#raaky fics

Ryan shot up with a gasp. He looked around to identify where he was, rubbing his eyes, slightly hunched over. The sun was barely shining through the windows, and he looked around his room, allowing his heart to slow down. Micki and Dori had their heads lifted, greeting him with nuzzles and kisses.

His dreams had been erratic lately, and he was losing sleep from time to time. He’s just thankful he hasn’t woken up on the streets.

The one that had just shaken him awake just now, he recalled only in fragments, and he stared off, trying to piece together what he can in hopes he could recover his memory. There was a man standing across from him, face unable to be recalled, large stature, and claws. But, he called him son. He called him his boy, like it was his father speaking to him. Unless this was some nightmarish version of his dad, he wanted to forget about it. But the pure presence of this man kept recurring in the world of his unconscious mind, and he seemed almost familiar, like Ryan had met him before, a long time ago.

Ryan decided he would rather put the thoughts aside, and grabbed his laptop from the bedside table. He opened up a Word document he had created since his weird “shifting” occurrence, and scrolled to where he had left off. For the past few weeks, he’d been keeping records of his dreams and any weird events during the times he was awake. Sometimes, dreams began to blend in with reality, and he couldn’t be sure of what he was seeing exactly, but he trusted his memory enough to put all the detail down to the best of his ability.

Last night’s dream was mellow compared to the others. No killing, no death, no haunting. It’s weird to say that I feel almost too accustomed to it, now. Of course, these are just dreams, and not very threatening to me, but the images are still very real in my mind.

This time I was walking in the middle of a forest. I think there was a highway nearby, because a few cars had passed. It was really dark outside, and I walked up to this man (same guy as all my others?) And he talked to me (something about embracing something like powers I guess) and called me son, again.

Still don't know what he looks like, but very tall, probably works out a lot, good legs.

End of notes.

He read it over again and made sure he wasn’t leaving anything out. Drumming his fingers over the keys, he recalled the sequence of the dream before going back in to rearrange and add more details.

I heard the cars before I knew I was in a forest. The conversation with this Leg Man was actually kind of long (like his legs. Longer than Shane. Take that, Shane, you freak). He was telling me to be wary of a red spirit named… the name has slipped my memory, but that’s all. He said this was like another demon or something that wanted to get to me but I can just like...fight it with my demon powers right

I mean if the demon powers are a real thing

Like I know that I have these weird shifting things happening but like I dont have weird spooky powers that I know about or maybe I need to perform a ritual on myself? But I don't mess with that kind of shit because like what if I have to fight another demon and I don't know what I’m doing I mean is my fist really going to hurt them because they’re a demon and I’m not

Or maybe I am a demon I don't know I’m still conflicted and I’m like really confused I wonder if anyone knows about this that I can talk to

But anyway avoid this red spirit or whatever that’s all (what does it even look like, like is it the shape of a human or a cloud? But a red cloud isn’t really that scary. Actually it might be scary, I don’t know. Wouldn’t you be scared of a red cloud? Like that’s some end of the world stuff)

Ryan sighed and put the laptop away, leaning back against the frame of the bed then looked down at his dogs, who had been more than generously comforting. He still wasn’t sure what was happening to him during those times, just that he would look really hairy, and blue. He was digging the blue hair, though. He could probably pretend he had dyed his hair, but that would break the “pristine tipped bro bond”.

He rolled his eyes and hopped out of bed, hyped to start filming for the new Unsolved Supernatural season. They were already a few episodes in, the last filming location having been at the Eastern State Penitentiary. They’d be leaving in a few weeks to Texas to film the next location, the Goatman’s bridge. Until then, it was spending time at the office to work on other projects while their show was on a hiatus.

Ryan was asked to be part of the film and sound crew for others and he thought it would be a good way to bide his time aside from editing and staying home with his dogs and meeting his family at Disneyland (though, he wouldn't mind going every day. Sadly, he was not getting paid for that).

He made his way to the bathroom and began to clean up, the cool water on his face allowing him to feel fresh, along with the minty taste in his mouth. He began shifting halfway through brushing his teeth, and thankfully he wasn’t in agonizing pain this time. There was simply a quiet throb in the back of his head and along his body. Ryan scowled, but he couldn't stop it. He was able to somewhat control how much he transformed if he tried hard enough. He wasn’t sure what it was, but a few meditation and inner self videos seemed to lead him in the right direction. Whatever it was inside of him that he could focus on, he could ease the speed and pain of the moment.

He looked at himself in the mirror and laughed quietly at the toothbrush that now scrubbed a large fang, spitting out what he could and gargled some water. He wasn’t exactly sure how to wash down the fang, but he assumed pouring water on it then wiping it down would work.

He yelped when the water simply splashed on his shirt and over the counter, staring in disappointment as the fangs had disappeared in another shift, and now he looked like an idiot pouring water on himself.

Groaning, Ryan wiped off the counter and walked back to his room to change for the day, tossing his wet shirt in the laundry basket. After cleaning up, he checked himself in the mirror. He had on a plain blue, short sleeve button down, which he adjusted at the collar until his neck was comfortable, and some black jeans. He made sure his hair was properly gelled and did finger guns at the mirror, making a few faces as he posed and checked his hair at different angles.

“Alright, Detective Bergara, it’s time for work. First case: Steven Lim.” He laughed and headed down for a quick breakfast, met his brother at the door, and ran out to his car.

While he sat between all the cars on the road, he began to wonder if he should speak to any local priests, maybe even some exorcists. It was something he’d been thinking about for a long time, but he wasn’t even sure if he could really pinpoint it as demonic possession. He wasn’t getting hurt, except for that pain when he transformed, he wasn’t exactly getting bruised or beaten or bleeding out randomly, and he wasn’t hallucinating (he hoped).

He did think he was hearing voices, though. Maybe he was just caught up from the entire Penitentiary adventure, but he was sure he could hear someone whispering to him when he was alone.

He tried looking up on the internet what to do in the case of demonic possession, just in case it really was his problem. Most of the steps were asking intrapersonal questions, seeking out priests, really reflecting on himself.

Other things he tried to look up like “I suddenly have fangs” or “what to do if suddenly shapeshifting” but the only answers he got were stupid riddles and dumb Quora quizzes.

Most of the time he tried to look through all the supernatural cases he had covered over the so far two and a half seasons of Unsolved. Nothing there was useful to him, since he couldn’t quite connect to any of it. The only answer he had for himself was that something happened where a spirit became attached to him.

It couldn’t have just been coincidence, even with his tendency to try and hold back. Then again, Shane didn’t have any problems.

Ryan’s eyes widened for a little, and an idea popped into his head. Maybe he could ask Shane if he’s been feeling weird at all.

He groaned, sighed, then shook his head. There was no way Shane would admit to any kind of ghost attachment or demonic possession. He’d probably just reason that he was maybe getting sick or overworked. So much for that idea.

He could ask the camera crew, and maybe some others around the office who believed in this kind of stuff, but he also didn’t want to reveal too much of what’s been going on to him to a lot of people.

Ryan shut his eyes briefly in frustration, and decided he would keep to himself for now. There was absolutely no easy way he could explain himself or what he was feeling without sounding like an idiot. Maybe he would just try to live out what was happening and talk to a priest later. While his weird “demon persona” appearance became a natural routine, starting with a gentle burn in his chest to a buzz in his ears, he couldn’t deny that he was still scared by it all, and could only be hoping that he was dreaming. It was only the natural human response, he thought to himself. He’d never seen or experienced anything like this, even in the cases he read over. And every article about demonic possession just seemed overexag-

BEEP! HONK!

Ryan’s eyes shot to his rearview mirror then quickly to the large empty space between him and the streetlight, and he bashfully drove on, his thoughts swept aside. He blew out a quiet stream of air and tried to clear his mind in order to ready for work.

As soon as he got to the office, he was already on his feet, working a camera in a kitchen, and following Steven around LA while he filmed a “Worth It” episode, not necessarily for “Lifestyle” or the main food crew. It was just one of those “on the side” videos. The filming had taken most of the day for one and a half parts of the episode, and he was already prepping for the following days of helping to film.

