#quitmadd

It’s been 2 weeks since I made the decision to stop letting fantasy and escape to rule my mind. Most days I have daydreamed less than 30 minutes, although one day I did 2 hours. It somehow gets easier and harder to say no as time goes on. The first week I focused so much on not letting myself daydream that not daydreaming was all I could focus on. Week two I learned that I have to let go in order to focus on other things.

These days my thoughts are not consumed by “Don’t daydream” but rather focused on accomplishing goals and gaining new experiences to rewire my brain. I struggle with learned helplessness and my main goal is to unlearn helplessness. I have my free time back and I can use it to do all the things I have wanted to do for a long time but felt unable. Sure, in my daydreams there is freedom and endless possibilities, but the possibilities in life are endless too and I feel free of my mind which to me feels so much better. It feels real.

Free time is poison to people with MaDD. It doesn’t matter if we’re stressed (though that certainly makes things worse) or anxious or sad or angry. The itch knows how to coax itself into our minds, and convince us to take a small break. Just 10 minutes. Then another 20. Then another hour. Lastly, we snap out with tired feet, empty stomachs, and spinning heads.

The next time you have an hour or so to kill, let yourself be aware that the voice telling you to daydream is your enemy. Take a second to breathe and recognize that the voice does not get the final say. Call a friend over. Go on a walk or run. Play with your dog or younger siblings. Draw. Read. Meditate. Practice yoga. Practice an instrument.