#rach posts

yuki tsunoda: don’t go breaking my heart except he’s doing both parts because pierre didn’t want to stand up

alex albon: a thousand miles

george russell: i’m gonna be (500 miles) because idk if you guys know this but george russell is british (gasp!)

fernando alonso: fernando by abba but specifically this one edm version of it i’ve been obsessed with for the last 2 years. if the karaoke place doesn’t have it he will provide his own backing

lewis hamilton: total eclipse of the heart. he’s also actively turning around every time he sings “turn around” but it works because he is sir lewis hamilton 

esteban ocon: my heart will go on by celine dion. he sings it staring at pierre 

pierre gasly: bad blood by taylor swift. he is slut dropping and glaring at esteban who is staring smugly back 

max verstappen: good time by owl city and carly rae jepsen because he wants to get it over with so he chooses a song that’s not TOO awful but is bland enough that by the time it’s over people forgot he sang at all 

charles leclerc: i want it that way. he loves it. i bet he listens to this song constantly. during race weekends you’ll hear a quiet “NOW NUMBER FIVE” coming from his drivers room. he chooses the song during karaoke so he can scream it

lance stroll: don’t stop believing. this man thinks he is finn hudson and also i think he’s fully powered by the belief of one man (lawrence)

carlos sainz: hair by little mix. he’s got a choreographed dance too but dw it’s SUPER no homo he just thinks his hair is amazing and interprets the song as supporting that

lando norris: angels by robbie williams. everyone begs him not to but by the time he’s feeling weak and his pain walks down a one way street everybody is feeling it and groovy and loving angels instead ❤️  

nico hülkenberg: sweet caroline. this man has no personality other than being tall and german and he wants to make sure you know that

zhou guanyu: turn the beat around. he can hit those notes and he looks good doing it prove me wrong.

sergio perez: before he cheats by carrie underwood because he very emphatically wants people to know he did NOT cheat on his wife because clearly she didn’t do any of these things so it didn’t happen! also a banger

kevin magnussen: hit me with your best shot (kmag edition) aka he takes it so personally anyway it’s the best performance of the night 

logan sargeant: jolene. idk anything about this man but i believe in my heart he would belt out dolly 

valtteri bottas: love shack by the b-52s. he also listens to this song unironically on his own

honorary grid members (third drivers and recent pensioners):

daniel ricciardo: wannabe by the spice girls. it’s the only song he has memorized and he knows all the parts. he’s going for that second red bull seat he’s got incentive and he’s gotta get with christian’s friends (wife)

mick schumacher: fuck you by lily allen because he’s got so much rage but he’s still so polite! 

sebastian vettel: hey jude and it’s not even the single version it’s the full 7 minute 11 second one but no one minds because 1) it’s seb 2) it means they don’t have to listen to latifi sing 

nicholas latifi: absolutely anything by britney but it’s always a car crash (ha) so it’s queued at the end and there’s just not enough time to get to it so the world lives to see another day

daniel ricciardo: he would post a really badly edited photo of him doing something adventurous like wrestling a crocodile or cliff jumping at the white cliffs of dover but he would insist it’s real. it’s a bit but it genuinely pisses people off

lando norris: he would definitely lie about his height. he would probably just say he’s 5′10″ but he is not

yuki tsunoda: he would also lie about his height but he’d do the opposite way. he’d say “i’m 4′11″ because apparently that matters”

alex albon: he would not lie this man is wholesome and you can trust him. however he would use pictures of his cats to draw you in

mick schumacher: he also would not lie but he has a bunch of pictures with dogs that are not his on his profile and that’s technically false advertising 

george russell: he would say that he goes to university in oxford but he doesn’t mean the university of oxford, he means oxford brookes 

lewis hamilton: he would talk about his love for cooking and offer to cook you whatever meal you want, but that’s a lie because he will only cook you food that is vegan

pierre gasly: he would post pictures in front of a car that is not his

esteban ocon: he would post pictures with a fish and tell you that he caught it but really it was already dead floating at the top of the lake 

sebastian vettel: he would say he loves relaxing nights in and long walks on the beach but he doesn’t mean it. there is nothing relaxing about this man because everything is a competition and he must win.

nicholas latifi: he would say he won his high school’s superlative for “most likely to be a famous comedian” but he actually won “most likely to end up stranded on a deserted island”

max verstappen: max’s profile is exclusively group pictures. good luck figuring out which one is him

charles leclerc: charles’s profile understates his entire existence. his description says he “dabbles” in music but then one of his pictures is him playing a piano concerto at the royal albert hall with the queen in attendance 

lance stroll: lance would say that he isn’t looking for anything serious but he would confess his love for you on the first date and then propose on the second

carlos sainz: carlos employs graphic designers to photoshop his head onto random men with 8 packs even though he actually has an 8 pack himself

zhou guanyu: his entire profile is him in designer streetwear, but he actually makes his friends take the pictures in the store dressing rooms 

sergio perez: checo would lie and say he’s on there looking for a friend of his to make fun of them but he’s actually looking for a long term relationship and just trying to play it cool

kevin magnussen: every photo on kevin’s profile was taken during holidays in cities, expertly hiding the fact that he lives in a rural farmhouse 50km from the nearest neighbor because he hates people

valtteri bottas: you'd match with valtteri and chat for awhile and then he’d suddenly ghost you, only to come back 3 months later saying “sorry i was in the shower”