When they were finishing up for the evening at the office, Andrew had come by to speak with Steven, and Ryan tried to pay little mind to it while he packed up the camera equipment and made sure everything was clean and undamaged. It was when he looked up and saw Steven plant a quick kiss on Andrew’s cheek that he shot his eyes back down and stuffed the bags away into the storage room.

“Uh, Steven,” Ryan said, his hands in the pockets of his jeans after Andrew had left.

“Yeah, what’s up?” Steven turned around with a bright smile on his face, seeming to bounce on his heels.

“You, uh, I didn’t know you and Andrew were together.”

“Oh, um, yeah, we’ve kind of been keeping it on the down-low. It’s been about a month, now.”

Ryan’s eyes widened. “A month? How did I not notice?” He smiled and patted Stevens shoulder. “I’m really happy to hear you two are together.”

“What about you? Finally ask Shane for a kiss?”

“What?” Ryan choked and stared at Steven in shock, voice breaking. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, come on, Ryan. It’s obvious you like the guy.”

“I- do not!” At this point, Ryan’s cheeks had began to tint a light pink, and a falter in his voice had him double thinking his answer. “I...I don’t...think I do.” His voice became quiet, and he began thinking about every shared moment between him and Shane, but ignored the flutter of his heart, and looked back up at Steven. “There’s no way.”

“Please, Ryan, look at you. You totally do.”

“You’re just planting thoughts in my head!”

“Am not, you totally like him! It’s not crazy.”

“It’s one hundred percent crazy.”

“Like your belief in ghosts.”

“No!”

“Yes!” Steven began to laugh. “I need to set up a Worth It date for you two.”

“That is not happening.”

“It will one day. You just watch. I’ll get that video approved.

Ryan bit his tongue and walked out of the office with Steven. “So, how did you know?”

“How did I know what?”

“How did you know that you liked Andrew?”

Steven smiled and unlocked his car to drop his bags inside. “I don’t know, really. I mean, maybe it was after a couple drinks we shared during our last trip. Maybe it was the time we spent getting to know each other while we filmed the show.” He sighed and leaned against his car, staring at the fading colors of the sky while the sun clung to the horizon’s edge. “I just felt it in my heart. The way I would feel when I was with him, talking to him, looking at him, listening to him. Everything about Andrew made me smile. Even when we got to arguing over foods and when he would irritate me and I’d irritate him back.” He shrugged and looked at Ryan. “You just feel it.”

“Just feel it, huh…” Ryan’s hands grew clammy at his sides, his heart racing at Steven’s words, except instead of Andrew, it was Shane he would replace the thoughts with, and he almost hopped on his feet. “I guess I know what you mean. But, I don’t know if I really feel this way, yet. I mean sure, I’ve spent almost two years working close with him on Unsolved, and longer from when I first came here…” He paused, and pursed his lips. “I’m also a horrible flirt, so I wouldn’t know if I was really making good moves or not.”

“Just be yourself, Ryan. I’m sure Shane loves that about you. You’re a good guy. I’ve never seen him smile and laugh more around someone, or try to be as picky and nice at the same time. I think I’ve been around both of you long enough to pick it apart.” Steven gave Ryan a gentle squeeze on the shoulder. “You’ll know.”

“Thanks. I guess I’ll just think about it for now.”

Ryan bid his farewell to Steven, and headed to his own car, enjoying the quiet night on the road. When he got home, he thanked his brother for watching the dogs, waved goodbye as he left, and went to shower then crash on his bed.

“Do I like Shane?” Ryan asked as he lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, and his heart jumped at the words. “I don’t like Shane,” he said, trying to deny the thought, but his voice faltered and betrayed him. “I like Shane,” he whispered, and he felt a warmth form in his chest. “I like Shane,” he said again, stronger this time, and a smile covered his face. “Oh, man.”

Ryan groaned, turning over in his bed, his hand slipping beneath the pillow as he pressed his face into it, staring at the soft cotton cover. “This is crazy…”

For the rest of the night, he began to question his real feelings for his best friend, and eventually slipped into a disturbed sleep.

The next morning, he woke up to the sound of his dogs growling and whimpering at his door. He sat up and saw Micki and Dori with their ears flat against their head, tails between their legs, standing in the doorway and staring at him with teeth bared. He looked down at himself and saw his clawed hands, suddenly stiffening from the sight as it took him by surprise, and pressed his tongue up against the two fangs that held his mouth open.

“Fuck,” he mumbled, voice still raspy from just waking up. When he threw his legs to the side of the bed and went to stand up, his dogs began to approach him with barks.

Ryan stared down at them and held his hands up. “Stop, sit, and be quiet,” he ordered, to which he watched Micki and Dori follow his commands immediately. With surprise, he cautiously began to walk around his bed and around the dogs on the floor, who sat watching him, as if waiting for him to continue commanding them. “Um, lay down and roll over?”

And just like that, they did lie down and roll over. Ryan stared in awe, and shut his eyes as he felt his skin tighten again when he shifted back to his completely human form. His dogs got up and began to jump up to him, wanting to be held. He knelt down and pondered in quiet thought at what just happened while he went to pick one up, but stopped himself.

Ryan sat there, kneeling down, and placed his hands on his thighs, flat. “Stand, Micki. Dori, lay down.” His dogs just stared at him and bounced up to his lap. He sighed, and tried to focus in on himself again, wondering if it had to do with the weird shifting abilities.

He inhaled and exhaled slowly, searching inside of himself for….something. Something that felt like it could burn his chest inside out, and the fire began to spread throughout his body. When he opened his eyes, it didn’t seem like he had transformed at all, but the burning in his chest was still there. Feeling a little defeated, he stood up. “Okay, you guys. I don’t know what I was thinking. Just sit there and be good.”

When Ryan left to go to the bathroom, he realized that his dogs, who’d usually tag along beside him on the way there, hadn’t come at all. He looked around his feet and the hallway then went back to his room where the dogs sat, staring at him patiently. He stood in his doorway in stupor. “Come, follow,” he said, and the dogs immediately got up, in sync, and stood at his feet.

He walked towards his bathroom and they stepped at the same time. When he walked backwards, they still followed. As he went towards the sink, they followed, then began to jump around at his feet again, and the burning in his chest was gone.

“Woah,” he whispered quietly, and decided he would try to hone in on this “new ability” of his, and would try to test it on other animals. Maybe Zach would let him meet Bowie.

For now, he needed to hurry up and get ready before he was late to work.

Same morning routine, same drive to work, same flood of thoughts. Except now he was panicking over what he would do if he ran into Shane. Would he ask him about what Steven said? Would this affect their relationship? He wasn’t sure how to act, wasn’t sure what he was going to do. Everything should be normal between them, but with these new feelings, what really could be normal to him, anymore?

Ryan was lost in his thoughts as he wandered to his desk, attention focusing now on the box that sat there. Shane stood there, smiling, and Ryan felt his heart melt for a good few seconds.

“Hey, Ryan.”

“Huh-hi-hey, Shane, what’s this? New gift?”

“Yeah, more fan-stuff I think.”

“Sweet. I wonder what’s inside.” Ryan grabbed some scissors and his phone, and began to take pictures as he opened the box. The contents within were a few letters and some artwork, along with several bags of popcorn.

They thanked the person who had sent the gifts and Ryan signed onto his computer to make sure he clocked in for work.

A quiet snicker drew Ryan’s attention and he looked to the side to see Shane recording him on his phone and decided to reach out and stop the recording, mostly out of jokes. Shane waved his arm around and they got into a little bit of a fight as the timer ran down, and they ended up laughing together.

“So, heard you had another busy day ahead of you.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Yesterday was a long day of recording, and we’ve just gotten halfway through. We’re going somewhere downtown today. What about you?”

“Just writing up some new Ruining History episodes today.”

“Oh, yeah. I remember you mentioning you were bringing it back. I’m sure everyone’s going to love it.”

“They better.” Shane smiled and slipped on his headphones as Ryan got up to grab the camera equipment. “Oh, Ryan.”

