#probablydeletelater

Serious crisis of faith. What type of messed up God created a world where children are so harmed they want to hurt, kill, or attack themselves or others. Who would allow for the trauma our kids have? What on earth could be the possible purpose of that pain?

Kinda embarrassed to ask, but if I wanted to blog about Star Wars the old republic ocs how do I go about that Like I've been lurking in the fandom a while and really want to join in but I just don't know how And I'm shy Sorry for the dumb question 😅 *scoots back off to the corner*

Recovery from abuse is this-when you finally feel ready for a new relationship, but the entire time there is an underlying fear. The fear of "is this going to be the day they hit me? Will today be when they lose their temper and call me worthless? Did i forget to turn on the dishwasher, i hope not, they're going to be so pissed at me." It's impossible to fully relax, even when that person has never raised their hand to you, yelled at you, degraded you, manipulated you, it never goes away.

Und dann liegst du da Nachts um 2:44 Uhr Und merkst wie manche Sachen Weggeschobene, unverarbeitete Sachen Sich wieder ihren Weg nach oben bahnen Dass du Menschen immer noch vermisst Menschen mit denen sich Wege schon vor langer Zeit getrennt haben Aber heute noch tief verankert in deinen Gedanken sitzen Und die verschiedensten Gefühle wieder hervorrufen Dass Momente Vergangene, hässliche Momente In den kleinsten Ecken sich versteckt haben Und nur auf Situationen wie diese hier warten Denn in deinem Bett Nachts um 2:44 Uhr Bist du alleine, verletzlich Nachdenklich In Erinnerungen schwelgend Und hast keine Kontrolle mehr darüber Darüber was für eine Macht du ihnen gibst

I am at the point in life now where I'm just tired. Not just physically tired; mentally, emotionally, spiritually etc. Just every fibre of my being is drained. I no longer have motivation to do anything, nor do I feel much joy in anything I normally thoroughly enjoy. Going to beach, bushwalks, spontaneous adventures, going to the gym, running, watching sunsets and gazing at the sky don't stir up as much emotion as it used to. Lately all I do is lay around doing nothing or just sleep. Yet I'm just exhausted. I don't know if it's just because of my job or if there is underlying factors that I'm just not aware of or am trying to force out of my head. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of existing in such a boring way. I get so bothered every time I waste a day by doing nothing but I don't have the energy to go out. That or I just somehow psyche myself out of doing what I originally planned. There's more to life than this. I just feel stagnant.