#ragequitthatshit

Much later that night, you found yourself sat in a booth right at the back of Pop’s with Betty, Jughead and Veronica. None of you spoke, merely picking at your food and milkshakes, lost in your own thoughts.

It was a strange feeling, like it wasn’t really happening. This was Archie, who got in trouble in elementary school for fighting bullies on behalf of the smaller kids. Archie who protected his family and his friends with everything in him. Archie who loved pancakes and hated mushrooms and wore odd socks - your little brother. It didn’t matter that there was barely 10 minutes difference in age, you still insisted you were elder. 

You were polar opposites in some ways - Archie was reckless where you were methodical, easily manipulated where you had trouble trusting anyone. He could be stupid sometimes, making rash decisions like starting the red circle or chasing after gunmen, but he was good at heart, and there was no way in hell he could ever kill someone. 

And now he was locked up in a place with a bad reputation and you hoped to god that if nothing else, the serpent tattoo would grant him some reprise - he’d need comrades in there even if he wouldn’t have friends. 

You kept opening your mouth to speak, uncomfortable with the silence, but what were you supposed to say? 

Luckily, you were saved by the ring of the bell as the front door was pushed open. In walked a crowd of leather, and you jumped up to greet them. 

Toni was the first to rush forward and hug you, followed by Cheryl and Fangs. They joined the group in the booth as Sweet Pea analysed you with his dark eyes before pulling you into his chest. The familiar smell of leather and smoke was comforting, and you clutched to his jacket for a moment to ground yourself. 

When you stepped back, you quickly wiped at your eyes to rid yourself of any tears and tried to smile up at the boy. He looked concerned, and you knew that your pathetic attempt at fooling him into thinking you were ok wouldn’t work. Still, when he asked if you were alright, you nodded and turned quickly to squash back into the now-crowded booth. Sweet Pea took a seat by your side, leg pressed against yours, and arm draped over the booth behind you. Over the course of the next hour, as the group swapped back and forth between discussing pointless subjects and possible plans to clear Archie’s name or break him out, the warmth of Sweet Pea kept you grounded, and you both pretended not to notice when his phone lit up with Josie’s name several times, instead he turned the device face-down and moved somehow even closer. 

You couldn’t even find it in you to feel guilty.

Despite your dad’s hesitation, you decided to go back to school with the others. It was funny in a sad sort of way that you usually looked for any excuse not to have to go, and then when you had one, you didn’t want it. You just couldn’t stand another day at home. It was so empty and quiet, just you and Vegas, who’d taken to lying on the floor of Archie’s room and whining. 

School wasn’t much better though with all the looks, the whispers. At first it upset you, but a couple of hours in and it was rapidly pissing you the hell off. The second the bell rang for free period, you stormed through the hallways, earphones in and scowling as you threw yourself down into a chair in the corner of the student lounge. Everyone kept their distance, casting glances at your furious scribbling before quickly retreating. Eventually, the bell rang again for lunch and you knew your peace was going to soon be disrupted as people streamed into the room. Mere minutes later, you felt someone looming over you, and quickly grabbed the hand that crept into your peripheral. 

“If you pull out my earphones, I will pull out your lungs.”

Sweet Pea merely laughed and leant against the desk you were hunched over, Fangs by his side flipping through the text book you’d been taking notes from. Knowing it was hopeless, you rolled your eyes to the ceiling before fixing them both with a glare.

“I’m trying to work, what do you two idiots want?”

“For you to pull the stick out of your ass and come sit with us,” Sweet Pea replied with an easy smirk, Fangs snorting in amusement as he passed you your book back. Your glare quickly shot to the shorter boy, who adopted an innocent look and held his hands in the air.

“Don’t look at me, I didn’t say it!”

Huffing, you stood and shoved your belongings back into your bag.

“Drop dead, Fogarty.”

You spun on your heel and headed for the couches to squish into an armchair with Kevin, ignoring the indignant splutter and deep laughter of the boys behind you. Immediately after you sat down, Veronica leant towards you with her usual determined look. 

“So, this football game that Archie’s planning for the juvie boys, what do you think? Want to come and cheer him on with us?” Noting your arched brow of confusion, she elaborated. “Archiekins was saying that the guys in there needed a pep rally more than most, so what better way to raise their spirits than with a good show? The Vixens are practicing the routine tonight ready for Thursday. Join us?”

You wrinkled your nose and gave Veronica a weird look as she waited for your answer.

“Are you asking me to dance like a slut in front of my twin?”

As everyone else laughed, Veronica gave you an unimpressed look at the teasing smile on your face.

“Ok, ok, I’ll take that as a no.”

Grinning, you turned your eyes to Fangs.

“I know someone else who would look great in a mini skirt though.”

Never one to turn down a bet, it wasn’t long before things had escalated and Fangs decided to don one of the cheer uniforms and run around the school in it. His conclusion that he enjoyed the freedom and the breeze that came from a skirt kept you giggling the rest of the day.

Archie was a week into juvie, and already he looked like shit. He was pale and tired, and as a Serpent you had enough experience with fighting to know that he couldn’t sit normally because he was bruised as hell. Concern flooded your face, and you spared the guard a quick look before leaning closer to your brother.