“Huh?”

“You should bring some extra water today. Heard it was going to be extra warm this afternoon.”

“Thanks. I’ll be sure to check that in with Steven.”

Shane gave him an endearing smile and Ryan for a moment felt like he wanted to kiss his forehead before he left. He stood frozen for a good moment, like he was going to speak again, but Shane had already turned towards his computer screen.

He bit his tongue, shook his head, and left to meet Steven.

On his way, he ran into Zach, and remembered he wanted to test something out. He adjusted the back on his shoulder and tapped him on the back.

“Hey, hey, Zach.”

“Ryan! Hey, what’s up?”

“Are you free this weekend at all?”

“This weekend? Yeah, I’m not really doing anything. Why?”

“I wanted to know if I could come over and meet Bowie?”

“Oh! Sure! I’m sure he’d love to meet you. What about your pups? They wanna come along?”

“Um, sure? I guess, yeah. That’s fine.”

“Cool! Just text me what time you wanna come by and I’ll make sure the place is at least presentable.”

“Thanks.”

Ryan smiled as he left and marked the upcoming Saturday on his phone’s calendar before meeting Steven in one of the studio rooms.

“Hey, look who finally made it!”

“Sorry, we got a new fan-package and went to record it.”

“Yeah, I saw you got into a bit of a tousle, too, huh?” Steven elbowed him gently and Ryan rolled his eyes.

“It was just because he was dicking around.”

“Okay, okay, I believe you.”

“And he said to bring more water since it was going to be extra warm today.”

“Ohhh!” Steven snapped his fingers. “That’s what I forgot. Thanks for reminding me.”

As the day continued on, another busy round of filming had Ryan and the rest of the crew sweaty and tired. They wrapped up a little earlier this evening, and Ryan was more than happy to be back at the air-conditioned office. Andrew came by again, this time pulling Steven aside to talk in private, and Ryan went to pack away the cameras alone.

“Hey, welcome back, Ryan,” a familiar voice welcomed him, and Ryan swiveled his head to see Shane approaching him.

“Oh, Shane, hey.” He smiled and shut the storage room door. “How was your writing?”

“Super productive, and I already have an idea for the next episode I want to make after it.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm, got it while doing research for this episode. I’m thinking...pirates, eh?”

Ryan laughed and walked with Shane to the kitchen so he could grab another swig of water before he could get home and drink from the comfort of his living room. He looked out the window on the other side of the near empty office, and caught the sun just above the horizon, then turned back to Shane.

“Pirates sounds super fun. You have anyone in mind?”

“Not yet, but I know I want someone super wild.”

“I mean, you are ruining history, so let’s spoil some more.”

“Oh, you make it sound bad. Don’t tell me you don’t get a few fun quips at me.”

“Okay, okay, maybe I do enjoy it because I can pick on you.” Ryan looked over his shoulder to see Steven and Andrew holding hands as they walked out together, and Shane followed his gaze. “Man, I didn’t know for so long. Did you?”

“Hm? Yeah. I noticed early on.”

“You did?! I didn’t even notice! Steven just told me yesterday after I saw Andrew kiss him.”

“Talk about oblivious.”

“No, I just- I’m busy and I don’t pay attention to these things!”

“Okay, sure Ryan, like your love-dar isn’t broken.”

“Did you just say love-dar?”

“Yeah. Why, bad name? Love-ner? Like love scanner? Or… loooove…hm…”

“No, no, I don’t need a love-whatever. I am quite fine just knowing my own interests and others when they feel comfortable enough to spread the news.”

“You like someone?”

“Ech, I mean, I don’t know, yet. Why, do you?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“You do?”

“I just said I did, didn’t I?” Shane raised an eyebrow at him, then laughed and elbowed his shoulder. “Why, you jealous?”

“What? Jealous? Of someone I don’t know? Sure, okay, me, jealous of someone that likes you, Shane. As if.”

Ryan’s cheeks began to burn as Shane laughed. They walked outside of the building together, and Shane pat Ryan’s shoulder.

“I’m teasing you, bud,” Shane said, smiling. “Just wanted to see how you would react. I don’t know if I quite like someone, yet, either. Just waiting to see what’ll happen.”

“Yeah…right, yeah. Of course you are-were-are.” Ryan cleared his throat, and caught the sound of something rustling from the bushes just beside the gate of the parking lot. “You hear that?”

“Uh...yeah, coming from there, right?” Shane looked in the direction of the movement, and Ryan held his breath for a moment before they both walked towards the noise.

A cat jumped out at them, and Ryan yelped, ordering a strong, “stop!” towards the cat, which landed just in front of them and stared up at him, pupils slitted and calm as it swished its tail around.

“Woah,” Shane breathed out, and looked between Ryan and the cat. “You know this cat?”

“No idea,” Ryan replied quietly, staring back down at it, and he thought his chest could catch fire any moment.

Suddenly, the cat hissed, and he felt his head go dizzy as everything seemed to tint, and he caught sight of something red flash across the cat’s face and it ran. He rubbed his eyes and looked around, everything back to normal, and Shane stood there staring at the spot where the cat was before he cleared his throat.

“Well, that was weird. I think I may just head home and watch a weird movie in tribute of today.”

“Yeah,” Ryan murmured, and looked up at his friend before pulling him into a hug. He didn’t know why he did it, but it was a sudden action, and immediately he thought his face would burn right off. Instead, he didn’t pull away, and Shane seemed to reciprocate, patting his back. “I, uh, sorry. I don’t know why- I just - I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“It’s okay,” Shane said with a quiet laugh. “I’m surprised, but I appreciate a good ol’ Bergara Bear Hug.”

“Oh no, you even gave it a name? You know I don’t like bears.”

“But you’re, like, a human version of Paddington. Bergara Bear Hug is official.”

“Noooo,” Ryan groaned, smiling, and pushed Shane back a little. “Anything but that.”

“Nope, it is branded now. The Bergara Bear Hug. It’s your secret attack.”

Ryan just laughed and headed towards his car as Shane went towards his. “Okay, fine. Now I need to find something for you, you shit.”

“Love you too, bud. See you.”

“Lo...yeah, see you!”

Ryan skipped a little in his step and hopped into his car, scrolling through his Spotify playlists to find some tunes to listen to while he drove home. He looked up as Shane’s car pulled out of the lot, and he waved goodbye, just as his vision went fuzzy again, and he could have sworn Shane winked at him with the brightest, red eyes, and a whisper of red cloud stream behind him. Ryan blinked, thinking he was just tired, trying to catch a look at Shane’s face again, but he had already turned down the road.

“What about it?” he retorted, setting his music on the stand in front of him while he adjusted his mouthpiece, watching Sara sit, facing the back of the chair so she could place her arms on the backrest. He sighed in annoyance, though jokingly, knowing that every time she’d mention it, his heart would jump just a little. “It’s just stupid puppy love.”

“And you’re the biggest puppy I know, Shane.” Sara laughed quietly, leaning on one of her hands while her flute hung dangerously in her other, but Shane knew she’d never drop it. She was one of the most talented flutists he knew in the class, not to mention she was first chair, which she’d worked hard to get, and now even did solos during concerts. “Have you asked him to Senior Ball?”

“What...what? No!” Shane gave her a look as if he’d never be able to do it. “There’s no way he’d go with some nerd like me.”

“You’re both literally the biggest nerds I know,” Sara groaned. “He’s probably even more of a nerd than you are, you big doof! Have you seen how many times he goes to the movie theater or spews about his favorite characters? I mean he’s a part of the video productions class, for heaven’s sake.”

“Yes and yes, I do, and don’t take his love for the big screen and spin it on me like that; you know I watch just as much as he does!”

“I know. Trust me.” Sara stuck her tongue out. “Come on, it wouldn’t hurt to ask him. You guys are almost inseparable. You literally talk and hang out most of the week, anyway.”

“We do not!”

“I’ve seen you talk to him after games and after his practices, Shane.” Sara raised an eyebrow and had a smug smile on her face. “I’ll even help you ask him. Come on.”

