Nicholas deciding he wants a streak of red in the middle of his bangs. Him complaining in the bathroom and staining things red until Seiji finally comes to help. Nick sitting quietly while Seiji carefully paints his hair red. Seiji having to sit on Nick’s lap to get the underside. Nick asking if Seiji is wearing nice clothes. Seiji responding that he’s wearing shitty clothes bc he’s literally dying Nicholas’ hair and that gets messy. Nick smirking and swiping Seiji’s shirt with the dye. Them beginning to flick the red dye at each other, until everything gets so stained Nick has to take off his tank top and they have to immediately clean. Nick picking up toothpaste and baking soda, claiming it’s the easiest way to get it out, and he’s worked a lot of part time jobs so he’d know. Them cleaning together, and fighting and laughing and teasing the whole time. Seiji forgetting to close the curtain fully before going to bed. Nicholas and Seiji falling asleep, facing each other, eye contact slowly fading as their eyes close
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content warning for OCD spiral + general anxiety attack
Seiji paced the floor. He’d withdrawn the curtain between his and Nicholas’ side of the room, which his brain had screamed at him for, but it was for the greater good.
Something bad was going to happen.
He hadn’t figured out what yet. But he needed to postpone it until he figured it out, so he paced in ovals from the head of his bed, to the door, to the bathroom door, then to the head of Nicholas’ bed. He had an hour to figure out what was going to happen.
The door opened, and Nicholas entered. Scratch that, he had to figure out what was going to happen now. Nicholas wasn’t supposed to be back in the dorm for another hour- a clear sign that Seiji was right and something bad was approaching.
“Uh… Seiji?” Nicholas asked, pensive. “Are you ok?”
Seiji’s head snapped towards the boy. “I’m alright, thank you for your concern.” A terrible thought struck him. “Are you alright??”
Nicholas thought about it for a moment. “Yeah? I’m pretty sure.”
“Why are you back early?” Seiji demanded. He hadn’t stopped pacing, arms stiff by his side.
“Eugene had something to do so I just came back- dude are you seriously alright??”
Seiji paused. Immediately a terrible, oppressive sense of foreboding sank into him. He continued to walk. “Something bad is going to happen, Nicholas,” he imparted.
“Ok. What’s going to happen?” Nicholas asked. Seiji shook his head.
“I’m unsure.”
This entire situation was unsettling. Occasionally, he could tell a bad thing was going to happen. He had a ritual to help prevent it. He’d call Jesse Coste, Jesse would tell him it wasn’t going to happen and he was being crazy, he would run a mile, he would shower for 10 minutes, and if the bad thing was still going to happen, he would warn his parents.
He could not call Jesse Coste. His ritual was messed up.
Nicholas made a face that indicated he was thinking, which was unusual outside of the salle. “Alright, ok. What can I do so the bad thing doesn’t happen?”
What.
“What?”
“Sometimes my friend back home would get like this. She thought fires would burn down the school or that everyone they love would die,” Nicholas expanded.
Seiji stiffened and stopped pacing, wringing his fingers in his hands instead. “Alright. Alright then. What did she do to prevent this?”
Nicholas thought about it more, which was a bit unsettling. “Usually she’d remind herself that a lot of her scenarios were unrealistic and take a nap.”
“I can’t do that,” Seiji immediately blurted. Fear welled up in his chest, limbs heavy. His brain felt foggy, a lighthouse of panic being all he could detect.
“Ok,” Nicholas nodded. “You don’t have to. What do you usually do?”
Seiji recited his ritual. “I call Jesse, Jesse would tell me I’m crazy and that nothing was going to happen, I’d run a mile, shower for 15 minutes, then tell my parents to be aware.”
“Ok, well I’m not calling you crazy,” Nicholas immediately said. “You can still run and shower. Or we can start a new plan.”
Seiji’s muscles seized. “How will we know it’ll work, though?”
“It’s a trial run. We’ll try something new, if something bad doesn’t happen, we’ll know it works,” Nicholas explained. He’d been standing by the door the whole time, but only just closed it.
“And if something bad does happen?” Seiji felt his voice shake.
“We’ll get there when we get there.” Nicholas’ face was a rare serious determination, but also something Seiji couldn’t identify. Something kinder.
“Fine. What do you suggest?”
They ended up drawing together. Both sitting on Seiji’s bed, with sheets of lined paper on textbook covers. Nicholas was drawing Seiji. Seiji was failing at drawing a cat, so he instead began to draw Nicholas.