“Arch, who did this?”

Archie looked around them, noting the other prisoners who sat close enough to hear all seemed to be too busy to listen. He turned back around, staring down at his hands instead of you.

“It-” he started, only to quickly close his mouth and shake his head, “it doesn’t matter.”

Glaring at him, you ground out his name in a warning tone. Knowing you weren’t going to drop it, he sighed heavily and leaned in close. 

“Ghoulies,” he mumbled, only meeting your eyes for a second as thunder thrummed in your bones.

“Those fucking sons of bitches!” you spat, hands balling into fists. “What about the Serpents, are they protecting you?”

Archie opened his mouth to reply, but didn’t get a chance as yells rang out, an inmate and their guest throwing punches at one another across the room. The inmates were herded to the far wall as the guards called for the end of visits, ushering you and the other visitors towards the exit. A quick hug and a demand that he stay safe, and you were all but shoved out of the room. You were furious as you began the drive home, hands clenching the steering wheel so tight you stopped being able to fully feel your fingers. 

The Ghoulies had been a problem ever since you’d joined the Serpents, and you had always hated them. Now that they were after your brother? No way were you about to let that slide.

Instead of going home, you’d gone straight to Jughead with an intense need to rant before you exploded. With an agreement that something had to be done, you decided to brainstorm possible ideas the next day after school, and you left the trailer slightly calmer than you had arrived. 

Nothing ever got to be done regarding the juvie situation, as three weeks then went by without anyone being able to see Archie. You and your dad were angry and fearful, unaware of what was happening to him. The Warden’s claims of Archie starting a riot were bullshit, and you all knew it. You were curled up on the sofa watching Game of Thrones reruns as your dad met with his lawyer when your phone buzzed with a call from Veronica.

Intrigued, you quickly answered, and as soon as you heard the name Penny, you were stuffing on your jacket and trainers with the promise you’d be at the speakeasy in 10. Once there, Veronica quickly explained Penny’s offer of protection and the following shipment of Jingle Jangle, as well as her belief that her father was behind it, and her, Cheryl and Toni’s  storming of the drug lab at the Whyte Worm. 

“So you blackmailed your father into backing off, what do you need from me?”

Veronica fixed you with a smile, rounding the bar to hand you a glossy card invitation.

“To come to opening night. Not only do you have to be there as a friend, but also I have a feeling Penny might come sniffing around with threats - we both know she isn’t what you’d call loyal and I wouldn’t put it past her to try and pull something.”

You nodded thoughtfully as you stared at the card in your hand, raising your gaze to meet Veronica with a sly smile.

“I need to speak to her about a Ghoulie infestation anyway. I’ll be there.”

“Excellent! Then there’s just one more thing,” Veronica smiled widely, casting a raised eyebrow at your scuffed trainers and ripped jeans. “Wear a dress.”

That night, La Bonne Nuit was packed out with the younger residents of Riverdale. Josie was singing, drinks were flowing, and everyone was dressed to suit the 20s decor. A black cocktail dress and heels had you fitting in nicely, and you were feeling pretty good as you spent the evening laughing with friends. 

You stayed on alert though, keeping an eye out for Penny or Ghoulies sent to cause trouble. Sweet Pea, Fangs and Jughead were doing the same, keeping a watch on the entryway as they mingled. You were sat in a booth chatting to Betty when you felt eyes on you. A quick glance over the blondes shoulder and you caught Sweet Pea turning back to Fangs to whisper something. They seemed to be having a heated discussion, some stupid disagreement knowing them, but as you carried on talking to Betty you realised that as they talked, the boys swapped between looking at you and looking at Josie. 

You shook off the weirdness, getting lost in anecdotes as more people came to join you, until a hand on your shoulder had you looking up to meet Veronica’s steely gaze. Excusing yourself, with a quick reassurance to Betty that everything was fine, you let Veronica pull you by the hand through the crowd to the bar. There, Reggie looked pissed as he hung up the phone, and you looked at him expectantly.

“Penny’s just pulled up outside and I’m gonna guess she ain’t here for a burger.”

Sighing, you gave Reggie a nod, and beckoned for Veronica to follow you upstairs. On your way, you caught the questioning stare of Sweet Pea, and you cocked your thumb at Reggie in answer. He could explain, you needed to move. Steeling your expression into your ‘I know i’m short but im actually a tough gang member’ face, you pushed past the queue of people still waiting to get into the speakeasy and stalked outside to the car park. 

Illuminated by the light of the diner, Penny leant against her car, her cocky smirk instantly irritating you. Veronica stuck close by your side and, as you’d done several times before, you admired her tenacity. Still, she was out of her element, more used to the organised turn-taking style of mob business rather than the rough and tumble gang fights, so your priority was ensuring she got out of this unscathed. 

“What are you doing here, Penny? I thought I told you that your services were not required, as much as I appreciate the offer.”

Penny snorted at Veronica’s steady words, choosing not to heed the warning and instead pushed off the car and began to stroll towards the two of you. Despite her casual pace and crossed arms, you took a step forward to keep some distance between her and the girl behind you, wary of her intentions. 

