(images and lore courtesy of @forbidlore)

so you may notice that the shadowman armor is weird. it appears as if they wore the bones of animals, which became melded with their own skeletons when the demonic scourge came. maybe it's a me problem but i about died trying to find where their bone armor began, lol.

also, i LOVE her bizarre double-bow. "With two intertwining strings, it is a legendary weapon said to be impossible for a human to handle." no wonder why. that also means she's strong as fuck and has all the muscular and skeletal issues to prove it.

Okay, okay, I may have been bluffing a just a little and to be honest I could not put up much of a fortification (shit pun intended) to defend them with much else other than "I just think they're funny and cute". Now I will try my best to uphold some semblance of an explanation without bias, but it really is unavoidable with me.

• first off I want to admit in the most cucked, white flag-waving way that I do think there are objectively better ships for both characters- boots n bombs make the most sense, they're canonically besties and theres the whole WAR comic, plus those domination voicelines (I can't remember if they were actually used in-game or not). They're great. They are dumbass x dumbass. They like to explode thinks together and maybe kiss sloppily on the mouth after, in celebration. I've digressed a little, this may be a recurring theme; apologies. For spy, as much as i am personally repulsed by bloodysuit in the most respectful way possible; it's just not for me, I get why it's a popular ship with the whole enemies-to-lovers-except-they-still-hate-eachother thing, that and I think a lot of people like to ship the attractive skinny dudes to fujoshi out. Again no hate, because these are not too far from the reasons I love freedom fries.

My synopsis of bloodysuit is just this pic.

• based off of the canon content of their meet the team shorts and expiration date, I can at least garter from their baseline interactions (yeah, the bar is that low) that:

- They could not be more different and that gives them all the reason to hate each other, and they do. But from these minimal interactions, it is clear that, when on the same team, they hold a foundational respect towards one another- not easily earned by both of them. Both kind of know what makes each other tick- moreso spy knowing let's be honest, it is his profession, and they get along well enough. It is kind of crucial that they do anyways because they have to work together.

-Spy is entirely pompous and self-assured, he knows how to target the vulnerable and toy with them as he pleases, just as he does with scout like when he publicly shamed him in expiration date, though they do have a back and forth. He could absolutely pull soldier's strings without even lifting a finger, but he chooses not to. Be that because of soldiers explosive reactions or not I'd like to think it is because of that quiet kind of respect between them, they acknowledge each other's strengths and don't get in each other's way because of it.

-soldier thinks spy is a cowardly, pansy snake and spy thinks soldier is dangerously obtuse. They're both quite right. Though as it is shown there are moments when Spy self appoints himself as a leader and gives the team a pep talk, also like in expiration date and his mtt vid, soldier may shout out whatever comes to mind and interrupt but he doesn't disregard spy's authority. He follows orders, he's a soldier. But that subordination has to come from some kind of respect. A trust if you will.

The entire following point became a huge rambling about the games direction and it can be ignored entirely. Sorry about that*

• They comics are kind of a different story, as im sure you're quite familiar with your timeline and everything (super awesome you took the time to compile that by the way, I got to check it out still) the latest meet the team video was pyro's at 12 years ago, one year before any of the comics came out, and I have a suspicion, a conspiracy if you might, that there was a slight shift in artistic direction after all of the mtt vids and other canon sfm makings as valve tried to expand the tf2niverse. I theorize it has to do with the AS show idea being shot down (sigh in another life) but gosh I really digress. With that in mind I won't go over the comics too much for my argument, if you consider how tf2 was pre-comics, before it was refined for the masses, the comics almost seem like a divergence from the game's image, it was like they tried to reason their way around the world building to try and make sense of it all for the audiences pleasure, but I don't think it was necessary to try and create some logic at which the game runs on. It was kind of the point that the game didn't make a whole lot of sense it made it such a gem. In the end with comic 7, valve belatedly gave us closure but I think they realized a long the way that there never was meant to be that much coherence with it, they dug themselves deeper, shoveling plot holes. Hence the wars never mattered; they were never meant to (not entirely true but still). I am a sucker and I still love what the comics gave us to work with and yet again I digress really hard;

*spy and sol have little if not no interactions in the comics, for 90% of them spy is pissed and done with everyone, he really, really has some self control when others, mostly soldier, are on their usual bullshit. He is exasperated by a naked soldier and zhanna running about covered in honey, and that's about it. I could again make a point of respect since they're working together with the team to take down robots and whatever else, but you get the idea.

• This inevitably takes me to Emesis Blue. You knew we were going here. Of course it is a fanon work, but because it is arguably the biggest on out there, its had quite an impact on the fandom, almost immortalizing it as canon. I mean it has a wiki, fandom, and IMDB page. It's a great film, independent work or not, and that is saying quite a bit. I am an Emesis Blue glazer, I won't deny it. And I think it is what has drawn many to freedom fries. People love them some toxic yuri.

