#proazriel

Elain closed her eyes and smiled, tilting her head back to let the warm sun kiss her face. She didn’t fret when a gentle breeze took her sunhat, letting it fall to the grass as she dabbed a handkerchief over her neck. Today was a good day, they all were lately, each better than the last. She’d stopped counting the good days months ago, when they far exceeded the bad but she hadn’t stopped appreciating them. Every day she found something to be grateful for, something special, beautiful.

The quiet rustling of paper had the corners of her mouth quirking up as she turned to her normally very quiet companion. Today, she was grateful to have Azriel in the garden keeping her company. He sat back, one booted ankle crossed over the other as he read through a stack of reports. Though, presently, his eyes were on her instead of his reports, a faint blush creeping over his cheeks as his eyes darted back to the pages in his hands.

Elain couldn't help but admire the way the sun shone through his outstretched wings, filtering through in dark reds and golds. If she had Feyre’s talent, she thought, she’d paint him just like this. His wings shifted slightly and she quickly turned her attention back to the peonies she’d been tending lest she be caught staring. He was so easy to admire after all, so beautiful.

Elain blushed, mentally scolding herself for how often she thought of the Shadowsinger. Of his thick hair, always perfectly tousled as if even the wind couldn't help but run its fingers through it. She thought of his handsome face, his kind smile and eyes that seemed to see straight to her soul. She though of the strong arms that had carried her as if she were light as a feather and she thought of his hands. Strong but gentle hands she found so beautiful, hands she’d imagined on her bare skin more than a few times.

A light, that's exactly what Elain Archeron was. Even in the darkest of her days he’d seen it, an undying ember of hope that lived within her. It made her positively radiant beyond her obvious physical beauty.

Like calls to like. Maybe that's why even the sun seemed to worship her, bathing her in it's light while it basked in HER glow. The rays making her strands of honey gold hair glow as they wove through the soft brown curls cascading down her back. How many times had he dreamed about running his fingers through those thick tresses? More than he'd ever admit and too many to count.

He smiled to himself when his shadows whispered that she'd been watching him. Now he watched as she turned to the light, eyes closed as she let it warm her. He could almost imagine what it would feel like, to stand before her and press his lips to hers. How soft and warm that kiss would be, how sweet she would taste and what a kiss like that might mean. That maybe, Elain cared for him as much as he'd grown to care for her.

He took one last look at her before turning back to his reports, watching her weave through the garden in his periphery, listening to her soft footsteps and occasional humming, sometimes quietly joining her though he doubted she could hear.

"How are the new additions faring?" Azriel asked, his smooth voice drawing Elain's attention once more.

"Well," she began, clearly happy to have been asked. "The wisteria is positively thriving and the tulip bulbs you were kind enough to bring me from the continent are nearly ready to bloom. I've planted so many, it'll be like a sea of colors."

She went on about all her latest changes to the garden, pausing only when she thought she'd perhaps talked too much and had begun to bore him.

"I had no doubt they would thrive in your care." He offered with a smile, forearms resting on his knees as he listened to her with rapt attention. "Until we can get you to the continent, I'll bring the continent to you."

"One day." She said, offering him a shy smile and a nod of thanks. He knew what it meant to her, how long she dreamed of seeing the continent with her sisters. How she'd always imagined her father joining them. True, it wasn't the same as going, but the gesture was no less thoughtful, especially when he was likely away on important court business. That he'd thought of her at all touched her more than she would ever be able to tell him.

Azriel stood and stretched, his sun warmed wings extending before tucking back behind him. Elain admired his lean form, the wide sweep of his wings and the way the sun glinted off his cobalt Siphons and his eyes, eyes that were looking straight at her. She saw the faint color on his cheeks and Elain knew he'd caught her staring this time. Quickly, she turned her attention to the rose in her hand. Carefully, snipping it from the bush and laying it with the rest she'd collected.

"As usual you are too kind." She said nervously, snipping another rose. "I haven't planted the seeds you brought me from the Winter Court yet, I'm hoping I'll have better luck them when the weather cools."

Met with silence, she looked up to find him watching her now. She couldn't stop the blush she knew was creeping over her cheeks under his soft gaze. Her heart fluttered every time he looked at her like that, and lately that had been quite often.

Azriel took one step toward her, then another and another, his eyes never leaving hers. Those warm brown eyes, full of so much understanding, hope and love.

"And the roses, how are they coming along?" He asked, watching her delicate fingers trace along the edges of the petals before leaning in to take in its sweet scent.

"Perfectly happy here." She answered softly. "They had a bit of trouble at first but now their roots are strong, they're flourishing beautifully.

He couldn't help but think the same about her. How happy he was that she lovingly called the Night Court her home now. Even if in the dark recesses of his mind that fear still existed, that one day she might accept the bond and make a home for herself elsewhere. Far from Night. Far from him.

Her eyes flicked from the rose back to him and he took another step, as if waiting for her permission, as if she willed it so. Each step brought her into better view, no longer so hidden by the lush greenery of the garden.

"Az!"

She started as he froze, just close enough to spot the freckles that danced across the bridge of her nose.

"Cassian." He answered, turning toward his friend as he made to meet him halfway. So close.

Elain's heart sank as the distance between them grew, even as his shadow seemed to try to stretch to meet her before his retreat.  It was nothing, she told herself. A simple conversation like many they'd had before, there was nothing remarkable about today, nothing different...aside from that look.

She tried to busy herself with her roses again but it was no use. She hung on his every word, listening to him and Cassian discuss looming problems with the Illyrian forces. Selfishly, she hoped he wouldn't be sent away to help with those problems. As it was, she found that she already missed him on days he didn't turn up for family dinners.

Judging by his tone, Azriel didn't wish to oversee the Illyrians either. Not wanting to eavesdrop further on what seemed to be a tense conversation, Elain found herself wandering deeper into the garden until she could only faintly make out Azriel's voice. She let the timbre and cadence of it soothe her as she wandered and wove through, snipping and collecting blooms as she went. Eventually, she settled in a spot a safe distance away that allowed them privacy while she admired the garden and the Shadowsinger.

Azriel half listened to Cassian, in the end he knew Cass would unload all the mounting issues, but be the one to go. The one to face the Illyrian's ire for bothering to help. Azriel just didn't have it in him to pretend to play nice for long enough to get anything accomplished. He found he'd much rather be here, staring into the lovely brown eyes that now peered at him between flowering branches in the distance.

"Fine, I'll go." Cassian said without argument, "But next time you're coming with me. It'll be good for you." Cassian said, clapping him on the back.

"Next time." Azriel agreed with a nod, like he did every time they had this conversation.

Elain knew he'd seen her but she couldn't bring herself to look away, not until she pricked her finger on a thorn as she carelessly reached for another rose. She gasped, snatching her hand back and cradling it, a bead of crimson blood resting at her fingertip. She watched as the small wound quickly healed and used a clean handkerchief to wipe the tiny ruby of blood away.

She stilled for a moment, suddenly realizing the garden had gone quiet. She looked up, searching for any sign of Azriel, but he was gone. Likely back inside the manor with Cassian. She craned her neck, hoping he might have returned to his reports but his seat remained empty.

“Damn.” She breathed, not wanting their moment to have been cut so short. Not when it felt like some new version of what they were was ready to bloom. They regularly caught each other staring, shared secret smiles when no one else was watching. So many times he’d brushed by her, and she’d reached out, fingertips lightly brushing over his hand as he passed.

"Have you lost something?" Azriel's voice asked playfully from behind her.

She gasped and spun to face him, Azriel's hands gripping her waist, stopping her before she backed into the thorny roses she'd been hiding behind.

“Azriel,” She laughed, playfully scolding him. “You scared me half to death!"

“I apologize, Lady.” Azriel chuckled, not all sorry for catching her staring or for having an excuse to touch her.

“Yes, your laughing sounds very regretful.” She scolded, laughing herself.

“It’s difficult to have any regrets in my current position.” He admitted, his heart aching over how right this felt. Still, he had to be careful, Elain wasn’t just anyone, not to his family and not to him.

“I DO wonder,” He started, “How you could be startled at all.” A mischievous grin played at his lips. “You were watching so intently."

Elain narrowed her eyes even as a pretty blush colored her cheeks.

“And just HOW do you know I was watching?” She asked haughtily, very aware that his warm hands still rested on her waist.

"What kind of Spymaster would I be if I DIDN'T notice?" He asked, looking down at her, the green in his hazel eyes looking especially vibrant in the garden. Elain's heart raced at his nearness, his touch, his scent.

“Translation, YOU were watching ME.” She smiled up at him, looking too proud of herself.

“Every chance I get.” He admitted, the confession surprising them both.

"You're hurt." He said, before she could respond. His eyes resting on the hand she still cradled to her chest.

