#proichiruki

Huh. There it was again. Isshin looked up, down and sideways but could not pin point exactly where it had come from. Nothing had fallen down as far as he could see. It hadn’t even sounded as something hitting the floor, it was more like the sound of─

Thud

Thudthudthudthud

That piqued his interest. As the noises had sounded close together, he finally realized whatever that was, was coming from upstairs. Leaving both the book and the mug on top of the coffee table, Isshin slowly stood up, careful of not making noises. He then tiptoed as he went upstairs. His first instinct was to think there was a burglar. It was still early and bright outside for a robbery, but you never know these days. Then, he thought it could have been related to the Soul Society. It was no secret to him that several Shinigami often came to his house in search of his son. So far none had seen him, and for that he was glad, because he really couldn’t imagine what Rangiku and Toshirou-kun would think of seeing him again after so many years, living a human life. They would probably beat his ass fir disappearing all those years ago. Still, peeking into Ichigo’s room wouldn’t hurt. He had to make sure no foe was after his son.

As Isshin approached the door, he heard the thud even more strongly. Jackpot! He was about to slam the door open when he noticed there were voices coming from the room. Sure enough, they sounded exactly like Ichigo and Rukia-chan. The father blinked, for a moment left taken aback. Weren’t they watching a movie? His surprise gave way to shock when he heard what sounded distinctly like a feminine moan. Not wasting another minute, he pressed his ear to the door.

“Don’t be so loud, Rukia.” It was Ichigo who was talking. His voice husky.

“I-I can’t h-help it.” The girl all but whined.

Isshin almost yelped.

No.

It couldn’t be!

Where they…?

Thud

Moan

Thudthudthud

Oh.

They totally were.

They were going at it hard, by the sounds of it.

And with him in the house too!

What a pair of rascals!

(Though Isshin couldn’t really fault them. They had been apart for seventeen long months. If his dear Masaki and he had been separated for so long when they were young, he was sure they probably wouldn’t have left the room in a week. Maybe even more.)

He almost laughed to himself. Of course. He tended to forget sometimes that his soon was a teenager, a healthy one at that. He would definitely have urges, especially being so close to such a beautiful girl he was totally in love with, because, come on, Ichigo was in love with Rukia. There was no other explanation to his moodiness whenever she was gone. Isshin smiled. If this kept up, one day he would be the proud grandfather of a cute little child. He wondered if the baby would look more like his son or like Rukia-chan. Perhaps the kid would even look like Masaki. He couldn’t wait!

Isshin’s happiness was over, however, when he realized this was not the first time he had heard sounds coming from his son’s room. Each previous time had ended up in disappointment at finding Ichigo and Rukia-chan were most definitely not engaging in adult activities. Could this be a fake alarm too?! No! That would dampen his dreams of a child with orange hair and violet eyes! In a split second, the father decided to keep listening and put an ear to the door once more. He listened to more thuds. Closing his eyes, Isshin tried to imagine what they could be doing that could elicit such noises. The most obvious reason would be repeatedly banging against the bed. Yet, it could also come from the desk, the wall… or even the closet…

Could Ichigo be on those leagues now?!

His nose started bleeding.

No, Isshin, you gotta focus!

Shaking his head, he resumed thinking. There was a chance one of them was jumping on the bed, although that wouldn’t necessarily explain the moans. And speaking of which,

“Ah… aaaahhh.”

“Rukia! I told you to be quiet! Dad’s home and he doesn’t know we’re in here.”

“I-it’s your f-fault! Y-you’re g-going t-too… ah… har-aaah”

Thudthudthudthud

“C-can’t help it. We rarely get the chance to be like this.”

“I-ichigo.”

“Hmmm. That’s how I like it. Keep saying my name, Rukia.”

Yep.

They were having sex.

Now, any other father would have probably been alarmed, but not Isshin. He completely understood his son. It was a Shiba man thing to be passionate to a fault, and that did not exclude bedroom activities. Why, he could still remember that time Ryuuken had accidentally walked in on Masaki and him at the clinic on his off day. The man had screeched bloody murder, and though they had been interrupted, it had been a funny anecdote to retell during family reunions. Ryuuken always got red in the face, but it wasn’t as if he was one to talk. He still remembered the time Masaki had overheard him and Kanae-san having some alone moments in his room. Ah! To be young and in love!

