So yeah, Billy will cry and I’d say he’s already having a breakdown lmao. The crying isnt going to be super obvious though, it’s just going to be him saying his face is wet or something. He’s ashamed to be crying so it’s not something he’d likely admit (Toxic masculinity is a hell of a drug /neg)

He was crying at the end of debaser incase you didn’t catch it:

Honestly I think the ability to cry is something people take for granted at times. It’s actually a really good way to relieve tension and move on from an emotional experience, it causes endorphin release that can literally help reduce physical pain let alone mental stress.

But when you can’t cry you just feel blocked up, like a pot of boiling water with the lid welded on. You have to release it in other more destructive ways so you’re irritable, you explode at people and you take it out on yourself or you numb and distract yourself because there’s no other way to move on from the feeling.

And none of that stuff even really moves you past it, it’s all just a bandaid on a gaping wound but the bandaid was dipped in lemon juice because all of those desperate coping mechanisms have their own fallout and shame attached. So it’s a cycle.

But then when it breaks through enough that you do actually cry? It almost shocks you. Your body is so unused to the feeling that you can’t breathe and you feel like a mess and you don’t want anyone to see you even if you knew they wouldn’t judge you because you can’t stand the way people look at you when they’re worried about you.

So you only cry when you’re alone and you barely acknowledge it to yourself. And you probably belittle yourself for it too, like “Was that really worth the tears?” As if those tears are the product of whatever cued them and not the overspill of months or years worth of hurt that you never acknowledged. And then you don’t even know what you’re hurting about because it’s all just pilling up on itself, merging into this sprawling mess of carnage inside you.

I gotta get my creative motivation to cooperate with me on this one cuz no one else is gonna write the lloykita epic about trauma and healing that I want but me...

WIP || Zutara ❤️️💙

Bad news is it needs as much rest as much possible while doing the small movements is was given so my inflammation and pain can come out before rehab

Which means no aerial stuff

It took me a long time to learn my style and what I enjoy and even how to draw and these things are still evolving with me as I continue to learn more about who I am. And that’s okay!

Self portraits:

2012. 2024.

Portraits of my dad:

2019. 2021.

Anime girls:

2012. 2023.

2012. 2024.