"Yes-no, I was." She clarified, stumbling over her words as he took her hand in his own, carefully looking it over.

"I pricked my finger is all." She says, sheepishly extending her now healed finger for him to see.

"Dangerous business, gardening." He said, heart thundering in his chest as he raised her hand, pressing a kiss to her fingertip. He didn't know what possessed him to be so forward, but neither did he regret it.

The softest touch of his lips on her skin sent a sparkling energy coursing through Elain.

Slowly, her lips parted as she silently watched him, wishing to feel his lips against hers next.

"But worth the risk." She breathed.

Unthinking, she stepped forward, resting her free hand on his chest, beside his glittering Siphon. If she were braver, she would pull him in and kiss him herself instead, she let the rhythm of his heartbeat steady her nerves as he pressed another kiss to the palm of her hand.

She couldn't stop herself then, from tenderly caressing his cheek as his hand ghosted down her forearm and came to rest on her waist again.

"The best things usually are." He answered, as he held up a freshly trimmed rose, no doubt magicked into his hand with the help of his clever shadows.

"Is that the one that pricked me?" She asked with narrowed eyes, settling into the comfort of their closeness.

"It had to be done.” He said, smiling as he carefully tucked it behind her ear, the soft peach rose looking perfect nestled in her golden brown curls.

Elain felt it then, that bravery she'd lacked earlier as she leaned forward. Azriel didn't dare back away, not even as his shadows whispered that the High Lady was fast approaching. No, he too leaned in, Elain’s fearlessness catching.

"Elain?!" Feyre called out.

 Elain's eyes widened as she turned to her sister's voice before glancing back at Azriel who was already backing away toward his shadows.

"Tomorrow?" He asked, offering an apologetic smile.

Elain nodded. "Dinner?" She asked, smiling as he nodded before disappearing into the shadows completely.

“Elain!  There you are!” Feyre called, smiling as she approached.

“Here I am.” Elain breathed, pulse still racing and skin flushed.

“I don’t know what you do out here for hours, everything looks perfect to me.” She said, gathering the flowers Elain had collected.

“Oh, just planting seeds, seeing what grows.” Elain answered quietly.

“Well, you’re as red as a rose, come inside and have lunch with me.” Feyre asked, nodding toward the house. Sensing she wouldn’t take no for an answer, Elain nodded, looping her arm through Feyre’s as they headed back.

The journey to Lady Morrigan’s estate was long. Nesta, Elain and Feyre finally reached the grand estate just before sunset, the carriage coming to a slow stop before the footman opened the door and helped the ladies out. Elain watched as a gorgeous blonde woman descended the steps, her smile so friendly and infectious that Elain instantly returned it.

“Ladies, I’m so pleased that you’ll be staying with me all season. I’ve been looking forward to this visit for weeks!”

“Our mother only told us about it yesterday." Nesta scoffed. "Mor, you know Feyre, and this is Elain. Elain, the Lady Morrigan.”

Mor scoffed and playfully slapped at Nesta’s arm. “Mor, please call me Mor. It is so lovely to meet you, Elain. Oh Nesta, she is positively adorable.” Elain flushed as Mor continued.

“Now, Nesta and I are old friends, so I won’t have any of you engaging in any silly formalities here. Come, lets get you all inside, what a ghastly hostess I’m being.” She hooked her arm with Elain’s and headed back up the steps and into the house, Feyre and Nesta following close behind.

“I’ve taken the liberty of having some gowns brought in for you already, but we’ll have the seamstress in tomorrow and make a morning of it, I'll get you caught up on all of the comings and goings here in town. The gossips tongues have not stopped wagging since the Duke of Illyria was seen back in town.”

“And the Prince of Velaris?” Feyre asked, her interest piqued. Mor smiled, taking her hand. “Where the Duke is, the Prince is also likely to be, as is the Marquess she said, arching a brow at Nesta who started straight ahead, not acknowledging the comment.”

“Your home is lovely, Mor.” Elain said, still walking arm in arm with the lovely blonde as they made their way upstairs. “Thank you, dear, just wait until you see it full of revelers and delight, then this home truly seems to possess a life all its own.” She said with a smile. “Now, I shall leave you to settle into your rooms and rest before dinner. I expect to hear every detail about every man who is vying for your affections. And do dress comfortably for dinner, it is just us ladies after all, let us dine in comfort.” With that, she left the sisters at their rooms, each one beautifully decorated. Elain draped her cloak over a nearby chair and after a thorough tour of her luxurious room she proceeded to wash up and change for dinner. Once she was ready, she made for Nesta’s room, knocking softly.

Feyre opened the door, smiling. “Elain, we were just about to come fetch you.”

“Oh?” Elain said, taking a seat on the bed as Nesta twisted her hair and pinned it.

“Yes…what do you think of Mor?” Nesta asked, watching Elain through the mirror at the vanity.

“Oh, she’s beautiful and very nice.” She nodded. “Independent and...unconventional.”

Nesta laughed. “Just take Mor as she is, she is clearly taken with you already. She does love a new doll to dress up, so be prepared.”

Elain laughed softly. “So noted, thank you for the warning.”

“Now lets go down to dinner, I’m starving.” Feyre said as she ushered her sisters out of the room, walking them both to the dining room where Mor waited in a simple gown but in a bright red color.

“Ladies, you look so lovely. The gentlemen are in such trouble this season with three Archeron ladies in their midst.”

Elain listened and chatted with Mor and her sisters as they enjoyed their dinner and gossiped well into the night. She couldn’t remember the last time she had had so much fun. Mor was naturally charming and Elain instantly felt comfortable with her. Normally, Elain remained guarded around other ladies her age, she had been hurt and betrayed many times by ladies vying for the same small group of suitors, even when Elain herself had no interest in them. The hostility was even worse when any of the gentlemen showed interest in Elain. Now, she sought only the company of her sisters, it was safer that way.

“I’m terribly excited for tomorrow evening, I haven’t had a party like this in far too long, though, I have made it my personal project to have them much more frequently this season.” Mor looked to Elain and saw a bit of worry etched there. “Your reputations will be safe, Elain, protected as mine has been. Everyone in attendance has their own reputation to consider as well.” Mor promised. "We protect one another with our discretion."

Elain nodded. “I’m just a bit nervous is all, nervous but excited.”

Mor smiled, patting Elain’s hand. “My darling Elain, you will find that things are always exciting in my circle. It is quite late, and the seamstress will be here early, we should all get some sleep. A long night awaits us tomorrow.”

They all nodded in agreement and went to their rooms. Elain tossed and turned, her impending engagement to Graysen haunting her. There had been a time that she had found him handsome and gentlemanly, however, upon meeting him and actually getting to know him, she found him to be cruel and when she refused him, he had tried to take advantage of her. His standing as a Lord had kept everything quiet and she had thought that he would never bother her again, but her mother would never turn down an offer from a Lord, even one as dishonorable as Graysen. Eventually, the exhaustion of a long day caught up to Elain and sleep finally claimed her.

The next morning, Elain enjoyed breakfast with Mor and her sisters, they laughed and gossiped as the seamstress took measurements and pinched and pinned swaths of fabric around them.

“Those pinks and lilacs certainly suit you, Elain, but if you would indulge me. I would love to see you in blue.” Mor said, holding up a swatch of soft blue and another of cobalt.

Elain nodded. “Alright, those look lovely.”

Mor smiled and picked a few more swatches before speaking with the seamstress and sending her off. “Now, I’m afraid you’ll have to manage for the rest of the day without me, I have much to attend to before the festivities tonight, but I shall see you all before the night begins.” Mor nodded to the sisters and left to attend to her plans.

The three sisters prepared for the evening in Nesta’s room. It brought comfort to Elain to have her sisters with her, especially when she was so nervous about tonights events.

“We will be wearing these.” Nesta held up a dainty bracelet, a cobalt blue jewel dangling from it. She fastened it to Elain’s gloved wrist, a gleaming red jewel dangling from her own. “There will be a gentleman wearing a pin to match. You can approach him, or he can approach you, but once you dismiss him he will not approach you again.”

Elain listened intently to how things would go that evening, the rules that everyone was to follow and above all else the fact that at anytime, Elain could stop if she wished.

“And you’ve both done this before?” Elain asked, her mood much improved as she was assured repeatedly that she would be in control of her own experience. They both nodded.

“It seemed strange at first, but everyone is here for the same purpose.” Feyre added before there was a knock at the door and Nesta opened it to find an elegant Mor sashaying in.

“Ladies…my goodness, the gentlemen will never forgive me for only having three of you.” Mor teased. “Now, I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve taken the liberty of selecting your companions for the night myself. The crème de la crème, personally hand-picked with care to join you for the night. You, are especially lucky tonight, little flower.” She said, gently tucking an errant curl behind Elain’s ear, her grin widening as Elain’s eyes did.

