@protectfuls said: “You’re so different now.”
Before the words were so much out of his mouth the air turned tense enough to snap , as multicolored eyes gazed forward past the man speaking and deep into the sky . Blue , white , and blazing light all melting into each other as she could barely make out what was 5 feet in front of her much less light years away . The girl turned away , not out of shame or rejection , it was just that the muddled colors made her more melancholic than she already was . How much more was she bound to lose by the end of this --- and did it even matter to her anymore ? Everyone changes , after six long years no one would be the same person they were before . It was a fact of life , one that can’t be out ran no matter how hard someone tried ( and she sure as hell ran --- she ran further than the sun , but she could never outrun herself . ) He wasn’t trying to be insensitive , clearly by his tone he was worried for her , fretting over how much his sweet little Alexandra had turned sour . There were no words she planned on forming back , she doubted he needed to hear her sob story . He was just stating facts , even if she left him worried with her silence he would live on . If he really did intend on listening to her explanation it would do him no good , there was no satisfying ending to her story . ‘ I wish I had died years ago . ’ She finally answered , trying to dodge the topic he started --- though the one she started wasn’t much better . ‘ If you care to know about that time ... ’ She stopped speaking as the images of her father passed through her mind , even then after all was said and done he still caused her to go cold . ‘ That man is the reason , as he always is . ’ Even if her words were vague there was an understanding between them that Evgeni ruined their lives as if they were bugs under his feet . ‘ He’s dead , you know ? He died a few years after the monastery fell . ’ She took a breath , taking a few steps forward and then slowly setting herself down on the grass . Leaning on her hands she once again looked to the sky as if it would tell her what to say . ‘ Everyone knows , but I haven’t said anything about the how’s and the why’s . You’re a smart one , I’m sure you can figure it out . ’ It was no secret to anyone that her hands were stained with blood , but still people desperately tried to keep her and the dragon as separate . Sanya had gotten over that affliction much too long ago , knowing there was never a girl --- there had always been a dragon and a dragon only . She didn’t believe she deserved to survive , wishing that something had put her to rest much before her father’s death --- Much before she had taken life after life . ‘ I’m sorry , I’m speaking all too much about unsatisfactory things . Why don’t you sit with me ? We can just pretend we are young again , we can be happy again . ’
unprompted ask // damn this little body I don’t fit inside it
