#rambly rant

I'm still waging my person war on the evils of female hair removal and the pressures to conform though, dw. I think the 16-year old me who created this blog way back when would be proud (and probably in disbelief) that I'd one day be able to leave the house with visibly hairy legs/underarms/unibrow/arms etc without having a breakdown.

Now that I'm unable to use estrogen to control my hormones (thanks to the blood clot) I've just had to make peace with my appearance - acne, chin hairs, extra weight and all. And I'm okay that with that!

before becoming darth vader, anakin NEVER would have treated padmè like that. his respect for her, particularly as the person padmè, not senator amidala, is a key part of their relationship

george lucas was clumsy in his execution, and there are definitely directorial choices (such as deleting padmè's subplot) that are definitely :/ but if you think that padmè is merely anakin's wife in ROTS and not someone who thinks the republic has lost its way and is struggling with extreme loneliness, isolation and general stress than idk what to tell you because it is there

there is misogyny, yes, if largely unintentional, threaded throughout the decision to reduce padmè's role in rots. but it is still clear, through her lines and actions, the character padmè is beyond being anakin's wife, yet being anakin's wife is also important to padmè, which is not misogyny. padmè valuing her husband, basically the ONLY person by ROTS that sees all of her, is not misogyny jc.

anyway, TCW aside, PT padmè is a complex, flawed character that has a lot of interiority beyond being anakin's love interest, if you care to look

but people so often flatten female characters by ignoring them and then being like 'it's the writer's fault! misogyny!'

She called twice today but I ignored it. I love her, I love how close we are now but I’m getting burnt out. I used to like going to her place when I first left inpatient, a little escape but it’s starting to be too much up there. It stresses me out more and I’d rather just be alone.

I did call her back briefly to ask what was happening with her car and then told her I was going back to bed. Which I am. Jett is snuggled up as a little lump next to me.

I can’t disappear completely cause of the party a week from tomorrow. I can’t wait for this next week to just hurry up and be over with.

It’s like for the past month there’s always been something. The build up to Christmas, then Christmas itself, then New Years and now this party. Sure my Nana’s birthday is on the 23rd which just so happens to be me and my ex’s old anniversary… Regardless I’m sure it’ll just be a lowkey day.