Shane thought about it for a moment, and decided this would probably be one of the last years he’d see Ryan anyway. “Alright, fine…”

“Yes!” Sara pumped her fist up in victory and grinned. “You better ask by next game.”

Shane sighed and shook his head, his mind racing over what he would do and how he would do it. Thinking about approaching a sweaty Ryan after a game was not the image he wanted in his head as one of his fellow seniors got up on the small, square podium to conduct them through the music.

---

Shane spent quite a bit of time with Sara outside of band to have her help him work up his confidence to ask Ryan out and to help him with outfits. Every time he spotted Ryan outside of class, though, he found him talking to one of the popular art and drama kids at the time, Helen Pan. He didn’t want to interrupt their conversation, though he knew she’d just moved into the high school and Ryan was one of the friendliest people to introduce her around campus, and found Ryan spent more time talking to her during class instead of Shane. He didn’t want to admit, even in the slightest, that this worried him more about asking Ryan out, but he could certainly feel the butterflies in his stomach.

When he wasn’t talking with Sara, he was practicing by himself. He’d spend time reviewing some flash cards he made, looking up and away, to test his memory. Sometimes, he’d find himself muttering as he walked from class to class, zoning out as he walked past others, and made it to his desk.

And when he wasn’t practicing by himself, he was talking to Ryan. He was his best friend after all.

After the day was over, he spent his night at Ryan’s house, listening to him blabber on about this supernatural experience he had just a while back with some of his video productions friends.

“What? No way, I don’t believe you at all.” Shane crossed his arms, shaking his head. “Show me the footage.”

“It seriously did happen.” Ryan groaned and went through his files on his already open laptop, going through different video folders before he found it. “Look, see, right there.”

“No, did you see how hard you hit the freaking surface?”

“But the shaking shouldn’t have caused it to fly up like that.”

“It was already almost off the edge.”

They bickered on for a few moments until Ryan gave up and Shane felt victorious, stealing a handful of popcorn from what remained in Ryan’s popcorn bowl, and his friend gave him a disbelieving look.

“How dare you touch my popcorn.”

“Uh, our popcorn. We were sharing for tonight’s movie night, remember?”

“Technically it’s my popcorn since I bought it.”

“With what money?”

“I have an allowance.”

“Oh, look at me, Ryan Bergara, so special that I have an allowance because I can’t work a job.”

“Hey, I’m working on video stuff. Just watch, I’m gonna be in some high standard production company and you’re gonna kiss my ass.”

Shane laughed. “No, I believe ya, bud. I know that nothing stops the Ryan Bergara from achieving what he wants to.” He smiled and lay back into the couch as the movie began, and their chatter didn’t stop there, as the occasional pause and talk would come up between the movie so they could critique or judge a point in the film that felt like a loophole or if it wasn’t connecting.

Despite their being comfortable sitting beside each other, Shane’s head went back to the little proposal he had for Ryan that would be coming up in a few days. He tensed, curling his fingers and pulling his hand away from the popcorn bowl where Ryan’s hand lay idly close. He could feel his heart race, and he was no longer paying attention to the plot of the film. He could ask him now, get it over with, pretend nothing happened while the game was going on, and never look back. He could also avoid feeling embarrassed and just continue on watching the film, waiting till the game so he could feel more prepared.

He turned his attention when he could feel eyes staring at him, but when he looked at Ryan, his friend’s eyes were focused on the screen. Though, his hand had left the bowl between them.

Shane quietly excused himself as the credits came on, mostly so he could wash his hands of popcorn grease, and also so he could calm himself down with a quick piss and a splash of cold water. He stared at himself in the mirror after he dried his face and took a deep breath, muttering quietly to himself while his stomach flipped again, and he scratched his head roughly, trying to hit himself out of it.

He left the bathroom after a few minutes, and Ryan asked if he was okay, to which he nodded and helped him clean up the living room.

It was already 1am, and they both had one more day of school till the game. Shane grabbed his jacket, made sure his phone and wallet were with him, then smiled at Ryan as he headed for the door.

“Wait,” Ryan quickly spoke up, watching Shane before he left his doorway. A cold, gentle breeze blew around them. “So, Senior Ball is uh...coming up.” Shane’s eyes grew wide, but he tried to cover his shock at the words he was hearing. His heart racing; Shane tried to hide his face from the light on Ryan’s porch.

“Yeah, it is.”

“I was wondering if you could help me.”

“With what?”

“Well, I see you always talking with Sara, and she seems to be helping you get ready for that big event. I mean, I don’t know if like, you know, like, if she’s gonna go with you or something, and I don’t mean, like, together, as a couple, I mean, like...uh…” Ryan’s hands were growing clammy and he stuck them in the pockets of his shorts. “I just, uh, I wanted to know if, maybe, you could help me ask someone out?”

“Ask….?” Shane could feel his heart sink, and his stomach began to twist so much from feeling so nervous, he thought he was gonna throw up.

“Yeah, there’s this person I’ve been meaning to ask out to Senior Ball, but I just don’t know if they want to go. I’m kind of scared to ask, and you’re the only person I’ve told this to. I mean, I look like I could do anything, right? But, what if they say no?”

“Dude, you’re a great person. I don’t know who wouldn’t say no to Ryan Bergara.” Shane forced a smile on his face. He was being honest, but he tried to hide his hurting.

“You really think so?” Ryan seemed so happy, a bright smile on his face, looking at Shane with bright hope.

“Yeah. Look, man, I’ll talk to you later. I gotta go.”

“Oh, yeah...alright! Later!”

Shane nodded and quickly hurried back to his car, taking a deep breath to calm himself once he was buckled in, and focused on his drive home. He felt empty, now, staring at the road and the streetlights brushing over him with a soft, quiet glow. His heart was pounding. He could hear it in his ears.

Fuck, he thought.

---

The Friday before the game, Shane wanted to avoid Ryan as much as possible. He didn’t want to confront him or his feelings and he seemed too sullen that day, he didn’t want Ryan asking questions. In the morning, he caught Ryan walking down the hallways closely beside Helen, laughing and bickering. He could see himself standing there doing the same thing, but Ryan was probably tired of his shit, too.

During lunch, he spent his time inside the library instead of out at the lunch tables. He could only imagine Ryan walking up to Helen after the game and asking her to Senior Ball. He tried to black it out of his mind, holding his face in his hands, running his fingers through his hair as he gripped it tight, shutting his eyes as if it would erase it all. The thoughts never left.

After school was over, there was one more practice, and for a moment, he thought he could forget everything. He was talking happily with some of his other bandmates, blasting his trumpet loudly as they tried to harmonize to Darude Sandstorm.

Then Sara came up to him and asked if he was ready to talk to Ryan the following day, and he could feel himself shut down again.

“Hey, Shane? You okay?” Sara’s face grew concerned, and she sat sideways in her chair, resting her elbow on the backrest gently. “Did something happen between you two?”

“No, I…” Shane felt himself burn, all his clothes now pricking at his skin, and he rubbed his eyes. “Ryan told me he was going to ask someone to Senior Ball and he asked me for advice…”

“Oh…” Sara smiled sympathetically, reaching out to pat his knee. “Hey, I mean...you could still come with me, if you want? Some of my friends had managed to talk me into going, so…”

Shane exhaled heavily, grunting as he forced himself to stop feeling these sickening emotions. “Yeah, sure...your friends are pretty cool, anyway. We could all just stand in the corner and dance like idiots.”

“That’s the spirit!” Sara laughed quietly and sighed. “Hey, don’t worry about tomorrow, okay?”

Shane simply nodded in reply, beginning to slip into an empty mood, and though he was playing his trumpet, didn’t feel as if he was putting energy into it, but no one said anything.

After the practice, he’d packed his trumpet away, and followed Sara out of the building just as he saw Ryan coming down the way as well, smiling at him. Shane spotted a white card in his hand, along with a pen, and he knew Ryan would ask him for help again on asking whoever it was out to Senior Ball. He didn’t know what to say, not that he wanted to say anything at all, and Sara quickly covered for him, saying they would be late to a quick shopping trip if they didn’t hurry, and Ryan let them go. Shane caught the frown on his friend’s face, and tried to ignore it.

