It had taken a while to get Kim to agree to lie down in his room. Tankhun did not like the look in his brother’s eyes as he checked out for too long or would try to quietly excuse himself to who knows where. It hadn't been to his old room here and it couldn't have been to the bedroom he shares with Chay, not after what they read.
Tankhun could kill Chay right now. And that breaks his heart because he loves Chay dearly. Except now, he can't. He can never love or accept someone who undid so much of his baby brother’s progress by cheating on him. After Kim helped him learn sign language, fell madly in love with him, signed him onto his label, falsely incriminated that rapey producer, and treated him to a nice vacation so they could celebrate Chat's acceptance into college.
What was Chay THINKING?!
“You said Arm brought over my meds?”
It's more words than he's heard from Kim since shortly after his breakdown. Tankhun had Arm bring all of Kim’s necessities over since Kim clearly needs to move back in with them.
Maybe they need to switch suites, or move altogether. Tankhun loves living close to Namphueng. Up until today, he liked living close to Chay too. Now, it's something that can't happen for Kim’s sake.
This is so unfair. Kim had fallen in love. This isn't how any relationship should end, let alone his first one, not when they lived together, worked together, shared a dog together, and supported Chay’s mother together.
What was Chay THINKING?!?!?
“Khun?”
Tankhun takes a deep breath. They won't focus on moving, not tonight. If Chay is smart, then he won't show his face.
“They're over here,” he says, then goes and grabs the medicine bag-
“I’ll take them,” Kim says, sitting up, “You can go and watch a movie with Arm or something-”
“Absolutely not,” Tankhun says pointedly, then grabs a bottle of water from the mini fridge before squatting next to Kim, “Evening meds only. One dose. And a sedative, if you want. You have plenty. Do you want a whole pill, or just half of one like you used to take?”
Kim stares at him for a moment before looking away, “A whole one.”
Tankhun nods in acceptance, includes a full tablet with the rest of Kim’s evening meds, and watches Kim swallow the medicine. He stays by his brother's side, strokes his hair, and doesn’t bring much attention to Kim’s tears. All he does is try to offer him reassurance.
“It will be alright,” Tankhun murmurs, “I know it doesn't feel like that right now, but it will be. Just get some sleep.”
Kim shakes his head, but falls asleep within fifteen minutes, so the pill clearly worked. Tankhun can only guess Kim was shaking his head over the possibility of things getting better. Tankhun wishes Kim wouldn't be so pessimistic.
But at the same time, it's slightly realistic. While Tankhun truly hopes and will strive for Kim to eventually bounce back from this, it will be very hard after everything Kim has gone through.
Tankhun wants to cry for him. Instead, he just continues stroking Kim’s hair until he's sure Kim is in a deep sleep before grabbing the medicine bag and going back into the living room.
“He's asleep,” Tankhun says to Arm, who is getting to his feet, “He's um…He's not doing well. I think he will need to stay here for a while. Sorry.”
Arm nods, “Is there anything I can do?”
Tankhun walks to his boyfrien-
Fiancé. Arm is his fiancé.
Regardless, he still takes his hand.
“Will you sit with me?” Tankhun asks, “Stay close in case…He had a sedative and he should stay asleep for a while unless someone purposely wakes him up, but I want to make sure he has support. He trusts you and-”
“Of course,” Arm says, then lets Tankhun pull him to the couch, “Have you told Kinn yet?”
Tankhun shakes his head, “He’s at that dinner meeting. And even if he wasn't, he would try to play devil’s advocate for Porsche’s sake. Because that's what Chay is. The Devil.”
Arm breathes out, “We still don't know the whole story-”
“We know enough!” Tankhun says, looking at Arm sharply, “You saw those texts. He's been sleeping around! And…And when you combine Kim’s mental health struggles with his guilt over his past with Chay…”
Tankhun trails off before clearing his throat, “I can't believe I didn't catch onto anything happening between them prior to this. Even when I think back, there were barely any clues. But…I suppose there may have been a couple. Like when Kim cried after Chay left the infirmary and mentioned Chay probably had no reason to visit after that night. I thought that was an odd thing to assume, but chalked it up to how isolated and alone he was feeling. And then, there was that time he wouldn't text Chay to invite him to Cambodia. He asked me to do it and seemed as if it was too nerve-wracking for him to do such a thing, or even ask for his number despite spending time with him at that point. I just thought it was anxiety after cutting himself off from everyone for so long, or maybe the start of a crush and he didn't know how to handle those feelings.”