Then, as if he had been drenched by a bucket of ice cold water, Isshin froze.

How could he be so dumb as to forget?!

Worry that the two weren’t using protection suddenly overcame him. Though he had given the talk to Ichigo as extensively as possible, he was reminded of the fact his son was a horny teen who tended to be reckless. Then there was Rukia who probably had no idea about human contraceptives. It was a recipe for disaster. More exactly, it was exactly how one got pregnant. Oh, he didn’t even want to imagine it! Not only would his own son become a teenage father, he would knock up Rukia, aka the sister of one of the most protective captains in the Soul Society, without being married. There was no way Byakuya-kun would not want to castrate Ichigo, or worse, kill him for good. No! Isshin could not allow that to happen. He loved his son too much to let him die by the hands of a very pissed off Shinigami. He needed to make sure the two of them were being safe or, at the very least, stop them before Ichigo could reach past the point of no return.

Opening the door as fast as he could, Isshin barged in screaming, “No, son! Don’t do it! I don’t want you to die!”

“What the hell, old man?!”

He opened his eyes, which had been closed beforehand, and instead of seeing the images his perverted mind had concocted of his son and third daughter bare naked on the bed (or perhaps in other places of the room), he saw both of them, fully dressed, attempting to tickle one another.

“Wha─?” He blurted out, dumbfounded.

“What are you doing here?! And why did you come in like that?!” Ichigo complained, finally sitting down on his bed properly, and he crossed his arms, clearly annoyed.

“B-but… what… I thought you… you were…”

“Where what?”

“I thought you were at the movies!” Isshin exclaimed.

His son sighed. “Plan got cancelled. Keigo came up with the flu and pretty much got everyone sick. Rukia and I are hiding here.”

That made sense.

But…

“And what were you doing in here with the door closed?” He asked, suspiciously.

At least the two had the decency to blush. “It-it’s not what it looks like!” Both stammered.

“We were just having a tickle fight.”

“A tickle fight?” He was still not buying it.

“Yeah, a tickle fight.” Ichigo nodded. “Just that.”

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

“Hmm.”

“But why did you barge in?” He questioned.

“Yeah, and why did you say Ichigo was going to die?” Rukia-chan asked him.

Isshin felt ashamed. He wasn’t about to tell them what he thought was going down. His son already thought he was a pervert, he didn’t need to add to that. “Well, I heard strange noises and thought you were being attacked! That’s right! I was concerned!”

Both teens raised an eyebrow as they looked at each other. Finally, Ichigo looked back at him. “Eh… Alright… Though if I was being attacked, I doubt I’d go down that easily.”

“Yeah… right…”

“Are you gonna go now?”

“Huh? Oh yeah! Continue whatever you were doing! I won’t bother you anymore!”

On that note, Isshin dashed out of the room and back to the living room. Once by himself, he started chuckling to himself. Of course his son was still too innocent to be doing such activities. Well, maybe if he waited longer until he was older, he’d be more rational and remember to use protection, so that his poor father wouldn’t have to worry about his untimely demise due to sakura petals.

“Eh. One day I’ll get my grandkids.” He muttered, opening his long forgotten book.

Unbeknownst to him, back in Ichigo’s room, the two young Shinigami had collapsed on the bed. If he had taken time to notice, he would’ve seen how ruffled their clothes were, and that Ichigo was wearing his shirt backwards.

“That was too close.” Rukia complained, burying her head on the pillow.

“This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t been so loud.” Ichigo retorted, grumpily joining her on the bed.

“I told you I couldn’t help it!” She defended herself, blushing.

“Che. You’re right. I love listening to you like that.” He grinned, tenderly caressing her cheek.

Rukia coughed before continuing. “It’s your fault, anyway. You forgot to lock the door.”

“Fuck.” Ichigo cursed as he stood up.

“Where are you going?”

“To lock the damn door!”

Rukia smirked impishly at him. “Oh? So Kurosaki-kun wants to go back to playing?”

“Don’t call me like that, and you bet! Or what? You wanna stop? You weren’t close yet.”

“Nu-uh. Give it to me, Kurosaki Ichigo.”

“Do you want all of it?”

“Hell yes!”

More thudding could be heard, but Isshin ignored all of it. It was no possible the noise could mean anything more than a tickle fight… right?

Sadly, he was unaware that, for the first time ever, he had been absolutely right.