---

Game night had arrived. Shane was settled on the second row on the bleachers, as was their arrangement for their small band. Sara sat in front of him, setting up her flute. The rest of the band was seated around him, and he made sure his trumpet was tuned while the two teams on the court warmed-up. He spotted Ryan, and for a moment they looked at each other. Despite the tension that Shane had managed to build, Ryan smiled through it all. There was never a dull time that truly seemed to bring him down, and Shane could feel himself smile back for a second. As Ryan made for another pass with the ball, their contact broke, and he looked down at his lap with conflicted feelings again.

His eyes scanned along the crowd that filled the seats. Though he wasn’t sure what he was looking for at first, he found out soon enough, and he saw Helen sitting down in a middle section of the bleachers close to the front. He turned away when they briefly met eyes, and he fumbled to get his trumpet ready as the players returned to line up when the buzzer went off to signal the end of warm-ups.

The games began and so did the music. The crowd cheering and the intensity of the game had Shane forgetting his pains and he was swept up into the fun and energy that came from the competition. He stood with the crowd when their team grabbed the final shot into the basket. He was overjoyed when he saw it was Ryan who had scored it last second, and he hollered, pointing out it was his best friend who had just won the match, and Ryan could be seen grinning back at him with thumbs up, heading back to meet his gathered team for a celebration.

Shane made sure he let the last notes ring out from his trumpet as they played their victory song, and he high-fived his friends before looking at Sara with a bright smile.

“Ready to head back to the room?” she asked, and Shane nodded, grabbing his stuff to put back into the room. The moon had already pushed the sun down the horizon, and the night sky provided him with a cool breeze to calm him down from the rush of the game. He stared up at the sky, bright stars twinkling, a half moon sitting quietly with a few clouds passing through its light.

He returned to the room with Sara, making sure his trumpet was cleaned and packed properly into its case before it was slipped back into its rightful locker, and Sara followed him out of the room.

“You gonna be alright?” she inquired, looking up at him as they made their way down the hall and back towards the gym since the parking lot was in that direction.

“Yeah...you know, I’m gonna go congratulate Ryan real fast. He’s still my best friend, and I don’t want to let him down.”

“Of course. I’ll come with you in case he decides to start some shit.”

Shane laughed and he made his way back towards the gym where people were clearing out, and he waited for the crowd to thin until he could walk inside and found the team cooling down. He approached one of the guys and asked where Ryan was, directed towards the other end of the court. He scanned his eyes over, delighted when he saw Ryan, and he was about to make his way over until Helen showed up, and she approached Ryan with a full hug. Ryan hugged her right back, a wide grin on his face, and he seemed to be having a lot of fun talking with her. Shane stopped dead in his tracks and continued to watch.

Ryan looked around for a second, reaching into his drawstring bag where he pulled out the same white card that Shane had seen him hold the day before. Helen beamed and nodded taking the card to read it, and she hugged Ryan joyfully, sliding it back to him as she seemed to bounce on her feet. Shane’s eyebrows had knitted into a scowl, and Sara had pulled on his shirt to move him. That was until he saw Helen and Ryan turn almost in sync, and Helen point in his direction. He was most utterly confused at this point, and he now had his face stuck in stupor, watching them both walk towards him.

“God, not you again,” Ryan teased, approaching Shane.

“What?”

“Everyone, look out, it’s Shane Madej and his stupid face.” Ryan laughed. “Uh, hey, can we talk?”

“Sure...what about?”

“I’ll tell you as we walk away. Remember the Senior Ball thing?” Ryan paused and looked at Helen. “Oh, hey, you don’t mind keeping Sara company, right?” She shook her head and smiled, waving her hand to move them along.

Shane could feel himself grow hot again, and he could barely spare a glance at Sara as he was dragged out of the gym, and Ryan brought him to one of the sidewalk lamps outside.

“Shane, look, I don’t know what’s been going on with you avoiding me lately, but before I keep going, I just need to know what’s up ‘cause I don’t want to think I’ve done something wrong to affect our friendship.”

“What? No, no, no...you didn’t do anything wrong.” Shane clenched his jaw, and he could feel his entire body tense, heart beginning to race again. What was he supposed to tell him?

“Listen, I’ve noticed that for, like, the past week you’ve been looking at me weird, especially when I’m with Helen. Like you’re angry, or something?” Ryan’s eyes widened as he continued to ramble. “Wait, are you jealous?”

“Jealous? Don’t be absurd! Why would I be jealous of you asking Helen to Senior Ball! You guys are perfect together! I mean she seemed happy when you handed her the card,” Shane blurted out, his cheeks turning red even under the bad light.

“Oh my god, you’re totally jealous, Shane!” Ryan laughed, and Shane thought that, for a second, he was being mocked, and suddenly felt like he wanted to run away. “Did you hear that?” Ryan asked.

“Hear what?” Shane replied in equal question, not sure what Ryan meant. As far as he knew, they were alone outside together. If there was a rustle from the bushes, he didn’t hear a thing. “There’s nothing with us.”

“No, listen closer.”

Shane held his breath for a moment and he looked around, before looking back at Ryan with a raised eyebrow, wanting to leave already. “I don’t get it.”

“That was the sound of you being an idiot, Shane.”

“What do you mean?”

Ryan pulled out the white card and handed it to him. “It was for you, dingus.” Now it was Ryan’s turn to flush a little red. “Open it.”

Shane gave him and the card a skeptical glance before opening it to read the contents. A long paragraph had taken up the first half of the card, and it was a brief summary of him and Ryan throughout their friendship. On the right, a dumb little doodle from Ryan with the message, “I know you don’t believe in ghosts, but will you be my boo for Senior Ball?”

Shane squinted at the card, his mouth hanging open, and he could again hear his heart pounding in his ears. Ryan was chewing on his lip, waiting in anticipation, unsure how to read Shane’s face.

“I, uh...um, well, I mean, yeah. Yeah, I’ll…” Shane laughed and handed Ryan back the card, unable to hold back the smile that wanted to curl onto his face. “Yes. Yeah, yeah I will.”

Ryan grinned and suddenly stood on his toes, his hands shooting out to grab the back of Shane’s neck to pull him down for a quick, messy kiss, and Shane thought his chest would break open or he’d at least faint from how hard his heart was pumping. He couldn’t have imagined more what Ryan’s lips felt like against his own, and he gratefully kissed back until they both couldn’t breath and were laughing from it all.

“For the record, I guess I could say I was maybe jealous,” Shane admitted, and Ryan punched him in the arm a little, laughing.

“Yeah, I know. Ya big baby.”

“Oh shut up. You’re the short one which means you’re the baby.”

“I’m literally 5’10”!”

“No.”

“Okay, fine, there’s like three quarters but-”

“You’re the baby.”

        There they were at their desks, working some late time in the evening again, but still a handful of colleagues around them. Ryan was extremely intent on editing the new Unsolved video that was to be released in a few days, and Shane was nose deep in some history clips and storyboarding.

Ryan squinted at his screen, eyes scanning the footage again and again, his ears trying to pick up the noises that were most likely them and one hundred percent not. He replayed some parts, trying to sync up the narration to the visuals, adjusting some of the text and volume. Making sure everything was transitioning up to the point he was at in the video, he began again from the beginning, nodding in satisfaction at the progress he’d made. He leaned back in his chair, the arms that were originally across his chest now stretching up as he leaned further, the pleasure shooting up his spine as it cracked, and he couldn’t help but let out a soft moan.

Several eyes turned towards him when the quiet moan turned into a loud squeak that echoed in the room. Ryan looked around the room, his cheeks beginning to turn pink, and he turned his full glare towards Shane, eyebrows knitted into a tight scowl.

“What the fuck, Shane?” he barked, trying to lower his voice to avoid the attention of more eyes.

“What? I didn’t do anything,” his friend replied, trying not to look smug.

“The fuck you didn’t! You are the only one sitting close enough to me to have poked me in the side!”

“Alright, so maybe I took advantage of your side being vulnerable while you were stretching, but that’s aside the point.”