Tankhun groans and lets his head fall into his hands, “They moved way too quickly. That was probably another hint too. I didn't think much of it because Chay made him happy and I knew they were safe when they were with each other. On top of that, I wanted to see Kim happy. But Kim isn't someone who jumps into relationships. He wouldn't have done that unless he already knew Chay. I let my excitement over it all cloud my judgment. This is my fault and-”
“Tankhun.”
Tankhun waves his hands, “Don't try to talk me down from my spiral, Arm! It's one thing for you to have not caught on. You don’t know Kim like I do, and you never really arranged his security since there has never been much to arrange due to his stubbornness. But I should have known something triggered such a steep decline! I'm his older brother and it was my job to figure out how to help him, even if he was partially at fault-”
“I’ve known for a few months.”
Tankhun freezes at the words, the remainder of his monologue stuck in his throat because what Arm just said makes no sense. How could Arm have known?
“Please elaborate,” Tankhun says stiffly.
Arm wrings his hands together, but does just that.
“When Kim went missing, I was going through any of his accounts I could find,” Arm says quietly, “Not much was popping up, at least nothing that would imply his whereabouts. When I hacked into his phone to read over recent texts, nothing was suspicious either. So I tried going further back, even though it was a long shot that potential subjects would have reached out. It was only then that I saw…I saw undelivered texts from Kim to Chay. They were often distressed, and I assume that was because Kim got to a point where he felt Chay was never going to unblock his number. I was very confused by them. Concerned. I didn't think Chay was a suspect, but I also found it strange that he knew I was working my ass off sifting through Kim's technological footprint and never said anything about this. So when Chay and I were alone in the room, I confronted him and gave him an opportunity to come clean. He ended up telling me everything. He was still clearly heartbroken, despite how much time that had passed. I…He said that he still had feelings for Kim, but he couldn't come to terms with what he had done. I asked him to put that all aside and really think about if there was anything else I could look into. Kim had texted him from another number. I guess he did this sporadically, likely through an app. But the text that occurred two months before his disappearance was from a second cell phone, one Kim had on him when he was taken. I was able to track that phone down and we found Kim shortly after-”
“You knew.”
Arm tries to take Tankhun's hand, “...Yes, but-”
“You knew and didn't tell me,” Tankhun says, standing up, tossing Arm’s hand away from him, “You saw me scared and worried out of my mind over my brother’s mental health, knew of a secret trigger that contributed to it, and kept it from me while I tried to care for him.”
When Tankhun turns around to glare at Arm in accusation, Arm’s gaze looks desperate and pained.
Normally, that would bother him. But as for now, he simply doesn't care.
“It wasn't my story to tell,” Arm says, standing up as well to step closer, “I…I wanted to. But Chay started visiting Kim not long after he woke up and I didn’t…I thought one of them would say something and admit they had a past, especially after they started developing a relationship again. But then, they never did, at least to my knowledge, and I wasn't sure how to say it and-”
“Well, it sure wasn't supposed to be said like this!” Tankhun snaps, “Five months after knowing and keeping it from me, because I'm what? Too fragile to know the business of my family, even when I was the one caring for the family member in question?!”
Arm shakes his head immediately, “That wasn't why I kept it from you. I didn't tell anyone what Chay told me. I thought they would do it. It wasn’t my business and-”
“Did Kinn know?” Tankhun cuts in, “The three of you shared a hotel room to work out of. So did my other brother know and not me?”
“I told you to get out!” Tankhun says more forcefully.