Noticing your movement, Penny smiled sickly and stopped in her tracks, narrowed eyes watching you with a dangerous glint.

“My, my, Lodge, you sure are a lucky girl,” the blonde began in a mocking tone, “you always seem to have a little Andrews guard dog yapping around your heels.”

Not in the mood for Penny and her games, your fingers reached for the pocket that wasn’t there, then clenched into fists, teeth gritted as you realised your knife was in your jacket pocket, which was still in the cloakroom.

“Listen, bitch, you’re not welcome here, so get the hell out. Veronica and her speakeasy are protected by the Serpents, so go do your dirty business elsewhere.” 

Your sharp tone and pissed off expression seemed to rile up the older woman, and she took a step closer to square up to you.

“Excuse me? You don’t get to tell me what to do, ok little girl? I could 

you with my pinkie. So how about you and the princess here show me some respect before I have one of my guys on the inside slit your brothers throat.”

You barely heard Veronica’s gasp or the bell above the door signalling someone exiting Pop’s over the rushing of blood in your ears. You didn’t feel yourself move, just felt a wave of total fury before your fist collided with Penny’s cheek. The blonde went sprawling onto the tarmac as you glared down at her, pain shooting up your arm and you learn down to grab the lapels of her jacket and tug her up to a half sitting position so you were face to face. 

“Go anywhere near my brother,” you whispered menacingly, “and you’re fucking dead.” 

Roughly releasing your grip, you stood and backed away as Penny pulled herself up from the ground, laughing as she wiped the trickle of blood from her mouth. 

“Oh, you have no 

what you’re messing with, but I promise you now, I’m gonna kill your bro with my bare hands.” 

You lunged forward, barely making it a step before strong arms pulled you back. Despite the vice grip of leather sleeves and tattooed hands, you still tried to fight free and get to Penny, all the emotions that had been building up for weeks begging to be set free. Either side of you, the Serpents appeared, Fangs half in front of you in a protective stance, and Jughead slouching cockily on your right. 

“You’re outnumbered, Penny, take the advice and get the hell out of here,” ordered the Serpent King, staring her down.

Penny didn’t respond at first, letting her eyes drift over the small group. Finally, with a cheery goodbye, and a smirk that spelled trouble directed at you, she stalked back to her car and made a speedy exit. You watched the lights disappear around the corner in silence, muscles going slack as Sweet Pea relaxed his grip on you. 

Everyone stayed quiet, and you took a few staggered breaths to try and release the adrenaline coursing through you. When you felt sufficiently calmer, you eased Sweet Pea’s hand off of your waist, squeezing his fingers quickly to quell the hard frown he was currently staring you down with. You turned to the others with a quick thank you, flexing your fingers experimentally to make sure you hadn’t damaged anything on Penny’s stupid smug face. You knew they were all staring at you, waiting for you to explode in anger from Penny’s words, and you couldn’t blame them. You had a notoriously short temper, and the strange calm you felt surprised even you. With one last look at the dots of blood on the ground, you avoided the gazes of your friends, striding straight past to head back inside and get a seriously strong drink. 

Exchanging concerned glances, the rest shortly followed, and spent the night on edge as they waited for you to snap.

Instead of snapping, you got wasted. 

It seemed to work, as you were no longer angry - you were stumbling around laughing your ass off instead. Despite the initial worry over your choice of distraction, everyone else had shortly started to drink with you in solidarity, which led to the Serpents and their Northside buddies crashing out of the front door of Pop’s and spilling into the car park way past closing time.

Cheryl and Toni were flirting, Sweet Pea, Jughead and Fangs were play fighting, and you had your arms linked with Kevin and Betty as you slurred through Mean Girls quotes in a competition of who knew the film best. At the corner you split ways to head home, leaving you with Jug, Betty and Sweet Pea. The couple quickly cosied up together, whispering, while you dropped back a few paces to link arms with Sweet Pea. Heaving a contented sigh, you lent your head right back to look up at the stars, and if you weren’t hanging on to the boy next to you for support, you’d be on your ass. 

“You know you live in the opposite direction, right?”

Sweet Pea’s eyes quickly darted to you when you spoke, as if he had been deep in thought. Smiling, he steered you around a lamppost.

“You think I’m gonna trust you walking home alone right now?” You turned to him, opening your mouth but he shot a pointed look at the couple in front of you and beat you to it. “And no, they don’t count, they wouldn’t notice if I got naked and started doing the Single Ladies dance.” 

You laughed unabashedly, prompting another grin from the usually sullen Serpent. 

You walked most of the way in silence, bid goodbye to the loved-up couple outside of your house, and now stood on your porch. The night was quiet, the house dark, and luckily you had sobered up enough in the cool night air to keep your voice low. 

“Thanks for walking me home, Sweets. And thanks for having my back earlier. You’re always there when I need you.” 

His face was gentle, lit softly by the porch light as his eyes searched your face.

“And you’re always there for me. We look out for each other - that’s what friends do, right?”

You felt a stab in your gut at the word ‘friends’, and you took a half-step back as you realized how close the two of you were. 

“Well, still, Penny’s gonna be out of my blood now and you didn’t have to risk being pulled into it, so thank you.” 