“Oh my god, you’rse such an ass!” Ryan’s face was struggling between being angry and smiling, and Shane began to chuckle, leaning on his armrest, chin in his palm.

“You know, you’re cute when you’re angry.”

“Oh my god,” Ryan groaned, rolling his eyes as he turned back to his computer, putting his left hand up to block Shane from his view as he continued clicking around on his screen, though he wasn’t exactly sure what he was doing at that moment, and went between the clips he had ready and the raw footage.

He sighed, muttering under his breath, trying to ignore his paranoia of Shane beside him, possibly getting closer or still staring at him, he wasn’t sure.

Another loud squeal escaped him, this time turning into fits of laughter and he tried to push his feet against the floor to roll away from Shane, but his partner in crime had one hand holding tightly to his chair and the other wiggling fingers against his sides and at his neck and under his arm. Ryan’s repetitive resistance intertwined with his loud laughter, and he was beginning to curl into a ball in his chair, his hands fighting against Shane’s.

“Oh, are you ticklish?” Shane teased, laughing, and he finally let go of Ryan’s chair when he saw the tears glazing his cheeks, and Ryan wiped them from his eyes, heavily breathing as he leaned back and stared at Shane with a bright smile, then rolled his eyes as Shane threw his hands up. “I’m done, I swear. That’s all I wanted to do tonight and it was worth it.”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“What, you want me to tickle you again?”

“No! I was not suggesting that!”

“It kind of sounded like you were.”

“Oh my god, shut up. Why am I still talking to you?”

“I have no idea but, why don’t we go grab some dinner?”

“What? I haven’t even finished, yet.”

“You’ve literally been working almost eight hours straight on that video, man. You need a break. Besides, you still have half the week left. Come on.”

Ryan exhaled slowly and stared at his screen, then nodded, rolling back to his spot cautiously, and saved his work before turning everything off and looking over at his friend. “How’s pizza sound?”

“Hey, Ryan?”

He shook his head and looked up to find the source of the voice, startled from his thoughts.

“Speak of the devil,” Ryan mumbled, smiling to see Steven standing beside his desk. “What’s up?”

“Oh, you looked a little stressed out, and I was just walking around. What’s going on?”

Ryan sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he leaned back in his chair. “I don’t know what to do for my first date with Shane. I mean, there’s so much to choose from, and I mean, I could do all of them, but this is the first date, you know?”

Steven laughed, and Ryan could feel his cheeks burn. “Ryan, you two have been friends forever. I’m sure he’d be glad to do anything with you. What if you...what if you recreate the first day you guys hung out?”

“Recreate? We spent our first hours together at our desks.”

“I mean, like actually hung out outside of work, Ryan.”

“Oh...hm…”

“Actually, I think I do have something in mind.” Steven wrapped his arm around Ryan’s shoulders and began to talk quietly with him.

---

“I’ll be honest with you,” Shane began, as he walked down the sidewalk of the pier with Ryan, the sun still hovering over the horizon. “I thought you were gonna bring us to Disneyland.”

Ryan laughed, hitting him on the arm a little. “No, that would be my personal relaxation.” He looked down at their intertwined hands and squeezed a little, walking close beside him, and turned his head back to the direction ahead of him. “I wanted this to be special.”

The two continued heading down the pier and ended up on this overlook, watching over the beach, a small, quiet deck where they could oversee the horizon. Ryan’s heart was racing and his cheeks were burning, and he heard Shane yelp a little, then laugh.

“What- what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Ryan asked, turning to his boyfriend.

“Yeah, I’m fine. But you had my hand in a deathgrip, so I don’t know what to say for my appendage here.”

“Oh, shit, sorry...I’m just, I’m really nervous. I don’t know why I’m nervous, because we’ve always done stuff like this, but it was never like a date, so I guess that’s why I’m nervous? I just thought I’d be more prepared and I’m really not feeling prepared and I hope I’m-”

“Ryan, it’s fine,” Shane reassured him, wrapping his arm over his shoulders. “I’m nervous, too.” He squeezed him a little, holding him close, and they both stared over to where the sun was dipping into the water. The sky began to change colors, and they stood there together in their own little quiet space, the breeze gently blowing their hair around.

Ryan could feel Shane’s hand resting a little tight on him, and he noticed that he was shaking a little. He smiled, and reached up to meet Shane’s hand, pressing his fingers between his, and watched as the sun finally sunk beneath the final waves, only a splash of red now left to color the sky.

“Okay, there’s just two more things left to do.”

“Two more? Man, Ryan, we have a busy schedule ahead of us.”

“Shut up, you’ll like it, I promise.” More like he hoped. Ryan confidently took Shane’s hand in his own and lead him down to the beach where some people had gathered on towels and blankets in front of a large viewing screen, with popcorn being handed out. Ryan had already gotten a spot for them reserved and he brought Shane to their blanket, smiling at him as they sat together.

“Movies on the beach.” Shane nodded, laughing quietly as he turned his head to the shorter. “Classic.”

“And now, to prove that I’m more of a kernelhead than you.”

“You are on, Ryan.”

They sat there amongst the other families and couples enjoying the movie. The night was cool, and the sky was clear, and the popcorn was extra buttery. There were times where Ryan’s hands would bump into Shane’s when he went to grab popcorn, and he laughed quietly. There were times when he wasn’t paying attention to the movie because he was too busy wondering if Shane was enjoying his time. There were times where Ryan would get closer to Shane, to the point he became self-conscious and made sure he wasn’t leaning too much.

When the movie was over, they had gone to wash their hands, and Ryan waited till the area had cleared.

“So, what’s this last thing we’re doing and how come we haven’t left, yet?” Shane asked, drying his hands off on his shirt.

“I’m just waiting till the area’s clear.” Ryan smiled, and watched the small crowd filter out of the area. When it was just them left, he took Shane’s hand gently and again twined their fingers before he began to walk in one direction of the beach. They weren’t exactly close to the water, but they were close enough so it could reach just to the sand beside them and recede back into the rolling waves.

There were only the few nightly surfers and other couples walking on the beach, but for the majority, they were alone to their thoughts and their words.

It had grown quiet between them, but Ryan didn’t mind, and he could see the calm of Shane’s face from the moonlight that washed over it. A few times, Ryan met Shane’s eyes when he looked down at him, and he smiled, feeling his heart race again.

As they continued to walk down together, they began small talk, from weekend plans, to new videos for work, and talking about new movies. Then they began to talk about their past, things they would only share with each other that they hadn’t already told the other. They would talk about small instances in their childhood to dreams that they had kept secret, and a few wild and embarrassing tales.

Ryan hadn’t even realized they’d gotten close to the water until it hit his feet and he jumped back, nearly tripping on the sand, from how sudden and cold it was on his skin. Shane laughed, and Ryan sent him a dirty look, stepping back into the water to kick some up at him. He realized his mistake and began to run from Shane when he revolted by kicking sand back up at him.

Ryan hadn’t had this good adrenaline rush in a while, and he laughed when he lost footing and fell into the waves rolling onto shore, exclaiming a few expletives along the way. He got up, Shane mocking him for his “sandy butt”, and he quickly grabbed Shane by the shirt to pull him into the water. He didn’t expect the resistance that came from the taller man, and both had struggled against the other until Shane had lost his footing and pulled them both down.

They laughed together, spitting out the salt water that had gotten into their mouths, and began to walk together along the sand again, soaking wet and giddy from their little chase.

The water would eventually dry off, but the sand had still stuck to their hands and part of their face. They walked over to a washing station and began to rinse off whatever sand had gotten onto their bodies and inside their clothes, shaking off whatever water they could before walking onto the sand again. It seemed useless, to have washed off the sand if they would continue walking in it again, but they didn’t mind their feet getting dirty so long as it wasn’t their shorts.

The two finally rested on a random spot of the beach, near where they had parked the car, and stared up at the moon and it’s reflection over the ocean. They sat quietly, simply listening to the waves, and Ryan was leaning comfortably against Shane, their legs outstretched, Ryan smiling over the length of Shane’s to his own.

