#primarchest

My solution? I need, nay, DESERVE to lay on one giant man like a mattress while another giant man lies on top of me like a weighted blanket.

I nominate Dorn and Perturabo for the task for the following reasons:

🤌 Plush

🐻‍❄ 🐻 Thick, luxurious pelts

🥰 I bet they both smell really nice but in different ways

🔥 Their simmering rivalry will keep me warm

😴 Their constant bickering would also entertain me until I fall into a gentle sleep surrounded by their thick arms, feeling deeply safe and protected

"Actually it's anything omegaverse-" Wrong.

"Lmao, it's actually a fucknasty crossover with a self insert-" I said Wrong.

"It's incest mpregnation pisskink puppyplay with a dash of forcefem-" all of you are WRONG.

The most indulgent fic would be a masterchef au, 2012 era. With gifs and pictures of the food.

75% of the fic is me intricatly describing cooking techniques and delicious plates. There are links to actual cooking tutorial, like how to do a Sabayon. And then! There are gorgeous, high quality pictures of all those delicious meals. One of the judge ~~Malc-- is french and speak exclusively in that language. There is no translation. It's written as if it's the transcript of Masterchef, so you only get to see the interviews of the characters with dramatic question and the manufactured drama. Mortarion got casted as the Singular Vegetarian on the show, and someone is the villain of the season. Konrad is always on the verge of being elliminated but pull through. There is a lobster episode. Lorgar has to miss an episode or two because he got a nasty cut and bleed everywhere. Somehow, I decide to draw again and make a few fake screenshot of the show. Someone make cinamon buns on a challenge that involved sweetbread. I spend 2000 words describing the process of making a Baked Alaska, by Rogal dorn.

It would be 60k long and absolutely terrible. The ships would barely be hinted at. Horus and Sang would make the worst food analogy to talk about sex. Lion would have a "please for fuck sake stop talking about sausage" moment.

Part IV - Perturabo

Oh, Perty boy. Only book I've read so far focusing on him is <Angel Exterminatus>, but before that he actually made some impressions in <Vulkan Lives>.

His name is mentioned multiple times in VL, for he was the one who built the labyrinth Vulkan kept in. Though what intrigued me wasn't that part, nor that he was the one who literally nuked Vulkan, but the fact that he nuked his own sons together only to get a good grip on Vulkan. Like, wait what?

And those Iron Warriors weren't loyalists, unlike what happened on Istvaan III, they were loyal to Perturabo. They continued to attack the Pyre Guards, even within a death pit their own Primarch burned them alive in. They knew the missile would come. They were not only a bait to lure Vulkan to designated location, but also a living target to strike. This scene really got me. What kind of father is that? Yes they are warriors and soldiers, meant to die fighting as their lord commands, and sometimes you have to take casualties in a war. I know that, but this hit different. It wasn't the only way to trap the loyalists. It didn't have to be that way. But Perturabo wanted a better chance, so there goes acceptable loss. I am a Salamanders fan but I felt sorry for the Iron Warriors, like oh boys what kind of hell are you going through. Your dad is not just toxic, he is outright dangerous, literally killing you and your brothers. To get better aim on his own brother with a nuclear missile. boys run

Well, it might be a bit weird but that's how I got interested in Perty and his legion, so AE was just what I needed. Perty being Perty, being extremely harsh on his sons and so unpredictable; and his poor sons suffering from his temper and high standards, but still striving to get papa's love and attention, in the eternal trials and competitions. (Perturabo definitely has passed on to his sons a great desire for recognition, it must be in their gene-seeds I swear)

IWs are nothing alike the Salamanders my beloves. Perty's sons are extremely competitive. They do whatever it takes, and they do that openly. I liked that! In the opening Falk casually said to Forrix that he would betray him in a heartbeat to earn Forrix's position. Everyone knew that Harkor, Kroeger and Toramino were at each other's tails ever since Kroeger's unexpected promotion. (bravo, Perty. Bravo. 12/10 HR management) Utterly toxic environment to work in, but it was really amusing for me to see them growling at each other like that and building unusual enemies-in-arms dynamics in it. They were basically a bunch of touch-starved wolfdog puppies to me, and I found them quite cute and adorable? x)) Among the IV Forrix is definitely my favorite legionary, being the loyalest son, a smart one, old and tired, and the favored First Captain. (Plus he is a Terra-born, isn't he? I have a soft spot for that too, all thanks to a specific Pyre Captain) Kinda typical choice that is.

Welp, let's go back to Perturabo. Before reading any Warhammer books I had heard people calling him petty, pathetic, an incel even, insecure and controlling as hell. (I'm sorry Perty that's harsh, but it's not my fault you have that kind of reputation...) But then, there was someone said that Perturabo was so pathetic, to the point that he became likable. Back then I was like, hmm? Interesting statement that is, and moved on, but now I totally get that. He never got (or, felt) recognized for his accomplishments, and became Grumpy Incarnate™. He hated Dorn for that, doubted Emperor and His plans/ways for that, and most of all he jumped to swear loyalty to Horus when the Warmaster offered him a little bit of recognition he craved so desperately. Oh Perty, how easy you are to manipulate. His simplicity of... THAT LEVEL was, well, all it took for me to find this man cute. XD

I always had a soft spot for nerds/geniuses who are good at science/engineering/math and all that, but Perturabo's brilliance wasn't the biggest factor here tbh. I'm really sorry to Perty, but in his case it was more about... funsies around it.

