party a little later than planned, but the host did not mind. “You must be Namjoon.”, the host said after greeting both of them. The younger one nodded. “I’m Park Seungjun.” As the host introduced himself, Namjoon realised that Seokjin never mentioned any of his friend’s names. The only name known to Namjoon was Ms. Choi, Seokjin’s boss. “There are drinks in the kitchen and some snacks pretty much everywhere. Also, if you haven’t eaten yet you can help yourself, we arranged a little buffet.”, Seungjun explained and Namjoon listened eagerly while following him inside.

“Amazing, I’m starving.”, Seokjin chuckled and Seungjun lead them to the kitchen before joining the others. They stuffed some plastic plates with food and Namjoon was amazed by the amount of effort that was put into this party. “Did he arrange it himself?”, he asked Seokjin who shook his head in response. “His roommate and friends arranged it. It’s more or less a surprise party.”, the older one explained and they sat down somewhere to eat in peace.

Shortly after, they joined the others in a room that was poorly lit by neon lights in pink and blue with music so loud it went through Namjoon’s whole body. And that was when his headache came back. Everyone was having fun and drank and Namjoon felt like he was observing a scene from a teen novel where something dramatic would happen that would lead the protagonist to lots of problems. “Here.”, Seokjin said behind him, reaching him a cup of clear liquid. The younger one didn’t even notice that Seokjin went to get something to drink. This would be the part where the protagonist does a dumb decision, Namjoon thought taking the cup with a smile, thanking Seokjin. I don’t have to drink it right away, he thought, still smiling weakly at his friend.

A few minutes passed, different songs played, everyone was having fun and Namjoon felt like his head was about to explode. Without a second thought, he brought the cup to his lips and let the fluid wet his throat. When he tasted the drink, he was surprised, yet he drank all of it. It was just water. “You look surprised.”, Seokjin chuckled and Namjoon couldn’t find the right words. How should he explain that he thought his cup was filled with vodka or soju instead of water. That he thought Seokjin would probably try to make him drunk.

Namjoon shrugged. A smirk formed on Seokjin’s face as he lay one hand on the other one’s shoulder, slowly gliding it closer towards the other’s neck. Suddenly, his smirk turned into a frown and his hands shot up to cup the other’s face, touching his cheek and forehead. Namjoon was not prepared for this, he just stood there in shock. “Namjoon.”, Seokjin whispered and the other nodded slightly, “You’re having a fever. I’m taking you home.”

Laughter was echoing through the room and Seungjun and a friend approached them, joking about how Seokjin was about to infiltrate Namjoon’s mouth with his tongue. The younger one was blushing heavily, covering up the embarrassment with his fever as Seokjin turned around calmly, telling his friend that Namjoon wasn’t feeling well so they had to leave again. “I left your present on the table, it’s the one with the candy cane wrapping paper.”, he explained, taking Namjoon by his arm and leading him to the entrance. “We really don’t have to leave.”, Namjoon whined but Seokjin already helped him into his coat.

“I won’t risk your health for my fun. I won’t risk your health for anything, for that matter.”, Seokjin said, almost scolding him for not telling him that he’s not feeling well. The older one grabbed his scarf - the grey scarf -  and instead of putting it around himself, he pulled Namjoon, who was about to open the door for them, close and wrapped the grey woolen mess around his friend. “You don’t have to-”, Namjoon started but Seokjin cut him off with a genuine “I know, but I want to.” without the actual context of Namjoon’s sentence.

To Seokjin, it didn’t matter if Namjoon wanted to tell him not to leave the party or not to give him his scarf. They were walking towards the train station, Seokjin holding Namjoon who was leaning onto him, and the fresh air made Namjoon feel a little better. The street lights were blinding and fueled Namjoon’s headache. He was glad that they left the party but he felt guilty for denying Seokjin the fun he would have had without him at the party. “I should have stayed home.”, he whispered as they got into the train. Seokjin didn’t reply to this, he was just helping Namjoon to sit down.

“I’m sorry you have to bring me home…”, he added and Seokjin kneeled in front of him, checking his temperature again. “Don’t be. I don’t have to bring you home. I do this because I want to. If you haven’t noticed, I care for you.”, Seokjin explained, his voice as calm as a summer breeze that brushed through the trees. God, how much he liked to kiss Seokjin just now. If only he could. “Thank you.”, Namjoon mumbled, resting his head in the older one’s hands. Those words made Seokjin smile so sincere it almost seemed like he was in love. Maybe it’s the fever, Namjoon thought, yes, it must be. It’s the fever. Poor guy didn’t see it clearly enough.

The thought of Seokjin being in love with him seemed much nicer than the reality. The reality in which Namjoon was too shy to actually accept what was happening right in front of him. Another few minutes of silence before they got off the train. Seokjin was leading the way and after what seemed to be 15, maybe 17 steps down a road, Namjoon started to notice his surroundings. He never told Jin where he lived, so where were they going? After a few minutes of Seokjin talking to Namjoon about how he will prepare a hot bath for him and some tea, Namjoon realized that they were not going to his place. They were heading to Seokjin’s place.

The door opened without a sound and Namjoon was carrying his heavy feet over the threshold, leaning against the wall as he removed his shoes. Seokjin’s apartment was bigger than he expected it to be. He had a spacious kitchen that connected to a dining area. The living room was separated by a low wall and it was neatly decorated with a personal charm. There was a door with cherry blossoms drawn onto it, surrounding the word bathroom which was written in the prettiest font Namjoon has ever seen. Who knew a the word for bathroom could look so pretty?

Namjoon’s legs seemed to give in the second he got to the sofa, falling almost numbly on it. From that point on, he was part of a moment that he could not, for the love of god, ever dare to erase from his memory, no matter how dizzy his mind seemed, no matter how blurry the fever was making him see, he remembers this moment. He got the promised bath and a tea was waiting for him as he stepped out of the bathroom, wearing some of Seokjin’s clothes that only fit him because the older one bought the wrong size online. But even for Namjoon they were kinda loose.

He felt so much better after the bath as he sat down next to Seokjin, closing his eyes and leaning onto the other one’s shoulder. It was a peaceful sight. Seokjin grabbed a blanket to cover them up, enjoying Namjoon’s presence at his side. It happened that, as if they already were a couple for so long, Namjoon slid his arm behind Seokjin to grab his waist and hold him while Seokjin let his hand wander through the younger one’s freshly washed wet hair. They could stay like this forever. If time wouldn’t run against the. If eating and drinking were irrelevant to living. If sleep wouldn’t be needed… they could have sat like this for all eternity. But Namjoon felt like it wasn’t meant to be. It was too good to be true.

He read so many romance novels, he fell in love with every little thing Seokjin did for him. Things that people do out of kindness. Namjoon was so in love with the other that he feared this could be one sided. - Love makes you blind, even towards the obvious signs - The younger one leaned forward to grab his tea, making Seokjin shift in his seat. When he leaned back he let out a soft groan, feeling like his body was hurting all over. The moment was so nice just a few second ago.

He rubbed his face and Seokjin reached him a small towel, soaked in cold water. The towel made contact with his face and Namjoon felt better almost immediately, letting out a pleased sigh and leaning his head back. “You know.”, Seokjin started, eyes fixed on Namjoon, “I told you so.” - “What?”, Namjoon asked, gaze shifting towards the older man. “I told you that you would get sick.”, Seokjin said with a proud grin and Namjoon just let out a loud breath, a sigh that had nothing else to say. “You should get some rest.”, he added and stood up so that Namjoon could have the sofa for himself.

Of course, the younger one did not want this. Sure, he liked the idea of Seokjin taking care of him, he almost romanticized it, but he also felt like he would just bother him. He too rose from the sofa, ready to protest but Seokjin did not let him. He couldn’t even speak his first word before the older one pressed his fingers against Namjoon’s chest. A touch so featherlight it was almost unnoticeable, so soft and gentle it was ridiculous how easy he could push Namjoon back down into his seat. “Get some rest, Joonie~”, those words and Seokjin’s touch made Namjoon’s heart beat faster, “Don’t worry about your work, I already called your boss and told him you’re sick. I also took a day off tomorrow so I wouldn’t have to leave you alone tomorrow morning.”

It was as if Jin cast a spell on him. Namjoon nodded, eyes gazing up at the older one as his face got cupped into those magical hands of Seokjin. It was like his heart was about to jump out of his chest. The younger one didn’t know what Seokjin was about to do, why he would cup his face like this. Seokjin just smiled softly and Namjoon almost reached out for Seokjin’s hands to pull them back again as the gentle touch left his face. “Good night.” - “Good night.”

The next morning was almost like a fairytale. Namjoon woke up to the smell of some fresh seaweed soup. The sun was sheepishly peeking below the bottom of the curtains that were dancing in the wind. The clock was ticking rhythmically while the radio quietly praised the newest hits. Everything felt so relaxed and calm, little to no sound coming from buzzing electronics, and the smell of Seokjin’s cooking planted a seed in Namjoon’s heart - or rather let it sprout.

The thought of wanting to wake up like this every morning. The peaceful quiet with a soft humming in the background paired with the smell of home cooked food. His heart was beating so fast it almost hurt. It hurt him to be in love with Seokjin, unknowing if this was the sickness playing mind games with him or if it was the missing assurance. The missing assurance if Seokjin liked - no - if Seokjin loved him back. Within the heavenly atmosphere, Namjoon forced his body to function, forced it to continue working past the limit of opening his eyes. To get up and stretch, to wake up properly. “Ah, you’re up.”, Seokjin said from the kitchen as he heard noises from the living area.

The brightness of the sun was blinding Namjoon as he turned to face the older one. “Breakfast is almost ready.”, he added as Namjoon trotted over, feeling like he is the only heavy thing in this light world. “Am I dead?”, the younger asked as he got closer to the kitchen and Seokjin started to laugh. “What? Why would you say something like that?”, he chuckled and Namjoon took a deep breath to let the aroma of the soup fill his body. “This feels so unreal.”, he mumbled as he rubbed his eyes.

Seokjin couldn’t help but stare and Namjoon couldn’t help but notice. He turned away, pretending to take a look around. “You can take a shower if you want to. The food will be ready by then. Your temperature lowered at some point but the fever still wore you out. A shower might refresh you.”, Seokjin suggested and pointed towards the bathroom, in case Namjoon forgot. The younger one nodded, smiling at Seokjin before hurrying into the bathroom. As he entered the bathroom he noticed that Seokjin already prepared some clothes for him again. He was really something.

