#pureblood garlean

      Nos summus manus, 

[ Ambiance ]

Piece by piece the complete picture of Revarik's life was pulled apart and given a splash of black. The unseen artist had erased the signature and one by one those within that world were removed from the frame. It was easy for one to say they tried and failed. What happened to those promises of overcoming adversity together? Why give in if you were not willing? Why not reach out and hang on while you were struggling? For a long time, he felt his grip had not been strong enough to hang onto them...

Slowly, his internal reasoning convinced him they had simply let go. There were others still fighting. There were others with conflict and loved ones in similar situations. Why could they not have been better? Why could he not have been more dependable? Was he too emotionally compromised to save them? Had his love been the blinding element that prevented him from acting sooner?

He thought so. If he had been more concise and strict with his emotions a great deal of the contention he felt now could have been avoided. Regret was a powerful sensation he promised himself to never endure. Yet, here he was, with that dark storm eroding what part of his heart he had left to give. Apology. He had never spoken them, and now, it was all he could think of saying.

I'm sorry for being too slow. I'm sorry for being too weak. I'm sorry for being incapable. I'm sorry I let you go. I'm sorry I let it happen. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough. I'm sorry I couldn't save you.

I'm sorry...

             I'm sorry...

                      I'm so fucking sorry... 

Rage. Sorrow. Grief. Anger. These pieces of his mind and heart that were once blockaded by the cerebral guards had long since fallen. The result of forging friendships and relationships since his defection. How many more would become victimized by his inability? How much more pain could his heart take? Now, when he was alone, he just screamed. He yelled and he cried to the top of his lungs to the emptiness of the house.

Violent hands dug into flesh and hair. Teeth drew red at his lips and the veins beneath the skin opened to let such emotion and adrenaline run their course. He hated it. It all became such a soul-cuttingly deep violence that all he could do was clutch at his chest and breathe in what air he could from the gut-wrenching affliction.

His apologies became whys and what ifs. The tears that streamed down the soldier's eyes soon condensed their sorrow into resentment. Open hands found themselves clenching while his laments evolved into growls of fury.

This is what they wanted him to become. This was what they wanted, wasn't it? They wanted a lion at his most primal and out of spite the former Imperial turned his mechanical arm over. 

Together... Together... Together... Together, We Fight... 

His teeth gritted as he began to tear open the false epidermis to pry at the machinations beneath. 

Together, we rise. Together, we fall.

He was the only one left out of the Pack. Where darkness reigned they had followed. Promises were made not to do anything out of haste or emotionally charged. Other decisions had been adopted to prevent him from becoming more of a hazard to several organizations. 

"Praefectus Revarik sas Valanthius of Legion Thirteen, soldier unit 0-2-9-7-7-7.  Commence terminal shutdown for processes kardia and syneiditos. Prioritize logistical functions and survival operations. Sever aetheric observations, adaptions, and offense protocols. Code demand 7-0-7." 

He drew his back up against the wall and quietly waited in that dark room where life was once so vibrant and full. When the system charged enough where the ceruleum light in his limb beamed his good eye settled onto it without hesitation. 

I cannot help anyone... if I cannot help myself. I have let these desires and emotions cloud my decisions, but no more. I have been ineffective for too long. As a man, companion, and friend I have failed. Perhaps it is better to be replaced by the soldier I was designed to be. 

Maybe I'll be better in another life... 

            ... and with a simple click,