#pro thor

Okay you know what? I don’t want this to get lost in tags. Basically, Thor is allowed to have feelings and be messy and imperfect all on his own without it having much if anything to do directly with Loki. Or even indirectly. A huge amount of Thor’s character arc has to do with his relationship to Odin, and his relationship with who he himself is outside of being who he was brought up to believe he was meant to be.

Like he should not have been 1500 years old the first time his mother tells him he can be himself. And see, the trade off of this is that Thor has almost no self-worth nor self-actualization outside of who he thought he was supposed to be. And when the person he was supposed to be fucks up so badly (in his mind), that half the universe disappears…

Well, who is he after that? What purpose does he have? He can’t be the king he was expected to be, because that person doesn’t actually exist.

And because he can’t be that version of himself because of his trauma and grief and guilt, he doesn’t know who he is at all. And so the traumatized, grieving version of himself, the one that can’t get off the couch and has completely, as Chris Hemsworth said, “checked out” isn’t the king he was expected to be, so why bother even trying? He needed some time to not have to try. Valkyrie gets it, she was right in the same place, so she picks up the slack for him, which makes it that much easier to check out more and more. By the time Rocket and Bruce show up, he’s basically decided that this new version of himself is happy, while he’s right on the verge of a breakdown pretty much at all times.

He’s been taught his whole life not to show his people his feelings. His dad’s advice to him about having feelings was basically, go drink, and put on a goddamn happy face because a future king needs to keep his weird gross sadness to himself.

So Thor does exactly that: his feelings are too overwhelming to translate into productive anger (how he usually copes), so it turns inward. And that’s not good because he’s been told not to show his feelings so many times. It’s ingrained. So he drinks and he pretends to be happy, but it doesn’t mean he’s got any sort of sense of identity.

He leaves with the Guardians to try a different version of himself, to middling success in terms of helping him form his own identity, one that had started to heal from all the horrible things that have happened in a time period that, to him, is like a long weekend.

It’s a journey he’s still on, and ultimately it only peripherally has much to do with Loki.

t’challa (obviously)

carol danvers (lesbian icon in flannel on a motorcycle)

natasha romanoff (beat up happy hogan for being a sexist pig)

sam wilson (let wanted fugitives into his house bc they’re hot, i get it)

rhodey (kicked drunk tony’s ass at that house party)

steve rogers (kicked tony’s ass in siberia)

thor (brags about how smart his gf is while drunk, a vibe)

scott lang (hates tony stark as much as me)

bruce banner (loses points for helping tony create ultron, gets points for being a good bro to thor)

wanda maximoff (loses points for being whitewashed, gets points for being unhinged)

bucky barnes (he said maybe 15 words across 5 movies, gets points for that thing where he picked up the raccoon and swung him around)

peter parker (tony stark bootlicker)

stephen strange (walking racist trope, gets points for orchestrating tony’s death)

peter quill (i hate chris pratt)

vision (created by war criminal)

clint barton (should have died instead of natasha, spent years straight up murdering people, who gives a fuck if he has a kid as if that makes him inherently more worthy of living than natasha who spent those same years working to keep the survivors on earth safe what the fuck)

like it was never the shakespearean epic tragedy some ppl are intent on pretending it was 

ragnarok is bright and colourful and fun and im never gonna be able to understand the ppl who go onto ragnarok gifsets/posts purely just to say how it ‘ruined’ the franchise and how hemsworth ‘wasn’t acting’

You looked out at the Norwegian countryside with a heavy heart, the bobber on the end of your fishing rod floating in an uninspiring circle. You hadn’t caught anything all night, and there was nothing in your house to eat…not that it mattered. If you starved, at least you would see him again. How long had it been…five years? That didn’t feel possible. Five years without the soft tormented way that he smiled at you, that his dark sapphire eyes twinkled with a mischievous gleam as something witty and terrible fell from his lips. Five years since your fingers curled in the slick black curls that graced his broad shoulders, and his strong hands held you tight against his taut muscular frame. You thought about the day you lost him often. You weren’t there. You didn’t get to hold him, to make sure he wasn’t afraid. You didn’t get to tell him that you would always love him. He had paid you one last, precious visit before he and his brother had departed to visit Stephen Strange in search of Odin, and the very next time you saw Thor…Loki had not returned at his side. He never would again.

Tears rolled down your cheeks silently, though you had grown so accustomed to the feeling that it barely registered in your mind as you continued to stare out into the vastness of the water around you. You could feel the familiar pangs of panic rising in your chest, the beginnings of an anxiety attack, and you nearly jumped out of your skin as you felt someone grab your shoulder from behind. You whip your head around, eyes softening as they meet the gentle and broken blue ones staring back in your direction. Thor’s expression was defeated and tired, but also full of love as he fought to squeeze himself between you and the wooden rail to your left. He sits and you instinctively curl against the plush of his body, resting your head against his shoulder. Thor was all you had left, and if it weren’t for each other, you weren’t sure either of you would have survived losing Loki. You sigh. “Another night with no bites. I don’t know why I even try any more. I can’t provide for us; I can’t do anything.”

