#rachelwrites

The sound of the door slamming and then a locker creaking open tried to break through the haze of pure exhaustion that had overcome Lily about 20 minutes ago. It wasn’t until her fellow resident spoke that she resigned herself to come back to the land of the living.

“Alright, Evans?”

Lily chose not to answer. She was protesting human speech at the moment.

When she didn’t answer, James kicked the wooden bench she was laying across. “Oi, are you alive? Is this some elaborate ploy to get me to give you shirtless CPR?”

Lily cracked one of her eyes open at the word “shirtless.” He was standing at his locker staring at her while changing into his scrubs. The way the light was hitting him really showed the definition in his muscles. Lily couldn’t believe the jerk had time to work out regularly enough to have that nice of a body. It just wasn’t fair. “’Lo, Potter. Been here for about,” she interrupted herself with a god-awful yawn, “30 hours now. Nice pecs.”

James smiled at her as he pulled his shirt on. “Tough luck. I’m only here for a couple of hours today.” He turned back to his locker, but looked over at her when he said, “You know, if you’re too tired to drive home, you can walk to my place. I think Remus is crashing in Sirius’ bed, but mine should be free.”

Lily almost choked at the idea of sleeping in his bed. She had been harboring a slightly life-consuming crush on James since he saved her ass during rounds when they were interns. Being in his bed would definitely not help her get over it—which she still wasn’t sure she was trying to do because sometimes it seemed like he liked her back. She couldn’t tell. One minute they would be almost flirting, and then the next they’d be screaming in the middle of the hallway about charts. It was a mind fuck that she really didn’t have the energy to deal with today. But she also really didn’t think it would be wise to drive home. She couldn’t even keep her eyes open long enough to be sneak a peek as James changed his pants. HIS PANTS. The boy had a great arse too. It was a pure fact—ask anyone.

She finally got ahold of herself long enough to spit out, “Eh, no it’s fine. I need to pick up my laundry—”

“Evans, the only thing you should be doing is finding a bed that is not in this hospital and sleeping for a solid 18 hours.”

Lily sat up at this point, but her eyes were stilled closed. “I’m fine. Really. I just need to splash some cold water on my face, and I’ll be good to go.”

James chuckled, “You’re good to go? Really?”

“Mhm. Really…truly—” Lily froze as she looked down at the sock that had just hit her in the face. “Did you just throw your sock at me?”

“No, I just threw yoursock at your face,” James sighed as he ran his hand through her messy hair.

Lily only slightly leaned into his hand… and it was only because she was so tired of gravity trying to push her into the ground.

“You’re not fine, Lil. You forgot to put on one of your socks. You only have one out of 3 buttons done up on your jeans, and your shirt’s on backwards. Just go to my place—you know the passcode to get in. I’ve got plenty of food and clothes you can borrow, and I’ll pick up your laundry on my way back tonight because I already told Remus I’d get his for him. He hasn’t been feeling well again.”

It was the perfect solution for her. She knew it, and James knew it. “I dunno, James—”

“Come on, Evans. I need someone to check on Remus anyway for me. The bloody bloke is almost as stubborn as you are. But, I can’t make you do anything, and I honestly don’t have time to convince you otherwise.” James stood up to grab his tennis shoes out of his locker, before slipping them on and slamming his locker shut. He lifted one foot onto the bench and started to tie his shoes without looking at her once.

Lily knew he was annoyed at her now. He was just trying to be nice, and he obviously didn’t understand she wanted to take him up on his offer, but was refusing due to emotional instability. She didn’t know how she would feel after being in his space for so long. She was already so attracted to him it was ridiculous. Even now, practically half-dead, she felt herself reacting to the sight of his jaw clenching. Honestly, just the sight of him was making her feel more awake. She was bloody ridiculous. She was a grown woman, and her friend was offering to help her.

Lily reached forward and laid her hand on his wrist. “I’m sorry. I’ll go over and check on Remus before I snoop through all your things.”

