Progress is slow

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Progress is slow

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Is Billy gonna break down and cry? I feel like he severely needs someone (Stu) to hold him while he cries
So yeah, Billy will cry and Iād say heās already having a breakdown lmao. The crying isnt going to be super obvious though, itās just going to be him saying his face is wet or something. Heās ashamed to be crying so itās not something heād likely admit (Toxic masculinity is a hell of a drug /neg)
He was crying at the end of debaser incase you didnāt catch it:
Honestly I think the ability to cry is something people take for granted at times. Itās actually a really good way to relieve tension and move on from an emotional experience, it causes endorphin release that can literally help reduce physical pain let alone mental stress.
But when you canāt cry you just feel blocked up, like a pot of boiling water with the lid welded on. You have to release it in other more destructive ways so youāre irritable, you explode at people and you take it out on yourself or you numb and distract yourself because thereās no other way to move on from the feeling.
And none of that stuff even really moves you past it, itās all just a bandaid on a gaping wound but the bandaid was dipped in lemon juice because all of those desperate coping mechanisms have their own fallout and shame attached. So itās a cycle.
But then when it breaks through enough that you do actually cry? It almost shocks you. Your body is so unused to the feeling that you canāt breathe and you feel like a mess and you donāt want anyone to see you even if you knew they wouldnāt judge you because you canāt stand the way people look at you when theyāre worried about you.
So you only cry when youāre alone and you barely acknowledge it to yourself. And you probably belittle yourself for it too, like āWas that really worth the tears?ā As if those tears are the product of whatever cued them and not the overspill of months or years worth of hurt that you never acknowledged. And then you donāt even know what youāre hurting about because itās all just pilling up on itself, merging into this sprawling mess of carnage inside you.
So yeah Billy definitely needs Stu to hold him when he cries but heās not going to let him, not for years at least. Heās going to keep being surprised that his face is wet.
*sigh*
I gotta get my creative motivation to cooperate with me on this one cuz no one else is gonna write the lloykita epic about trauma and healing that I want but me...
wow the lack of content for this semi canon ship
WIP ||Ā Zutara ā¤ļøļøš
What I've been working on š I wont lieā¦.currently regretting including the background in the first pic. Dont know what I was thinking honestly. Making things difficult for myself seems to be a common theme yet I keep doing it afaofgisghskl I know I'll feel even shttier if I give up now though so I decided to go through with it. The second pic feels like a breeze in comparison and any stress buildup I get when I think about the first drawing just fades when I look at the second drawing. But between the two, I'm still putting most of my focus on the princess mononoke au because I'm very curious how it'll look once it's done and I do love stubio ghibli based prompts. Regardless of my constant complaining, I'm proud I took in the challenge of including a background when there was literally no reason for me to do so. Come to think of it, I think this is probably the first (or second, my memory is not the best) time I put in actual effort on a bg? like, coloring included? Anyway, I'll consider this another learning experience so it's not all bad.
Mixed at physio today good news surgery looks very much unneeded for the left shoulder
Bad news is it needs as much rest as much possible while doing the small movements is was given so my inflammation and pain can come out before rehab
Which means no aerial stuff
swimming is restricted to waking in water and wading arms

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Due to my recent poll, about the "Rat fic," being nearly 50/50, I've decided that Audrian shall get 1 (singular) bird, and 1 squirrel.
Hereās your daily reminder that it is okay to progress at something at your own pace!
It took me a long time to learn my style and what I enjoy and even how to draw and these things are still evolving with me as I continue to learn more about who I am. And thatās okay!
Self portraits:
2012. 2024.
Portraits of my dad:
2019. 2021.
Anime girls:
2012. 2023.
2012. 2024.
2024. 2024.