You gave him a hug, throat going tight at the feeling of his arms around you. Pulling back with a cough, you gave him a smile and murmured goodnight before twisting around to unlock your door. Before you could disappear inside, Sweet Pea grasped your wrist, tugging you gently to look back at him.

“Don’t do that. Don’t brush off my help and think I give a shit that sticking up for you could get me in trouble. I’ll protect you no matter what, even if it kills me, ok?”

You were stunned and speechless, stood gawping at him until it was his turn to mumble a farewell and stride down the pathway. Collecting yourself, you headed inside, and as you shut the door behind you, your eyes met Sweet Pea’s as he stood on the pavement in front of your house, waiting till you were safely inside before he left.

Leaning back against the cool wood of the front door, you slumped down onto the floor of your dark hallway, head in your hands.

You were donned in black, sat in the polished back pews of a quaint church next to Sam, watching as Steve carried the coffin on his shoulder. You didn’t know how to feel right now.

You didn’t know how you were supposed to feel.

Probably not jealous of a dead lady.

God, what was wrong with you?

Clearing your throat and shifting in your seat in an attempt to derail your thoughts, you caught the attention of the man next to you. Sam had been one of your closest friends ever since you’d challenged him to an impromptu race in the park 3 years ago. He was the one who introduced you to the team. He was the one who set you up with Steve. He was the one who knew that when you were angry-sad you liked to watch horror films and when you were sad-sad you liked to watch Harry Potter. So basically, he knew you well.

Right now, he was giving you that look that said he knew exactly what you were thinking, and you needed to calm the fuck down before your nervous laughter kicked in - after all, was there a more inappropriate place to start laughing than a funeral?

Especially because Steve was now back sat at your side, clenching your hand in his probably tighter than he realised. Ow.

You gave him a supportive squeeze and a smile, which gained you the same in return before both of you turned your attention back to the front.

Where Sharon Carter took the podium to talk about her Aunt Peggy.

You’d met Sharon several times at Tony’s parties and around the compound, and you hated to say it but you didn’t particularly like her. She was definitely interested in Steve, and although she’d never come close to even hinting at acting on the crush, she still put you on edge.

After all, you thought as you glanced at Steve to see his attention locked onto Sharon as she spoke, her own eyes staring straight back at him.

She had a connection to him that you could never have.

She connected him to the past he missed so dearly.

xxx

You were sat on the balcony, sneaking a stress-smoke, when the story came through.

The second you heard the words ‘Vienna’ and ‘bomb’ you stumbled out of your seat and rushed to turn up the tv. The news was showing the burning UN building and your heart jumped to your throat as you feared for Natasha.

Then they showed the clip of the suspect and your heart plummeted to your feet.

The news reporter called him James Buchanan Barnes, but that wasn't the name you knew him by. To you, he was just Bucky.

The boy that had been such a good friend to your beloved Steve, who had gone above and beyond to protect him from the world.

Steve, who had stayed behind with Sharon to talk about Peggy.

This was going to destroy him.

“Sam!” you yelled, eyes remaining on the screen as you heard the dividing door between your rooms open.

“What’s up, princess? Seen a spider and need a big strong man to sa-”

His voice trailed off at the face on the screen.

You turned to him slowly, both your gazes heavy as you processed what this meant.

“Go get Steve, he needs to see this.”

Sam nodded in response and slipped out of the room, leaving you to drop on to the bed and stare at the shot of Bucky, wondering what the hell was going on.

xxx

As expected, Steve did not react well.

First, he insisted that it wasn’t Bucky, and then when he accepted it was, he decided that he had to be the one to bring him in. He reasoned that if it really was Bucky, then no one else could do this - it had to be him.

You got it, you really did, but this was reckless for Steve, and if he wasn’t being so driven by emotions you doubted he’d be so headstrong about this. However, you smiled and nodded and went along with it, because what the fuck else were you supposed to do?

So now you were in Vienna, sat at a bar next to Sam keeping an eye on the news while Sharon looked for a lead and Steve checked in with Nat. This was what you hated the most, sitting around waiting, unable to help while everyone you knew was busy being important and dramatic. You tapped your foot rapidly in agitation, to the thinly-veiled annoyance of Sam, as you scrolled through endless news apps and social media hashtags, trying to find out anything that could help Steve.

You were also busily pretending you hadn’t noticed the string of texts from Tony telling you to stay far away, and to keep Steve with you.

You were trying to decide whether Tony would give you a replacement phone if you threw yours across the room when Steve walked in, stoney faced. Catching his gaze, you tried for a supportive smile, and managed to get a quirk of the lips in response.

He came and sat next to you, tugging you so you were tucked under his chin, one strong arm anchoring around your shoulders. You stroked his thigh affectionately, then reached up to kiss his jaw softly. Smiling properly now, he pressed his lips to yours and ran his fingers through your hair causing you to hum softly.

“I think I found something.”

You were going to kill Sharon.

Pulling away from Steve, you tried to school your expression so you weren’t glaring at the blonde woman, who had looked up from the file in her hand, realised what she had interrupted, and was now red in the face.