Suddenly, his heart began to race, and he realized he wasn’t sure how to end the night. Steven had suggested a kiss, but he felt it would be too soon for that. He could just say he was tired and ready to go home, which was his honest feeling, but on the other hand, he wanted to stay with Shane for the rest of the night, and he felt conflicted.

“You okay, buddy?” Shane asked, looking down at him, his head tilted.

“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking.”

“Thinking about what?”

Ryan wasn’t sure if he wanted to answer. It was dumb. Shane was his boyfriend, and he should be honest with him, but he felt silly about saying it.

“I was thinking about...um…” Ryan pursed his lips and gave in, looking down at their hands. “I was thinking about kissing you,” he said quietly, and Shane could be heard laughing. It wasn’t loud, more-so in surprise, but Ryan felt like he was being mocked. When he looked up at Shane’s face, he could see the tension in his jaw, and the way he smiled, looking dead ahead at the water. He realized he was nervous about it, too, and Ryan turned his body.

“Shane,” he said, calling his attention, and Shane pulled his attention from the water, feeling Ryan’s hand squeezing his own, watching the determination on his face fighting the nerves that made him want to pull away. “I...I love you,” Ryan said, and he held his breath.

Shane’s heart jumped, his face turning red at the words, and he just squeezed Ryan’s hand back, swallowing anxiously and nodding. “I love you, too,” he replied, the words rolling off his tongue, and he felt jumpy saying it, but it also felt good, like a weight had lifted from his shoulders. “I do, really. Even if you’re a real psycho.”

“Oh, shut up, Shane,” Ryan grumbled, rolling his eyes. “You really know how to set the mood, don’t you?”

“I thought we were being sentimental and honest!” Shane grinned.

“We are! You’re just a...a… a big headed buffoon!”

“Wow, Ryan, really mature.”

“Shut up, Shane.”

“Look at me, I’m this really mature tiny man who just called my boyfriend a buffo-”

Ryan interrupted Shane’s mocking by grabbing his shirt and leaning in fast, locking their lips together. It was messy, and very impulsive, and for a moment he thought he could hear both of their hearts pounding against their chests.

He pulled back only a little, just to fix the angle of their kiss, and he pressed against Shane, his hand still tight on the front of his shirt. Shane held the kiss, and began to kiss back, and soon they began to laugh, and the kiss broke, and they were breathing hard.

Ryan could feel his face burn, and he wanted to hide. Shane was biting his lip as he grinned, completely caught off guard.

“You can let go of my shirt, now,” Shane informed him, and Ryan released his grip, laughing.

“Sorry, I just...um...you’re a good kisser. I mean that’s not the reason I didn’t let go of your shirt, I was just complimenting you.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, Ryan. You’re not bad yourself. You could probably do a little work with your stubble though.”

“Oh my God, Shane, do you ever shut up?”

“You can make me stop talking again.”

“You’re really asking for it.”

“I was suggesting it.”

Ryan rolled his eyes and stood up. “You’re an idiot.”

“I’m your idiot.” Shane followed him, and they began to walk to the car.

“Wow, so good with wordplay.”

“I’ll challenge you to Scrabble sometime.”

“I change my mind.”

“Backing out, already? Ryan Bergara, a quitter?”

“No, I’m just not good at Scrabble! Fight me in...in Poker. I’ll beat you there!”

“Yeah, we might as well play Go Fish.”

Ryan groaned, then laughed, and he got into the car. “Just bring me home. We’ll settle this at work.”

“Will we, now?”

“We will. I’ll bring a deck of cards. I also bet ten bucks.”

“Twenty.”

“You’re on.”

“You’re gonna lose.”

“You watch yourself, Madej.”

“You watch yourself, Madej,” Shane mocked.

Shane continued to smile as he wandered his gaze around the room, following behind Ryan to the various rooms on the main and upper floors. They dropped off their bags in the master bedroom and cleaned up for the night.

In the middle of the night, Ryan jumped and tensed, scooting a little closer to Shane. A groan came from the other man, mumbling incoherently.

“Did you hear that?” Ryan whispered.

“ ‘t was nuth’n,” Shane grumbled, turning over to look over at his friend, who was now propped up on his elbows, staring down the hallway. “Jus’ some..wind ‘s all…”

“That was most certainly not the wind…there’s nothing for the wind to knock over! I think someone might be trying to get inside, Shane!”

“Well, shut….then…” Shane closed his eyes and subconsciously tugged Ryan’s shirt, feeling him jump again before sliding back under the covers, pressed close to Shane.

“You know how to use a gun, right?”

“Mm…kinda…jus…sleep…”

Ryan got silent, trying to listen for any footsteps or any crunch of leaves that would set off his ears, but nothing happened for the rest of the evening.

---

The next few nights seemed to become worse and worse for Ryan. He kept complaining that someone was getting closer and closer to their room each night, but Shane argued that no one could have possibly gotten in there or that he was psyching himself out. He pointed out that nothing was moved or touched in the cabin, Ryan retorting that they could probably get an officer to investigate the place and find samples and prints that didn’t belong to them.

One of the last nights they were staying had Ryan extra jumpy, and Shane was awoken in the middle of the night to the feeling of a finger jabbing him in the arm, a full hand patting him awake.

He opened his mouth to talk when Ryan placed his hand over it. Shane raised an eyebrow, trying to adjust his eyes to the darkness of the room, still blurred by his waking. His heart jumped when he heard the creak coming from the hallway just outside their room.

He felt a little guilty that he hadn’t believed Ryan the past few nights, and his hand was already moving towards the box beside their bed that had the gun inside. To be honest, he hadn’t really used a gun before. He’d only seen his friends use them when they shot the videos and then the movies, of course.

He could feel Ryan begin to move off the bed, his feet quietly as possible moving to the wall beside the door to hide. Shane moved opposite, gently pulling the safety down and hiding behind the bed.

The room was still too dark for him to see completely, but he could see the door open as someone walked in. He waited, watching a green lens move up towards his direction.

In that moment, the dark swing of an arm came up and Shane brought his hands up and fumbled a little. Chaos ensued when the scuffling of feet across the floor had Shane scrambling to aim. Someone’s body hit the wall and the lights flipped on and a shot went off and this all happened in quick seconds apart.

Ryan’s voice echoed in the room and Shane’s stomach flipped, a burn of vile beginning to rise inside of him. Another groan came from the intruder who had fallen to the floor with a loud thud, and Shane stared in shock before leaping to his feet and over the bed.

“Ryan- Ryan are you okay?” Shane looked at the two bodies on the floor and couldn’t tell whose blood was whose. He could see a knife stuck in the abdomen of the intruder and a large gash across his throat- a knife that Ryan had been holding onto.

When his eyes scanned his friend’s body, he froze, hands shaking. His breathing became heavy, and he hovered his hands over Ryan’s body, unsure what to do.

“Ry- Ryan- Ryan what do I- what did I- Ryan-“ Shane’s heart was echoing in his ears and he looked at the blood coming from directly under Ryan, not wanting to lift him over to see the wound. Ryan was gasping, blood pooling out of his mouth, trying to grasp at Shane’s hand.

Shane shook his head and held Ryan’s hand tight, grabbing some sheets behind him to place beneath Ryan’s back. “Hold on- hold on, Ryan, I’m gonna call- I’m gonna- I’m gonna call the cops, okay? I’m…I’m…hold on, Ryan…”

Ryan squeezed Shane’s hand and signaled from him to come close.

“I’m…gonna haunt the…fuck out of you…if I die…”

He looked at her soft, golden locks falling down her head to her shoulders. The young three-year-old was humming happily to herself while crayons were shifted back and forth across the cold surface of the metal table they’d supplied her. Her little purple dress was beginning to wrinkle after the hours of sitting and she was growing restless.

“Look, Dad!” She dropped her crayons with a quiet clatter and held up the picture for Anthony to see. “That’s you on my left and that’s Daddy on my right and I’m in the middle and this is our house and that’s Rex and Paxton and the piggies and I put the sun up here…”

Anthony breathed in quietly as her little voice went on and he nodded along, not remembering when he smiled to her, but he did, and he knew because she smiled back.

