boats against the current - a playlist
side one: no amount of fire or freshness can challenge what a man will store up in his ghostly heart
heaven, PVRIS - did you ever wonder about the dread on my tongue? the blood in my lungs? and all i did was suffer, i was too afraid to say, you took my heaven away.
teen idle, marina & the diamonds - i wish i’d been a teen, teen idle, wish i’d been a prom queen fighting for the title, instead of being sixteen and burning up a bible, feeling super! super! super! suicidal.
control, halsey - i paced around for hours on empty, i jumped at the slightest of sounds. and i couldn’t stand the person inside me, i turned all the mirrors around. i’m bigger than my body, i’m colder than this home, i’m meaner than my demons, i’m bigger than these bones.
what’s wrong, PVRIS - take the mirror from the wall so i can’t see myself at all, don’t wanna see another damn inch of my skull. forget the poems of saints and ghosts, i’m the one i fear the most.
empty, PVRIS - you took these starving limbs, tried to see, tried to see what they could be. i thought i would be something, i thought you’d complete me, that you’d erase all the pain that i felt in my brain; if you filled my heart with love, then you’d fill my voids above. now you see, that didn’t change a thing.
white noise, PVRIS - sick of the lack of signal, sick of the lack of touch, sick of the static voice, it’s not enough, it’s not enough. and baby, it’s hard to be just what you need when all i speak is static screams. can you hear me?
breathe me, sia - help. i have done it again. i have been here many times before, hurt myself again today, and the worst part is there’s no one else to blame.
i will follow you into the dark, death cab for cutie - you and me have seen everything to see from bangkok to calgary, and the soles of your shoes are all worn down, the time for sleep is now, but it’s nothing to cry about. ‘cause we’ll hold each other soon in the blackest of rooms.
famous last words, my chemical romance - is it hard understanding i’m incomplete? a love that’s so demanding, i get weak. i am not afraid to keep on living, i am not afraid to walk this world alone.
dark paradise, lana del rey - loving you forever can’t be wrong. even though you’re not here, won’t move on, that’s how we played it. and there’s no remedy for memory, your face is like a melody, it won’t leave my head. your soul is haunting me and telling me that everything is fine, but i wish i was dead.
ghosts, PVRIS - i’m the one with the ghosts in my bed, but they only come alive at night. stuck in my sheets, an accustomed coffin, i swear that i’ll be fine, i’ll be fine in the daylight. if i change and i start to fade and all the green in my eyes desaturate, it’s my head, not my heart that’s strayed. i’m sorry i keep pushing you away.
let them in, PVRIS - find a new place, another space to invade, another brain to decay with your presence, with your ghost. i’m going sick in my head, trying to push you out, trying to push you out the way. i’ve said it and i’ll say it again, i won’t let you in!
medicine, daughter - you’ve got a warm heart, you’ve got a beautiful brain, but it’s disintegrating from all the medicine. you could still be what you want to be, what you said you were when you met me.
skeleton song, kate nash - skeleton, you are my friend, but you are made of bone, and you have got no flesh and blood running through you to help protect the bone. skeleton, we have been friends for years, and you have seen me through some trials and tribulations and some tears, but everybody thinks i’m weird.
half, PVRIS - some days i feel everything, others are numbing. can never find the in between, it’s all or nothing. i never, never, never said that i wanted, never wanted to be here now, one foot in the grave, other on the ground. i can’t process what i’m feeling now. this skin i can do without.
eyelids, PVRIS - these eyes are closed again for yet another night. i wake up and i can feel you by my side, but i can’t find you in the dark when you’re so far. yeah, that’s the hardest part. here comes the hardest part.
body love, mary lambert - girls like us are hardly ever wanted, you know we're used up and sad and drunk, and perpetually waiting by the phone for someone to pick up and tell us that we did good well, you did good. i know i am because i said i am. my body is home
--
you are worth more than any naked body could proclaim, you are a goddamn tree stump with leaves sprouting out, reborn.
side two: so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
nola 1, PVRIS - my body didn’t like the way it felt last june, and it haunted me the whole year, then turned into thinking i was dying, wouldn’t pull through to see twenty-two. hear people saying that i’ve changed, i know that i don’t seem quite the same. don’t know where i went wrong, but i keep singing.
anyone else, PVRIS - i could touch a hundred thousand souls, but none of them would ever feel like home, and no matter how far and back i roam, you’re the only one i’ll ever know. but i don’t belong to anyone else.
separate, PVRIS - nerves on fire, your hand in mine, i wouldn’t mind if i died. i’m by your side, tonight i’ll give you my life. there’s always been a disconnect running from my heart to my head, no, it’s never made much sense. and i’ve been feeling so distant, can you be the one to connect, pick up all the pieces again? and pull away the world from me, i don’t mind. as long as it don’t separate you from me, i’ll be fine.
my house, PVRIS - haven’t you heard? i’m not yours anymore, i’m not yours anymore! it’s my soul, and i think it’s time to get out. haven’t you heard? i’m not yours anymore, i’m not yours anymore! it’s my house!
radio, lana del rey - no one even knows how hard life was. i don’t even think about it now, because i finally found you. now my life is sweet like cinnamon, like a fucking dream i’m living in.
chasing cars, snow patrol - if i lay here, if i just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world? forget what we’re told, before we get too old, show me a garden that’s bursting into life. let’s waste time chasing cars around our heads. i need your grace to remind me to find my own.