He looked down at his demented Nick. “I think I’m not very good at drawing.”
Nicholas shrugged. “Eh, it’s alright. It took me years to finally be happy with my art.”
Years? How did Nicholas learn to fence if he was busy drawing?
“I suppose,” is what came out instead.
Seiji was beginning to doubt drawing would prevent the bad event. He still felt that foreboding ache in his stomach.
“Are you sure this will help?” He asked, voice quieter than intended.
Nicholas nodded. “I’m sure. Uh- quick question, if a bad thing does happen, will it be your fault?”
That was closer to his normal ridiculous questions. “Of course it would be. That’s why I can not let it happen, or I would be a terrible person and the victim would…” he trailed off. He’d never even tell Jesse his motivations for preventing terrible events. Why was he telling Nicholas?
The boy waited nonetheless.
“They’d hate me,” he finished. Succinct, final.
Nicholas nodded. “I don’t think anyone could actually hate you.”
What an odd sentiment. Wrong, but odd.
“Ok.”
They continued to draw. Eventually the anxiety lessened, and no bad thing happened.
Seiji realized he was over complicating things before. The terrible events didn’t happen because he stayed out of it- so if he just stayed out of things and warned people, it wouldn’t happen. It would be much better than his old badgering and constant precautions. He’d have to thank Nicholas for helping him see that at some point.
“Just for tonight,” Seiji muttered as Nicholas climbed into his bed. “Because we have to.”
“Just for tonight,” Nicholas agreed.
The next night, a repeat of the murmurs, promises it was just for the night.
And again. And again.
By the seventh repetition, all Nicholas had to do was get out of the bathroom before Seiji instructed the time limit. It was also at that point Nicholas realized he was having much more difficulty sleeping when not at Seiji’s side.
12 days after the initial promise, Seiji cleared his throat as Nicholas laid in his own bed.
“Do you… need something?” Nicholas asked.
“No,” Seiji responded immediately. “Just wondering if you were having difficulty sleeping.”
Nicholas snorted. “Seiji, I just laid down.”
“My question still applies.”
Silence, and then their rubber duck curtain was pushed aside and Nicholas was in Seiji’s bed within a few seconds. They could both properly relax then.
An entire month after the first tonight, Seiji laid awake in his bed. Nicholas wasn’t back in the dorm yet, citing some sort of team bonding activity with the rest of the fencing team.
He was wishing he’d gone now.
He found himself cold, even with his blankets. Nicholas was like a space heater, constantly radiating some internal warmth. Seiji wondered if it was his blood or heart that made it that way. He thought he’d heard once that people who run warm have faster beating hearts. Maybe not.
Seiji didn’t fall asleep until midnight, when Nicholas was at his side.
Two months after, being in the same bed wasn’t enough. They had to hold each other. Nicolas found this utterly delightful. He couldn’t sleep unless he was holding onto something koala style, and Seiji was a begrudgingly willing participant to be his log. His arms would wrap around Seiji’s middle, their legs would mingle and interlock, his face would be on Seiji’s chest or planted in the crook of his neck.
Seiji ran cold. So cold. It was a delight in Nicholas’ life that he could fall asleep next to a freezer and awake with a personal heated blanket. It made him feel some sort of accomplishment.
Neither of them would ever speak of their new routine, neither of them would ever sleep somewhere that wasn’t with each other if they could control it. Both of them, however, would never be able to see the other the same after months of being the first thing they saw when awaking.
Seiji laid in his bed, on his back, staring straight at the blankness of the white ceiling. It was almost pitch black in the monotony of the stormy night. Lightning struck, temporarily illuminating the ceiling. There was some water damage on a spot near the wall, and it had a popcorn texture. A couple seconds later, thunder struck. The deep scream of nature resonated throughout the entire room. The noise made it difficult to sleep. It always did.
“… Seiji?”
“Why aren’t you asleep?” Seiji asked. Nicholas slept like the dead, and usually was down by 9. It was 2 in the morning.
“You can’t make fun of me.” His voice was shaky, definitive. The usual glint of mischief that usually inhabited his tone was completely gone.
“I won’t.”
Silence as lightning struck once more, filling the room with day.
“I’m scared. Of storms,” Nicholas confessed.
Seiji remained silent. “Oh.”
“I know it’s stupid. I know nothing will happen. But sometimes it does, y’know?” He continued, soft and vulnerable.
