@pulchramsolis sent ; META + sweet sweet meta about Otto and his grandkids that you told me that you should share with everyone else
a lot of aegon and otto's relationship comes from the eventual kingship wanted for aegon and otto's position as the hand of the king. it prevents him from having aegon as a grandson with how their relationship would have to change once aegon sat on the throne, so it was something he felt was necessary to keep professional between them so there would be less pain when they could only be a king and his hand. because of the emotional distance between them, otto would not be emotionally blinded when making decisions regarding aegon and the realm.
though this sets up otto's disappointment in aegon early on as the pressure and expectations push aegon to drink and whoring. otto generally gets rougher with aegon when disciplining aegon, hoping to put some sense back into the boy because the realm does not need the instability that would come with aegon being unprepared for his role as king.
aemond being the spare to aegon's heir allows otto to be closer to aemond than he can be with aegon. that slim possibility of aemond becoming heir or regent places a similar distance between them as it does with aegon and otto. aemond becomes a wild card after losing his eye with the intense training exercises and general viciousness he can carry, otto does his best not to weaken that.
he could use a kinder hand when it comes to aemond, but he chooses not to because of the fear of weakening aemond with too much love or softness or that lack of a firm hand could eventually mean life or death with war looming in the distance as viserys holds steadfast to rhaenyra's claim as the heir rather than naming aegon. aemond is everything aegon is not, and otto cannot risk losing that because he was too soft with him.
this is where things become admittedly more complicated as daeron having been sent away to oldtown at 12, there wasn't much room for a bond to grow between them, and by the time war strikes, there is nothing left between them but shared blood. however, if daeron had stayed in king's landing, he would be the only one of the boys otto could be the most grandfatherly-like with. there is no need for formality between them with how far down in the succession line daeron is, which allows otto to dote and be more like a grandfather to him than aegon or aemond.
with daeron being in oldtown, this becomes a much different case. distance leaves little room for any love to stay between them, not even through letters, but i don't think otto sends many of those addressed personally to daeron. with each letter, then comes from the swordmaster and lord hightower, it becomes apparent that daeron is as well trained ( if not better, but that's for another post ) than aemond. the distance between daeron and his family makes it easier to see him as a weapon to be used in the eventual war that daeron becomes nothing more than another chess piece that happens to share blood and a name. there was no point in forging a relationship if daeron did return to the red keep in otto's mind at that point.
helaena ultimately is otto's favourite of his grandchildren because she is everything the boys are not, a girl. he does not think her weaker than the boys or doubts her ability because of it, and often thinks she is stranger than aegon will ever be. however, as she is not a boy, he can dote on her endlessly, and it would not be seen as him weakening her as it does with the boys, leaving him to give all the love he cannot grant to the rest of his grandchildren to her and his great-grandchildren.
but as she grows up ( and he grows alongside her ), it evolves beyond that and into him "fixing" the mistakes he made with alicent through helaena. mostly he enjoys her company and presence; listening to her speak of her insects and whatever she finds herself interested in is something he greatly enjoys because he can just sit with her and speak with her without having to be the lord's hand. he doesn't have to be as closed off with her or be the man that the court expects the hand of the king to be, allowing him to be more of a father figure and grandfather to her.