- in a world of angst in am a fluff lover. Even over angst with resolution, which spoilers if you haven't seen it we don't get for not just our free fries but everyone else in the film. But because I find their dynamic and the entire story so compelling, I am a sucker for the au. And they get no resolution further spoilers just in case Jane Doe considers killing him before Fritz beats him to the punch and blows Jacques' fucking head off. Before that though, they were familial almost. Spy was snippy and cold, soldier brash but loyal. Spy has to fuck it up with his corruption when soldiers says to him "I took a bullet for you" to which spy says "says I should have shot you myself" uh.. yeouwchh?!!! They're horrible, both of them. Despite being a lover of unconditional lovers, the kind that clogs your arteries with sweet plaque, I adore the freedom fries au. Freedom Fried. It guts me like a fish.

• AU aside, sure they despise each other and are so different it breaks the scale, I, in my beautiful, deluded mind think they could also bring out something worthwhile in each other. This may be a good time to mention that the whole opposites attract thing usually charms me. They have a lot to learn from each other. Sure spy has built up a great bullshit tolerance but I think soldier could teach him to not be so repressed. To live a little, outside of the shadows. Not be such a tight ass. And soldier could learn really anything from spy, primarily writing and revised history. But also impulse control and self discipline ya know. They're yin and yang to me.

- It would take spy accepting he's into such a graceless baboon though, it's quite fun to think of spy experiencing ego death (in the more literal sense, not the spiritual one) it's a gotcha for me. A win. It is my oppositional defiance speaking right now 'cause that type of shit always gets me, I can't be sated otherwise. I love it when things don't make sense, because I will find a way and make it. I breathe nuance. If we go back to reality for a second, Spy would also need to learn to allow himself love, and accept what burdens come with it. Nonetheless, he can't be tied down, can't be connected to the scene of a crime lest he hurts himself or others. I guess the former; I think he's afraid. We see this in his relationship with scout. Though he's grown and wants to make up for lost time with him, he's exposed his visage as well as his inner being (almost, he'll get there). But yet again this is the comics we're talking about, real reality check: game spy doesn't want the hindrance of a relationship other than the occasional passionate, untraceable fling. Soldier is too busy thinking about the statue of liberty, it's not really worth mentioning his side in depth.

-Though my last, weak hurrah is that spy does seem to be attracted to a mortal antipode. Scout's Ma is what I'm going off of, it seems that scout has got his everything from his ma, save for the bloodthirst (though the mafia ma theory/au is quite compelling). So I can see him being dreadfully whipped for soldier, whether he'd act upon it or not.

-Soldier is, to my chagrin in in this instance, is the opposite (I'm eating my words now aren't I) attracted to his mortal replica. He is head over heels for zhanna, clocking her brutish strength and beauty immediately, who can blame him. He has found someone to take orders from, and I think that's awesome.

• Here I am bringing up the comics again but in my own defence against myself I like to consider us living post-tf2 world, where the comics are kind of the word of god and the fanon versions of the mercs rule the day. It is hard to build off of them with the little game from 2007 alone, despite the game being an innovation with its use of unique characterization that wasn't really seen before in the gaming sphere, at least not in FPSs.

The sun has already dawned on the tf2 golden era- it's conception, and the tf2 prime era has seen a hay day fervent as the noon sun. I think we're in the quieting evening, dusk just around the corner, thoughts of the day coming back in a rush as we introspect, still creating in our own minds, just now with the information learned before hand to manipulate anew.

That's my justification for straying from canon a bit. I wouldn't have much of an argument without doing so. I like freedom fries because you can pick them apart, place them in various settings, and extract an array of reactions from them without any of them really being inaccurate. The point of the mercs is for them to be over the top charicatures anyways, so there is really no need to dig that deep in the first place. Just digging plot holes, right? Its a slapstick comedy game. Though in that same light it gives you all the space to dig on deeper.

I like freedom fries because of its funny, cute "I'm wearing a tailored hand crafted suit imported from Sicily on the back of a baby sea turtle, and he's wearing a garbage bag with some ketchup on it, or is that blood? Haha get it we're so different and I love him" AS WELL as their potential depth to be explored just as in Emesis Blue. They're a spectrum, they're a dipole on a delicate electromagnetic field, they're cut from the same, cucked white flag, same as me. I surrender. I have flip-flopped in my argument because I can't help but be detrimentally skeptical and look at it from as many angles possible. Freedom fries is not the best ship out there, but I think their potential can give them a little credit at least.

The defence rests. Here are some other whatnots I forgot to include. I'm reaching with these

Spy pausing for a pregnant half second to process Soldier's stupidity after his "dear god," at the bucket scene in expiration date.

Spy absolutely done with soldier and everyone else as his actually kind of thoughtful plan fell through. He knows what soldier is asking for before soldier finishes his sentence, so spy has him so mapped out that he can predict him? When do we ever know what is about to come out of soldier's mouth? Spy did some studying.

Spy and heavy enjoying literal naked pictures of spy and another woman doing it. Looking at a woman sure, but the man holds some of the focus too, they're snickering at it. Soldier is enjoying the pictures of spy however you slice it. Spoovy also rocks.