“Has something happened?” Seiji asked. There seemed to be an implication there.
“I- yeah. Back when I was 7. I was living with my mom in a shitty single room apartment. A storm came in, roof caved on top of me and mom. Woke up soaking wet, covered in rubble. Firefighters had to come get us out. Found out later that lightning struck our apartment too, but luckily that place had a lightning rod. I think it was a gift from a former resident?” He mused. His tone grew stronger as he continued talking, into a ghost of normal. They fell into silence, heavy rain thudding on their windowpane.
Reality struck Seiji once more. Nicholas came from another world, one where he was casually in a collapsed house. Where he was a child, in a scary situation, and he could seem so casual about it.
“That sounds… I don’t know. I’m sorry.” Seiji had never been good at comfort.
Nicholas snorted, dry and humorless. “Did you cave in the roof to my apartment?”
“No?”
“Then don’t apologize. Feels like pity. I don’t fuck with that. What happened, happened. Nothing I can do about it now. Happened almost a decade ago anyways.”
They fell into silence again. Seiji turned his head staring at the rubber duck shower curtain, where he thought Nicholas’ face might be staring back through the divider.
“Still, it’s shitty. That never should’ve happened to you. That shouldn’t happen to anyone.” His words surprised himself- they came naturally, and didn’t sound odd coming out of his mouth.
“… yeah. I guess.” Nicholas’ breathy, whispered tone was beginning to scare Seiji. Where was his loud, energetic friend?
He swallowed. “Do you… need, anything? From me?”
“What?”
“Well- no matter how long ago it happened, obviously you’re still frightened of storms. And- what matters is now. Right now you’re scared. So, how can I help?”
Nicholas didn’t speak for a moment. “Usually I just sleep in the same bed as my mom. It helps to make sure she’s safe.”
“Would you like me to come over there?” His own offer, once again, surprised him. Was he truly willing to be that close, intimate with another? It’d been a while since he’d had physical affection from anyone, much less given it freely.
“Are you okay with that?”
“I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t.”
Rain hardened against the window. He would’ve thought it was hail if it wasn’t spring.
Nicholas blurted out, “You’re right, yeah. Sorry. Uhm- sure, if you’re good with it. That would be nice.”
Seiji sighed. Was he really doing this? He almost didn’t. He almost stayed, warm and comfortable in bed, staring at the shower curtain. But then there was Nicholas’ scared voice, his shakiness, his story. Then there was Nicholas Cox.
So he rose. He gripped onto the shower curtain, shrugged it aside, and settled in with Nick. It took five steps, he put his foot forward 5 times. It felt like the longest journey of his life.
Nick was warm. He ran hot, he sweated easily, he hardly needed blankets at any time throughout the year. Summer was his personal hell. Seiji had never felt that warmth in this way before, though. He’d never felt it arching along his back, wrapped around him.
It was nice. If it wasn’t for the situation, the sheer nicety would’ve scared him. He would’ve gotten up and gone right back to his side of the room, reconstituting order. But once more, then there was Nicholas Cox. Nick shuddering, biting his lip, digging his fingernails into the mattress. So he stayed.
“You’re cold,” Nick mumbled, shifting until they were effectively spooning.
“You’re warm,” Seiji rebutted. “Are you alright with this?”
“Yes.” The response was more immediate than any previous conversation of the night.
“Ok, good. Uhm, good night Nicholas. If you can sleep.”
“I think I can now.”
Thunder shook the room once more, but neither of them stirred. They stayed in their own little world, hot and cold, red and blue. Together, they drifted off to a dreamless sleep.
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Seiji’s alarm going off. Nicholas wrapping his arms tighter around Seiji and mumbling for him to not leave and sleep in today. Seiji going anyways, leaving a very disgruntled Nicholas. Seiji beginning to set his alarm 10 minutes earlier so Nicholas gets 10 minutes of cuddle time in the mornings. Nicholas thinking he’s won until he really thinks about it and realizes “that bastard IS MAKING ME WAKE UP EVEN EARLIER” but isn’t as mad as he should be bc he actually really appreciates getting cuddle time in the morning, even if it’s 10 minutes. Seiji slowly setting the alarm back more and more. 15 minutes. 20 minutes. Half an hour. Whenever Seiji insists they go to bed really early, Nicholas knows their morning will get a lot of cuddle time.