How he took care of Namjoon. How he spend time with him. How he made him laugh and smile. How he made Namjoon think that romance does exists in the real world. That love isn’t something reserved for people in fiction. His eyes wandered towards the mirror, taking in how messy he looked. God, he looked terrible. I must have looked even worse yesterday, Namjoon thought before undressing to step into the shower. While he showered, he imagined how it would be to shower together with Seokjin. The innocent thought of taking a shower with the other one, turned into unspeakable thoughts of wanting to feel Seokjin’s touch against his skin.

When he finished the shower and got back all dressed, the food was ready and arranged on the table, just like Seokjin promised. It was incredible how smooth everything went. Of course they ate together a lot, and the only thing that was different was the time. Yet, Namjoon felt like it shouldn’t be going this smooth. Like there should be something that made this weird. Just something that made both of them feel weird. There was nothing like that. They felt too comfortable around each other as to ever consider anything weird ever again. He sat down on the opposite side of Seokjin, still a little irritated. “I hope you like seaweed soup.”, Seokjin said as he showed Namjoon all the things he cooked.

It was all a dream, Namjoon thought. This is an image made up by his ill mind. It must be the fever, he thought, despite feeling as alive and awake as always - if not more than ever - especially after the shower. “Yeah. I love seaweed soup.”, he replied and with smiles on their faces, they started to eat. There was something different about Seokjin but Namjoon couldn't tell. They ate in a peaceful silence, letting the radio sing and talk to them while Namjoon was trying to figure out what it was with Seokjin. He looked so handsome, so beautiful and overall too good to be true, even when he was just eating casually in his own home. Meanwhile, Seokjin was thinking about how they spend the last night together.

How they cuddled on the couch as if nothing else mattered. How he called Namjoon’s boss, telling him that he had a fever and how his boss told him to take care of Namjoon because he is his most precious worker. How Seokjin called Ms. Choi and told her that he won’t be able to show up the next day because he could not leave Namjoon alone. How he prepared tea and clothes for Namjoon. How he checked his temperature and placed a cold towel on his forehead while the younger one was asleep. How he checked on him multiple times after Namjoon fell asleep. How the younger one almost burned under his touch. Seokjin felt like he was melting. He wished to take care of Namjoon every day.

It was after their breakfast that Namjoon felt lost, not knowing what to do. He felt good enough to go home, yet he wanted to stay with the other. He was helping to clean up but after that, he just stood there, playing with the holes of the sweater that Seokjin gave him. “What’s wrong?”, the older man asked as he approached his damsel in distress, joyfully taking his hands. “Nothing I just… I just don’t know what to do.”, Namjoon mumbled and Seokjin nodded his head.

A smile played with Seokjin’s lips and Namjoon wished it would be placed on his, but his wish was not granted. “We could just spend the rest of the day together, until you feel good enough to go home.”, Seokjin suggested, softly swinging their hands from left to right. “And even if you already feel good enough, you’re still free to stay.”, he added and Namjoon smiled, nodding his head in agreement before they spend the rest of the day together, watching movies and laughing together. The guilt of robbing Seokjin of his friend’s birthday party was long gone and only a faint memory of Namjoon.

~*~

The bistro was stuffed with people, both guests and workers. It was a rough day since a lot of people came to watch some sports game. Seokjin had not time to pay attention to the happenings on the lcd screen as he was busy to take orders and deliver food to several tables while his co-workers all struggled with the same task. Another cola here, some sparkling water over there, a steak on table number 17, and by any chance a tip by the nice old ladies that were treated to dinner by their husbands.

“You’re doing well.”, Ms. Choi remarked as she caught Seokjin washing his hands while waiting for the kitchen to finish his order. “Thank you. I can’t let you down, can I?”, he chuckled and Ms. Choi would have stayed longer if the house wouldn’t have been so full. It’s been a few days - a week and two days - since he took care of Namjoon. The younger one was feeling better already and he kept praising Seokjin for his cooking skills. Seokjin promised Namjoon to cook for him again in the future. They were both looking forward to it.

October barely left, leaving behind rainy days and cold winds, but November was already armed to the teeth with storms and dark nights. The orders went out and with time passing, so did the guests. The game was over and the local team won, ironically earning Seokjin and his fellow workers ridiculous amounts of tips. People don’t usually tip at all. It’s just not common. “It’s barely even noon.”, Ms. Choi said, checking her watch. “It was an early game today.”, Seokjin commented and the older woman just shrugged.

There were a few guests still coming in afterwards, being glad that the atmosphere of the game has long settled somewhere else. The bar closed shortly afterwards because no one would be interested in drinks this early. The kitchen was slowing down and the workers were free to take a break while business was mild. Ms. Choi kept encouraging Seokjin and asked him about Namjoon. It was at this day that he was actually shy to talk about Namjoon. Within the last days, his feelings for Namjoon only grew and it was hard to hold back.

“When will the day come where I don’t have to hold back?”, he whispered, more to himself than to his boss, and she patted his shoulder. “When you both are ready. Just get the right timing.”, she uttered, looking up at him. “You’re a good man, and this Namjoon seems to be a good man too. You deserve each other.” You deserve each other, those words made Seokjin’s inside feel warm and longing for Namjoon even more. “I hope I will ask him before December.”, he uttered, watching the guests that silently ate in the bistro. His boss chuckled. “So you will get a huge birthday present, huh?” - “Eh, won’t hurt.”, Seokjin joked, playfully shrugging to lift the corners of their mouths into a smile.  

After business started to slow down, it felt like time was crawling. The sudden calm after the storm, after this haste, made all of the workers clueless. Ms. Choi send some of them home, one of them being Seokjin. “You don’t have to send me home. I can still do some work.”, He complained but he was no match to his boss. She told him that he would just be in the way, since Haru and Minseok still had to get the hours back that they lost for leaving earlier last week. Defeated, he went to change, grabbing his grey umbrella that Namjoon got him, before leaving his workplace. As he looked at the murky sky, he thought about what Namjoon was doing right now. On his day off.

A miracle that he would even get a day off. He has just been sick, yet his boss was as joyful as ever, even more so when he announced that Namjoon would take the office of running the library. His boss was more grateful than he originally showed. Despite it not being the case, the old man felt like he was responsible for Namjoon getting sick. He decided to give Namjoon another two days off while he took care of the paperwork so Namjoon just had to sign in the next day when he came to work. Two days of not going to eat with Seokjin after work. But other than that, everything was going well for Namjoon.

Both rain and sun were far away that day. The sky was tinted in an ugly grey tone that did not allow any play of colours. The clouds were dull and flat, no sun was there to give them a little more dimension. The clouds were flying far above Namjoon’s head as he made his way to the second hand book store that he loved so dearly. The door was wide open, despite the cold that crept into people’s jackets.

“Good day, my dear. I was hoping to see you soon.”, the old lady greeted him as his feet carried him inside. The second he stepped in, he felt the comfort he felt at home. The smile in his face was wide and cheerful. The smile on the lady’s face was small but affectionate. “Good day. I have great news!”, Namjoon announced and the lady’s smile grew wider on her thin lips.

He did not need to look around the store. The books he wanted were always at the counter. The old lady would always pick out some book he might like so he could come and chose. Sometimes he looked around afterwards, but he never found anything better than what the store owner suggested to him.

“Really? Is it about the young man you are seeing?”, she asked and Namjoon shook his head. It was at this moment that he realised that he didn’t even tell her about his job offer. All he talked about was Seokjin. “Sadly, no.”, he chuckled as he stepped closer to see what the lady chose for him. “It’s about my job. I got a promotion.”, Namjoon announced and the lady was clapping her hands before taking one of Namjoon’s huge hands into both her petite hands. She squeezed his hand tightly and spoke: “Really? That’s amazing! I knew you would be treated better one day. You really deserve this. Now tell me, what is it that you do now?”

“I’m... the boss of the library now.”, Namjoon replied, stumbling over his words as he was still trying to comprehend the importance of his new position. His words almost took the old lady’s breath away. “Oh my! Really? This is even better than I though.”, she cheered, small hands still wrapped around Namjoon’s. Namjoon smiled quickly before his eyes fell onto the books laid out for him. Three books. They all were all pretty interesting books. Dark covers and leather backs with golden fonts, all three of them. Something more historical, it seemed, as he flipped through the first few pages of each of them with his free hand.

The old lady let go of Namjoon’s hand and started to pack all three of the books. Namjoon frowned, asking what this was about. “Because it’s a special occasion.”, the lady replied. “I’ll let you keep all three. It’s on me.” Namjoon’s eyes went wide as she pressed the books towards him. “I can’t accept it.”, Namjoon protested but the store owner insisted he keeps them.

“You’ve done more than enough for my little shop. Now you have your own library to look after. If you don’t want to accept my gift, I will donate the books to your library. Either way, it’s on me.”, she said, the smile on her face ever so present and motherly that Namjoon did not dare to say ‘no’ another time. Reluctantly, he took the bag and bowed to the old lady, thanking her and wishing her a good day. He promised to come again soon, but reality was looking different for him since the next day.

Once he got out of the shop, he took a picture of the books in the plastic bag to send it to Seokjin. Despite feeling bad for not paying for them, he was thrilled to have three new books and wanted to share his haul with Seokjin. Much to his surprise, Seokjin immediately replied to his message.

Amazing, how much did those cost? They look expensive! They probably were, but Namjoon did not know. He would check the web once he’s home. They were a gift. Namjoon replied. Seconds later: Don’t you have to work, Seokjin? - Don’t worry Joonie~ ♥ My boss let me go early because there was nothing else to do at work. Do you want to meet?

The question let his heart skip a beat. Yes, of course he wanted to meet. But he also wanted to read the books. His fingers were already itching to stroke the pages one by one while the words would build up sceneries in his head. He took a second to stop and look at the books which were waving with the plastic bag. Was he really considering to spend another day in fiction when he could spend a day with Seokjin in the real world? Wasn’t the real world good enough to set aside the books for a while?

