#pressure rant

I mean, come ONNNN!!!!! we definitely are, because we aren't just given "black screen, game over, here's ya file" we get sebastion actively commenting on our deaths and laughing at us!!!!

AND WE COME RIGHT BACK!!!

i know it's considered more fun to play with "you die, it's over" since the stakes are higher, but just think of the possibilities!!!!

an expendable, visibly traumatized from dying more times than they can count, drawing themselves going through the things they went through before on any plain paper they can get

or the point of view of sebastion as he watches a usually cheery expendable coming back every time and slowly but surely getting quieter... and quieter.... until one day they show up in his shop, not responding to him, eyes perpetually cast downward...

//Could contain spoilers//

So. pAInter right.?

Hes just a lil guy who has an ai that can pull inspiration from real life instead of stealing art from actual artists, super cool right?? Yes but how? Like we know he’s just another anomaly that Urbanshade threw in the Blacksite but he shows eerily human qualities, such as:

-obviously the ability to create

-can feel remorse and skepticism (shown in a dialogue with Sebastian where he asks if he’s a “pad person” for killing people)

-having interests (he wanted to learn how to play chess!)

-curiosity (asking Sebastian about his guitar)

-once again, actual feelings?? He was depressed and tried to break himself 😭😭😭😭 (see pAInter’s file)

I want to know… was he really just an advanced ai or was there some supernatural shit going on here? I don’t know a whole lot about how souls work in this game’s universe but I do know death can sort of be set aside when you have revive tokens, so what if pAInter’s creator like.. made a deal with Lady Death to put a soul into pAInter?? And if so, can it be let OUT of the computer……?

I don’t know, just speculation….

Every time you guys say that, it makes me feel like all the hard work that I did up till now, all the sleep that I've lost, all of the mental and physical torture I put myself through...is nothing. So please stop saying that. It makes me feel like crap.

Because guess what? This report isn't gonna be as the great as the others. Why? Because there's too much to do! You see it yourself, you told me my life sucks. So stop making the pressure even worse. I can't handle any more pressure, least of all from the people I draw strength from. It makes me feel like I'm not gonna get into college. And that scares me so much.