Steve placed a soothing hand on the small of your back in an attempt to quell the murder in your eyes, then turned to Sharon who gave him the report she’d found. Both Sam and Steve looked over the file, checking the information for credibility and forming a plan, while you sat and watched - like always.

You’d never been this bothered before about being outside the team, why was it hitting you so hard now?

Ignoring the uneasy feeling, you followed the conversing trio out to the street, feeling so out of place that you had to shake off the anxiety that was creeping it’s way into your mind. Now was not the time for that - it was time to prove your worth.

xxx

Bucharest. You’d been to more places over the last 36 hours than you’d been in the last year, and you were only there still because you’d flat out refused when Steve told you to go back to the compound where you’d be safe. You thought he’d be mad, but he’d seemed quite touched that you’d been so against leaving him in what could end up being a seriously difficult and messy reunion with his childhood bestie.

You weren’t in the drama though, oh no.

Sharon had disappeared off to meet the Secretary of who-the-fuck-cares, and the boys were currently breaking into Bucky’s suspected flat.

You, though, were safely tucked away in a cafe in the middle of the city, a few blocks away from where the reunion was taking place. You were sat drinking your fourth cup of coffee, trying to drown your worries and keep your hands busy, but only succeeding in further agitating yourself with the caffeine shakes. Oops.

Steve hadn’t even connected you to the comms, so you were completely out of the loop and left to stare at your phone as you waited for any contact.

You were expecting a text from Sam, but what you got instead was a Russian spy suddenly sat at your table, drinking your coffee.

You blinked, then decided it was best to just roll with it.

“Hey Nat.”

“Tony tracked your phone, we wanted to make sure you were ok. You need to come with me.”

Of course Tony had tracked your phone. Pouting, you glared at the gadget as if it was the one that had done you wrong, then looked back up to where Nat was now typing furiously on her own phone.

“Go where? And why? I’m guessing you know what Steve’s doing, so you should also know that I want to stay right here till I know he’s ok.”

You snatched back your coffee and took a sip.

“He’s been arrested.”

You choked on your sip.

“What?! What do you mean ‘arrested’? What the hell is going on?”

Nat gave you a look of slight pity, and stood impatiently.

“I’ll explain on the way, now come on, we’re needed in Berlin.”

Sighing, you went with the only real option you had - you followed her

xxx

Why was it that, in your experience, everyone named Ross was an asshole?

This Ross was just as self-righteous as the other one, and there was a small bit of you that found satisfaction in the fact that it was Sharon who had to deal with him. She looked like she was about to collapse out of boredom.

You, on the other hand, were once again being shunted to the side. You were sat in some sort of control room where Tony was pacing and speaking angrily into his phone while Ross, Sharon and a couple of workers were discussing something or other. Nat had disappeared a few moments ago when the call came through that the ‘captives had been brought in’.

You’d shared a look of great discomfort with her at Steve and Sam being referred to as criminals.

When Ross and Sharon suddenly left the room as well, you turned to ask Tony what the hell was going on only to find him standing as far from you as possible, back turned and still on the phone.

Ok, you were getting seriously pissed at being ignored.

Gritting your teeth in irritation, you were about to storm off to find the others when suddenly the bank of screens in front of you flickered into life. Your eyes were immediately pulled to the centre monitor, which showed a live feed of a prisoner in a box.

Well, at least Bucky was alive.

You hadn’t ever seen him in person, only in photos taken back when he was Sergeant Barnes. This man, however, was broken and rugged, and you began to understand more why Steve was so set on helping him. It wasn’t fair that one man, a good man, could be so broken down.

A commotion broke you from your musings, and you spun around to lock eyes with Steve. Tony, Nat and Ross were all busy telling them off, but you didn’t hesitate in pushing past them to throw your arms around your boyfriend’s neck. He looked like he needed a hug, and you’d be lying if you said that you didn’t need one to.

You were interrupted abruptly when Tony pulled Steve away to talk about the repercussions of what happened, and Nat came up to take your hand and squeeze it in support. She could tell you were becoming overwhelmed - you were suddenly being thrown head-first into the area of their lives you’d always been kept out of.

“Y/N, this is T’Challa, the King of Wakanda.”

At Nat’s words, your eyes bulged and you turned to the handsome man smirking beside you. He reached out a hand to take yours, and you smiled bashfully when he kissed it rather than shook it.

“Pleasure to meet you, Y/N.”

“Likewise, Your Highness? Your lordship? My king?”

As if you knew how to address royalty, you worked in a coffee shop for fuck sake.

Luckily, rather than the weird looks you expected, Nat and T’Challa laughed, which momentarily lightened the mood. Until you and Sam were pushed into the glass room with Steve as the others sat in front of the screens outside.

You wanted to ask Steve what Tony had said, but the look on his face had you biting your tongue. Instead, you joined him at the table, and watched the screen that was still showing Bucky. Now, though, he was talking to someone. Or to himself. You couldn’t be sure.

You were making a mental note to actually get Clint to teach you lip-reading when suddenly the tv in the room clicked on, and you could now hear the conversation between Bucky and what turned out to be a therapist. You hadn’t even noticed Sharon enter the room, you really needed to work on some basic survival skills.

The voice of the therapist sent a chill down your spine, and you couldn’t help feeling like something was really, really wrong.

