#raeee

HAPPPYY BIRTHDAY RAEE!!!! SORRYY IT TOOK SO LONG TO MAKE!!!!!!!!!! :)

It was so hard because school was the main reason and I’m not trying to be a bum at all. I have a goal to meet and I want to achieve it by 25 .. yes I have time but just like that time goes by and I’ll 25 and still stuck.

All I’m hopping is 2017 I have the push and motivation to get so much done and to go harder than I ever went.

I don’t think anybody understands how proud I am of myself. If you knew me a couple of months ago you would’ve thought I was dying or hated life. I went through a bumpy patch in my life something I’m praying my daughter never has to endure because its something that leaves you emotionless, having trust issues, paranoid etc. When you care for someone you would do anything to make him or her happy but sometimes you forget your own happiness and that’s where I fucked up. I forgot about myself; how I should be happy also. I put him on a pedestal when it should’ve been “us” together making sure we both were alright. I can’t say he was a bad guy because I would be lying (I give credit when due). He cared, a little too much to the point he was being a father. He had trust issues from his previous relationships that he still had to work on and it wasn’t till a few days ago that I noticed that he compared me to his ex not verbally but by his actions and the crazy part is I wanted to talk to him about that a couple of months ago when we were together. I had it all written out in my notes but never remembered to speak on it. I learned a lot in the time we were together and it definitely showed me what I really want in a guy and in a relationship it self. Also what I want and I’ll always thank him for that.

I’m glad that I’m healing. Healing and taking care of myself. I won’t let this minor setback be the end of me but motivate me to be better, wiser, stronger and thrive for what I want.

I don’t cry anymore but that doesn’t mean my mind doesn’t drift to how you’re doing, is school good or when certain topics are brought up and I remember us talking about it randomly once upon a time ie the blood moon because you love talking about astronomy. You just couldn’t stop and I still let you finish till you couldn’t say no more. I don’t feel anything as much as before. Sooner or later you’ll be a distant memory, a phase I went through. I won’t forget you but you won’t be heavy on my mind as you were before.

Dating will be hard but knowing what I want and still learning what I want in a man will make it somewhat easier. I’m more open then I was before and I thank you again for that. With time wounds heals and hearts’ mends. I'm trying not to compare any guy to you but I can't help it because I was the center of you eyes you saw nobody else but me and I feel like I won't find that in any guy. I feel like I'll never be as good enough to any guy because in the back of my mind I still believe nobody will treat me the way you did. And every guy is a fuck boy. I'm trying to let that come into play but it's hard when you've been with someone so long that it does that to you.

Everything in life is a lesson and a lesson it was being with you. I enjoyed the laughs, the Netflix, dates, study sessions, awkward moments that wasn’t so awkward for us and being the shoulder I could lean on. Nothing will ever change that.

I’m healing that’s all that matters; not with the help of another man but myself, my friends and the almighty Lord. Each day is one step closer to knowing that I'll be just fine.

ARE YOU STILL GOING

first of all calling me j00d is adorable and very much appriciated

second of all i spelled appreciated wrong and i dont give a single chainsaw

third of all mAYBE BC I HAVE ZERO MONEYS RN AND COSPLAY ISSUES AND MY MOM THINKS ANIME IS PORN EVEN THOUGH THE CON ISNT EXCLUSIVELY FOR ANIME SHE THINKS WE ARE GOING TO A CONVENTION WHERE FEMALE BREASTS ARE EXPOSED AND MEN LICK CHERRIES SO IDK IF SHE WILL LET ME

Requsted by Rae, enjoy~

Even if they both stayed together, things weren’t going to run smoothly anymore. He was changing and so was she. 

JKDAHSGJKVNJKSDLAHJFKADFKLAJSDF

I GOT A MESSAGE

AND IT'S FROM YOU

I HAVE BEEN BLESSED BY THE ANGELS

FDHSAKLGJHAKJDSGHKJLSD YOU MAKE ME HAPPY

Seriously. I'm smiling like an idiot over here fhakjslhdj I LOVE YOU. (In case I don't tell you that enough.

Also, I'm going to publish this because when I'm sad I like looking back on these messages from people because they make me all happy hfakldshgks.