James let out an all-too-familiar long, steadying breath before turning his head towards her and grinning like the bloody ponce he was. “As long as there’s sleep and a shower thrown in there somewhere, I’m fine with it. I’ve got nothing to hide. You, on the other hand, stink,” he said with a wink. He just laughed when she started stuttering and blushing like an idiot. He started walking away, but before the door slammed shut, he turned to look at her. “I’m serious, Evans. When I get home tonight, I better see you in my bed.”

*****

Lily let out a sigh of relief as she closed the door to the on-call room. She could barely make out the figure on the bed, but she knew it was James. “Hey, there you are. I was waiting for you… in your bed. Like you told me to.”

“Good to know you’ll follow my orders.” James almost grinned, and added with a wink, “Ya know, for the future.”

“God, you’re the worst.” Lily knew he didn’t take her statement seriously because he pulled her down next to him on the tiny, single bed. Lying side-by-side like they were supposed to be doing in his bed a couple of hours ago. His arm was under her neck as she turned onto her side to look at him. “But really, what happened? You never came back to your place.”

There was silence for a few long moments, and then James took a deep breath. “We lost a kid today. Teenager, really. He was 14… but he looked so young on that table. It was meant to be a simple appendectomy, but he had a heart problem, and there were complications.”

Lily didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. She knew it was best to let him talk when he got like this. Losing a patient was never easy, but kids were always the hardest.

“I just…I know it wasn’t my fault. There wasn’t anything I could have done, but I still had to listen to the parents tell me it was my fault.” He looked at her then. “I haven’t had to tell a parent that their kid’s gone before this. It’s a whole other ball game, Lil. I mean, no one takes the kind of news we deliver well, but these parents…you just watch the light leave their eyes. I don’t know how to describe it. The guilt and disappointment…” James turned his head to look at the ceiling and then squeezed his eyes shut.

He clenched his jaw.

He cleared his throat.

But he couldn’t talk anymore.

Lily ran her fingers across the crease between his eyebrows, down his nose, and stroked his jaw with her thumb. This wasn’t how she imagined doing this with him, but he needed her and that’s all she cared about. Her feelings didn’t matter when James was hurting.

“I’m sorry, James. I… I’m so sorry. That sucks, and I’m sorry you had to go through that. I bet you did really well though. You’re really good with patients’ families. You know just the right words to say… and the right moment to rest your hand on their shoulders. It’s amazing how easily it comes to you.” Lily pulled his chin towards her so she could look him in the eye. “I don’t want you to think that just because this family took the news horribly that it’s your fault. You said it yourself, you did everything you could—and I’m guessing you went above and beyond to try and comfort that family. Don’t let them ruin how open and honest you are with people during those situation. It’s one of the things that make you, you.” Lilyswallowed, “It’s what makes you special.”

James’ eyes had not left hers since she started what had basically become a monologue. They had started out dull and sad, and while those emotions weren’t completely gone, there was a new spark in them.

James curled the arm that was under her head, so that he could hold onto her shoulder. It was a weird sort-of side hug while lying down, but it was still nice.

They stayed like that for a few minutes before James looked at her again.

“Man, you must have been really disappointed when I didn’t come back. I didn’t know you wanted me in bed so badly. That was an impressive speech, Evans.”

“Shut the fuck up, Potter. I hate you.” Lily tried to squirm out of his hold, but he only squeezed her against him harder—which she didn’treally mind that much.

“You do not! You think I’m special. Tell me, Evans. Were you waiting on my bed in a seductive pose? Was there lingerie involved? What about candles and roses? I bet that whole ‘I have no laundry’ thing was a lie, just to throw me off!”

“It was not! I honestly have no clean underwear. I’m wearing a bathing suit right now!”

James laughed so hard the bed was shaking underneath them. Lily was honestly just enjoying the fact that he was happy, at least for a moment. And, if she was being honest, she couldn’t complain about the way his body was moving against hers. Her secret crush was well and truly out in the open now, so she wasn’t going to waste a perfectly good opportunity to enjoy James Potter. Once he finally settled down again, he looked over at her with an expression that could only be described as a smirk. “Don’t worry, Evans. You won’t need underwear around me.”

Lily groaned. “Oh my god. Your lines suck, Potter.”