His gaze wandered back to his phone, knowing Seokjin was waiting for a response. Yes, I’d love to. The words popped up on the screen and his message was delivered to the older one. A few minutes later, Seokjin asked him if Namjoon had been to the Aquarium in Seoul yet, and a few hours later, they met up to go there. “I can’t believe you’ve never been to the Aquarium.”, Seokjin repeated for what seemed to be the third time that day. “I can’t believe you are still saying this.”, Namjoon joked and they followed masses of people.

The train was packed and many people planned to visit the Aquarium, just like Seokjin and Namjoon. They reached the ticket booth and waited in line to get inside. Amongst all those people, young and old, the couple stuck out like a sore thumb. Two handsome, tall men amongst old grannies and family fathers. Within the moving masses, Namjoon almost did not notice Seokjin pulling at the hem of his sleeve. Long fingers luring out the younger one’s from the protecting warmth of the cotton sweater.

Seokjin’s fingers were warm, as usual, but not sweaty. Their hands didn’t entwine like they did before. The backs of their hands stroked against each other, fingers softly brushing against each other, fingertips slightly curling in an attempt to wrap around the other’s. Such a soft and delicate touch that made Namjoon’s heart flutter and Seokjin’s cheeks burn.

The inside of the Aquarium was huge. Filled with people, and even more - who would have guessed - fish in water tanks. The colours and climate inside the house were almost weird compared to the cold autumn breath outside. Namjoon was studying the posters and plates while Seokjin was paying more attention to the fish itself. Despite having been there before, Seokjin liked the Aquarium and it always amazed him.

“Are you just going to read the plates or will you look at the fish too, Joonie?”, Seokjin teased and for some reason, those words made Namjoon uncomfortable. They almost hurt. The younger one did not reply. His gaze rose to look at the fishtank, lips stretching into a soft smile for a few seconds. “That’s what we’re here for, right?”, Seokjin added, patting Namjoon’s shoulder, receiving a nod in reply.

If Namjoon was honest, which he wasn’t in that moment, he didn’t care about the fish at all. He wasn’t there for the fish. He wanted to spend time with Seokjin, not with some stinky fish in a way too small tank. The further they advanced, the bigger the tanks got, but that didn’t mean Namjoon liked the fish any more. He did not feel complete by just looking at the fish and sea creatures. He caught himself skimming through the info of each tank again, making Seokjin chuckle every time he did.

“I think you will like what comes next.”, Seokjin smiled, leading Namjoon through the masses of people around them. Usually, Namjoon would feel confusion rather than anything else, but those times have long passed where confusion was replaced with excitement. His gaze was fixed on Seokjin, not wanting to lose him among all the people. It was when the older one stopped walking, standing in some kind of large door frame. The walls were sparkling, and so was the ceiling.

Despite the Aquarium being full with people, this part was rather empty of visitors. It took Namjoon a whole minute to find what Seokjin wanted to show him. “Amazing, isn’t it?”, the older one said and Namjoon’s jaw dropped as he saw the glass floor that revealed the fish tank underneath. “You can see right into the tank.”, Namjoon mumbled impressed. He didn’t even know why he was this impressed. It must be the change of perspective, he thought. “The glass won’t break, right?”, he added and Seokjin laughed, leaving his question unanswered.

Carefully, Namjoon took a step forward. The fish underneath didn’t even notice. The light got reflected by the surface of the water, breaking through the glass floor and sparkling against everything above. It was a sight that almost hypnotized Namjoon. The corners of his mouth twitched into a smile, making the lights dance over his dimples. As he looked up again, to face his friend, he was met by a look in Seokjin’s eyes that made his heart skip a beat. A look so tender and pure, so full of love, one could think the older one didn’t take his eyes off of Namjoon for even a single second.

Namjoon’s heart was beating fast, so fast he was afraid it would jump out of his chest. Even faster, when Seokjin got closer, wrapping an arm around Namjoon’s waist to pull him to his side and stroll over the glass floor. Once they passed through that area, they decided to take a little break. Namjoon left Seokjin’s side as he hurried into the restroom to calm down. He was faced by a wide mirror and as he saw his burning red face in the reflection, he got even more embarrassed.

The water was cold and that was what he needed. Cold, but not painfully biting like the cold wind outside. He patted his face with wet hands as he tried to shoo the blood rush away. His heart was still beating fast. His head was filled with questions. Questions like: Did Seokjin notice the I blushed? Did he mind? What does he think about me? Namjoon groaned, eyes shut tightly, as he rubbed his face. What would he give for the ability to know what other people are thinking? Why was it so hard to ask a person what they feel?

No- he couldn’t just ask him. What if he doesn’t like me that way? I can’t ask such a question. That would ruin our friendship, Namjoon thought. Open eyes glance at the reflection in the mirror. The blush was gone and Namjoon took another deep breath before going out to spend the rest of his time with Seokjin. He was prepared to see Seokjin. What he was not prepared for was seeing Seokjin talking to a rather pretty girl. His heart was stuck in his throat as he started approaching his friend and the stranger. “You work in a bistro? Wow! Maybe I should visit… when’s your next shift?”, she suggested and Seokjin laughed. He was rubbing his hands behind his back, a sign that the older one was nervous. It made Namjoon nervous.

Just a few steps separated him from his friend. The younger one swallowed hard and took the steps, little by little, bumping into a young man on his way. His rather loud apology got Seokjin’s attention. His head turned and his eyes smiled as he saw him approach. “Ah, Namjoon. Good that you’re here.”, Seokjin said, his arm stretching out to grasp for the younger one, pulling him close to him and the stranger. Namjoon felt weird and sad about seeing Seokjin with this girl. Almost heartbroken. Not even Seokjin’s hand that was resting on Namjoon’s back could cure this pain.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your conversation. You seemed very-” - “Oh, don’t worry.”, Seokjin cut him off and looked at his watch. “Oh!”, the shock in Jin’s voice convinced everyone, “look at the time. I’m sorry, uh, Soohyun?” - “Soyoung.” - “Right, Soyoung. I’m sorry but we have to hurry. Make sure to check out the bistro. You coming, Joonie?”, Seokjin said, almost too hastily, before the two men left the girl behind.

Despite his words being rushed, his steps were calm. It seemed contradictory. Namjoon frowned, especially as he saw Seokjin’s smiling face that was calmly looking at the fish in a tank near the exit. “Nice acting.”, Namjoon laughed, as he finally understood what Seokjin did. The older one couldn’t help but chuckle. “Acting? What do you mean?”, he asked innocently and Namjoon shook his head. “Nothing.”, he replied, still smiling before they ended their Aquarium date.

“So?”, Seokjin asked as the two of them sat down next to each other while the train departed. “So, what?”, Namjoon asked and Seokjin laughed. “So what did you think about the Aquarium? Did you have fun?”, the older one added and Namjoon smiled. How much did he wish to be honest. How much did he wish to just say how uncomfortable he actually felt.

“Yes. I really liked the part with the glass floor.”, Namjoon said after a while of thinking. Sure, it felt weird at first and Namjoon would prefer not to visit the Aquarium again, but he didn’t want to tell Seokjin. “And?”, Seokjin asked, raising a brow. Namjoon didn’t know what to say. The fabric of his coat rustled as he shrugged and Seokjin smirked. “You’re thinking.” Namjoon nodded.

“Was it that bad?” Namjoon gulped at Seokjin’s question. How could Seokjin read him so well? How could he know what he was thinking? Just moments before, Namjoon wished to read Seokjin’s mind, why would he be cursed with the other way around? “It wasn’t bad… just… I- I wasn’t as interested from the start.”, Namjoon confessed and started fiddling with his hands.

It was a moment where Namjoon wished for Seokjin to hold his hand, but something was different that day. Seokjin patted Namjoon’s thigh, uttering a soft “That’s ok.” before drawing his hand back to burry it in his pockets where they stayed for the rest of the ride. The atmosphere was heavy and pressed onto Namjoon’s shoulders, letting them sag down. Yet, Seokjin was sitting upright like nothing could reach him. Namjoon was wondering what the older one was thinking about - he still does.

~*~

It was in the middle of November. Namjoon did well as the new owner and boss of the library. All his co workers cheered for him and threw a big party. As expected, Namjoon’s first order as the new boss was to re arrange the bookshelves. From that point on, the old books wouldn’t be pushed into old shelves, way in the back of the library. He made sure that books of all ages would be presented equally, which lead to people picking up old books more often.

“See, I told you the library would run great with you as the boss.”, Hoseok said, looking at his friend - who now was his boss - while standing in the door frame to his office. A smile crept on Namjoon’s face as he looked up from his paper work. Somehow Hoseok was right when he said Namjoon could read all day long once he was the boss. None of them did consider paperwork as one of the lectures. “Hoseok…”, Namjoon said, laying down his pen and leaning back, feeling the pain in his back from being hunched over too long.

“It’s late, why are you still here?”, Namjoon asked and Hoseok shrugged, entering the office. “Hey, I can be hard working.”, he joked and the two of them laughed. “I know that you’re hardworking… but the library is not-”, Namjoon said but Hoseok cut into his words. “Oh come on. The library is everyone’s safe place and you-”, Hoseok said but then it was Namjoon who cut into his words. “Hoseok, I know how much of a safe place this is but… you don’t overstay if you don’t have to. Your shift has been over 15 minutes ago… and you don’t leave work that late unless something is bothering you.” The smile on Hoseok’s face didn’t fade even a bit.

“No, it’s just… there has been a delivery and a letter addressed to you. I forgot to tell you. That’s all.”, Hoseok explained and left shortly after. Checking his watch, Namjoon realised that he was late for his meeting with Seokjin. Meeting. The word made his stomach turn as he got up to grab his jacket. What a businesslike term… meeting. They would just hang out and eat together, talking about their days. He left his office and locked the door. He told the other office workers that got ready to leave to have a good night and asked them to lock the library when they leave. So far, they always did.

Once he was out of the building, he grabbed his phone to call Seokjin. The voice he was met by sounded sad, almost hurt. “I was afraid you would forget about me.”, the older one said and something inside of Namjoon felt like crying. His heart was hurting. “I’m sorry.”, Namjoon said, hurrying along the way that would lead to the restaurant they picked. I was thinking about you all day, he thought, but he could not speak those thoughts. “I’ll hurry, I promise. Please wait for me.”, he said instead and before he hung up, he heard Seokjin’s faint “of course.” through the speaker of his phone.