Thor chuckles, though the laugh rings with a twinge of guilt at the affection pulling at his heart. You had become so dear to him, and it killed him that Loki wasn’t here to kiss every sadness from your heart. It should have been him. Thanos should have killed him, and would have if Loki had not intervened. It should have been Loki that had made it home to you, not some fattened shell of a God, who had come to love you in a way that disrespected the very memory of the baby brother he mourned. The brother he had loved above all else. He grimaced. “It is not necessary, you know that. I called Dominos five minutes ago.”

You forced a laugh, attempting to lighten the severe mood. You didn’t know why you felt the need to come out here and do this every night, as if bringing home food you caught and made yourself was going to change what you were. You didn’t want to be the damsel, the widow, the one resident of New Asgard that was so human and broken and useless that she couldn’t contribute anything to their wellbeing or way of life. But here you were, failing at self-sufficiency and relying on your brother-in-law for dinner, just as you relied on him for shelter, for company…for affection. You felt as guilty as he did at the unexpected blossoming of feelings, as you attempted to put the pieces of your life back together. Thor was safe and warm, he was the man you came home to every night, the one who let you crawl in bed at his side when you were afraid you might hurt yourself. He was the one and only reason you were still breathing.

“Of course you did.” You bit your lip, reaching across with your hand and gingerly brushing it against his own. You wanted to hold it, but he recoiled, and wisps of unshed tears danced behind his ocean colored orbs.

“Please don’t. I want more from you than I am supposed to want, and by Odin’s beard I will not take advantage of my brother’s widow.” He refused to look at you as he spoke, his long dirty hair hanging haphazardly in his face in an attempt at hiding the pain he knew you would find there.

“Is that all I am to you? Loki’s widow?” You weren’t accusing him, you were genuinely curious, though that must have been how it sounded to Thor’s ears. His tears spilled, and when he finally turned his gaze on you you wished he hadn’t. Thor was in so much pain, always, for many reasons…but the expression etched into his features in that moment was a level of grief you had not seen in a long time. You flinched.

Thor reached to gingerly brush your hair behind your ears, his fingers threading in your hair in a way that lingered several beats too long to be platonic. His voice cracked as he spoke, hating himself more and more as he choked on the confession at his lips. “No. You, my lady, you are what eviscerates my heart as I lay awake at night, praying to be unburdened with dreams of that which I dare not seek. You were not meant for me. You were meant for someone I failed to bring home to you. For that I am, and will always be, truly sorry.”

You were quiet for a moment, your face flushed from the tenderness of his words. You missed his brother so much. There wasn’t a day that would go by for the rest of your life that you didn’t miss him. Loki had been your first love, your entire world. The fact of the matter was though, wallowing in his memory wasn’t going to bring him back. Your lips quivered and you fought to bury the sob that was threatening to break loose from your chest. “Loki would have wanted us to be happy.” You whispered.

Thor looked up, surprised, as if your words had relit a hope inside of him that he had attempted to smother. “I knew my brother in a way that you did not. He was a selfish, jealous bastard when he wanted to be.” He paused, a reminiscent smile curling at the corner of his lips. “But he loved you so much. Perhaps it would bring his spirit some comfort, to know that you could be some form of happy again.” He looked away from you once more, clearly uncomfortable. “Do I…could I ever…”

You couldn’t find your voice. Any words of comfort or affirmation were lost on your tongue, but you reached for his hand once more. He didn’t stop you this time, and the warmth of his skin was pleasant around your own as he gave your fingers a gentle squeeze. You didn’t know what it was in that moment that seemed to make the ache in your chest a little less sharp, and the weight on your shoulders a little less heavy. Thor was your family…he was all you had…he was…Thor. Just Thor. Precious, hurting, beautiful, sweet. He had been your guardian angel all these years, even as the world as he knew it was crashing down around him. You had never known a more selfless person. You leaned in, his beard tickling your face as you very timidly brushed your lips against his. It was too bushy and made you itch, and you laughed softly to yourself. “You already do.”

You felt his hand leave yours as he cupped your face, pulling you back against his face as he opened his mouth to you, kissing you harder. His teeth scrapped against your bottom lip and your heart leapt into your throat. You were surprised at how right it felt, like maybe this was what was meant to happen. Maybe Thor was…your person. You smiled at the thought. Your fingers threaded into his messy braids and as he came up for air you rested your foreheads together. His blue and brown eyes both seemed twinkle at you, and his smile was shy, like he didn’t know how to proceed. He cleared his throat. “I d-I do?”