“Now, if you don’t like who I’ve chosen, you may choose another for yourself, though I think that all three of you will be very, very satisfied. You especially, Elain.” This time, the mischief was gone from her expression as she gently took Elain’s hand in hers. “Since this is your first time, I have chosen someone who prefers to give rather than receive. Though, should the spirit move you, I doubt he would refuse you.” Elain nodded as Mor gave her hand a gentle squeeze and said just loud enough for her to hear, “he is most gentle and wishes only to please you. Your sweet encouragements will show him the way.”

“Now, masks on, ladies. The party has already begun and I am certain that your handsome companions are eagerly searching for you.”

Elain took a deep breath and smoothed the skirts of her cobalt dress as Nesta helped her tie on the elegant mask that covered the top portion of her face.

The sisters filed out, following Mor downstairs where the manor was already filled with music and masked guests.

Elain’s heart pounded as each of her sisters broke away and disappeared into the crowd. She took a glass of champagne from a passing tray and took a sip, hoping that it would help calm her nerves. She closed her eyes and took a calming breath, she wanted this, had been looking forward to this for weeks, her chance at freedom, self discovery and pleasure. She set the glass down and nodded, she could do this, she could do this…she couldn’t do this. She turned, intending to hide in her room for the rest of the evening but bumped into a solid chest, large gloved hands coming to rest on her arms, steadying her.

“Excuse me, I’m so sorry.” She said, blushing as she realized that her hand was now resting on the man’s chest, right next to the cobalt pin on his coat, the twin to the jewel that dangled at her wrist. She pulled her hand back as if she’d touched fire, his deep chuckle finally drawing her eyes up to his masked face, taking in his strong, defined jaw and enticing lips, her eyes locking onto the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. Caramel and warm honey spun together with flecks of emerald green.

“Please, don’t apologize. You’re just the Lady I’ve been looking for.” He said, those tempting lips curling into a roguish smile as he gently took her hand, his finger tapping the blue jewel that dangled from her wrist before placing a gentle kiss on her knuckles. Elain felt an intense heat pool in her belly, her mind struggling to find anything appropriate to say when his smile grew, clearly enjoying how incredibly flustered she had become. The sound of a slap broke her from her daze, and she looked over to find Nesta glaring up at a large man who was rubbing his cheek, a wicked smile curling on her lips as he advanced on her and she gripped him by the hair, her lips crashing into his. A gloved hand gently tipped Elain’s chin up and away from the scene, pulling her gaze back to the man who stood before her, amusement sparkling in his eyes now as he asked, “Would you care to dance, my Lady?”

Elain nodded, her senses returning to her. “Y-yes…yes, my Lord, that would be lovely.” He smiled and offered her his arm, Elain placing her hand in the crook of his elbow and accompanying him to the grand ballroom where he swept her into a waltz. He held Elain’s hand firmly, his other hand at her waist as they danced their way around the room. Elain could feel movement in the muscles hidden under his fine clothing, she blushed slightly as she tried to focus her mind on other things, but this was why she was here, wasn’t it?

The dance ended and he bowed to her before asking, “Would you like another turn, my Lady?”

Elain nodded, her heart racing as he pulled her closer this time, spinning and twirling her, his smile lighting up as she followed along, trusting him and gliding with him, her smile relaxing and glowing to match his own. “There you are, angel.” He said as the dance ended and he dipped her, his lips meeting hers, his tongue teasing her lips, begging for entry. A moan rumbled in his chest as her lips parted and he felt her arms snake around his neck as he righted her, his tongue now massaging hers. A soft moan escaped her and she turned away, needing air, but peppering his neck with kisses as she said, breathlessly, “I’d like to go to our room now.”

“Your wish is my command, my lady.” He nodded and again offered her his arm. She took it, hoping that he wouldn’t notice how she was trembling as they made their way away from the throng of revelers and down a quiet hallway a single door at the very end of it. He pulled the key from his pocket and unlocked the door, holding it open for her. Elain walked in, wringing her hands as she stepped further in and looked around, getting lost in how beautiful the room was when the sound of the lock clicking brought her attention back to him, her handsome stranger.

“I’m afraid I'm not very experienced...not experienced at all actually…” she said, slightly embarrassed but not wanting to seem disinterested, she was absolutely interested in spending the night with him.

He inclined his head. “Morrigan told me that this would be your first time. Has she explained the rules to you?”

Elain nodded. “Yes, that I can stop anytime I want. I assume you will also tell me if you would like to stop?”

He nodded. “Yes, though I highly doubt that will be the case.” He said, his rich voice sweeping over her like a lover’s caress. He slid out of his jacket and for the first time she took all of him in. He was clearly some sort of nobleman, his clothes were the finest she’d ever seen on a man, tailored perfectly, his boots perfectly polished. He stepped closer to her, holding his hand out to her and she took it, looking up at him shyly.

“I’m quite determined to please you tonight, angel, so if I do anything that you do not like, you must let me know.” He said, unclasping the bracelet from her wrist and smirking. “I don’t suppose we need that anymore now that we’ve found each other, hmm?” Elain shook her head, watching as he purposefully pinched the tip of each of her gloved fingers, slowly loosening each one before sliding her glove off, placing the softest of kisses along the way, down every inch of newly exposed skin, finishing with her fingertips. She stood frozen, entranced by him, a flair of desire blooming within her and quickly engulfing her. She caressed his cheek, then slid her hand to the back of his neck, guiding him down to meet her mouth, her other hand tangling in his cravat, untying it with skillful and eager fingers.

He arched a brow. “My angel is more eager than I thought. I shouldn’t like to disappoint you by delaying your pleasure any longer, my Lady.” He said, making quick work of her other glove, taking the tip of the middle finger in his teeth and pulling it off, giving her a wink before tossing it aside and taking her in his arms, his mouth on her neck, his fingers working at the back of her gown. Elain moaned, her fingers in his hair as she whispered. “Please, my Lord…spoil me with your sinful delights.” In an instant, her dress fell loose, skirts pooling at her feet. He made quick work of her underclothes, corset and chemise joining the pile on the floor until she stood before him in only her stockings. Her fingers worked to free him of his vest and shirt, her hands sliding over his muscled chest, nails ghosting over his skin, eliciting a growl that rumbled from deep within his chest.

“Careful, angel, or you shall bring out the devil in me.” He warned, laying her down on the bed, her hands caressing the muscular arms that now caged her in on either side. With a gentle and still gloved hand, he brushed the side of her breast, delighting in the soft moan it elicited from her. He leaned down, pressing a kiss to the swell of each of her breasts before taking one of her nipples into his mouth, his tongue teasing and curving around the sensitive bud, her chest shuddering in response, her thighs clenching as her body came alive at his touch.

Elain took a shaking breath, rubbing her thumb over his cheekbone. “You must think me ridiculous to be so affected already.”

He gave a devilish grin and said, “On the contrary, my lady, I look forward to making you come completely undone before this evening is over.” His grin widened at seeing her relax and he peppered her throat with kisses before giving a little nip that made her gasp. She closed her eyes and pressed her head back into her pillow as she felt his hand move down her body toward the apex of her thighs. He touched her there, where her desire flared and pulsed for him. His fingers moved so torturously slow as he ran them along her seam, then between, stroking lightly, teasing her as she moved her hips up to meet his hand, her pleasure escalating with each stroke. “Look at me, angel.” He commanded and she obeyed, their gaze locked as she climaxed under his masterful touch, her eyes glossing over with unshed tears as the wave of ecstasy washed over her and she sang out in pleasure. It was music to his ears.

Suddenly, she tugged at his pants. “Off.” She said, whimpering into his mouth as his tongue massaged hers. She leaned into the kiss, pressing herself against him and he wanted her closer, sliding his arm around the small of her back, his other hand freeing her hair from its pins, letting it fall loose around her shoulders. “My lady, are you certain?” he asked, having already been told of Elain’s purity by Mor.

“I have never been more certain about anything.” She said, burning for him, the need to feel him inside of her driving her to near madness.

“And what of your future husband, my lady?” he asked, leaning over her now, his corded forearms on either side of her.

“My future husband should fall to his knees and thank the heavens for this night, for even if I hate him, I shall think of you when we fuck and I will make him the happiest man in all the world.”

Something dark and lustful flared in his eyes and he rose, removing and tossing his boots and pants aside. Panic flashed in her eyes for a moment as she took in the size of him, but her legs spread for him as he moved back onto the bed. She trembled when his hands touched her thighs, his thumbs stroking gently, heat flaring between her legs and making her writhe under his touch. Her breath caught when his lips replaced the stroking thumb on her inner thigh, soft kisses and his warm breath trailing their way higher, his fingers sliding along the seam between her legs again, her core already throbbing.