Time added up and Namjoon entered the restaurant 20 minutes late, afraid Seokjin might have left already. No, he wouldn’t do that, Namjoon thought and as he couldn’t spot him, he felt miserable. A waitress approached him. “Can I help you, Sir?”, she asked and Namjoon nodded hastily. “I am looking for my friend. He is about this tall, handsome, has blonde hair and-”, he started and the waitress smiled. “I’ve seen him. He was sitting at the table over there just a while ago.”, she explained and Namjoon felt like his heart was shrinking inside his chest. “He went to the bar to grab a drink while waiting. I can show you.” The words of the young lady gave him new hope and a smile stretched across his face.

She lead him to the bar where Seokjin was sitting. Their eyes met and there was something in Seokjin’s eyes. Something, that Namjoon has seen before. The innocence and wonder, something he saw in them when they first met. The older one wasn’t wearing his glasses, yet he didn’t look any less handsome to Namjoon. It was their first meeting all over again. Seokjin’s handsomeness was taking Namjoon’s breath away once again and the remains of panic in Namjoon’s eyes made Seokjin feel like he had to protect him from all harm. To hold him for all eternity.

The younger one sat down next to Seokjin, both not taking their eyes off of each other. “You came.”, Seokjin finally said to break the silence. His tone was quiet, like a whisper, as if he didn’t want anyone else to hear it but Namjoon. Yet, Namjoon heard it loud and clear, as if Seokjin’s voice was inside of his head. The feeling, the atmosphere, everything screamed for Namjoon to just be with Seokjin.

Ever since he was sick and Seokjin took care of him, he felt as if they were less close. How they cuddled on Seokjin’s sofa. It was so nice, and it was the last time they have been that close. Namjoon thought it was his fault. The touch they shared at the aquarium - earlier that month - was faint and awkward. It was nice at some point, but somehow it just felt out of place. However, it was an experience they had to make. But that didn’t matter then, when they sat in the bar.

“Can I treat you to a drink before we eat?”, Seokjin asked and Namjoon looked around. Huge amounts of bottles, all with different names. What got Namjoon’s attention were the gin bottles. What kind of weird names they had. “A gin, perhaps?”, Seokjin asked teasingly as he noticed Namjoon’s gaze sticking with the variety of juniper berry spirits. Namjoon had to smirk. “I don’t need Gordon’s or Hendrick’s. You’re the only Jin I need.”, He joked and he was way too proud of his joke.

For a good reason, it was amazing. Even Seokjin thought so. His laugh echoed through the bar and almost brought tears to his eyes. He was holding his side as he slowly calmed down, breathing out the laughter in long pauses as he looked at Namjoon with a wide grin. Everything inside the younger one was burning up. If they wouldn’t have been in public, if the barkeeper and several other guests - that were looking at them closely because of Seokjin’s outburst - wouldn’t have been there, Namjoon would have given in to everything. He wasn’t alone with that thought.

Everything was right, for Seokjin. His mind was making him go crazy, chanting to kiss Namjoon right now, but his body took control to prevent it. Not here, not now, Seokjin thought, no matter how much it pained him to hold back. “I don’t think I need a drink.”, Seokjin uttered as he stroked his cheek in an attempt to push back imaginary glasses. “Me neither.”, Namjoon replied and Seokjin took it as a sign to get up and get back to their table. The restaurant was fancy and the waiters were nice and professional.

Seokjin would have envied them, for being able to work in a nice ambiance like this, any other day, but that day he just hoped everyone envied him. He hoped they envied him for spending the evening with the most amazing person in the entire universe. The food was delicious and Namjoon wished he could take out Seokjin to dinner dates like this more often. They didn’t talk much. When they did, they threw around with compliments, whether they were aimed towards the food, the restaurant, or each other.

Their hearts were beating together, a harmony that was impossible to go by unnoticed by the rest of the symphony called life. They were in love and longing for each other without knowing it - or rather, without letting anyone else know.

The night was dark and cold. The rain was falling down again, even in the later hours of the night. Namjoon wasn’t sure if the little light in the sky was an airplane or a star. The part of him that was fueled by romance and innocence already fell in love with the thought of it being a star, but his consciousness was harshly scolding him with facts that made him believe it’s just an airplane, high up in the polluted sky. He sighed, which was a sign for Seokjin to slip his hand into Namjoon’s.

As his thumbs stroked over Namjoon’s hand, Seokjin followed the younger one’s gaze towards the illuminated object in the sky. It was way too small and too far away for Seokjin to see without his glasses. “Tell me about your day.”, he whispered, eyes drifting off to Namjoon. The younger one’s head lowered, lips mumbling stretched “Hmmm”-sounds into his scarf as he tried to think of anything other than his work all day. He couldn’t think of anything worth mentioning and just shrugged. The older one mimicked his action, a puzzled look on his face, getting Namjoon’s attention.

“Papers, mostly. Finances and orders… nothing interesting… oh and I read a book.”, Namjoon explained and Seokjin nodded his head. “Tell me about that book you read.”, he said and Namjoon did not know where to start. “Well, there is this guy who is in a lot of trouble.”, Namjoon explained slowly, Seokjin’s eyebrow raising by the vagueness of the other’s words.

“His name is Abraham. It’s not a Korean book. We wants to rob a bank- wait, maybe I should explain why… no that would take too long. Let’s just say, he thinks that the only thing he can do.”, Namjoon continued, using his free hand to express himself more freely. “Anyways, he is on his way to rob this bank but once he gets to the counter, he is faced by this woman that takes his breath away and suddenly, he doesn’t want to rob this bank anymore, you know?” - “He fell in love with the woman?” - “Yeah. And he planned to hurt people but once he saw her he didn’t want to anymore.”

“Do you like romance novels?”, Seokjin asked and the question caught Namjoon off guard. He slowly nodded his head as if he wanted to confirm this information for himself, too. Reading was a hobby, he was aware of that. But his favourite genre being romance? He never really settled on that. Every book has at least some romance in it, doesn’t it?, he thought to himself, eyes drifting off to his hand that was being held by Seokjin.

The plain grey umbrella Seokjin was holding might give them shelter from the rain, but it was nothing compared to Seokjin’s pastel pink one. The feeling just wasn’t right. It became kind of a recognisable theme, something that just felt like a part of Seokjin. The day Namjoon broke it by accident was the day his heart broke in guilt, thinking that Seokjin would be mad or abandon him. But he didn’t. Seokjin was quite sad but he did not hate Namjoon for it.

It’s just an umbrella, he said back then - It’s just an umbrella, he still says to this day - and Namjoon bought him this grey umbrella to make up for it. Words won’t say it out loud, but Namjoon might have missed the pastel pink one more than Seokjin did. “Have you thought about writing your own love story?”, Seokjin asked, smiling innocently and without an ulterior motive for Namjoon to spot. “What was that?”, he asked, brows knitting together, trying to see if he really heard him right. “Have you thought about writing your own love story?”, Seokjin asked again, still this sweet smile on his lips - whichs’ taste Namjoon still fantasized about until that day.

“No… I’m more of a reader than a writer. I’m not good at writing.”, he said, and shrugged again, a sign that he actually did not know if he really was. “Have you tried?”, Seokjin asked and Namjoon shook his head. There was a long pause after that. Their gazes slowly drifted away from each other as they walked up the stairs that would lead them to the well known path of getting home - or at least to the train station.

With the nights getting longer and both of them spending more and more time until late after midnight, the street to the platform was almost empty except for them. They knew the train would come in a few minutes. By now, after all this time, they finally got a hang of this whole not-missing-the-train thing. They got quite good actually. Wet leaves and some mud were carried by hasty feet, covering plenty of the small station in dirty spots over the day. No one cared to clean it up that late.

Seokjin checked his watch. “Can you promise me something?”, the older man asked, handing his umbrella to Namjoon. Confused and curious, Namjoon held onto it. The lights at the station were dim, very dim, or broken. Even their phones would have emitted more light. “Sure, what do you want?”, Namjoon asked and watched as Seokjin let go of his hand for a moment, raising his arms to stretch his tired limbs. “Please, write your own love story”, Seokjin uttered and Namjoon started to chuckle, “with me in it.”

Namjoon stopped. What did he just say?, he asked himself, trying to get an answer from the other man. “I don’t think I understand.”, Namjoon mumbled, trying to make eye contact with Seokjin, who kept the gaze of his smiling face fixed on the ground. “Let me be part of your love story.”, he demanded and the gears in Namjoon’s head were turning against each other. “I don’t think… I understand.”, Namjoon repeated and Seokjin’s smile grew a bit, whispering a faint ‘you said that before’ over his lips.

The older one’s whole body turned towards Namjoon, head lifting with a smile that could tell a million words the other would want to hear and eyes that could tell him a million lies that he would all believe, just by the way Seokjin looks at him. One of the things that send a shiver down Namjoon’s spine was the look Seokjin gave him. A look - shining through only for a faint second - that told him ‘I want you’ without words.

“Write it and let me be the love interest of the main character.”, Seokjin hummed and as his words slipped into Namjoon’s head, the older one’s fingers intertwined with Namjoon’s again. They stood close - so close - in front of each other, almost wrapped around the base of the umbrella. The ground felt like it was shaking.

“Who would that be?”, Namjoon breathed, feeling a rush of adrenaline going through him as soon as Seokjin got closer, whispering “You.” against his lips before pulling down the umbrella to shield the curious eyes of the people in the arriving train from their kiss.

The train that just arrived and whose inside lights engulfed both of them, sparkling like fireworks with every window frame that did not want the light to escape into the night. The train whose breeze let the ends of their coats dance around their figures as it slowed down to open its doors. They did not care. The cold that was nibbling on Seokjin’s lips before was replaced by what he was longing for for so long. The warmth of Namjoon’s lips paired with the taste of the one glass of wine they had while eating.

Namjoon was giving in slowly, unsure how to react to this sudden attack on his lips. It wasn’t that he did not want to kiss Seokjin - oh no, he was actually craving it for a long while - but rather that he didn’t know how to kiss him. He was not prepared for this. It was when their lips were about to part, because of Seokjin’s insecurity that he might have been too straightforward, that Namjoon let go of the other’s hand to glide it over Seokjin’s neck to pull him close again, aiming for another, longer kiss.

