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i keep thinking about how like if i were 10ish years younger and figuring out my gender shit in this current climate i genuinely might not have allowed myself to come to the same conclusions i did as a teenager. like so much of my transness is about choosing to be this way because it feels right and makes me happy, and i had a community both online and to some degree in person that affirmed that, and its not that that community isnt still around but i just dont know if it wouldve felt worth it. like i want to be an obviously and visibly queer gnc transfag i LOVE that about myself but its a journey i started when i was 15 and if i had to start that journey NOW i think it would be a lot fucking scarier. and of course thats the whole point, to scare people away from every coming out or even fully considering the possibility of being trans

#like i didnt Figure Out I Was A Man at 15 i have been on a journey of figuring out gender shit for years #but its always been based around imagining the version of myself that feels Good and Right #like i dont think i ever would have considered transness for myself had i not been introduced to it in the way i was #(safe and affirming and cool thing on tumblr)#like thats not the way my dysphoria is idk. i just like being a guy and i DO feel a deep wrongness that i didnt grow up as a boy #but idk i couldve never clocked that if i'd never thought 'do i want to be a boy'#and fuck man to ask myself that question for the first time NOW???#to consider the options of telling or hiding from my conservative parents NOW??#i told them a couple years ago now but i never kept it a Full Secret lmao like they Knew it was coming #and obv i knew i would be safe etc but like if it wasnt for me being out already (as multiple things)#what would they be on board with now??#they've never been qanon marjorie taylor green type conservatives they are more libertarian types #they suck very much to be clear its just like #i dont KNOW and i things are unfathomably scarier than they were 7 years ago #every time i hear something new i feel so sick and then i just sit here bc i dont know what to do #and the idea of not even getting the chance to know im trans bc the climate is so hostile and terrifying is HEARTBREAKING #oh 2015 oh advocating visibility and representation well this is what fucking happens when ppl know trans ppl exist huh #(obviously these things are still good but u know what i mean. like ppl were talking about hypervisibility AT THAT TIME)#r.xt

had to go through ticketmaster unfortuately and idk how to get a direct listing but i am selling ONE ticket to my chemical romance in boston on september 7th. the seat is BAL308 Row 2 Seat16. i am selling it for as low as they would let me which is $80 but there may still be fees

#mcr #my chemical romance #mcr tour #r.xt

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