For example, I call these moments Perty's Gonna Cry™ :

Vulkan called Perty's Iron Labyrinth "a place that was drap and ugly by comparision" to his hammer Dawnbringer, while Perturabo took so much pride in his masterpiece. (in VL)

Fulgrim called Perturabo dull not once but at least twice; "a dullard like Perturabo", and then "my dull brother." (both in AE)

Like, oh I love you Vulkan and Fulgrim but Perty's gonna cry if he heard that XDD I'm really glad that at least one brother was there for him. Thank you, Magnus.

Also, Perturabo keeps giving the Iron Hands credit was somehow really adorable. It seemed like Perturabo wished his sons were more like them, or, almost envied Ferrus for his brave sons! Another cute aspect of him :')

Oh my, this is getting too long, and I'm not evne halfway done. Why do I have so many things to talk about thesse boys X3 Obviously I enjoy mocking Perty a little bit too much (with love, I swear.)

Let's just get into the miscs!

Actual first impression on Perturabo? Slave Knight Gael, for he sliced a poor Fist out with his silver cloak at his first appearance. I laughed at that for way too long Impression now? Adorable little grumpy pufferfish. Or an angry bee who needs love. Just name one.

Possible ships? Fulgrim of course, as they are so, SO hilariously fun and cute together. Poor Perty malfunctioned at Fulgrim's kiss, and I can't even count how many times I rolled on the floor laughing reading their interactions on Iydris. Help me.

Magnus would make a great couple with him too. Imagine two nerds doing relatively harmless things together, studying and having discussions over some theorems. Cute =)

Part III - Fulgrim

Part II? What part II? wdym there's no such number Jokes aside, only book I've read about Fulgrim so far is <Angel Exterminatus>. But it wasn't where I first met him, as I had seen his........ 40k Daemon Prince Model™ before. And that image permanently stuck in my head. I won't post the image nor elaborate it as I don't want to flag this post with nsfw warnig, if you know what I mean. GW what were you thinking designing him omg But frankly I do like his daemon prince designs, both the new explicit 40k version and the old 30k version which is more... restrained and elegant in general terms to say. I love snakes and wings and horns, so how couldn't I. He's a pretty demon snek! With bat wings and horns!

Fulgrim's original(pre-transfiguring) design is really pretty too, I especially like his long white hair and of course his fancy purple oufits. By any means and in any forms he'd be so fun to draw!

Now, about the book. Reading AE I laughed so hard and so many times thanks to this fancy phoenix boy. He's such a diva, not only just knows how to present himself but also takes it to another level. Whenever Fulgrim choses to show up, he calculates light, angle, facial and bodily expressions, movements and all, stages everything and excutes them precisely just in the way he wants. AND he does that naturally! Fulgrim knows what he does, and calling him a great actor would be a vast understatement to say the least.

I mean, at the scene he first arrives Fulgrim waited for the perfect moment to "throwing open his cloack to reveal his sculpturally perfect body". (that, actually IS a direct quote you know) What's really crazy is that Fulgrim wasn't even in armor, he was NAKED under that cloak gleaming with freaking fragrant oils, IN FRONT OF A WHOLE LEGION which wasn't his. Also let's not forget that he was on a platform made of living beings fused together, and used his warriors to make a ramp of shield he could catwalk on. omg. Who does that, or who is even CAPABLE of doing that except this peacock

Okay this is getting too long so I'll have to cut it here. Let me just say that Fulgrim's excessiveness was just so beyond my expectation and I 100% enjoyed that, laughing at every single line about him being dramatic. Oh I love this man XD

Ships? Of course Ferrus Manus, no need for words. And I absolutely loved his interactions with Perturabo in the book so there's him too. But I like to think the latter is also based on Fulgrim's relationship with Ferrus, so I guess the Phoenician and the Gorgon together is a fundamental headcanon base to me. x))

For now I'm looking forward to read more about him in <Dark Imperium>. Planning to read his own book <Fulgrim> and the short story <Imperfect> yes i'm really up for Fulgrim/Ferrus, but those are for later.

Part I - Lion El'Jonson

I met him in <Deathfire> and <Unremembered Empire> in order.

So my first impression of Lion was him being the only one amused and intrigued by a daring baby lizard who was almost outright disrespectful to not one but THREE primarchs in front of him.

In short : an elegant noble with an Unreadable Face™ who smiles when you shouldn't. Yeah for me he is autistic and that won me!

But then there was the scene in the memorial garden, where Lion visited Numeon. He probed Numeon's stance and shared a glimpse of his pov about Guilliman's ideal, while still drawing a solid line. He's very mysterious and hard to understand, but Lion obviously can read people (just not their feelings nor social cues, that is) and he is a political animal, of a very instinctive kind.

And in UE he kept doing this *putting hands flat upon a table* thing, which I hc as his habit. Big shoutout to @/dancesonblades for their comment, THANK YOU I LOVE THAT SO MUCH :

Lorewise, I'm mostly intersted in Lion's pre-founding story and his relationship with Luther but all I know about them at the moment is from some fanfics and I know it would take me forever to actually read his books, so oops for that. x3

About his look : he has nice beard, and that is a big plus to me hehe.

I tend to favor older men and blonde isn't the first thing I'd go for, but somewhow I find myself liking 30k Lion very much and actually prefering young Lion over his 40k version which should have been my pick. The fact itself is quite amusing ;)

Possible ships? Him and Leman look cute together! I'm looking forward to see them in the Siege of Terra. Be it a primal, brutish relationship between a lion and a wolf growling and fighting each other with a hint of delicate-but-still-animalistic politics, or a rather cute thing between an arrogant cat and a sly dog.

And there's Sanguinius too, as I like the thought of Lion secretly having a thing for the angel but never taking any action during the Imperium Secundus. And he never gets a chance after... the incident. oops. He would be stuck in a glass closet forever.