“My Lord, please.” Elain begged, her back arching, her body on fire from the slightest touch of his hands.

“Azriel.” He said, his voice rough and strained. She opened her eyes, panting. “I thought-”

“We aren’t, but I want my name on your lips, my lady. I need you calling my name every single time I deliver you to euphoria.”

“Azriel..” She moaned softly, gasping when she felt his hot tongue making slow deliberate strokes higher and higher up her thigh, her shock exceeded only by the pleasure she felt under him. Eyes of honey and caramel remained fixed on eyes of polished amber as his tongue did heart stopping things to her, each flick of that talented tongue triggering a need in her to thrust her hips toward his mouth, but his firm hands held her right where he wanted her. Her skin burned under his touch, the desire flaring so wildly within her that it threatened to consume them both each time he brought her to the height of elation. Over and over his tongue tied her into knots before releasing her, drawing his name from her lips with his lustful magic and leaving her a panting heap on the bed. She took his hand in hers, eyes pleading as she said, “I want to feel your hands on me.” He nodded, letting her slide his gloves off, his heart quickening as he waited for the spell to be broken and for this night to be over. Instead, she looked up at him as she slid his finger into her mouth, her tongue swirling and stroking, making his cock twitch and his eyes roll back, a gutteral moan rumbling from his chest.

“My-Azriel.” She mewled, hands cradling his face as she brought his lips to hers, kissing him sweetly and tenderly.

“Mmm…I am yours. Until you come to your senses and cast me aside, I am yours.” He promised, kissing along her jaw until his lips found their way to her neck and he marked her. Her moans were like music as he slid one finger and then two inside of her slowly, preparing her before positioning himself between her legs and easing himself inside of her. He savored the moment, her tightness around him as he slowly sheathed himself inside of her, her hands at his shoulders, nails digging in as she cried out in pleasure and a bit of pain, her body betraying her as her legs wrapped around him, to draw him even deeper still.

“Easy, angel-

“Elain!” she cried out, panting into his neck, trembling from the stimulating charge coursing through her body. He hadn’t even made it all the way inside of her when she’d come undone the first time from the sheer size of him.

He slid one hand to cradle the back of her head, his lips crashing into hers as he found his rhythm inside of her, driving slow and steady. She arched into him, her breasts pressing against his chest as he quickened his pace. She gasped as his hand tightened in her hair and she moaned softly, pulling her head back and exposing her neck to him.

AZRIEL

“Allow me to make one thing very clear. You are to stay away from her.”

“You can’t order me to do that.”

Azriel seethed. Of all people he expected to challenge him, to stand in the way of his happiness, he never imagined that it would be Rhys.

He couldn’t explain now, couldn’t tell him about the glances, the touches, all of the ways they had connected over all this time when no one else was watching. Rhysand was furious and he wouldn’t accept anything Azriel offered now anyway.

“So you will leave Elain alone.”

“…if I see you panting after her again, I’ll make you regret it.”

His friend was nowhere in sight, no, this was an order directly from his High Lord.

He didn’t just have the power to make Azriel regret it, he held power over Elain too. Rhysand could send her away just as easily as he’d sent Nesta away, perhaps with Lucien as a means to secure their bond and those alliances that were so important to him now. Maybe it was for the best, the cauldron’s will, who was he to challenge it, who was he to expect any sort of happiness in this life after the things that he’d done.

“Get out.”

Azriel tucked in his wings and left, launching into the sky to feel the wind on his wings. It was the only thing that could make him feel anything right now. All of the hopes and feelings that sparked and hummed with hope and possibility just moments ago, they were just illusions of things he would never have, could never even hope to be worthy of. Better to finally accept it, to be cured of this foolishness and allow all of those hopes he’d held on to for so long to finally wither and die.

ELAIN

Azriel disappeared into his shadows and Elain stood there, frozen as the warmth from his body and his scent dissipated, leaving her cold and empty. It was suddenly so hard to breathe, she braced her hand on the wall and shook her head, tears pricking at her eyes.

Elain had finally done it, finally made a choice in this new life, had finally taken a risk-only it hadn’t seemed like such a risk. Offering her love to Azriel hadn’t seemed like a risk at all. She had been so sure, positive that she had read the signs right and that he felt the same way that she did. How had she misjudged it all so horribly? The mortification was overwhelming. He was just being nice, she had asked for his help and he’d helped her, he’d gone above and beyond to help her and she’d repaid him by creating some childish romantic fantasy in her mind. The shame roiled within her and she felt sick.

All it had taken was one Solstice gift and she’d lost her senses. She should be grateful that he was such a gentleman and that he hadn’t taken advantage of her after she’d practically thrown herself at him. Mortified, she was absolutely mortified. Would he tell Mor? Oh Gods, she’d known he was in love with Mor, would Mor tell Feyre? Would they all know by breakfast? Her heart clenched, already imagining the pitying looks all around the table the next morning. She’d seen them before, when they had all thought that she was going mad. He’d saved her then, rescued her from the hazy depths of her own mind. Not because he had cared for her, but because he was kind and she was Feyre’s sister, that was all.

Elain forced herself to move, not wanting anyone to find her there, not wanting to have to explain what she was doing up at this hour. Could Lucien feel her through the bond now? Would he feel the breaking of her heart through that golden thread that always felt as if it were tightly wrapped around her throat instead of her rib? What would she do if he came down to find her? She hurried up to her room, her heart racing until she was safely inside. The door clicked shut and all at once her control slipped away. She clamped her hands over her mouth to stifle the sob that threatened to choke her, her legs giving out as she slid down against the door, her whole body shaking as she sobbed. Elain gasped for air, feeling as if she were truly drowning in her own sorrow.

“No...please, not again. Not again.” She begged through her tears, shuddering as she felt that familiar darkness closing in on her. It gripped her like inky black claws, dragging her down to the darkest part of herself, and this time she wouldn’t have Azriel there to help her find her way back to the light.

The voice was always the same, a whisper on the wind cooing sweet words of love that surrounded her heart like a gossamer veil before he turned on her, his words sharper than any blade.

“I belong to no one. But my heart belongs to you.”

“I don’t want it.”

“No…” she cried, pressing her hands over her ears as if it could quiet the cruel voice that was back to haunt her after so long.

“Take that ring off.”

“No.”

“Take. It. Off.”

“Take it off! ”

“Take it off..I have to take it off.” she whispered, her hand already clutching her finger where that iron ring had once been. “I have to take it off.” she said, scrambling to her feet and rushing back downstairs, her fingers fumbling with the clasp on the necklace, pain radiating in her chest as she finally pulled the delicate charm away from where it had lay so close to her heart. She could do it this time, she could let it go, let go of a love that had never been real, that had only existed in her own mind. Her hands trembled as she lay the necklace atop Azriel’s pile of Solstice gifts, her fingers refusing to release it until she pried them open and it fell. Something inside screamed at her to pick it back up, to keep it close to her heart, but the feeling of the darkness closing in on her again sent her running back up to her room.

Elain crawled into bed and hugged the blankets to herself, sobbing into them as she struggled to hold onto any bit of light that she could. Baby Nyx…Nesta’s newfound happiness…but one last whisper struck too hard and with one last anguished sob, the darkness engulfed her.

Azriel strode quickly to the kitchen when he heard a loud crash. When he entered he found Nuala and Cerridwen getting started on some bread.

“Everything alright in here?” He asked, his hazel eyes scanning the room for anything that might be amiss.

“Yes, Nuala just dropped the bread pan, so noisy...” Cerridwen said, going back to mixing the dough for their bread.

Azriel nodded, arching a brow. “Alright...No Elain today?” He asked, trying but failing to sound as casual as possible. The wraiths had detected how drawn the Spymaster was to Elain long ago, perhaps even before he had realized it himself.

“Yes, she’ll be dropping by shortly.” Cer said, smiling over at him.

Nuala nearly choked, moving to get herself a glass of water.

Cer smiled and laughed nervously. “The flour can be irritating to her throat.”

“Right...carry on then.” Azriel gave them a strange look, but nodded and headed back out, not seeing Elain curled up behind the counter, hands clamped over her mouth, tears of laughter spilling over her cheeks. “Ow...” She whined, once she was sure that Azriel had gone far enough away that he wouldn’t hear her.

“I told you it was a terrible idea.” Cerridwen chided.

Elain waved her hand dismissively. “Ooh, I’m fine. I want to try again. It could be useful.”

“In what way is dropping you through the floor useful?” Cer demanded.

“The element of surprise and time efficiency, of course, as previously demonstrated. If walking through walls can be useful then why not dropping through floors?” Elain asked, lifting her chin in challenge.

“Because Nuala does not nearly break both legs when walking through walls.” Cer answered, crossing her arms and cocking her head to the side.

Elain couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled up. “You look JUST like Azriel when you cross your arms like that, and it certainly got me downstairs quickly.”