Their lips were almost crashing into each other - typical for Namjoon to be so harsh that he almost destroys everything - and Seokjin’s hand found itself around Namjoon’s hip. A little pause, letting them both breathe, and another try, much more careful and soft then before. The lights around them faded, another fresh breeze rushing past them while playing with their coats - the train departed - while the two of them were busy figuring out how to make the kiss more comfortable.

Namjoon was the first to tilt his head slightly, trying to figure out a good angle that let their lips collide to the fullest, rewarding him with the sweet taste of Seokjin’s full lips. His heart was beating so fast he feared to pass out. Even if I would pass out, he thought, it would have been worth it. Every second of it. Their lips were pulsing against each other, sucking in each other’s taste while denying air to get through.

What they have been longing for after all this time finally happened. Shortly after their lips go used to each other, their kiss broke apart, leaving them gasping for air and wanting more. Their eyes slowly fluttered open and Seokjin’s eyes were shining brighter than the stars in the night sky. “I’ve wanted to do this for so long.”, he whispered, letting his thumb stroke along Namjoon’s jawline.

The younger one’s heart was racing, together with his breath. “I- I didn’t know.”, Namjoon mumbled, his head trembling because of the blood rushing into his cheeks. “I had no idea that you liked me in that way.” - “What do you mean, you had no idea?”, Seokjin scoffed, letting his hands wander over Namjoon’s shoulder. “I held your hand.”, Seokjin whispered, letting his hand run down Namjoon’s arm to take his hand like he did for the first time.

“I pulled you close.”, Seokjin added, wrapping his other arm around Namjoon’s waist like he did when the younger one was protecting them from the rain with his coat. Their faces were so close again and Namjoon couldn’t help but to place another kiss on Seokjin’s lips. It was quick and impulsive but Seokjin didn’t mind. For some reason, Namjoon was embarrassed for not being able to hold back his desire to kiss Seokjin.

“I send off a thousand signals… I was started to doubt you really liked me.”, the older one mumbled against Namjoon’s lips as they broke their kiss apart. “I didn’t get the signals.”, Namjoon confessed, and that’s when the bubble inside his head popped. He did get the signals, but he never thought Seokjin was doing them out of affection. “Isn’t it ironic? You read so many romance novels, yet you didn’t spot the romance that was right in front of you.”, Seokjin asked and Namjoon had to chuckle.

“Maybe that’s exactly why.”, the younger one mumbled, smiling shyly as he tightened the grip around Seokjin’s hand, stroking the back of the other’s hand with his thumb. Nothing mattered then. The only thing that mattered was that they had found each other. The past they build up together, spending nights together, walking the same familiar road towards the train station. And the fact that they both were deeply in love with each other.

The night was quiet and every time Seokjin smiled, Namjoon was like hot butter in his arms. “We missed our train.”, Namjoon mumbled as the older one rested his head on his shoulder. “I know, and I would do it again, if it meant that I could kiss you.”, Seokjin replied teasingly and Namjoon smiled wide. “We don’t have to miss our train for that.”, the younger one replied and Seokjin gladly took the hint, engaging in another long kiss with his lover.

~*~

Within a few weeks, their relationship only grew from that point on. From that night on, the night they kissed at the train station, everything went uphill. Seokjin had a few days off where he would visit Namjoon in the library or Namjoon would spend some time with Seokjin after work. The more they held back in public, sharing touches and stealing kisses from each other, the less they had to hold back once they were alone, where the air felt like it was electrified, sparks going off with every opportunity that cut through the tension.

The sofa wasn’t only for watching movies together. It was a place of sensual touches and kisses that let the happenings, of whatever they were watching on TV, fade into the background. There was nothing left of the cold November nights once they sat there together. The first week was experimental, trying out how far they could go with each other. Seokjin was the one that lead the ‘experiment’, engaging in kisses and caressing Namjoon while the younger one was melting like wax in his hands. Namjoon was enjoying every second of Seokjin’s touches. He was enjoying that he didn’t have to hide his feelings anymore.

Even more, he enjoyed that Seokjin seemed to love him back so dearly the younger one didn’t even have to ask him for anything. Seokjin just knew. It was at the beginning of their second week, the last week of November, where things started to go faster, knowing that they were both ok with more than just simple kisses and an arm around the other one’s shoulder.

They met at Seokjin’s place mostly and Namjoon sometimes felt more at home in the older one’s living room than he did in his own flat. He was planning to move out anyways, since he got the raise. His home was more of a place to be, other than at work or at Seokjin’s place. A place, where his books were waiting for him to be read and not only stored.

The movie they picked started to bore Seokjin after the first 20 minutes. The story was way too repetitive and the protagonist was running away all the time. Within 20 minutes! Seokjin didn’t even have to do the whole pretend-to-yawn show to get his arm around Namjoon - not that he would’ve ever needed it - since the last weeks. His arm was resting on the younger one’s shoulder but his fingers were itching to wander down Namjoon’s back and sneak underneath his shirt.

Filled with heavy thoughts of things he would rather do, Seokjin’s head fell onto Namjoon’s shoulder. The younger one smiled and wrapped his arm around Seokjin’s waist. His fingers were playing with the hem of Seokjin’s pullover as he felt the older one’s breath against his neck. Soon, kisses followed Seokjin’s breath, trailing along the younger one’s neck, daring to suck on his skin to leave a love bite.

“Am I that much more interesting than the movie?”, Namjoon chuckled, running his hand up and down Seokjin’s side. “Honestly? Yes, you are. Is that even a real question?”, Seokjin replied, his voice light and innocent, just the way Namjoon loved it. Seokjin didn’t knew that his voice was most attractive to Namjoon when it was like this. It had an effect on Namjoon. Not the manipulative kind. Just the kind of effect that makes one remember why they fell in love with this person while slowly falling in love again.

“The movie isn’t that good anyways.”, Namjoon hummed, distracted by the older one’s kisses. “Thank god.”, Seokjin laughed as he stroked Namjoon’s cheek before pulling himself up to grace the younger one’s lips with a passionate kiss. It was so powerful that Namjoon almost forgot to breathe. As quick as Seokjin’s hand found itself caressing Namjoon’s face, it wandered down to the younger one’s butt. “Come here~”, Seokjin whispered, shifting in his seat to pull Namjoon closer, having the younger one sitting on his lap without a complaint.

The hand that formerly rested on Namjoon’s shoulder had then made its way beneath his shirt, caressing his skin with featherlight touches, stroking up and down his back. Namjoon’s hand found its way to the back of Seokjin’s head, running his fingers through the older one’s hair, while the other hand was wrapped around Seokjin’s waist.

Both of them couldn’t keep their hands to themselves - not that they even wanted to - while they were busy exploring this moment of sensuality. It was when Seokjin gave in to the moment, getting carried away for a short moment, that he found himself firmly squeezing Namjoon’s butt cheek. The younger one let a surprised moan escape into their kiss, opening the barrier for their tongues to collide.

It was their second french kiss, yet it didn’t feel any less exciting than the first one. Their first one was when Seokjin visited Namjoon in the library. He surprised him with home cooked seaweed soup that they shared in Namjoon’s office. He couldn’t remember how they engaged it back then. He only knew Seokjin’s was leaning against the desk and the taste of the soup was still prominent on his lips.

Despite their second kiss having a little less taste, it had just enough spice to turn up the mood. The sound of the television was slowly fading into the background as the two of them started pushing each other deeper into the cushions of the sofa. Namjoon felt a fire burning inside him with every single touch of Seokjin. The older one pulled Namjoon even closer, almost breaking apart the kiss but Namjoon wasn’t ready to let go of Seokjin’s lips just yet. They had all the time in the world and no one who would interrupt them.

Excited to where this would lead to, Namjoon was unconsciously tugging at Seokjin’s shirt. Shortly afterwards, Seokjin paused their kiss, giving them time to breathe. Their eyes met and the younger one could read the emotions in Seokjin’s eyes like he could read a book. Passion, devotion and lust. “Can I be honest for a second?”, Seokjin asked, trailing his finger up and down Namjoon’s spine, replacing the fire he felt before with a shiver. It was not his intention to slow down their fun, but he needed to know, and he needed to let Namjoon know.

“Yeah, sure.”, the younger one replied, running his hand through Seokjin’s hair. If he couldn’t be honest in a situation like this, when could he be? The older one’s heart was beating rapidly, amongst other things the blood rush made him blush just enough for Namjoon to notice in the dim light. “Ever since we fell down that day, I was wondering what it would feel like to hold your hand.”, he purred, his voice soft and innocent and Namjoon had to smile. “Ever since I held your hand, I was wondering what your lips would taste like.”, Seokjin continued and rose one hand to let his thumb stroke over Namjoon’s bottom lip while the older one was biting his own.

“Now that I finally know, I can’t help but wonder what your lips must feel like on the rest of my body. Every night I keep imagining your lips sucking on every bit of my skin.”, he breathed and Namjoon could feel Seokjin’s hot breath trail down his neck. “I know it’s too much to ask just yet…”, the older one added and his voice was trailing off, carrying a rather dejected tone with it. “Go on.”, the younger one whispered, his deep voice escaping from his dry throat.

He cleared his throat as Seokjin’s head rose so that their eyes would meet. - Oh, those eyes - “Go on. Tell me what else you want.”, Namjoon slowly said, breathing loudly. His husky voice had Seokjin feel weak. Weak to deny him anything. The older one’s arms wrapped around Namjoon’s lower half as he pulled him closer, resting his head right next to Namjoon’s so he could whisper into his ear. As he got closer, Namjoon could feel it.

He could feel Seokjin’s erection against his crotch. “I want to undress you, but that’s not all. I want you to undress me too. I want to explore every inch of your body with my fingers,”, Seokjin hummed as his hand crawled underneath the younger one’s shirt, caressing his front - “with my lips”, he breathed as he kissed his way up from Namjoon’s collarbone back to his lips - “and with my tongue.”

As if it was a cue word, Namjoon was ready to welcome Seokjin’s tongue back into his mouth. There was a passion in the way Seokjin kissed him that Namjoon knew he would never forget this night. However, after a few seconds, Seokjin was already retreating from Namjoon’s lips. “But there’s more…”, the older one chuckled, voice ringing with innocence even though both of them knew that his words won’t be as innocent.