“Dad, can we order food now? I’m hungry. And Daddy might be hungry, too, because he hasn’t eaten in a few days. Isn’t he really hungry?”

“I told you, sweetie, they’ve been feeding Daddy.”

“But he hasn’t been awake in a while!”

“We uh… the doctors have this special magic way of feeding him and he wakes up but we’re not allowed to see because it’s secret, remember?”

Emma sighed and looked over at Steven on the bed, unconscious but heart beating. Anthony saw the way she seemed sad, but hopeful, and he kissed the side of her head.

“Come on, I gotta give you a bath, okay? Let’s go home quickly, grab some food, then come back.”

“Okay,” Emma more than eagerly replied, and hopped off of his lap. She grabbed the picture off the table and put it on Steven’s lap. “This is for Daddy when the doctor’s wake him up so he can see what I made and then I know he’ll smile again because he always smiles when I make a picture!”

“I’m sure he’ll love it,” Anthony nearly choked out, forcing the words from his lips as his hand reached up to stop the tears before Emma could turn around and begin asking another bombardment of questions as to why he was crying.

Anthony grinned down at Emma after a few seconds and lifted her up. “Why don’t you kiss Daddy before we go and tell him how much you love him? He might wake up sooner.”

Emma grinned as she bit her lip and nodded, turning to Steven as she was gently placed at his side for a long hug, kissing his forehead and rambling on about how she couldn’t wait to have him back home again so they could play with the dogs and all the toys he always bought for her and all the games she always played with him and all the fries and pancakes he would make at home. Anthony swallowed the lump in his throat as she kissed him again, squeezing him gently for the last hug before he placed her down and hesitated, ushering Emma out of the door before he looked back one last time.

“I’ll be back soon, Steven. I love you. And don’t you dare do anything while I’m gone or I swear we are going to have problems back home.” Anthony held his breath for a second, momentarily thinking he heard his laugh, then turned and continued down the hall with Emma.

A few hours had passed. Anthony treated Emma to some burgers and fries after he’d given her a bath and after cleaning himself up. They’d both taken quick naps within the few hours they spent at home. He felt a little lighter now that he was clean, but the thought of Ze being stuck in the hospital for so long had him hanging his shoulders numbly by his sides.

“Come on, Emma, we gotta go see Daddy again in case he wakes up!”

“Yeah!” Emma giggled happily, so much light and energy in her voice.

A high yapping brought Anthony’s attention to the house and he saw Paxton clawing at the window, barking. The Italian thought for a moment, questioning whether or not he could bring him, and made a quick call to the hospital.

Surprisingly, they allowed it (though it did take him a while to persuade them, seriously pushing the idea of the neighbors calling the cops on their pets), and he brought Paxton into the car with Emma.

The two played in the back while Anthony drove towards the hospital, trying not to speed over the limit or hit any cars while trying to find a parking spot. As soon as they got off, he grabbed both Emma and Paxton in his arms and they made their way up several floors to reach Steven.

When they’d arrived, the door was closed, and the red tab was pulled forward. Anthony’s breathing stopped and his heart was racing like a horse in his chest. He suddenly became acutely aware of everything around him and looked around at nurses walking through the hallways, not really minding him. He went to the wall by Ze’s room, catching some loud voices thrown back and forth, and was ushered away from the door momentarily.

He didn’t know what to think, he didn’t know what to do, but he held Emma and Paxton tight. He could see concern cloud the girl’s eyes as she spoke to him, touching his face and holding his chest, but he couldn’t understand what she was saying. The dog simultaneously whimpered and licked his cheek, and that’s when he knew he was crying because Emma was beginning to ask him questions again and Paxton was pawing at his shoulder and his cheeks were burning and his eyes were on fire and he could feel his nose start to grow stuffy again.

His entire body shook, and he knew his knuckles were turning white. He clutched onto a loose part of Emma’s skirt and his other hand somewhere on the Paxton’s leash and he tried to breathe, tilting his head up to try and relax his jaw and stop his eyes from blinking at tears. Hot breaths escaped his lips and his stomach twisted, feeling like he was going to throw dinner up from his throat and into the trash. Something inside him ached and it was like acid was eating away at his chest and he couldn’t think except about Steven.

Anthony didn’t even notice when the door opened, and he turned his head to see a doctor look at him, emotions attempting to hide from his eyes. He held his breath, looking at her standing there, waving him forward. When he got to his feet, he didn’t know, but Emma and Paxton had already left his side. The doctor whispered something into his ear and he quickly rushed inside, staring at Emma as she jumped up and down, waiting for Steven to wake up, Paxton barking as he whimpered and wagged his tail, trying to jump up to him.

The Italian could feel his chest quickly rising and falling, his breath quick and hitched, and he rushed to the other side of the bed, hugging Steven tightly.

“Anthony…”

Was it real? Did he really hear his voice? Anthony shut his eyes and shook his head, unbelieving.

“Anthony, you’re...squeezing me tight…”

The man shot his eyes open and looked at Steven, holding him a little less but still, tight enough that he never wanted to let go.

“Steven, oh my god, you’re awake...Steven, we’ve…”

“Mmm, I miss you, too….”

“Daddy!” Emma squealed in delight and she hugged him from the other side, giggling happily.

“Hey, little one...I saw the picture you made...it was...really…” Steven coughed, almost violently, and he groaned. “It was lovely…”

“Are you okay, Daddy?”

“No...everything still hurts, but… now that you’re here I think...that I’ll feel….better…”

Paxton barked and continued to whimper, tail between his legs as he hopped up and down from the floor.

“Is that my favorite little boy?” Steven laughed hoarsely and turned his head as Emma lifted Paxton up to lick his face, and Steven smiled. He slowly reached a hand up to pet the dog before having Emma put him back down despite his whining.

Anthony leaned over, bringing Steven’s face back to kiss him, tears filling his eyes. A frown still danced on his trying lips and Steven warily cupped his face.

“What’s wrong? Anthony?”

“You...the doctor…”

“I know….I know, Anthony… I’m …” Steven groaned quietly again. “I’m glad….that you’re here…”

He nodded and continued to cry, letting his tears fall onto Steven’s shoulder. He kissed his cheek sloppily, and his forehead, and the side of his head, and on top, and he kissed his lips again and nuzzled his ear. “Please, Steven...I love you. We said we’d raise our daughter and our pets together and we’d keep living together and we had this whole future planned out and we had everything fun to do with our daughter and our fans and...and…”

“I know, Anth..ony…” Steven coughed quietly again, squeezing Anthony’s hands. “We’ll always have our plans, and right now I need you to keep going because I can’t...not like this…Please, Anthony, just….just promise….me….that you’ll keep going...for Emma...for me…”

“I-I-I will…. I will keep going...I have… I have to keep…. I have to keep going…”

“Good…” Steven closed his eyes and exhaled deeply. “Anthony, I will always love you...I have never stopped….”

“I love you, too. Please, god, Steven, stop talking like this.”

“Anthony…better not break my PC...I worked hard building that….” Steven’s struggling laugh brought another wave of shakes over the Italian and he cried, trying to smile.

“I won’t...I’ll make sure Emma uses...it wisely…”

“She’s my girl after all…”

Steven adjusted himself a little, still holding onto Anthony’s hands. “I’m….mmm… I’m getting really sleepy…”

“That’s okay, Steven…” Anthony opened his eyes to look tearily into Steven’s. “Just go to sleep. We’re all still- we’re all still here…”

“I’m...sleepy…”

“Is Daddy sleeping again?” Emma asked, peering over the bed at them, and Anthony waved her over to his side, nodding.

“Yeah, yeah he’s going back to sleep because he’s really...really tired.”

“When is he going to wake up?’’

“I don’t know, sweetie….I don’t know.”

Anthony held Steven’s hands, watching his eyes slowly close, the smile on his face partially lingering, then his head drooped and the sound on the monitor became flat.

“Sleep well, Daddy,” Emma’s voice piped up, and she hugged Anthony tight, smiling.