#qcraft

Gabriela Herstik’s book Inner Witch says Beltane “represents sacred sexuality, and the eternal cycle of sacrifice and rebirth needed for the continuation of life” (67). Many websites will describe it as a sexual holiday and recommend (you guessed it) sex as a non-ritual way to celebrate. As a sex-repulsed asexual, it’s extremely difficult for me to find celebration in a holiday that seems to be focused around something I’m very much repulsed by the thought of. It’s not uncommon for me to even get nauseous when thinking about it.

However, it’s important for beginner witches to note that Beltane does not have to just be sex, sex, sex. While it’s common for witchcraft to push a sex-positive mentality, and many witches encourage new witches to reclaim their sexuality, it’s also important to remember that being a witch isn’t about masturbation, sex, or any of that stuff. I’ll restate again, I’m sex-repulsed. I’ve kissed one person in my 22 years and I honestly wish I hadn’t. I have no interest in masturbation and often ignore any arousal as if it was an annoying scratch.

What being a witch is about differs from person to person. For me, it’s something I’m actually good at. I’ve spent so long not being good at anything other than video editing. I can’t draw, though I do often doodle. I can’t play instruments. Even though I’m trying to learn Thai, it’s very hard for me to find the time and focus. Witchcraft sticks to me. It’s a way for me to love myself more and take control of my life. It’s brought me a more positive lifestyle and helped me feel closer to my spiritual guide. Witchcraft has never been about anything sexual to me and I don’t feel a sexual lifestyle is necessary. I’m a solitary witch, after all. Is there really any reason for me to touch anyone if it makes me uncomfortable?

I did a quick search to see if there are other asexuals struggling with Beltane. Many ignore the sexual practices of the holiday and instead focus on the spring celebration. Others take the “fertility” essence to create something other than life. I myself am considering using the day to work on my Grimoire and perhaps working on a new video for my YouTube channel. And I’ve seen others still use the day to celebrate non-sexual sources of pleasure for themselves.

In order to fully allow my fellow non-sexual witches to get ideas on how to celebrate the approaching holiday, I’ll be reblogging a few posts over the next few days to allow you all to get ideas. I’ll also be posting some ace-positive witch posts because I’m sure there are witches like myself who are uncomfortable with how sexual some witchy things (celebration, spells, etc) tend to be.

When I was in high school, I experienced my first hurricane. I usually had no issue with storms, but this was a hurricane and I lived within walking distance of the beach. Although my house sustained very, very little damage (some siding fell off), I remember staying up all night thinking that I was going to die. There was a huge tree outside my window and, if it fell, it could have crushed me in my sleep. I even wrote letters confessing my sins to my friends.

The next day, my sisters and I walked around the neighborhood to look at the damage. There were leaves and branches everywhere and a powerline was even down! But otherwise, it was fine. Our house had survived, even though we ended up going a long time without power and had to survive off a generator, canned food cooked on our gas stove, and...my hamster died (we moved him into my sister’s room so he’d have heat, but he was by the window and there was a draft).

Now, the ocean is pretty far from me. I have more issues with snow storms than hurricanes. However, I still have issues with the rain. Since I started experiencing joint pain, the rain’s made it worse. There are days when I’m working and I just know it’s raining because of a sharp pain in my elbow. I also get migraines when it rains, usually. Rainy weather brings a lot of pain for me.

I want to view the rain as a healing thing, more than a harmful one. I want to remind myself that this is the world cleansing itself and becoming new. Since I was offered the job I interviewed for, maybe this rain is a sign from the universe that I’m going to have a chance to start fresh. Maybe I’ll be able to make a new name for myself in my first full-time job. I can become someone.

It was difficult for me to celebrate Beltane on Beltane because of my joints, but I did spend today outside helping my mom plant her vegetable garden + planting a succulent in a pot for my room. It’s a big pot, and the poor succulent looks a little lonely, but I’m hoping to buy a cute ornament to keep with it for when I’m away. (If anyone wants pictures, I will gladly provide pictures). Even though it was not Beltane, it felt like the universe was giving me a second chance at celebrating since i was not able to celebrate on Beltane.

Today itself was very witchy for me. I wore red, giving me a powerful feeling. When I checked the Witch’s Almanac my mom gave me for Christmas, I found the color of the day is actually “crimson.” I find “crimson” to be a vague color that can be hard to match. Most would say it’s a shade of red, but others apparently see it as purple? Since I see it as red, it made me excited that I could at least be close with my red headband and shirt with red letters. When I was gardening with my mom, I even switched the headband to a red bandana.

Since my mom and sisters were out, I had the house to myself. I attempted to go outside to try to smudge (I bought a small bundle of sage yesterday along with a shell and feather). It was extremely windy, the lighter hurt my thumb (it’s so hard to use!) and I found it impossible to smudge. So I instead moved everything inside, set up a small table, and smudged in my room. It’s very important to me that the smoke not reach the living room down the hall, as I have a cockatiel in the living room (his name is Pepe).

I have a lot of things I would like to clean with smoke, as my smudging spray doesn’t seem like a good idea for things like wooden boxes and notebooks. That’s why I finally caved and bought the stuff. Of course, for the record, the spray has been working wonders and I hope to post it online in the coming days. Since I do work retail and I often have to work with coworkers and supervisors that absolutely hate me, I often find I carry a lot of negative energy with me. I use the spray on my bed before I sleep, since that’s where I spend most of my time (small bedroom). I’ve noticed a considerable difference and feel better than I have in the longest time.

Since it was my first time smudging with smoke, I only cleansed a few items. I cleansed the wooden box I got from a salvage in my state. Since it’s such an old item and was once someone else’s, I felt it was important to cleanse it before I even consider using it. I also smudged a new athame I ordered on Etsy. I found a seller who has them posted for only $40. The blade is curved and absolutely gorgeous. Since I’m not sure what the seller’s storage and such is like for the blade, I did cleanse it just to be safe. It’s not like I was going into a store to handle it myself, after all.

Finally, I cleansed three crystals I bought recently. I’m making charm bags for my mom, myself, and for a friend. I’m excited to make the bags, since it will be a new experience for me. I’d also like to make oils in the future, but I’m unsure what the proper usage of them is for. I see many people put the herbs in a small bottle and then fill it with olive oil, and I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t want olive oil on your skin, would you? If anyone knows if these are meant to be used on skin for the affects the work, please let me know. I’ll likely substitute it for something else, if so (I know some say coconut oil, but I’ll look into all of my options).