“Sorry but can I vent?” Means I trust you enough to not give me obvious advice or suggest that whatever I feel is not what I think it is and I’m probably wrong about it etc. “Ok,” Is all I said to you because even though I vented to you about one small thing doesn’t mean you have the full story.
Saying that, “Well, I think you’re not ill, it doesn’t really sound like it but you should see a psychologist and double check i guess.” Of course, you don’t understand that I can’t. Do you see who would I have to inform if I go and see a psychologist about this? As you’re full aware already my sister has anxiety, she went to see a psychologist and behind my sister’s back throughout that entire period, my parents kept complaining about the waste of money as she continued to snap randomly at us and had panic attacks or ‘how could she be mentally ill, we looked after her so well and brought her everything she needed and let her study whatever she wanted to study (cough lol)’. How then, years later, could I then suggest something like: Mum, dad. I think I’m depressed. Could I see a psychologist?
I’m not ill. I want to believe that too but if you can, please explain why I feel sad for no reason, why I can’t be motivated, why I want to stay in my bed so every uni morning I have to force myself out and even then I usually don’t end up going, why I suddenly had the uncontrollable urge to break into tears on the train back home last week, why on more depressed days I don’t even want to eat because everything going down my throat feels like rubber and I feel sick swallowing, why half of me wants to give up on literally everything I enjoy while the other continues to fight against that feeling, why I’m too sad to sleep some nights and my chest aches and I’m plagued by anxious thoughts about everything going wrong. If you can explain what is wrong with me, if I’m not ill. Please do because to me, right now, literally anything is better than having any mental illness. Even right now as I typing this into words, my chest feels heavy and I don’t want to work on my final projects for university. Venting this out is supposed to make it feel better, or at least it used to. Ok was all I said because you don’t understand..