“I want to feel your breath on my skin. I want to feel your lips on my skin. I want to feel your skin against mine. I want to know what it feels like to be one with you.”, Seokjin listed while Namjoon was listening carefully, biting his lip. He wanted it too - god how much he wanted it - but he didn’t think it would happen so soon. “Is it too much to ask?”, Seokjin chuckled, head leaning back.

That was when Namjoon let his cold hands wander below Seokjin’s shirt while placing hot kisses along the older one’s neck, making Seokjin’s whole body shiver. “What if I told you, it’s not?”, Namjoon’s deep voice rang in the other man’s ears and his touch almost made Seokjin unable to hold back his moan. “What if you could have your wish?”, the younger asked and Seokjin hummed, taking a deep breath. “Everything?”, he asked excited, yet slightly disbelieving. “Everything at its time.”, Namjoon replied and Seokjin moved his head again to look at the other.

The smirk on his lips and the calm in his eyes were hiding the storm of excitement that was raging inside Seokjin. “And what time is it now?”, the older one asked, teasingly winking at Namjoon who shot him a smile. Their lips met for another wet kiss that almost robbed Seokjin of his breath as they shifted in their seat, hands exploring the inside of each other’s clothing before Namjoon started to fiddle with Seokjin’s belt, and later on the zipper. “Time to lean back and relax.”, Namjoon suggested, even though it sounded more of an order - an order that Seokjin would gladly take - as he kneeled in front of the couch.

The air was hot and with every kiss that Namjoon pressed against Seokjin’s skin, the tension rose until he finally freed the older one’s legs from his pants. His underwear was rising like a tent under the pressure of his length, leaving a dark, wet spot on the fabric from how excited Namjoon had him. It was almost surreal to Seokjin. Namjoon’s fingers slipped below the elastic band of the older one’s boxers to pull them down until his erection was freed. Moment later, Seokjin felt like he was in heaven. As the younger one’s tongue wrapped around his base, Seokjin’s fingers had already sunken into Namjoon’s hair.

The lips that were speaking those desires just moments ago were now parting in sounds of pleasure, getting longer with every minute passing. The soft lighting and quiet music emitted by the TV engulfed them and together with Seokjin’s moans it almost sounded like a symphony, arranged by a mastermind. The older one’s fingers curled as he felt a tingle rise in his belly and goosebumps covering his skin. Namjoon was not new to things like this. The older one could feel it - Oh boy, and how he could feel it - and Namjoon didn’t plan on acting like he didn’t know how to please a man. His man. Seokjin.

Soft moans filled their ears as Seokjin enjoyed every second of the pleasure Namjoon was giving him, besides giving him a hard time to hold back and enjoy it for longer. The sound of the TV couldn’t make it to the older one anymore as Namjoon’s soft lips stroked his length and his tongue caressed every inch there was to explore before cupping in the shot Jin couldn’t hold back any more.

It turned out messier than both of them expected and Seokjin shyly smiled, biting his lips, as Namjoon struggled to not choke on it by accident. While the noise of the movie slowly came back to fill out the atmosphere again, Namjoon hurried to the bathroom while Seokjin pulled up his pants again. Even though it just happened, Seokjin still felt the excitement in his body. The excitement of Namjoon willingly sucking his dick. The excitement of knowing Namjoon didn’t force himself - Seokjin could clearly feel that - and that he did not regret a thing.

“This is unreal.” Seokjin mumbled to himself, hands fiddling with his belt, eyes fixed on his crotch where Namjoon’s head could’ve been found just a moment earlier. It all came naturally, yet Seokjin was questioning the situation. Then he frowned. Why was he like this. How could he even question this? He just shared an intimate moment with his lover and all he could think about were doubt, and not the pleasure.

It must have been his past experience - his past relationship - that was still nagging on his soul. Whispering words of unreason and accusations that made Seokjin feel fear tearing at his heart, daring to pull it into an abyss of deep thinking. The kind of deep thinking he saw on Namjoon. Only darker. And quieter. And about that dark haired beauty of a man that had once knocked over a lamp in Seokjin’s house out of anger.

As Namjoon emerged from the bathroom, the thoughts of this man were gone. There was no mysterious, twisted man. There was Namjoon. One who wouldn’t knock over and break Seokjin’s furniture in anger, but maybe walk against a table in his pure, drunk on love, unobservance as he smiled the most sincere smile, filled with a kiss of shyness. The older one took a deep breath , and yet he still felt breathless.

And at this point Jin knew, there was nothing he had to worry about when he was with Namjoon. He only worried about the times he wouldn’t be with him. He would count days, minutes, seconds until they would see each other again. He wanted to make every date more memorable than the last. He wanted to shower Namjoon in kitsch and clutter that proves his love.

As the younger one sat down next to him, Seokjin could finally breathe again. The air tastes used and hot, made his mouth dry, but he would walk through a desert just to see Namjoon’s dimpled smile. Their hands met and Seokjin pulled the other one closer, resting his blonde hair against Namjoon’s neck that he had stained with lovebites on other days before. Seokjin’s eyelids fluttered shut while he placed soft kisses against Namjoon’s skin. Kisses so soft one could think Seokjin didn’t want to break the precious image he discovered of Namjoon - or rather, that he gave him.

~*~

The warmth of the early autumn sun was long forgotten in the night of the first December day, but Seokjin did not need the summer just yet. Namjoon’s voice and loving words were enough to carry his mind to a warm beach where the wind was kissing his skin and the waves of the sea were calmly carrying the younger one’s voice closer to him. Despite radically dropping temperatures, snow was taking its time to show up and cover the streets in an ocean of what looked like white sugar, fine and clear but not nearly as sweet.

“Seokjin, are you listening?”, the younger one’s voice was shaking because of the cold as it nibbled on his lips with every syllable he spoke. “I’m sorry.”, Seokjin apologized, “I guess I got lost in your words.” Namjoon shook his head with a smile as he closed down the library for that day. “I asked you what you want for your birthday.”, he repeated as he turned to face the blonde beauty of a man that he had falled for - metaphorically and literally - a while ago. It was a question that made Seokjin think hard. “For my birthday?”, the older one repeated, tapping his chin.

There was nothing he could wish for anymore. Nothing Namjoon hadn’t already given him. A new Umbrella. His trust. His love. His time. There was only one thing Seokjin could ask for. “Could I wish for anything?”, he smirked and Namjoon engaged their walk as he took the place next to Seokjin, sneaking his hands into the other one’s pocket to let their fingers intertwine. “Anything realistic.”, Namjoon replied and he could feel the cold creep through his shoes.

Seokjin had to chuckle, not being able to hold back his comment about how Namjoon was the dreamer of the two of them. “Is it realistic enough to wish for us to move in together?”, Seokjin suggested, a slight purr in his voice to let Namjoon catch the intention that he wants to be with him. However, the gears in the other one’s head were already turning, squashing that intention and storing it somewhere in the back of his brain next to hidden confessions and sugar coated lies that he had heard throughout his whole life.

“Really? Wait that would be a bit short- I mean, your birthday is already in three days. I mean- you know I wanted to move out anyways, and moving together would actually be nice- will we find an apartment this quick? One that is big enough? No, we have to like it, that’s the most important-” - “Namjoon.”, Seokjin cut in, interrupting Namjoon’s chain of thoughts, breaking the links and stopping his mind from tying itself together.

“It’s ok. We don’t have to rush this. But thank you for considering it.” His last words were but a whisper and he squeezed the younger one’s hand tightly, walking close to his lover as they passed several shops and street lights. “Would you really want us to move together?”, Namjoon asked, a tone as if he just actually realised what the older one asked for. A smile laid down on Seokjin’s lips as he left that question unanswered.

The half-moon shaped glasses that usually framed his romantic dark eyes were left at home that day. He had tried to switch to contact lenses since his glasses kept falling off more frequently. The hinges were old and overused, the glass itself was scratched and it was impossible to keep them clean for a whole day. Namjoon was the one to suggest the exchange and even though Seokjin was used to his glasses being a part of him, he listened to Namjoon listing the pros and cons. In the end, it was a good choice.

Another thing that has been running through his mind lately, aside from wearing contacts, was the thought of suggesting Namjoon to officially move in with him. Jin loves having him around and he knows how Namjoon eases at the sight of the living room. How he snuggles close on the sofa, how he knows every corner and shelve and drawer better than the older one himself.

“You seem to think a lot tonight.”, Namjoon chuckled, softly tackling the older one. “We can move into my apartment.”, Seokjin suddenly blurred out, unaware if Namjoon was even talking about the moving situation again. Judging by the bewildered expression on the younger one’s face, he was not. “I’m sorry, what were you talking about?”, Seokjin quickly asked before Namjoon pulled his scarf up a bit, covering a lip bite as the love sick sparkles in his eyes dimmed. “I asked you if you wanted to eat take out.”, he mumbled, stroking his lover’s hand with his thumb.

A lie. That would have actually been his next question. “Sounds great. Your treat?”, Seokjin teased and he saw the smile in Namjoon’s eyes as he looked up. “My treat.”, he agreed and Seokjin quickly kissed the back of Namjoon’s hand. He did that a lot. Mostly when he planned to apologize or spoil Namjoon later on. Sometimes both.

They got their favourite dishes and went to Seokjin’s place. Namjoon hadn’t seen his own home in a while. The promotion made it impossible to spend some peaceful hours at home. The shelves were overflowing with books and stationery. Folders stacked upon folders, paper edges peering from pages of notebooks that he had stored where his novels used to be. If he wasn’t at home, sighing about the mess he made, he was at the library in his office, sometimes he even slept there.

When the nights got too long and he felt his body glued to the old leather chair that was way too big for his former boss but just the right size for Namjoon. Seokjin’s home was organized and clean. Every day he entered, his house shoes were waiting for him, the lights were a pleasant luminosity and no bright flickering desk lamp that really needed a new lightbulb. Sometimes, if Seokjin would be waiting for Namjoon, it would smell like home cooked food, but in times like that, where they would enter together, the silence and the smell of take out food was just the calm they needed.