Apparently Steve felt the same, because he suddenly questioned why you’d release an image of someone you wanted to find, when that would simply push them into hiding?

Sharon, thinking aloud, said something about the guarantee of them finding him rather than the person who framed him, and all eyes turned to the tv screen. To the therapist or doctor or whatever he was. That was the point - they didn’t know.

Before you could reach for Steve’s hand to try and calm him, the power went out with no warning. Everyone was immediately on their feet, Ross barking instructions into a walkie-talkie as the four of you stood in silence for a split-second.

“Sub-level 5, East Wing.”

Steve and Sam ran from the room the second the words were out of Sharon’s mouth. You hesitated, took a half-step, then faltered again. Sharon shot you a look that you read as pitying, then left to assist Ross. You chewed your lip, eyes roaming the room to find Tony and Nat arguing, everyone else hurrying around, and T’Challa gone.

You were still deciding what to do when you spied Tony and Nat now running after Sharon down the stairs. Acting on impulse for once, you sprinted after them, keeping enough distance and people between you that they didn’t see you following them.

You ended up in some sort of cafeteria, Tony fighting Bucky with only one gauntlet. When he was quickly taken down, Sharon and Nat went in with a barrage of hits. But the real trouble came when T’Challa took on Bucky, the two throwing each other around the room with a worrying amount of ferocity. Taking advantage of the distraction, you ran to where Nat was clutching her throat, helping her to sit up as she gasped for breath.

Your eyes, though, were still following Bucky and T’Challa. Steve wanted nothing more in life than for Bucky to be ok.

You knew what you had to do.

The second you went to leave, Nat grabbed onto your jacket sleeve, tugging you to look at her. She shook her head vigorously, still unable to talk, but you gently pulled her hand away.

“I have to Nat. I’m sick of sitting around in the corner. I have to help.”

The redhead made another grab for you, but you were sprinting towards the brawling males before she could catch you. You didn’t really know what you were doing, you just knew that this was the chance to get Bucky out of here.

So you used every ounce of strength you had in your body and shoved T’Challa, a king, off of one of the most infamous criminals in the world. Before either man could register what was happening, you picked up a chair and smashed it over the back of T’Challa’s head, rendering him unconscious.

There was a heavy silence as you looked up slowly to meet the steely glare of Bucky Barnes. You swallowed back your fear, maintained hs gaze, and dropped the chair leg to the floor with a loud clatter.

The aim was to show that you weren’t a threat, but you’d forgotten that you weren’t in a movie, and you definitely weren’t a superhero. The man in front of you could kill you with one twist of his hand, and in this state, there’d be no stopping him. Your confidence faltered and you took a baby step back, prepping yourself to sprint away the split-second he moved.

Then a door slammed loudly below you, and before you could even blink, Bucky was taking the stairs up to the roof. A second later, Steve came running up to you, yelling your name. He ran his hands over you, searching your body for injuries and sighing sharply in relief when he found none.

He hugged you quickly to his chest, but you pushed him away roughly.

“You have to go, Bucky’s gone to the roof. This is your chance to stop him.”

Steve nodded, pressing a short kiss to your lips before turning to the stairs.

“Go find Sam, avoid everyone else, and be careful ok?” He turned around once he reached the door and threw you a smile. “I love you.”

Then he was gone, and you were left to sneak out of the building without drawing attention from Avengers or government officials. Which turned out to be surprisingly easy when you pulled up your hood and ran around like a scared civilian, hidden in the chaos.

Once out in the open air, you finally felt like you could breathe again. You were taking a second just to calm yourself when a gentle hand grabbed your arm. Your eyes shot open to be met with Sam’s very-forced smile.

He led you to a nearby abandoned warehouse he’d already scoped out, where you shed your jacket, and took up guard sitting by one of the doors.

Every noise made you jump, and it struck you right then exactly what you had become - a wanted criminal in hiding.

They'd been chasing a lead on Crossbones that had taken them to Lagos, and were supposed to have returned earlier that morning. Usually, a few extra hours wouldn't worry you, it's not like missions could be accurately scheduled, but after what you'd seen on the news, you couldn't help the worry gnawing at your gut.

The explosion in the lab and the resulting casualties would be crushing the team, especially Steve, who always took responsibility as leader, and Wanda, who seemed to take the brunt of the blame in the news coverage. Not that you trusted the media, you'd have to wait till they got home to get the real story.

Firing off another text to Tony asking if he knew anything - as he was the only one of the team not in Lagos, busy instead giving an alumni speech at MIT - you finally called it a day, locking up the cafe as you clutched your jacket tight to you and started down the slowly emptying street.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn't even realise you'd hailed down a taxi till you heard yourself ask to be taken to the compound.

Staring out the window at a cloudless sky, you nibbled your lip as you hoped with all your might that the team were ok.

xxx

It was dark by the time the elevator dinged, announcing the arrival of an exhausted and guilt-ridden team. You were curled up on the couch under the fluffiest blanket you could find, Netflix on the tv and a massive mug of green tea clasped in your fingers. The second you heard the doors to the lift open, you placed your mug on the table, flung off the blanket and launched yourself over the back of the sofa in quick succession.