“Chay only told him because of the second phone number I tracked. Kinn demanded answers once he knew Chay offered that information and that was a conversation between the two of them-”
“I don't care!” Tankhun snaps, “You were still present for it, and then were present as I practically made myself sick with worry while I relived my own trauma by sitting next to my unconscious and suicidal brother! So you either didn't think I was worth telling or you decided to treat me like a child!”
“Neither of those things are true!” Arm says, raising his voice too, “I already told you the reason I didn't say anything to anyone! Not just you, but to anyone! If I could go back and tell you, I would in a heartbeat! The more time that passed, the more I realized Kim and Chay weren't going to do it, so I got stuck with their secret-”
“Which was your decision! I have told you about how much Kim struggles with talking about things! I even told you about his suspected autism! He wasn't going to share shit unless I initiated the conversation! And I'm sure Chay wouldn't dare tell me, not if he has had some plan to break his heart in the works all along!” Tankhun says before he loses his volume control, “You told me you wouldn't treat me like a child and keep me in the dark! You LIED to me!!!”
Arm isn't doing much better at keeping his voice at an acceptable volume level, “I didn't mean to lie to you! And that wasn't what this was! Can you just calm down enough to let me explain-”
“Calm down?” Tankhun says, feeling a fury build up inside of him, “Calm DOWN?! I'm only going to calm down when you get out!”
“Khun, please-”
“GET OUT!!!”
Tankhun screams it, louder than he has screamed in quite some time. And yet, Arm acts resistant to leaving, leaving Tankhun no option but to push at him until he is out the door. Not hard. Tankhun doesn't want to hurt Arm physically, despite being this angry with him. He isn't an abusive partner.
If that's what they still are. Partners don't keep such things from each other. A partner doesn't infantilize the other by keeping important information about their family members from them, especially when Arm knows that is a huge trigger.
And Arm just didn't question it. He never cared to tell Tankhun. He kept him in the dark because he has been trained to believe Tankhun is a child who isn't capable of handling serious matters, even when Tankhun tried his best to structure Kim’s daily activities in a therapeutic way, at least when Kim was at his worst and still living in the same suite.
Kim. He couldn't have slept through all of that.
Tankhun wipes away the tears that have gathered in his eyes to walk towards his bedroom.
His and Arm’s bedroom, if that's even what it is anymore.
Regardless of what it is, Kim surely has to be awake due to the yelling. Despite being so upset with Arm, he doesn't want Kim to be affected by the fight, not while he is in the headspace he is in.
Not when there is a balcony in the bedroom.
Tankhun quickly opens the door, only to find Kim fast asleep, dead to the world and luckily not dead on the concrete outside or from a hidden switchblade. That is something Tankhun would never be able to handle, but especially right now. He's surprised how hard one of those sedatives hits Kim. They are probably similar to the ones Tankhun used to be on, the ones he hated. But that was years ago. That was before Arm bravely and almost recklessly advocated for him to his father, saying that Tankhun didn't like how the sedatives made him feel and that it would be better for Tankhun to explore his options when it comes to medicine, or other coping skills outside of pills and injections, that Tankhun having more control and being more informed about any medical care would be beneficial and ethical.
Arm is SUCH a hypocrite!
One of those old pills would sound nice right now. It would make Tankhun not care as much. He would stop perseverating on Arm keeping all of this from him. He would also stop perseverating on their fight. They have never had a fight like that. Disagreements, sure, as well as the occasional need for space. But nothing like that.
Maybe he should take one of Kim’s pills. Just one. He has plenty since he only takes that particular medication when he absolutely needs to calm down. They have piled up due to months of refills. Kim wouldn't miss just one.
But along with making Tankhun not care about his anger and hurt over Arm, it might just make him more apathetic over Kim’s heartbreak and decline. For his little brother’s sake, Tankhun can't afford to be apathetic right now.
So instead, he stands by the large window in the living room and cries. He keeps it quiet, despite the heaviness of Kim’s sleep making itself known.
And yet it is all-consuming. Tankhun doesn't stop until there is a knock on the door.
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Chapter 32 of Progression is up now!
Chapter 32 Summary: As Chay tries to clear up the misunderstanding between him and Kim, certain truths become known and strain the relationships around them.