Namjoon slipped into the house shoes after he took off his jacket and Jin already marched into the kitchen. The moment the younger one stepped into the living room however, he felt like he was at an unknown place. It felt like someone else’s home. Could it be because of what Seokjin said earlier?, he thought, his mind chewing on the suggestion of Seokjin like it was chewing a piece of gum that lost its flavour five minutes ago - but you can’t stop chewing.

Rustling plastic bags lured him into the kitchen as if they were calling him to get ready to eat. The way Seokjin unpacked their food looked rather sloppy and nowhere near anything domestic, but Namjoon could sense a soothing something swiftly rise up his spine, spreading in his mind like a fog that deceives all evil thoughts. His heart was racing, thinking about living with Seokjin. Yet, the fact that the older one didn’t even listen to him when he said ‘I love you’ for the first time left him a little bit hurt.

“How are the orders going?”, Seokjin asked as they sat down together. “Pretty good. I don’t have to order too many books at the moment. I purposely ordered more of the current bestsellers so I won’t have to refill the stock later. Also, not many students come to order or look for books they have to read for classes or lectures. We only order what needs to be restocked and sell what we have at the moment.”, Namjoon explained pretty dry and Jin nodded. The older one knows how important it is to keep the storage full.

The bistro is pretty empty at the moment, but it is just the calm before the winter storm. It’s a popular place for tourists and couples during the christmas season so he could already be sure he had to work then. Either way, this year was the first year he could take a day off at his birthday. And the day before, and the day after. Three days he would want to spend with Namjoon. The smell of their food quickly filled the apartment and the actual food quickly filled their stomachs. Seokjin was almost exaggeratedly moaning and boasting about how good the food was while Namjoon just grinned every time the other did it.

“How about the story.”, the older asked after they finished eating and Namjoon looked at him, face morphing into an expression of confusion as he threw away the plastic bags and containers. “What are you talking about?”, he asked and Seokjin came to pull the other close. His arms were wrapped around Namjoon’s waist as he made their foreheads touch, eyes closing slowly. “Our love story~.”, he cooed, reminding Namjoon of the promise Seokjin demanded on the day of their first kiss. “You promised to write a love story with me as the love interest of the protagonist, aka you.”, He added and Namjoon chuckled before slightly tilting his head.

“Did I really promise this? Or did you kiss me before I could agree.”, Namjoon countered and it made Seokjin smile before he pressed a soft kiss onto his lover’s lips. A kiss that tasted like soy sauce and fried chicken and all the different types of spices Seokjin liked so much. Namjoon enjoyed the taste so much he did not want to let it go. He deepened their kiss, let his hands slide onto the older one’s neck. As Seokjin pulled Namjoon closer, his arms happened to slide upwards, almost pulling Namjoon’s shirt up with them. They were leaning against the kitchen counter as Seokjin caressed Namjoon’s face.

Namjoon’s heart was racing and he could feel a fire - no, more of an ember - sizzle in his chest. The same heat he felt before confessing to Seokjin when he did not listen. He would do it again. He would do it now once he had the chance. As their lips parted to let them breathe, Namjoon breathed the older one’s name with it, earning him a sound of confirmation from Seokjin. A sign that he was listening. “I just wanted to tell you-”, Namjoon said but his words got interrupted by the doorbell and several knocks on the door.

Perplexed, Namjoon lost track of his words and thoughts. “Not this again.”, the older one mumbled as he let go of his lover with a heavy heart to open the door, recognizing the unique pattern right from the start. In front of the door was a bright, smiling young man with an unnatural hair colour and every time Seokjin saw him he looked like he really enjoyed having this hair colour. Jin has seen otherwise.

“What can I do for you?”, Seokjin asked his upstairs neighbour that recently moved in with a roommate and his friend. “Did I interrupt anything?”, he asked before not waiting for an answer, “Sorry. I was just wondering if you still have our bag of flour.”, he said and the older one frowned. “I never had your bag of flour.”, Seokjin encountered and Namjoon listened to the conversation from the kitchen, heart dropping low as he once again failed to say ‘I Love You’.

The man outside frowned, tapping his chin. “Really? Jimin - my roommate -, you know him, right? This tall, or small how I like to say-” he gestured to a height shortly above his shoulder “See, he said you had it.” Seokjin took a deep breath before letting out a loud sigh. “Taehyung. What exactly did Jimin say?”, Seokjin asked and Taehyung paused a second and it looked like he just realized something. “Wait, he didn’t say you had our bag of flour.It was Jinyoung and not Jin-hyung.”, Taehyung mumbled and smiled. “I’m sorry, I guess knocked on the wrong door. Have a nice evening!”

As quick as he showed up, he was gone again and Seokjin closed the door, wondering why in god’s name he would need flour at this hour. Still, he adored Taehyung and he was always curious about what type of people his roommates are to keep up with him. Lovely people. As Seokjin made his way back into the actual living area, Namjoon was already sitting on the sofa in the living room. He brought a book from one of his co-workers’ friends that he was asked to read through, maybe check for errors, and later on use his connections to maybe get it published.

Namjoon has read through 120 pages of the 206 page novel and did not once grab a red pen to correct anything. Mostly, because there wasn’t enough space on the side for corrections, but also because he wanted to read the story first before focusing on corrections. Seokjin saw the peaceful image of Namjoon reading and decided he wanted to be part of it. He sat down next to him before wrapping his arms around the younger one, snuggling close and eventually shift their position where they lay on the sofa, Seokjin’s head resting on Namjoon’s chest, who rested the book on Seokjin’s shoulder, holding it with one hand while the other one was roaming through the other one’s blond dyed locks.

“What are you reading?”, the older one mumbled, voice light like a feather that fell onto Namjoon’s chest. “A script.”, the other one answered, almost a whisper as he kept caressing Jin’s scalp. “How’s it?”, the other one whispered, voice ringing with the sound of sleep as he yawned afterwards. Just by that, Namjoon suddenly felt much more tired, his body realizing all the work he did today. “It’s ok. Not a bestseller, but maybe he could sell 150 copies, if he’s lucky 200.”, he explained and Seokjin nodded. “How much would he need for it to be a bestseller?”, the older one asked, eyes closing and listening to Namjoon’s smooth heartbeat. “More than thousand copies, I suppose. Or just lots of copies in a certain period of time.”, Namjoon explained, retreating his hand to turn the page. Shortly after that, Seokjin kept quiet and Namjoon almost believed he fell asleep.

“Would you read something out of it for me?”, he then asked, his voice quieter than the turning of the pages and Namjoon agreed. The younger one kept his voice low but steady, paying attention on what to emphasize and he gave different characters different voices. It made Seokjin smile as he slowly drifted into the land of dreams, Namjoon’s voice being guidance and his chest being Seokjin’s pillow. After almost ten pages of reading out loud, Namjoon’s yawn were more frequent and he kept rubbing his eyes.

He considered that it was too late to keep reading and Seokjin was sleeping anyways. One arm wrapped around Jin, the librarian placed the book on the table besides the sofa, trying to move as little as possible to not wake the other. While he let the silence engulf them both as he ran his fingertips up and down Seokjin’s back, he thought about that day. How he planned to say ‘I love you’. How Seokjin suggested to officially move together. How he enjoyed this moment. I could have this for many more days, he thought, I’d like that.

Namjoon stroked Seokjin’s hair before softly kissing it. “I love you.”, he whispered and leaned back in an attempt to sleep. “I love you too, Namjoon.”, the older one breathed, hugging closer to Namjoon as if he was afraid the other would leave because of his statement. “Let’s get to bed. It will be more comfortable than the sofa.” Seokjin suggested, getting up and letting his hands glide down Namjoon’s arms. The younger one groaned in response, whining about how he was about to fall asleep like this, with Seokjin on his chest, being held like he never wanted to let go ever again.

Promptly, Seokjin wrapped his arms around Namjoon and pulled him up, trying to pick him up from the sofa, resulting in Namjoon starting to laugh. “What are you doing? Stop, I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”, the younger one chuckled as he got up to prevent Jin from getting hurt. “If it means I can carry you to bed and lay you down so I can cuddle up, I am willing to take the risk, Joonie.”, Seokjin countered with a wink and a kiss on Namjoon’s cheek.

Tired feet carried them towards the bedroom door, rigid fingers trying to dig into the fabric of each other’s clothes as Seokjin chivalrously held onto Namjoon, opening the door and guiding him to the soft bed. “Did I ever tell you what a gentleman you are?”, Namjoon asked, the door falling shut behind them as Jin crawled towards the other, cuddling him like a domestic kitten.

“I’ll move mountains, plant trees, swim across oceans and catch fireflies in a jar if that meant you could be happy. Being a gentleman is the least I can be.”, the older one replied and Namjoon couldn’t tell if he got warm by Seokjin’s body heat or his words. The curtains were drawn shut so Namjoon couldn’t look at the night sky, wondering about the little white dots that might have been nothing but airplanes.

Were there stars outside?, he asked himself as Seokjin’s steady breathing made his own heart adjust to the rhythm. Namjoon wouldn’t need stars. Seokjin was making his life brighter. He was living in the real world and not someone else’s made up fantasy that found its way onto paper. Books were still his hobby, but Seokjin was now his passion. Namjoon couldn’t imagine life any different now. It could only get better, he thought, eyes falling shut as he drifted to sleep.

~*~

It was colder than expected as Namjoon met up with his co-worker Hoseok. It was Christmas Eve and Namjoon forgot his gloves once again. The thick fabric of his coat was enough to give shelter from wind and snow, but the cold was creeping up all the way through his sleeves. Namjoon had the perfect Christmas present for Seokjin. He couldn’t arrange it to Seokjin’s birthday, he did not have enough time back then. Yet, Seokjin was still more than excited about his birthday present from Namjoon.

Everything at it’s time, those words were ringing in Seokjin’s head as Namjoon presented himself as his present, nervous of how the older one might react. The sensation of their bodies becoming one and Namjoon feeling Seokjin move inside him for the first time was - groundbreaking! Of course Seokjin told him he didn’t have to do it just because it was his birthday, but Namjoon insisted that he felt ready for that step. A step to take with Jin together. Namjoon still had butterflies in his stomach every time he thought about it.