Your eyes darted quickly between all the members in an attempt to gauge injuries and emotions. Wanda was at the front and centre, her big eyes full of sadness and her lips pulled into a defeated frown. Without hesitation, you grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her into your body, engulfing her in your arms. Her face buried into your neck, shaking hands tight around your waist as you caught Nat’s eyes over her head.

The redhead gave you a tired smile before gently pushing Sam out towards the kitchen. Steve gave you a lopsided smirk, but the lightness didn't reach his eyes. With a little quirk of his head, he nodded towards the bedrooms before sloping off down the corridor, rubbing at the back of his neck in agitation.

You stayed where you were, gently rocking on your feet as you murmured quiet words of comfort into the brunette’s ear. You weren’t sure how long you stood there, but soon enough you managed to convince her she needed to go to bed. Her eyes were rubbed raw from trying to stop the tears, and you spent almost an hour laying with her cradled in your arms, rubbing soothing circles on her arm to try help her sleep. When her breathing finally evened out, you carefully untangled yourself from her embrace, pulled the blanket up to her chin and left the room silently. The frown was deep set into your expression as you rubbed a hand harshly over your face, a long sigh pulling from your lips.

One down.

Steve was in your shared room, staring at the tv that was switched off. He hadn’t even noticed you entering, so you picked your way through to the bedroom, swapping your comfy sweats and hoodie for one of his t-shirts. Then, you returned to the sullen man and sat by his side on the arm of the chair. There, you ran your hands softly through his hair, waiting in silence for him to speak.

He didn’t. Instead, he tugged you gently into his lap, pressing his face into your hair and inhaling the familiar smell as his arms gripped you desperately. When it became clear he didn’t plan on speaking, you tugged gently away from his grip to place your hands on his cheeks. Mustering up a smile, you traced his features lovingly.

“Time for bed, handsome, even super soldiers need their beauty sleep.”

Huffing a laugh, the blonde let himself be pulled to his feet and dragged towards the bed. It was in the still darkness, you pressed against his chest, that he finally found his words.

“It was my fault. Rumlow said ‘Bucky’ and I just...shut down. Wanda only had to use her powers because I let my feelings come before the safety of others.”

His tone was firm, but it was the guilt seeping through his words that hurt your heart. Turning in his arms so you were face to face, you locked eyes with his beautiful blue gaze.

“Baby, listen to me. This is not your fault. It’s not Wanda’s either, you both tried as best you could. You both saved so many lives. It’s hard and horrible, don’t get me wrong, but the world would be screwed without you Steve. Rumlow is gone, and your team is alive. Focus on that.”

He simply returned your gaze for a silent moment before his lips quirked into a smile. He pressed a slow, hard kiss to your lips, then shook his head fondly.

“How is it you always know what to say?”

You shot him a cheeky grin and nuzzled into his chest.

“I’m just great like that.”

The low murmurs of a tv could be heard as soon as you left your room. You’d spent most of the day in bed with Steve, who needed time to recharge away from the others. He’d left for a run with Sam an hour ago, leaving you to finally dress and surface from the comfiest bed you’d ever laid in.

Glancing up the corridor, you realised the noise was drifting from Wanda’s open doorway. A slight frown on your face, you followed the noise while simultaneously sweeping your hair absentmindedly into a messy bun. You found Wanda sat on her bed, eyes glued to the news report on the Lagos incident and your heart squeezed in sympathy. Lightly, you tapped your fingers on the frame and sat on the bed beside the brunette once she’d given you a strained smile.

“Wanda”, you began, taking her hand in yours, “don’t do this to yourself. You’ll drive yourself crazy.”

Her pale fingers tangled with yours, and her head laid on your shoulder.

“I know, I just…” her quiet voice trailed off into a sigh, and you couldn’t help but wish that there was something you could do. But you were just a barista who happened to be in with the hero crowd, what were you supposed to do but be there as a shoulder to cry on?

“Are my girls ok in here?”

Both of you glanced up at Steve’s voice to find him leaning on the door, tv remote in his hand to turn off the news report that was now claiming Wanda was out of control and not to be trusted.

You both smiled and murmured an affirmative, but the unconvinced Steve shot Wanda a frown.

“Wanda, stop beating yourself up, this is my fault.”

Before Wanda could even open her mouth to argue, Steve continued.

“Rumlow said ‘Bucky’ and all of a sudden I was a 16 year old kid again in Brooklyn. Look, we try to save as many people as we can, and sometimes that doesn’t mean everybody. But if we can’t find a way to live with that, then maybe next time, nobody gets saved.”

God, you loved that stupid hunk of sappiness.

Wanda had cheered up a little thanks to his encouraging words, but instead of thanking the captain, the words out of her mouth next were an exclamation of “Vis! We talked about this!”

Vision justified his appearance through the wall by stating that the door was open, and so he assumed it was acceptable. Wanda didn’t look like she accepted this reasoning, but before an argument could break out, Vision shared the information that Tony had finally returned, and Secretary Ross was with him.

Steve and you shared a worried stare, and Wanda tensed up once again next to you.

This couldn’t be good.

xxx

Not to be dramatic, but Ross was a slimy toad and you hated him.