“Thor, I miss Loki. I will always miss Loki. But I’m not going to sit here and pretend that…” You trailed off, tearing your gaze away from him awkwardly as you fidgeted with your fingers. It was like your mind had gone blank for a moment, but he wasn’t going to let you off that easy. You had already begun to cross this bridge, there was no taking it back now.

“You’re not going to pretend what?”

A tear rolled down your cheek and you swallowed hard. “That I don’t love you.” Thor’s heart stuttered in his chest at your words, and a wide grin broke across his face for the first time in much too long. Love was something that hadn’t really been in his life in a long time, and it was something he desperately craved. He wanted to be needed again, to be someone’s hero. Not just anyone’s hero, though. He was only interested in being yours.

Thor’s face got serious for a moment, and he forced you to look at him, though his eyes were brimming with an intense affection that shook the air clean out of your lungs. “I’ve made up my mind then.”

You rose an eyebrow, perplexed. “What?”

“I know you heard my friends earlier, when they came to visit. They want me to help them right this sodding mess of a galaxy. After losing Loki I…I didn’t think I had any reason left to fight for. I was wrong…and I want you to know that when I march into our past and I recover these stones…I’m doing it for no one but you.” That should have made you happy, but it didn’t. Your lips quivered and you screwed your eyes closed, willing yourself not to cry.

“So…you’re leaving? That um…that sounds…” You took a shaky deep breath. “The last time you left me here alone the love of my life was murdered. I am not going to sit here and let that happen a second time.” You braved a look at him. “I’m coming with you.”

Thor blinked stupidly at you for a moment, as the implications of what you had just said sank into his mind. I am not going to sit here and let that happen a second time. He was so happy, and yet terrified. You reciprocated his feelings, after all this time of him hiding how he felt to protect you in the fragile state that you were in. You were in love with him. That was everything he wanted, and yet it irrevocably changed everything. Life’s impermanence meant something again, was something to be afraid of, again. “No, you can’t. I must keep you safe. Not just for me but for my brother.” The idea of losing you in another of the Avengers messes was enough to swell his throat closed and he coughed as he struggled to his feet. “I’ve got to…um…we are out of beer.”

Thor had begun to sprint off back towards the house when you shot up after him, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him against your body. “Thor Odinson don’t you dare. You don’t get to decide how I live my life; I do. I know I’m just some stupid Midgardian to you okay, and I’ll stay out of the fighting but I am going! You will come home, I…I will bring you home.” Your shouting had dissolved into sobbing, and Thor’s whole body seemed to melt around you as he enveloped his arms around your middle and held you tight against the swell of his chest. You buried your face into him, and he rocked you back and forth as he placed a gentle kiss to the top of your head.

“I promise I will come back to you alive. I will come home and we can…sort this out…have a life together. Just let me fix the world first.” He whispered softly, recapturing your lips as he did so. You moaned into the kiss, his large hands firmly grasping your hips as he poured every ounce of love in his heart into you. You reached to caress his face gently, fingering his beard lovingly as the kiss deepened and his tongue rolled into your mouth.

You were very much lost in the perfection of the moment when a familiar voice called out from behind Thor. He grunted in mild disappointment as he tore his mouth from your own, turning to peer over his shoulder at his friend. Korg waved. “Hey, Thor…sorry to interrupt your little…erm…my god man you really…did a number on her face…like an octopus suctioned her lips off.”

Your face turned a dark red, hands covering your kiss-bruised lips in embarrassment as Thor attempted to hide his amusement. Korg continued. “Well anyway. Been on the console again…that kid called me a dickhead. Four times. And then I told his mum…and she called me a dickhead too.”

Thor pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, snaking an arm around your waist and pulling you warmly against his side. He grinned. “See, you’ve got to stay here and hold down the fort. Who else would defend Korg and Miek from the likes of NoobMaster69? That is where the real war is.”

You couldn’t help the giggle that escaped as you threaded your fingers between Thor’s own. Every bone in your body was screaming that he shouldn’t go, that it would be Loki all over again, but you knew you needed to trust him. Thor wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he had the opportunity to undo what Thanos had done and he sat here with his thumbs up his ass. He didn’t have it in him. “Fine, you go be the hero that the Galaxy needs you to be. But when you’re done, just remember that your girlfriend is at home waiting for you, and she has some activities planned for when you get back.” You wiggle your eyebrows at him suggestively, hoping that you might give him a little more incentive to stay alive.

I would have agreed with you tbh

Hela was groomed by him to be a murderer and his killer in all his wars then he believes she is a monster when he cannot control her

Thor was raised on jotun being monsters and lives just to be taken to add to his fame of going to Valhalla who would have blamed him for thinking that? the jotun and asgardians are ancient enemies and the jotun had broken into a vault that is full of dangerous artifacts during his coronation

Loki had to find out he was a jotun by his own lonesome and had to lie to the people that didn’t want him on the throne anyway before the revelation