The knock on his office door interrupted his thoughts - maybe for the better - and Hoseok walked in on Namjoon filing papers. “I’m sorry for calling you here on your day off.”, Namjoon apologized and Hoseok raised his hand to wave through the air. “No problem. I have plenty of time. My family went on vacation - separately - anyways. My sister is in Japan with a bunch of friends and my parents saved up to go to Dubai. I’m all alone today.”, Hoseok explained, and even though it sounded like a sad story, he was smiling like he always did. There wasn’t a day that Namjoon saw him seriously sad.

“What about your boyfriend?”, Namjoon asked, storing papers and stapling others together. “With his family.”, Hoseok replied shortly, letting out an almost unnoticed sigh. “Why aren’t you-” “They don’t know. Still. But it’s ok.”, Hoseok cut in and sat down in front of Namjoon. “He’s actually quite paranoid about telling them so I won’t push him.”,  he added and got a folder from his bag. As soon as the folder made an appearance, Namjoon’s eyes started to sparkle. It might have been a plain yellow see-through plastic folder, but for the librarian, it was much more.

“Is that it?”, he asked and Hoseok placed it on his boss’s table with a smile. “Yup. Just as you asked. The actual document came today because they had shipping issues, but if it wouldn’t have gotten here in time, I would have at least given you the certificate. The frame and all would have come to you later of course.”, Hoseok explained as Namjoon reached for the folder. “Thank you. Really. I couldn’t have it delivered to our place, he would have known.”, Namjoon said, excited to unveil the content of the plastic package.

Our place. Ah, how he enjoyed saying this. Seokjin’s early christmas present was a legal document, claiming that Namjoon was now living under the same roof, in the same apartment as Seokjin. They sorted things out and got everything going to get Namjoon out of his old scanty apartment. They even settled on - a thing Namjoon never thought he would agree on - giving away some of his precious books.

He always loved his collection, but now he had no space, nor time to take care of it anymore. They wanted to bring the books that he could let go of to the second hand book store, but what pained Namjoon even more was to find out that the lady closed her shop late November. The books he sorted out were either old or got boring, but there was one book he wouldn’t give away. His copy of Dr. Glas. The one he bought when he first met Seokjin. He hasn’t finished it yet, he was way too busy, but it had an emotional value for him.

“Can I ask you something?”, Hoseok asked as they left the library and Namjoon locked the gate behind them. “If you’re asking to celebrate christmas with us, I’m sorry but I have to turn you down.”, Namjoon replied without giving away further information on their christmas plans. “No, no that’s not it. I’m cool with just chilling alone.”, Hoseok chuckled but he looked sadder than usual. If they wouldn’t have plans, Namjoon would have loved to invite Hoseok over.

“I just wanted to know why you got him this? And why the name is so complicated.” A smile rushed across Namjoon’s lips as he thought about the answer to Hoseok’s question. His reason was way too deep and certainly hard to put into words. It also had something romantic and maybe also cheesy, but it was worth it. “Trust me, it has a meaning. Thank you for taking care of it.”, Namjoon just uttered before they parted ways. He would want to cover Seokjin in all the light from the stars in the night sky… but one star should be enough.

He made his way to their shared apartment, knowing Seokjin was already waiting for him. Mrs. Son, - who was previously Ms. Choi - Seokjin’s boss, decided that it was time to give the bistro a break for winter, going off in her honeymoon with her newly wed husband and giving all workers a free holiday season. The smell of seaweed soup and kimchi and all different spices, blending all together like a symphony, invaded Namjoon’s nose as he skimpily skipped over the threshold, into the kitchen where Seokjin was waiting.

“I’m expecting an apology, or a great present for you being late.”, Seokjin joked, eyes fixed on Namjoon, lips curled into a smile. Namjoon greeted his lover with a kiss before promising that he will get both, later. The younger one placed a package onto the table that was neatly wrapped into some of the libraries wrapping paper they prepared for christmas. Seokjin did not know that. He also did not know that it was Hoseok that wrapped the present and not Namjoon, but either way, he would not care.

“No, no, no.”, Seokjin lectured the younger one, asking him to put the present away. “Why?”, Namjoon asked confused and Seokjin shook his head. “Food first, presents later.”, he said and Namjoon chuckled. “I also got my present before we ate.”, Namjoon countered. “Yes, that’s why I’m going to wait for mine.”, Seokjin shot back and they agreed on eating first. Looking back, it was the better idea, considering the amount of happiness that shot through Seokjin after he opened it. Namjoon was sure that Seokjin’s cooking was getting better every time he ate it.

They barely talked, thus finishing their dinner quickly. The sun hasn’t been seen for hours and Seokjin wanted to give their apartment a romantic touch for christmas by lighting candles. Namjoon loved the whole atmosphere. If he could, he would want to bathe in it, breathe it in, and never let it go. As they moved into the living room, Seokjin pulled Namjoon close, sitting down with him on the sofa. “Now where is my apology?”, he asked, grinning before not being able to hold back from kissing Namjoon for a moment. A moment long enough for Namjoon to let their fingers intervene.

Not wanting to break their kiss apart but also being thrilled about giving Seokjin his present, Namjoon got up to grab the package from the kitchen. His fingers ran along the edges of the neatly wrapped paper and if he hadn’t known what was inside already, he would have dared to unwrap it now and then. He hurried back to his lover and reached him the present as he sat down. “Merry Christmas. If you have any questions, just ask.”, Namjoon said and Jin grinned. “Where’s my apology?”, he chuckled again and Namjoon pointed to the present.

“Verbally.”, Seokjin added, rising an eyebrow and Namjoon just gave him his most love drunken smile, uttering a deep “I love you.” that made Seokjin’s heart melt. “Ok, that counts.”, the older one laughed before unwrapping the package. His fingers were itching to know what’s inside and Namjoon could have possibly gotten him. As the yellow plastic folder came into view, the older one frowned hard. He could see papers and chuckled, thinking Namjoon actually wrote him a love story to gift him for christmas.

However, as the opening of the folder revealed a picture frame with a bright star filled sky, a crystal star embedded into the paper, and the letters ‘NJ-1611’ written on it, his jaw dropped. “You… you got me a star?”, Seokjin asked, fingertips running over the glass of the framed certificate. “It has our names in it… or a combination of it. NJ is short for NamxJin, or NamJin.”, the younger one explained as Jin couldn’t take his eyes off the paper, looking to get to know every little detail. “The 1611, well… that’s November 16th, where we had our first kiss.”

As Seokjin unpacked the rest, he found some handwritten notes stapled together, on top of each paper the title ‘Moments that I fell in love with you’ and the first paper was labeled ‘Chapter one’. Namjoon wrote about how he felt the night after he met Jin. He couldn’t sleep and thought about how cute he was.

Chapter two was about their first date when Namjoon picked Seokjin up and they had dinner somewhere on a parkbench. Chapter three was about the times they kept hanging out and where Seokjin would cook for him and Namjoon would read him from a book he liked. How they enjoyed being together. Chapter five was about how Namjoon fell in love when Jin nursed him back to health, how he was sick and how he still felt sorry for making them leave the party.

The older one’s heart was racing and he could feel his eyes getting teary. This is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done, he thought, skimming through the pages before he got to the one with their first kiss. How Namjoon felt fireworks going off. How, despite the first attempt being clumsy, it wasn’t anywhere near awkward. The ink on each page differed and Seokjin knew that Namjoon must have written those down at any moment, grabbing any kind of writing utensil that was close.

Jin came to the chapter where Namjoon wrote about pleasing Seokjin with his lips for the first time. How he felt no shame and how he enjoyed the older one’s moans. Re-reading it, Seokjin could feel a hot temperature rise inside him, making him feel like his head was steaming. But the thing that caught him off guard was the last chapter. “The moment you opened your christmas present…?”, the older one read out loud and Namjoon smiled wide, biting his lip to contain his smile.

The moment you opened your christmas present was so exciting. I wanted to know how you would react. What you’d expect. If you would like it. My head went crazy with all those thoughts, but seeing you smile and read the letters just makes me fall more and more in love with you. What did I do to deserve you? I don’t know. The way your lips move when you read along the lines is just too tempting to resist. I want to kiss you forever and hold your forever. Now, look at that! We have a star to call our own, even though you will always shine brighter than any star for me. I love you.

The pages afterwards were blank and Seokjin frowned, looking up at Namjoon with wonder and excitement. “For the future.”, he explained and closed the pages. “As a reminder that I don’t plan to stop falling in love with you.”, he said and the corniness made Seokjin’s heart jump. “Come here, Joonie.”, Seokjin said before gliding his hand over Namjoon’s cheek, pulling him close for a kiss full of passion and tenderness.

Namjoon was so happy. He was happy with the overall situation. He was happy with Seokjin’s reaction. He was happy to be waking up next to him the next morning. As their lips parted, the older one told Namjoon to wait and got up to grab a small package that he hid in a drawer. “Another present? But I already got-”, Namjoon said but Seokjin did not let him continue his words. “I know, I know. But I also know that you have another present for me too.”, Jin smiled and Namjoon looked to the side, acting flustered. “I don’t know what you mean.”, the younger one lied and Seokjin pulled something out of his pocket.

“This one fell out of your pocket earlier. You didn’t notice.”, he said, holding up a condom that had a dumb christmas pun written on the wrapper. Let me jingle your bells. Classic. Seokjin put the plastic wrapper away and handed Namjoon his present. “You didn’t have to-”, Namjoon started but he could see in Seokjin’s eyes what he wanted to say. I know I don’t have to, but I want to. That’s what his eyes were saying. Eyes, that Namjoon could get lost in.

He tore at the edges of the wrapping paper until he managed to free what was inside. A cardboard box. And inside that cardboard box, were a pair of gloves. “Merry Christmas.”, Seokjin whispered as Namjoon just smiled down onto the gloves. He wouldn’t dare to forget his gloves ever again, even though he liked holding hands with the older one to keep them warm.

“Now.”, Seokjin almost purred and let his hand slide down to caress his lover’s knee. “Will you help me blow out the candles?”, he asked, voice as soft and innocent as a bell ring but the echo carried a much more sultry meaning. “If you help me get out of those clothes afterwards.”, Namjoon proposed and gave Seokjin a wink. “Deal.”, the older one agreed and within a few moments the lights vanished, just like the two love birds did into the bedroom. Namjoon fell in love like he fell asleep - in the arms of Seokjin - in this december night.