Here he was, telling some stupid golfing story while the team sat before him, all looking tired and wary. Tony was slumped in a corner, resolutely staring at the ground and uncharacteristically silent.

You knew you weren’t an avenger, you were just lucky enough to be dating the Captain, but it was still rude that Ross had shut down every member of the team when they said you were one of them, and welcome in the meeting. Instead, you were sat outside the room on a sofa, staring in through the glass walls and attempting to learn lip-reading.

The golf story - which you’d figured out through Ross’ actions and the teams bored faces - was over, and now there was news footage playing on the screen, the Avenger’s past destruction being the clear theme.

Wanda was trying so hard not to cry, and all you wanted to do was bust in and give her a hug. Clenching your fists, you huffed and crossed your legs, irritated at how little you could help them.

You were a split-second away from texting Clint to rat out Ross for being mean to Wanda - after all, Clint had semi-adopted both you and the Maximoff girl and was fiercely protective of the two of you - when your gaze was drawn to the massive binder that had just been dropped on the table.

Steve’s brow was furrowed, Rhodey’s jaw was set and Natasha was shifting in her seat - whatever that document was, it was bad.

Conversation continued for several minutes before Ross opened the door to leave, the tension spilling out of the room with him practically palpable. Setting your jaw, you gave the Secretary a cool stare as he passed you by, while he looked at you like you were an ugly, hairless cat sat on the sofa spitting at him.

Which, to be fair, is what you felt like.

The team was still sat around the table in dense silence, and it wasn’t until Steve caught your eyes that he finally lead the way, retreating from the room with the thick pack in hand. Chucking it on the coffee table next to where you stood with a little more force than necessary, he raked a hand through his hair in frustration before opening his arms to hug you tight to his chest.

You held him close as he breathed in your calming, familiar scent until the others had taken their places on the sofas, and you realised that you were making people feel awkward - again.  

After you were given a quick explanation of what the Accords were, you realised that this was a conversation that wouldn’t be over any time soon. Therefore, you decided to offer the only bit of help you could, and make some coffee.

Or you would have done if Tony hadn’t beat you to the kitchen and proceeded to complain about coffee grounds in the disposal. A fair complaint really, as it was a very weird thing to do. It wasn’t until the brunette shared the story of Charles Spencer that you felt something ominous in the air. The tug on your heartstrings was a common occurrence when hearing the Avenger’s stories - but there was something else. Steve was right, Tony had made up his mind.

The team was going to be divided.

The reality hit you suddenly, and you found yourself chewing your lip as you wondered what that meant - for you, for the team members, for the world. It was bad enough that Banner and Thor were MIA, the team couldn’t take any more losses.

But the look on Steve’s face said it all - there was no way he was signing the Accords. He, along with Sam, and Wanda if she had her way, were going to oppose the government.

All at once, the pressure got too much for you and you backed away from the group with some mumbled excuse about needing a hoodie. It had been a while since you’d had a panic attack, but right now you could feel the anxiety clawing at the back of your throat.

Running through the halls, you careened into your room and slammed the door shut before dropping down to sit against it.

Steve wouldn’t agree with the Accords, but he wasn’t about to give up helping people either. So what did that mean? Would he be working as a criminal? A vigilante?

Then what about you?

It was already hard enough fitting into Steve’s life, this would make it damn near impossible if Steve did end up in trouble.

Which was a pretty selfish thought in retrospect.

You didn’t even know why you were freaking out, sure this was a big deal, but nothing was set in stone yet. You had Steve’s back, that was what was important here. Ok, so things like this made you feel way out of your depth, made you realise you were playing at being part of a world that you couldn’t handle living in, not really. It would be ok though - you and Steve, you’d stick together no matter what.

With this thought in mind, you took a few minutes to compose yourself before wrapping up in one of his navy hoodies and returning to the living room.

Where you quickly realised your favourite soldier was missing.

You were still in the doorway, the others too busy arguing to notice you yet. Apart from Natasha, who swung to make direct eye contact with you in that eery way that only trained spies could manage. She nodded slightly to the staircase across from the sofas, then gave you a shrug to indicate she didn’t know where he went or why. Offering a quick nod of thanks, you followed in the footsteps of your boyfriend.

You descended several flights before you saw the blonde, sat against the railings with his phone clutched in his hand, his beautiful blue eyes staring blankly ahead.

Approaching slowly so as not to startle him and trigger his fighter instincts, you called out his name to no reply. He did, however, flick his gaze up to you with a broken look on his face.

Your heart cracked a little at the visible anguish, and you were quick to sit next to him with a comforting hand on his knee.

“Steve?”

Silence.

“Baby, what’s wrong? What’s happened?”

The strongest man you knew turned to you with searching eyes.

“Peggy’s dead.”

The whispered words blared like a siren in the empty stairwell, echoing off the concrete as you felt an extreme rush of swirling, competing emotions. Trampling down the fears that you had buried for so long, you instead focused on the current priority.

Gently, you pulled the man to your chest, wrapping strong arms around his crumpled body and trying oh so hard to not feel the sharp bite of hurt at the fact that the man you loved was currently holding back tears over another women.

It was your turn to stare blankly at the wall.