Nuala bit her lip, stifling her own giggle. “You looked like a teabag dangling there…”

The three of them burst into the most joyous fits of laughter, Elain’s arms crossed over her stomach as she tried to catch her breath. “Just-just one more time, please. It worked so well the first time.” She pleaded through her laughter.

Cer grumbled to herself but quickly relented. Elain had been in a melancholic mood all morning-since the red-haired male had come. Though he seemed nice enough, Cerridwen didn’t trust him and his visits always seemed to throw Elain into disarray and fill her with sorrow. This little game seemed to lift her spirits, and Cer couldn’t help but give in to see her friend smile. “Only once more today, and you mustn’t squirm so much or I may drop you again.”

“I didn’t mean to, I promise. We must move slightly to the left, so that I don’t miss the counter again.” Elain laughed, following her back upstairs to the empty room above the kitchen.

“Cauldron help me with this one.” Cer teased with a smirk, taking Elain by both hands and using her powers to allow Elain to pass through the floor.

Elain pointed her toes, feeling for the counter when she gasped and held Cerridwen’s hands tighter. “Pull me up!” She hissed, panic written all over her face. Cer tried to pull her up, but she wouldn’t budge, she looked to Elain for an explanation but her friend looked like a child who had been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. “Save yourself, its too late for me.” Elain whispered, cringing as Azriel’s voice could be heard from the room below.

“I have her, Cer, you can let go.”

Cer bit her lip, her eyes widening as she whispered an apology, releasing Elain’s hands and stifling another laugh as Elain crossed her arms, pouting already as she sank the rest of the way through the floor.

Cer could hear the amusement in his voice and knew that Elain could too, a smile playing at the corners of her friend’s lips.

Azriel cocked a brow, glancing up at Elain who sat perched on his forearm, her arms still crossed. “I can’t wait to hear this story.” He said, already chuckling.

“There is no story, now kindly set me down.” She said, nose in the air, a smile tugging at her lips.

“Why don’t you hop down, surely someone partaking in such dangerous stunts couldn’t be afraid to do that.” He challenged with a smirk.

“I can’t.” She said, narrowing her eyes. She’d have kissed that smirk off of his face if Nuala weren’t standing there and he knew it, he was torturing her on purpose.

“And why is that?” He inquired, sitting her on the counter, planting his hands on either side of her as Nuala disappeared into the shadows.

“Deserter.” Elain hissed before mumbling something indiscernible.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” He asked, his smirk growing,

“I may have perhaps, possibly, hurt my ankle the smallest bit.” She offered with a casual shrug.

Azriel chuckled, shaking his head. “Elain, what possessed you to do such a thing?”

“Curiosity...and boredom.” She reluctantly admitted.

“What if you’d been stuck between floors?” He asked, fairly sure that she hadn’t considered that.

“Can that happen?!” She asked, slightly concerned now.

“Well, I don’t know, perhaps you’d like to continue your experiments and we can find out for certain.” He offered, crossing his arms over his chest.

Elain tilted her head, considering. If he was going to tease her then she would give it right back.

“Elain, no. No one would be pleased to find you trapped in the floor.” He said, kneeling to assess her ankle.

“Cassian would probably find it funny as long as I wasn't injured.” She countered. “Alright, I’m sorry. It was silly, the girls were just trying to cheer me up, please don’t be upset with them.” She said, watching him as he moved her foot around gently.

“It isn’t broken despite your best efforts.” He said, massaging her ankle a bit.

Elain blushed, watching him. He was so handsome, his hand on her bare ankle sending electricity through her. She saw a shadow curl around Azriel’s ear and he immediately tensed.

“Lucien was here.” Azriel finally said and he felt a change in her too.

Elain nodded, her body tensing at the mention of his name. “Yes, he had some reports to drop off. It was fine, nothing happened.”

Azriel watched her, her hands nervously fidgeting with the fabric of her skirts now. He stood, taking her hands in his. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. If I’d known, I would have been here.” He knew he had no right to keep her mate from her and part of him knew that Lucien posed no danger to her, but he wanted her to know that he would protect her from anyone, her mate included if she wished it.

“Nuala and Cer were here, they’re never far when he comes around. And your little friend was floating around as well” She said, fairly sure that that had been on Azriel’s own order.

Azriel nodded, glad to hear it when Elain looked up at him and asked. “Would you like to know what he reported?”

“I’m sure Rhys will tell me-“ he paused and smirked. “You listened in?”

Elain nodded, smiling proudly. “Mostly boring talk about Spring and Tamlin, he arrived with a stack of paperwork and left empty handed.”

“And you weren’t detected?” He asked, arms crossed, playing his part.

“Not that I or the shadow could tell, by the time the subject left I was back downstairs enjoying my tea.”

Azriel closed his eyes, slowly exhaling as he asked. “Did you get there through the floor?”

Elain pursed her lips. “I feel that you already know the answer to that question. As I said, it can be very useful in certain situations.”

“And if I asked you how long they spoke?” He asked.

“52 minutes.” She answered.

“Rhysand’s mood?”

“Slightly bored, but not completely disinterested.”

“What color was the subject’s waistcoat?”

“Green, he always favors green with gold stitching and buttons.”

“Is the subject left or right handed?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

“He held the reports in his left hand, so…right?”

Azriel couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. “Elain, I’m very impressed, but you know, you don’t have to practice on him if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“If I can practice on him then there won’t be anyone I can’t observe.” She wouldn’t deny that it had been difficult for her, but she had been wanting to push herself and there wasn’t much opportunity for her to practice her skills around the house. Unfortunately for her, she still couldn’t avoid the dismal mood it put her in, being reminded of their bond and the expectations that came along with it. The things that she wanted that the bond kept her from. She was grateful to Nuala and Cer for helping her through it every time she had to endure one of his visits.

“I’m very impressed with your eagerness to learn, Elain.” Azriel said, leaning in and kissing her. Elain kissed him back, her heart racing knowing there were others in the house. Azriel kneeled before her again and Elain bit her lip as his hand slid over her ankle, the other on her calf, massaging gently, his eyes not leaving hers. “I think you should be rewarded for your good work, don’t you?”

Elain nodded eagerly, eyes trained on him until Cassian pushed his way into the kitchen.

“Hey, what happened?” He asked, barely paying attention as he rummaged in the pantry.

“Elain hurt her ankle.” Azriel said, placing his lips on said ankle, smirking as Elain’s eyes blew wide and she looked back to where Cassian stood, his back to them.

Azriel slowly and gently kissed up Elain’s leg, her eyes like saucers as she continued to look back to where Cassian stood her hand weakly batting at Azriel.

“Making bread is dangerous business, huh?” Cassian chuckled, back still facing the pair.

Elain gave a nervous laugh, Azriel’s lips trailing up toward her knee before placing a few more kisses on her ankle. “Dangerous, but so worth it…bread is amazing.” Elain said with a soft laugh before Azriel straightened and Cassian turned toward them again and headed back out. “You should rest that ankle, have Az make himself useful and take you out to the garden.”

“Would you like me to help you out to the garden?.” Azriel offered as if nothing had happened. Elain just nodded, looking up at him in shock, she wasn’t the only one feeling a little daring today it seemed. Azriel took her into his arms and carried her out to the garden where his reports were already waiting. They spent the afternoon there, Azriel pretending to focus on his reports and Elain pretending to read a book she’d borrowed from Nesta, as they passed messages back and forth using Azriel’s shadows.

Cerridwen laughed and held her hand out to Nuala. “Pay up, I told you he wouldn’t question her injury AND he would carry her.”

Nuala grumbled and slapped the gold into Cer’s hand. “That’s hardly fair, the general suggested carrying her.”

“It still counts, don’t be a sore loser, Nuala. It is unbecoming of a lady.”

Nuala snickered as she went back to the bread dough. “You sounded exactly like her just then.”

Elain stood outside in the chilly evening air looking up at the stars, her breath curling in the air like wisps of magic. This had been their meeting place for so long now, she had come here so many times and yet after everything it felt so foreign to her now. She’d left the note here for him, she had only seen him once since Solstice but they hadn’t spoken, they had shared a moment a-a dance, but no words, he’d even skipped family dinners lately and without involving anyone else she had no way to reach him. The only indication that he’d even received her note was that it no longer sat where she’d left it.

She clutched her cloak tighter around herself and looked up at the sky, so many wishes and dreams watched over her now, were hers there too? Would they help her now? She took a deep breath, the key he’d given her feeling like a lead weight in her hand now when it had once felt like the key to a beautiful future for her-for the both of them. She unlocked the door with trembling hands and stepped inside, every memory rushing to the forefront of her mind, she couldn’t help but smile even while her heart ached as much as it did. Everywhere she looked she saw him, saw them, together being completely free with one another, completely in love she'd thought.

