#rageinside

You drop it somewhere in front of the bed, where it can be easily seen by whomever walks into the door. You really, really don’t want to make your disappearance a mystery. Granted, this act of a “farewell” is pretty vague on it’s own but you’re expecting that they’re curious enough to turn it over.

On the other side is more crude marker squiggles, except this time it happens to be your own handwriting. You were seriously debating on what to put, the limited space on the paper isn’t quite helpful. However, it may get you out of the habit of oversharing so you can just say what’s important. With a yellow, and much finer instrument, it’s scrawled as so. 

“hey so i dont know when or if im coming back. i cant deny that my ass would be dead w/o u guys. the babies are w me now (’cept ms tinkles) so dont worry abt them. im sorry it had to go like this but its the only way i could do it w/o hurting either of us. it was a fun ride and i love u both. not to pull a stock movie phrase but i think it’s better this way. for everyone. and thank you, you lovable dorks

ps nero’s hot uncle, if ur reading this pls keep in touch >;)”

This is silly. This is incredibly silly. This is basically a Dear John letter but with lesser stakes. You don’t even LIKE romcoms what’s up with you?

A lot of things really. You don’t want to tell them upfront because you don’t want their reactions to influence an action you’re already dead-set on doing. You’ve come to terms that you really are a coward sometimes. That’s always been your problem. You see a gap on the floor, you immediately try to pole-vault across it without understanding the risks. You persistently leap off the metaphorical ground, flailing your lanky legs to search for metaphorical footing but instead you fall into the metaphorical hole to your metaphorical death. You never had the equipment nor the experience to deal with such matters. That’s why it crashes down whenever something goes wrong. That’s why you can’t help but think this whole reason why you’ve been so upset all along is...

You clearly need them more than they need you. It’s sickens you. You’re not supposed to “need” anyone. You’re supposed to be living on your own to make ends meet while searching clues for Lauriam. Not that you need HIM eit-

Fuck it, yes you do. You’ve always needed someone. Going around house-to-house for anyone giving you the time of day is proof of that as well. You miss him so much, and it’s time he’s on the forefront of your mind again. Lest you lose your way again to trivial romantic bullshit that ends up going anywhere.

It’s hard to not cry. Thinking of everything that lead up to this, thinking how much time you wasted, thinking how really fucking stupid you really are. You have to immediately wipe away your wet eyes, however. If Nero senses you crying again, he’ll have to march up here and you’ll have to explain yourself. 

The bruises surrounding your body are a constant reminder of what brought you here. They make it difficult to just leave this place behind, but you’ll manage. You grab your three cats and walk towards a corridor of darkness. If this was some sentimental anime, you would have perhaps took one last look back, sigh morosely and give one more quiet parting word despite being in an empty room. But life’s more than a cheesy romcom or anime. Life’s about having to pull the bandage off quick so you don’t feel the pain. Sometimes that means leave without saying a word and not looking back.