Still on 'vacation', still wandering the streets aimlessly...

...until it feels like I've arrived in another country entirely.

But then again, only in England would an old man in a hat be feeding pigeons in one of the busiest parks of the country. He was totally pretending not to notice all the tourists taking photos of him, but we all know that he was probably paid to be there as a prop. Just like those "squirrels" that get hounded by paparazzi.

So last night we strayed off this corner of the W12 reservation to the excellent Kiwi restaurant The Providores in Marylebone High Street as a guest of the gorgeous wine writer and blogger @SipSwooshSpit.

The occasion? A dinner matched by head chef Christian Hossack with beautiful wine from the Escarpment vineyard in Martinborough and as guest of honour, its winemaker (and all round totally great bloke), Larry McKenna.

And here's the SP on the food and wines:

And you know what? It was every bit as good as it looks.

Needless to say, we were surrounded by some really great people - very funny Kiwis Becca and Kat, and even the great man Larry himself for a while.

And the wine flowed freely...

Eventually - as apparently always happens at these events - the chat turned to how wines are described and how there are currently moves afoot to make it more relevant to the consumer and... well to be completely honest - at this point it all gets just a little bit hazy...

I do know that Kat produced a huge "official" sheet of words to describe all sorts of grapes and blends and wine styles - she had wine a teacher whose catchphrase was "Kat, Use your WORDS!!"

So we decided right there on the spot that what the world really needed was a completely new wine vocabulary. Something that would blow away the dusty cobwebs of the old-world sensibilities and give us wine lovers a whole new set of WINE WORDS to use.

This is our masterpiece:

Ok - by this point we really were flying... a heady mix of endless top wines and great food and we were acting like a bunch of ADHD high school kids who had just taken their first nostril-full of Charlie Sheen-grade cocaine. The best translation I can give of the drunken scrawl above is this:

Weepie overtime

Runner's tears

Bad New Years Eve

Ex-boyfriend's tears

Hungarian ex

Virginity

- can't read - 

Metro something - can't read - 

Post-festival Tuesday

Cold yurt

About to be smacked (see Hungarian ex)

Desperate sweat

Lonely woman with cats

Bipolar ex (also see Hungarian ex)

Last dance

Sick goldfish

Hangover horrors

Leaky boiler

Septic tank

Bad chess move

Sad old Man on pub stool

Bad hair dye job

Just for men

Badger

Letters from my ex

Recent redundancy

New puppy

Christmas Eve

Shows solidarity

Eastern European pen friend

Stale muffin

Smear on a plate

Fur coat no knickers

- cant read - 

Pissed kebab

Failed exams

Wishful thinking

Morning after

Damp course

Wet side of the bed

Eton boys' dorm room

Double parking

Flat tyre

Russian oligarch

Cynicism

Holiday wardrobe

Stained tablecloth

First flatmate

Just good friends

One night stand guilt

Guilt

No strings attached

Like a brother

"It's not you it's me.."

My heart belongs to daddy

Not much Coppola

Hate and rage 

Somone else's chips

Blood, sweat and tears

Girl next door

Bankruptcy

Winning posh wife school race

Fucked brand

Failed PowerPoint

Meeting the parents

Children in need/Kids in isle 2 (?)

Pity fuck and tears

Because I'm worth it

Post-coital fag

High five

Sad dad dancing

One inch

Surprise party

Speeding ticket

Caught by customs

Random frisking

Off the boat

Spousal homicide

Daddy works in something - can't read - 

Somalian hijack

First Oscar

Nominee sweats

"Fuck it"

Unexpectedly going on a date

Dog on the bed

----

Everybody joined in (at least I think they did - like the handwriting, the actual memory is a bit of a scrawl this morning and hard to read) and I'm fairly sure a blast was had by all and that we'd all absolutely do another one (if the lovely Providores staff don't go to court for a restraining order...) 

And personally, I can't wait to see wine writers describing a mid-priced Chardonnay as "having good tropical fruit with overtones of new puppy with a hint of holiday wardrobe..." or a 15% abv blockbuster Aussie Shiraz as "...having a failed Powerpoint Structure with a whiff of spousal homicide on the nose and a wet side of the bed finish..."

In these uncertain times, it's what the world really needs...

Corn fritters with avocado salsa

This is inspired (taken from) Peter Gordon's Providores cafe/restaurant in Marylebone, London. A fabulous place to waste away the weekend - moving from late morning coffee (courtesy of Monmouth Coffee), to corn fritters, to wine, to dessert, etc. Don't be put off by the savoury mix of flavours - this is a great and classic brunch dish.

In a food processor place 525g fresh (or canned) corn kernels, 1 small red onion chopped, 2 eggs, 15g chopped coriander leaves or chives, 125 g flour, 1tsp baking powder, some salt and some pepper. Pulse till combined (but ensure you can still see bits of corn).

Heat up a pan with 1 tbs vegetable oil. Drop two tbs corn batter at a time into the pan (I like to use an ice cream scoop). Keep them well spaced from each other. Turn over after a minute or so (till golden on each side). Transfer to a warm oven while you finish up all the batter.

Serve with an avocado salsa made by mixing together 2 ripe avocados, diced, 1 quartered, deseeded and chopped tomato, 2 tbs lemon or lime juice, a dash of Tabasco (optional), some sea salt and pepper.

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