What if he never wanted to see her again? He already seemed to be avoiding her even at the cost of time with his friends and family. She had to talk to him, had to let him know that he didn’t have to stay away, that she wouldn’t bother him again even if it meant letting their friendship slip away. She hung her head and quickly swiped a tear away, their friendship was likely over, if it had even really been a true friendship to anyone but her.

Azriel knew he shouldn’t go, knew that it was the latest in a series of careless decisions where Elain was concerned, but he still couldn’t stop himself. He landed just outside their place and stood frozen for a moment, she was here already, he could feel her. He took a deep breath, his hand resting just over his heart where he’d tucked her note into his coat pocket, where he always kept her notes. The gentle falling of rain pulled him from his thoughts and he strode for the door, not giving himself another moment to hesitate or talk himself out of it. He stepped inside and closed the door with a soft click, taking a few steps into the room before stopping. Elain was there, her scent of jasmine and honey threatening to both end him and make him feel more alive than he’d ever felt before. She turned to him slowly and the pain in her eyes, even as she gave him a gentle smile made his heart ache. He knew what she saw here, he’d seen those memories too the first time he’d been back here, ghosts of happier times when the game still belonged to just the two of them, before anyone else knew about the secret bridge they’d been building to one another all this time. He said nothing at first, maybe if they didn’t speak they could steal just a little more time together in the silence, just one more moment, one more memory of her before he pushed her to leave him behind for good.

Elain heard the door open and close behind her and slowly turned to face him but said nothing. Maybe they could exist here together for a little while longer, here in the silence. She watched him take a few steps closer before stopping, her eyes pleading with him to come the rest of the way before she forced herself to move to meet him in the center of the room. She looked up into his hazel eyes and she could see the pain there, whatever he felt, she knew, she just knew that he didn’t want this to end any more than she did.

“You shouldn’t be here.” He said quietly, finally breaking the silence and pulling her back from her thoughts. “It’s late and I’m sure no one else knows where you’ve gone.”

“I needed to see you, to talk to you.” She said. “To apologize for what happened on Solstice. I obviously misread the situation and...and I hope you’ll still train me.” The words were like ash in her mouth, but she kept smiling, though it didn’t quite reach her silver-lined eyes.

Azriel looked away, a muscle feathering in his jaw, and Elain knew that things were not going to go well.

“Az?” She pushed, quietly.

“I’ve already told you, Elain, you have nothing to apologize for-”

“Then why do I feel as if I’m being punished?” she asked, her eyes glossy with unshed tears. “Why do you look as if this hurts you just as much as its hurting me?”

“I’m sorry that I hurt you.” He looked at her and the pain and regret were clear in his eyes. Truthfully, he had never regretted anything more in his life. “It was never, ever my intention to hurt you, I made a mistake.” the last part nearly a whisper as he forced himself to say it.

“What part was a mistake?” she asked falteringly, afraid to hear his answer, her hands shaking at her sides, though not from the cold.

Azriel steeled himself before answering. “All of it. The training, the secrets-it was dangerous from the start and I should have known better. Gods, Elain, you could have been killed on that first mission. I should have stopped it then. Let me take you back home. If they find that you’re gone-”

“I knew the risks when we started, nothing has changed.” She said, trying to find a way out of this. “Please tell me the truth.” she whispered. “You’ve never given me any reason not to trust you.”

Azriel clenched his fists at his sides, hating himself as he said, “I’m not just talking about your training, Elain. You have a mate.”

For a moment, her heart fluttered at the confirmation that she hadn’t misread anything, then dread washed over her and settled into her chest at the mention of Lucien. “Don’t.” She stopped him, a lump forming in her throat at the betrayal. “Don’t you bring him up.”

“Its the truth, Elain.” His voice broke as he said the words. He knew how much she hated the bond, how much she hated the control it had over her life, over her heart. A heart that he knew he was dangerously close to damaging when she’d only just repaired if after that boy had tossed it aside so carelessly. He hadn’t been there, but he’d heard how brutal her former fiancé’s words had been and he’d seen how broken she was at the war camp afterward. The same night he’d risked everything to find her and bring her back to her family, to bring her back to him and now he was letting her go, pushing her away.

“I don’t WANT Lucien, I don’t LOVE Lucien, you know that.” She insisted as she stepped closer needing to be near him, but he stepped back as if being close to her caused him pain. She halted in her tracks, her heart breaking all over again. “Tell me that you think being with Lucien would be best for me. Look me in the eyes and tell me that nobody could love me more than he would.”

He closed his eyes and sighed, his self-control dangerously low. He had his orders and deep down, he knew that Lucien would take care of her if she chose him. He could endure it, if it meant she might be happy and more importantly that she would be safe. Every bit of self control, any scrap of hope he had of talking her out of seeing anything good in him dissolved when he felt her hand on his chest, resting over that note, resting over his heart.

“I can’t.” He said, looking down at her. He had never lied to her and he wouldn’t start now, he couldn’t, if he could keep one pure thing between them, it would be that. He closed his eyes and repeated the lines he’d rehearsed leading up to this meeting. “I cannot in good conscience put you at risk, Elain. If you’d like to continue training, Cassian can-“

“Don’t.” She said, her voice breaking as she began to feel defeated. “Please, don't.” She begged, her heart cracking as she felt a cold wall begin to rise between them. “Don’t do this, don't give me the Spymaster now, Azriel.”

“I am the Spymaster, Elain, its all I am, all I can ever be.” He said, not harshly, but with a coldness that threatened to shatter her further.

“No. You are more than that, it is a part of you but it is not who you are, it is NOT all there is to you. You showed me that, don’t try to hide it from me now. Is this really what you want?” She asked, fingers nervously twisting in the fabric of her cloak.

“What I want doesn’t matter.” He said with such honesty that it broke something inside of her to know that he truly believed that.

“What you want matters, Az.” She whispered through the tears that finally broke free. “It has always mattered to me.” Her hands fisted at her sides as she waited for him to say something, anything. Azriel just looked at her, his eyes full of longing and pain as he fought to force himself to stay where he was, every part of him screaming to be let go, to be free to go to her, touch her, love her.

Pain deeper than he’d ever seen there before reflected in her rich brown eyes as she took his silence as a final dismissal. She took a shuddering breath and took one last look at him before walking out into the rain. The door slammed shut behind her and she finally released the sobs that had been building up inside of her. He had made his choice and it wasn’t her, his loyalty to his court was not to be pushed aside for a mistake.

Azriel’s heart felt as if it were being squeezed in his chest as the door slammed shut behind Elain. It was as if she had taken all of the oxygen in the room with her. This was it, it was now or never. A lifetime of happiness and love or a lifetime of self loathing and doubt. He had never felt as if he truly had a choice before, but this felt so different. The moment was charged with energy, as if the Mother herself were watching his every move and waiting to see what he would do next. As warm tears rolled down his cheeks, Azriel knew that the choice he made now would set him on a path that would change his life forever.

“Elain!” He called out as he threw the door open, his eyes catching on her silhouette through the rain. He rushed toward her, one of his strides matching two of hers until he broke into a run. Elain felt his thundering footsteps behind her and turned to him, his hands immediately moving to cradle her face, the hood of her cloak falling away as his lips crashed into hers.

Elain returned the kiss, one hand fisting in his shirt as the other slid to the back of his neck, a small moan escaping from her lips as they parted for his tongue. Azriel's chest rumbled as their tongues danced, the feeling of her in his arms silencing any doubts in his mind that remained.

“I can’t…” He said breathlessly as he looked down at her, still holding her face in his hands, the rain beginning to soak them both now. “I can’t tell you any of those things, not about Lucien, not about any male.”

“Why not?” she asked, her chest aching, breathing ragged now as she fisted his coat in her trembling hands.

"Because I won’t lie to you, El. He could never love you, no one, not in this life or in the next could ever love you more than I do.” He said, his eyes full of regret for trying to push her away before. “Please forgive me for hurting you, for saying that it was a mistake. For any stupid thing I've ever said or done to hurt you or make you think that I wouldn't give anything just to be near you."

"I do, Azriel, I do." She nodded, the rain masking her tears as her smile lit up and seemed to glow, even in the storm darkened night. She kissed him again softly, once and twice on the lips before a third deeper kiss, her fingers sliding into the hair at the nape of his neck.

They finally broke, his face in her neck, his shuddering breath warm on her skin, arms around her, pressing her into him, both of them shivering.

“You have no idea how much I want this, how long I've wished that we could be together.” he breathed, the agony and fear clear in his voice. She could tell he was crying, even as the rain disguised his tears. “I’ve never wanted anything more in my life. I love you, Elain.”