Nicholas had been humming something while repeatedly strumming his guitar for a while now. Seiji, while never one to love the noise, did find some comfort in the repetitiveness. It was also more quiet than Nicholas’ usual practice, which was rowdy and loud and bursting with energy. Not great for the evening hours when Seiji studied in their shared room.
“Seiji! Listen to this!” Nicholas yanked back the rubber duck curtain, looking far too gleeful to not be plotting. Seiji did not have time for this.
“No. I’m studying.” He said it succinctly, there should’ve been no room for misinterpretation.
Nicholas jumped from his bed to Seiji’s, nonetheless, acoustic guitar in hand. Seiji sighed. “I suppose I have no choice in this matter?”
“Nope!” Nicholas answered, popping the p.
He began playing his guitar, repeating the same two chords. “This is the first song I ever learned. My mom likes it a lot, although I guess it’s boring to me now. I thought I’d forgotten it, but apparently not.”
Seiji sat and listened. It was nicer than the songs Nicholas usually practiced. Nicholas took a deep breath, using his diaphragm, and Seiji steeled himself for his usual loudly projected vocals and political lyrics.
That wasn’t what happened at all.
It was soft, the repetitive melody that Nicholas had been humming earlier.
“You’re a part time lover and a full time friend, the monkey on your back is the latest trend, I don’t see what anyone can see in anyone else.”
“Your mom likes this song?” Seiji repeated. Nicholas nodded.
“Yeah. We used to sing it together, since it’s a duet. Although I guess that’s a little odd considering- it’s a love song- but doesn’t matter, we had fun!” He looped the chords for a little longer than usual and began the next verse.
“I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of the train, I kiss you all starry eyed, my body’s swinging side to side, I don’t see what anyone can see in anyone else… but you”
It was nice, sitting there with Nicholas like this, Seiji decided. Maybe he’d learn the song too, duet it with him. Simply because he enjoyed the song. Of course. It had nothing to do with Nicholas’ focused gaze on his strumming hands, his soft voice, or the yearning lyrics. He just liked the simplicity of the song.
“Here is the church and here is the steeple, we sure are cute for two ugly people, I don’t see what anyone can see in anyone else, but you.”
Nicholas hated to watch his friend be so clearly in distress. Seiji would deny it, of course, but he’d been sitting on his bed, staring out the window, and clenching his jaw for almost 20 minutes. Nicholas had been counting. It was dark outside, and a gentle rain fell on their window. Seiji had even put on one of his vinyls- one with LYRICS. It had been going through an album, which Nicholas expected to loop for a while. He only ever listened to music with lyrics when he desperately needed his brain to shut up.
“Bend it till it breaks, bend it till wheels fall off”- a new song had just started.
Nicholas slowly padded his way over to Seiji’s bed, just standing by it. Seiji watched him out of his peripherals.
“Can I help you?” Seiji muttered, shoulders tensing. He still didn’t turn his head, just watched Nicholas out of his peripherals.
“Nope,” Nick replied, popping the p. “But can I help YOU?”
Seiji immediately rebutted, “No. I’m fine.”
“You’re not, but ok. What’s going on? What do you need from me?” Nick probed, gently setting himself onto Seiji’s bed.
Silence except for the vinyl. “I see it clearly.”
Seiji slowly turned his head towards Nick, biting the bottom of his lip so hard it began to pale. “I don’t know. I think the world is going to explode, and I can prevent it, but I’m unsure how. Also the electricity is loud.”
Nick hummed and nodded. “Yeah, sounds about right. What do you need?”
“You don’t even need a mirror to tell you if it’s real or not, it’s clear to me.”
The black haired fencer stared further into space. “I think pressure. Maybe. This vinyl makes me feel like I’m floating in space.”
Nick began adjusting himself behind Seiji. “Ok, hug from behind?”
Seiji nodded. So, Nicholas wrapped his arms to the front of his friend, and hugged tightly. Seiji melted into him, clutching his forearms.
“You’re warm.” Seiji mumbled, “Like a nuclear reactor.”
Nicholas raised an eyebrow. “A nuclear reactor?” Seiji simply nodded his head. “Yes. A nuclear reactor.”
They leaned back together, watching the window. Water slid down it, only definable by the light caught in it like dew in spiders’ webs at dawn. Guitar drifted from the record, mingling with the soft slaps of rain on glass.
“Loosen your grip, sit back and listen close. Riot quiet, bury the dead even if they won’t let go.”
