love me just for now

happiness is a butterfly, try to catch it like, every night it escapes from my hands into moonlight every day is a lullaby hum it on the phone like, every night sing it for my babies on the tour life

“Two minutes can feel like forever and you’re thinking, ‘they definitely stood me up’.” Clarissa joked, grinning. She didn’t usually feel nervous on dates with guys, and she thought it had to do with the fact that she wanted to settle down with a woman. With guys there was no pressure, she wanted some free food and sex. With girls, it was always, ‘is this it?’. “They’re cute,” Clarissa said after taking a peak at Jordan’s heels. “Kind of chill. I worked half a day. Then I-” shit, this was always the part that set people apart, “picked my daughter up and took her to the grocery store. Not such a good idea.”

“Oh, yeah. I still can’t believe there are actually people who think it’s okay to just not show up to things, but-- it suddenly becomes really plausible when you’re staring into your drink for more than like, a minute.” Jordan approached a lot of dates guarded, figured she knew how they’d end, but it was nice to know Clarissa was a little-- nervous or unsure of the dating scene, too. Not because she wanted everyone to be as insecure as she’d become, but because it made her seem more-- invested. Like she actually cared how the night went. “Thanks. I’m usually not a heels girl, but I’m glad I jazzed the look up a bit.” She tried not to look surprised when she mentioned her daughter-- just smiled, allowed her eyebrows to lift a little. Woah. She’d never even had a long-term relationship-- or any official relationship-- and this girl-- woman-- already had a whole daughter? It wasn’t bad, just-- unexpected. “Oh, cool, I didn’t know you had a kid.” Jesus, was Jordan even a real functioning adult yet? “Uh oh-- what went down at the store?”

Clarissa chuckled, the bartender placing a new drink in front of her. “No, I haven’t been waiting. You’re good.” She got nervous now that Jordan was sitting down. Introductions was the easier part, now she had to keep calm and normal in a real conversation. Her mind was a little off since Zelda came to live with her, like her thoughts were consumed by the girl. “What did you go with?”

Jordan was relieved to hear she hadn’t been too late, and gave her a thumbs-up. “Oh, good. I swear, when you’re waiting on a date, time is warped in the worst way possible. Maybe I’m just always too nervous,” She grinned as she tilted her head down toward her shoes. “Just some heels. I thought about Vans and some super gay sandals I have, but I figured I’d look too casual.” She gave a small nod and smile in the direction of the bartender to indicate she was ready to order, then asked them for a rum and coke when they approached. Turning back to Clarissa, she rested her chin in her palm. “What’s your day been like so far?”

high tops in the summer don’t be a bummer, babe be my undercover lover, babe don’t be a bummer, babe

“Oh, shit, I guess you’re right,” she chuckled, feeling a little silly. “Yeah, I’m sure there’s Tylenol somewhere in there.” She knew it was part of her job but Romi really did admire Jordan and all her medical knowledge. She nodded in agreement and said “Oh, we definitely did go hard last night. I mean, I don’t about you but I had a great time. Are you… Are you okay with what we did last night?” She wanted to make sure that Jordan had felt comfortable and hadn’t felt pressured to do lines simply because Romi had been doing them. She chuckled and nodded in agreement and turned to smile at Jordan before heading to the kitchen. Once she was alone in the kitchen, she headed to her bag and grabbed the small ‘makeup bag’ that contained her stash, a dollar, and a razor, and a key before disappearing into the bathroom in the entryway. Once the door was locked, she turned on the sink and prepared a single bump. The second it hit her system, she felt a wave of relief wash over her and she felt a rush of adrenaline. Putting everything back in her small bag, she flushed the toilet, turned the sink off, and opened the door. Grabbing two water bottles out of the fridge, she walked back into the bedroom, handed a bottle to Jordan, and laid back in bed. “So what do you want to do today?”

“Okay, cool. It might not be a big deal, but-- my nose is in a fragile state at the moment,” Jordan grinned, not wanting to seem critical of Romi’s medical care-- she never wanted to take her morning-after presence for granted. If this thing went sideways, she’d be right back to her old routine, which didn’t involve anywhere near this level of tenderness. “Oh-- yeah, it was fine! I’m afraid I was too much for, like, everyone, but I definitely had fun. I have my own chaotic energy, so-- that really had me-- amped. In a good way. Minor regrets at the moment, but-- that’s to be expected, I guess.” Jordan had never been one to do drugs, other than marijuana, but at this point, that was about as much of a drug as a tobacco cigarette. She’d definitely been more open to it all recently, more drinking, more snorting, pretty much whatever she was offered or could buy herself. And she knew it wasn’t good, but she didn’t have a solution. It felt better than she’d expected, and she understood why people did it, and it was a distraction. Once Romi had left, she finally dove into her phone’s camera roll-- and immediately cringed. Most of the people she’d taken blurry selfies with were strangers, and Jesus, she looked way more fucked up than she’d been picturing. She deleted most of them before her phone could make a compilation video with inappropriately wholesome music, but kept a few that featured Romi. Just ‘cause. Why not? She locked her phone and gently tossed it so it landed in one of her Vans that was lying by the bed, smiling as Romi walked back in. She took the water with a thank youuu, flipping onto her side so she could see her more easily. “I mean-- I was thinking, like, be a lazy shitbag, but if you have any better ideas that don’t involve using my brain too much, I’m open.”