“Then lets have it.” she whispered, stroking his hair back, that flicker of hope in her chest reigniting. “If I have to steal time with you, I will. I’m not afraid to love you in the shadows until we’re safe to love in the light. I will always choose you, Azriel, I love you.”

He pulled back looking down at her, his hand resting at her neck, his thumb ghosting over her jaw. “Elain, it will be dangerous, more dangerous than you know and we’ll have to hide from everyone, not just outside this court. The Autumn court, Lucien’s ties to our alliances, there is so much I need to tell you, so many ways you could be hurt if this goes wrong.”

Realization lit her eyes and she nodded, a challenge accepted. “Then we will just have to be very careful, won’t we?” She asked, affirming to him that she would not be backing down, not now, not ever.

“Incredibly careful, love.” He nodded, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he looked down at her, the decision made for both of them now. Elain, the gentle Archeron sister who chose peace over conflict, who followed orders without question-but not this time. This time, for love, they would both defy their family and when the time came, he would fight beside her and for her.

Her heart sang at his words and she kissed him, her heart seeming to glow and warm her as if it were on fire. “Us against the world then?”

Azriel landed, it had been months since they’d been here together, their meadow. He set Elain down and he knew that her heart glowed the same way his did when they were here. They had spent so much time here together, first as the Seer and Spymaster, then as friends, building trust and affection until they had become lovers stealing time away for their trysts.

Elain held his hand, head tilting as she pulled him along to something new in their meadow, a cottage, it was so lovely that it seemed lifted straight from the pages of a fairytale, sitting atop the small hill that overlooked their favorite spot. “Do you think we’ll have to stop coming now?” She asked, looking up at him.

“Why would we do that?” Azriel asked, watching her as she neared the cottage, clearly enchanted by it.

“Well, I’m sure whomever built it isn’t interested in seeing us here in their meadow.” She said, smiling sadly, her fingers dancing over the freshly planted flowers. “Aww, they’ve planted Hydrangeas, those are-“

“Good luck and represent gratitude and happiness.” Azriel said.

“Yes, that’s right.” Elain said, smiling though there was a touch of sadness in it. “And peonies”

“For love.” Azriel added. “Chrysanthemums for longevity and harmony, and Marigolds for protection. There may or may not be a small patch of dandelions sprouting soon.” He added with a smirk.

Elain’s heart skipped as he took her hand, lacing their fingers together and placing a kiss atop hers.

“I thought you should pick the rest, it is our place after all.” He said, smiling down at her.

“Azriel…is-is this really yours? Ours?” She asked, eyes glistening with unshed tears. He nodded, silver lining his own eyes. “It is, if you want it to be.”

“Of course I do!” She said, throwing her arms around him. “Oh Az, I love it! Its perfect, its just, its so beautiful.” She hugged him tightly, crying into his chest, her heart overflowing with love for him. Azriel wrapped his arms around her, pressing a kiss to her temple.

“Lets go inside.” He said, smiling and opening the door for them, effortlessly lifting her into his arms and carrying her over the threshold. “Did I get that right?” He asked with a charming grin, knowing that he had when she laughed tearfully and kissed him. “Perfect.” She said.

Elain gasped in wonder as she took the cottage in, it was beautiful, like a dream-her dream. Tears pricked at her eyes again as she recalled stepping around the meadow and planning the perfect cottage for it, Azriel, patient as ever, sunning his wings as he listened to her ramble on.

“And I would put the bedroom here, so one could wake with the sunrise, wouldn’t that be lovely? Aaand the dining area just here and the kitchen there.” Azriel sat back, watching and listening as he always did as she described the cottage that she thought belonged here. She would apologize and get back to describing her latest vision shortly after, not realizing that he had tucked this information away for later.

Azriel set her down and she laced their fingers again, not wanting to let go of him. She pulled him along, to the bedroom, just where she said it should go.

“So we can rise with the sun.” He said, his rich voice full of emotion.

“Together? One day?” She asked, tears slipping down her cheeks.

“Soon, I promise.” He vowed, thumbing her tears away as he cradled her face in his hands. “Even if I have to shield this entire cottage to keep them all out.”

She covered his hand with her own, turning to place a kiss on his palm. “I love it, I love YOU, Azriel.”

“I love you too, Elain. With all that I am, my scarred heart beats only for you.” He said, kissing her softly. “And mine for you, always.” She answered.

Azriel leaned in, kissing along her neck before whispering something that made Elain’s core heat. She nodded and yelped as Azriel slung her over his shoulder and gave her an intimate tour of their new bedroom. Cottage christened.

ONE YEAR LATER

The sun streamed in through the window, bathing everything that it touched in its golden light. Elain stretched and looked over to where Azriel lay, he looked so at peace and it warmed her heart that more and more he’d been sleeping peacefully through the night. For too long, his sleep had been plagued with dark thoughts and nightmares, now he could finally rest, finally be happy. Now he lay completely vulnerable with her, face half buried in his pillow, wings splayed, one draped over her, the other draped over the opposite end of their bed. Their bed. Elain couldn’t help herself as she moved to place a featherlight kiss on his bronze, tattooed shoulder. A smile curled at his lips and he groaned sleepily, pulling her closer until she was close enough for him to return the kiss to her sun-kissed shoulder, his thumb lazily stroking over her stomach.

“Good Morning.” She said, her voice near a whisper.

“Morning, petal.” He said, face in his pillow again.

Elain laughed and slid her fingers through his hair, her fierce Illyrian warrior with spikes of hair sticking this way and that. A low rumble came from his chest and she smirked.

“I didn’t mean to wake the beast…” she teased.

“Your touch always wakes the beast in me, love.” He said, turning to face her, a sleepy and contented smile making him look more handsome than she’d ever seen him.

“Its been a year, you know?” She asked, not sure if he would remember, she had gathered that most fae didn’t track many things, some not even birthdays, but Azriel wasn’t most fae.

He smiled. “I know. One year in our little paradise.”

“But not a secret anymore.” She said, smiling.

“No, not a secret anymore.” He said, bringing her hand to his lips, their fingers laced together.

“We should get up, we have lunch with the family today, remember?” She said.

Azriel grinned. “Shower time?”

Elain laughed. “If you get up now, then yes.”

Azriel’s wings slid tightly to his back as he groaned and stretched. He lay on his side, a lopsided grin on his face as he watched Elain slip out of bed. She paused in the door way, smiling back at him. “Are you joining me or not?” Azriel lept out of bed and followed after her.

Elain turned the water on, pretending not to notice Azriel leaning in the doorway, watching her. He was deathly still and quiet, but his arousal filled the room, his desire unmistakable. Elain stepped into the water, glancing back at him with a smirk. “If I have to get started without you, then I rescind my invitation.” She teased, gasping as he was instantly behind her, his hand splayed over her stomach, pulling her into him. She could feel his length pressing into her backside, the beast certainly was awake now. Elain slid her hand over his, smiling. “We’ll be late…”

“Mmmwe can multitask, I believe in us.” He said with a chuckle, moving her hair aside and soaping his hands up as he kissed along her shoulder.

Elain smiled, her lip clenched between her teeth as his hands moved to soap her breasts up, kneading them slowly, his calloused thumbs rubbing over her peaked nipples. Azriel captured her mouth in a kiss as she lay her head back on his shoulder, a dainty moan escaping as his tongue slipped passed her lips. His hands moved from her breasts, one sliding up to her neck, keeping her head tipped back and kissing him as his other hand slid down over her soft stomach. Elain trembled as he lightly brushed his fingers over her slick folds, gasping as he slipped a finger in, pressing and teasing that little bud that sent shockwaves through her entire body and made stars dance before her eyes. She clutched his arm, panting, but he kept going, pushing her further in delirium as he circled that bud again, pressing to elicit another gasp against his lips. He played with her for a bit before nipping her neck and turning her around, leaning her back against the shower wall as he dropped to his knees before her.

Soft panting breaths left her as she watched him, sliding her own hands over her breasts, knowing how much he loved to watch her touch herself for him. Azriel slid his hands up her thighs, cupping her bottom as he pressed his lips to her stomach, his kisses making her throb as heat pooled between her legs. He trailed his kisses lower and lower until he was running his tongue over her slit, the taste of her exploding on his tongue and shooting straight to his throbbing cock-they were definitely going to be late. He slid one scarred hand down her creamy thigh, guiding her leg up and over his shoulder.

“Azriel…” she moaned, arching against the wall, her fingers threaded through his hair now as he worked her with his tongue. He savored her sweetness and thrilled at how her body trembled as he brought her closer to the edge and then she was screaming his name as she peaked, dissolving into pleasure. Her panting mouth met his, hands in his hair, tugging his head back so she could claim him this time, her tongue begging for entry and caressing his as he rose, his arms wrapping around her, his length pressing against her. He could feel her smiling against his mouth, knowing they weren’t done just yet. Elain forgot everything in that moment, nothing existed but Azriel now, his body, his soul, that commanding presence even when he was on his knees for her. She melted into him, her hands running over his muscled back, her nails pressing just enough to elicit at low rumble from his chest.

His thigh slid between her legs and she wanted to protest, to tell him that it was his turn now and she wanted to please him too, but she couldn’t stop herself from tilting her hips and pressing her aching sex against his muscular thigh. She lost herself in it, in the pressure between her legs, his hot breath on her neck, teeth nipping and scraping and those beautiful hands of his sliding over her back.

“Az. Az I want you, I want all of you.” she pleaded, panting.

“So bossy.” He teased, his eyes like molten gold as he slid his hands over her ass, picking her up and guiding her down onto his throbbing length. Elain wrapped her legs around him, hands gripping his shoulders tightly as she whimpered and finally took all of him in. That molten gaze of his set her soul on fire and threatened to consume them both as he pressed her against the wall, his thrusts rough and demanding. One of his hands tangled in her hair, guiding her head back so that he could bury his face in her neck, kissing, nipping and sucking.

Elain gasped and released a moan as his grip on her hair tightened. He grinned, covering her mouth with his, his tongue sweeping past her lips, she moaned against his kiss, nipping his bottom lip as he came up for air. He could barely breathe as she ran her petite hands over his back, her delicate fingertips playing a dangerous game as they danced closer and closer to his wings. He moved his hands to her hips, his fingers digging into her soft flesh as he quickened his pace. He growled, his voice so rough and commanding that it sent a thrill through her. “Come for me…fucking come for me, El.” And she did, all of his kisses and caresses building the pressure within her until only his command would allow it to be released, shattering her completely, his own guttural roar echoing against the walls as she fluttered and tightened around him and he emptied himself inside of her.

Elain pressed a kiss to his jaw, both of them still in a daze, eyes heavy lidded as their panting eventually slowed. “Like the first time, every time.” She said, a blush painting her cheeks.

He tipped her chin up, kissing her softly, no matter what they did, always ending it with sweet tenderness. “I don’t need to be your first, I’d much rather be your last.”

“Last, best, my forever.” Elain nodded, glowing.

Reluctantly and slowly the pair showered and changed and finally made their way to the River House.

“Finally!” Feyre called. “We were ready to start without you!”

“I’m so sorry, we lost track of time!” Elain called, rushing to the dining room, trying to keep the blush from her cheeks as Azriel followed close behind. Elain slowed as she made her way in, Azriel guiding her the rest of the way into the room.

“Oh my-what is all of this? Its so beautiful, are we celebrating?” Elain asked, looking around the room that was filled with roses of every color, more than they could have clipped from their entire garden. “This must be every rose in Velaris, Az-“ Elain froze as she turned to find Azriel down on one knee.

From the corner of his eye, Azriel could see his family scattered around the room. Feyre and Nesta watching with tears in their eyes, both having given their permission in absence of their father.

Azriel pressed a kiss to Elain's knuckles, his hazel eyes gazing up to meet her tear filled amber pools. “Elain Archeron, I want nothing more than to love you until the end of forever. Will you marry me?”

“Oh Azriel…” Elain breathed, fighting tears as she nodded and tearfully exclaimed, “Yes!” throwing her arms around him and kissing him. Azriel returned the kiss, his heart pounding as he stood and wrapped his arms around her tightly before they slowly parted, gazing into each others eyes.

“Did I get that right?” He whispered to her with a charming smile.

“Perfect.” She whispered through her happy tears as he slid the dainty diamond ring onto her finger, two smaller sapphires standing guard on either side of it.

Elain picked a large purple flower, twirling it between her fingers before adding it to the small bouquet in her hand. “There was a large gate, but I couldn’t quite make out the word across it. It was in lovely swirling letters. I just can never seem to pull it from my visions.”

"Hmm." Azriel hummed from where he lay. The trip to the meadow was one of their usual outings, Azriel found that Elain had a much easier time discussing her visions when they were here, alone. The others meant well, but they just didn’t have the patience to sit and listen without pushing for more information. Azriel found that he could listen to Elain talk about just about anything for hours and never tire of it.

“Beyond the gate there was a long cobblestone path and I followed it all the way to an enormous garden.” She explained, fanning her arms out to describe the enormity of said garden.

“The same garden as last time?” Azriel asked, eyes closed and wings fanned out as he sunned them.

“Yes, the very same, you remembered!” she said, excitedly as she described her latest vision, similar to ones she’d had before.

“Did you think that I wouldn’t?” he asked, pretending to be offended as he lifted his head and teasingly opened one eye, narrowing it at her with a smirk.

“No no, of course you would, of course...” She amended, waving her hand at him and plucking a few more flowers before pausing, having lost her place in the story.

Azriel snorted, closing his eyes and laying his head back down. “The stone path to the massive garden...”

“Yes!” she exclaimed, plucking more flowers to add to her collection. “I took the stone path all the way to an enormous garden, oh the flowers were so lovely, flowers I’d never even seen before, perhaps from the continent or other courts, I can’t be sure. If I had Feyre’s talent I would paint them all. A sea of reds, pinks, yellows and blues…” she sighed dreamily as she recalled.

“Tell me more…” he coaxed gently, watching as she closed her eyes, as if trying to get the vision back. Eventually, she sighed and went back to picking more wildflowers, arranging them as she went along.

Elain turned her gaze to him and gave a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry, I’m sure you’re not interested in my rambling on about this place. Why don’t you tell me about your mission? I’m certain its much more exciting.” She said, adding more flowers to the bouquet in her hand.

He shook his head and sat up, elbows resting on his knees. “Actually, after missions I look forward to our talks. Dwelling on missions…on what battles may lie ahead…I’m happy to keep my mind off of it when I can. It’s easy when I’m with you.”

Elain tilted her head as if considering before nodding with a smile, the gentle breeze blowing through her hair, making the soft pink ribbon from her sun hat dance with her golden brown waves. “Alright then, back to the vision. This time, I also got to see the manor beyond the garden. I’ve never seen so many roses in my life, in every color you could imagine leading to the house. Oh, it was so lovely, Azriel.”

He picked a flower, twirling it between his fingers. “It sounds lovely.”

“There were even roses on the house, just waves of the most beautiful pink blossoms spilling over its great stone walls. It was as if the entire manor were made of roses or-” she smiled to herself, “or as if they were protecting it.”

Azriel arched a brow. “The flowers? Protecting the manor?”

Elain nodded, picking more flowers. “Yes. I think that’s a lovely thought actually, don’t you? Something that seems so delicate protecting something that seems so strong and secure?”

“I do.” He agreed, picking a few more flowers. “Was there anyone else there this time?”

“Unfortunately, no, but it felt different this time.” She smiled, thoughtfully.

“Good different, or bad different?” he asked, his shoulders tensing slightly as he watched for her reaction.

“Good. All the other times it all felt so strange and new. In fact, I thought that I might be tapping into Feyre’s memories at first, perhaps from her time in the Spring Court, but I never felt sad or afraid.”

“Azriel smiled, plucking another flower. “Only good feelings then?”

“Yes, in fact this time I felt so comfortable there, it felt...well it felt as if I were home. As if I belonged there.” She said, the memory warming her heart as it had during the vision.

Elain stopped to examine her bouquet, turning flowers this way and that and nodding to herself in approval before realizing that Azriel had fallen silent. She tilted her head and looked to him, her eyes narrowing slightly in the sun. “What are you doing over there? Have you fallen asleep?” she teased, taking her sun hat off and walking over to where he sat.

Azriel chuckled, watching her, a vision in the dusty pink dress she wore. “I’m just listening, that’s all.”

“Do you think it means something? I mean, that I keep seeing this place in dreams and visions? Could it be some kind of sign or warning?” She looked at him, her brow furrowing slightly with worry.

He shook his head, rising to his feet. “I think that your future will be filled with more lovely and wonderful things than you could ever imagine, Elain.” He said, softly, resisting every urge that screamed at him to reach out to her. “Maybe this is the Mother’s way of telling you that.”

“Do you really think so?” she asked, smiling up at him, her eyes shining with hope.

“I do.” He nodded, presenting the flower crown he’d been struggling with as she’d been telling her story. Elain’s face lit up as she bowed her head, letting Azriel put the crown on her. His hands trembled slightly as he gently placed the crown in her hair.

“More than anything, I hope that vision is a sign of your future happiness.” He said quietly, letting a lock of her soft brown hair slip through his fingers.

“Thank you, Azriel, I hope so too, and you're quickly mastering flower crowns, I'm very impressed.” She smiled shyly as she teased him and wrapped her arms around his middle, hugging him. She closed her eyes and her heart fluttered as that familiar feeling washed over her again. The same feeling she got as she neared the rose covered manor, the feeling of home.