Yum yum salad - 1979
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Yum yum salad - 1979

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Nothing I do is natural, realistic, organic or accidental. I'm never spontaneous, I'm completely premeditated.
Nuno Roque
[overstimulates u by shaking his robe around when no ones looking]

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Premeditated
its easy to write off:
you never actually—
you know.
you never did it.
that’s what everyone says.
like I haven’t got the blood stains to scrub,
I’m tied up in knots about an imaginary rope.
I think people have the wrong idea of how it works.
I remember it vividly:
the transformation into a wild hunting animal.
—sure, it was for survival,
people tell me that too—
I was working up to the taste of blood.
when you have no choice but to kill
you grow a stomach for killing.
we don’t call all of them murders,
but there is always blood,
there are always two animals,
and at least one stops fighting.
I never finished growing that stomach,
that’s the difference.
it remains caged by the abandoned hunts.
there’s one I don’t have to imagine all that much:
—biting down on the windpipe,
holding a life in my mouth
in a threat to snuff it out—
releasing my jaw when the prey struggled
what I do believe in is letting go—
fuck, but the flood of relief when I let go.
I’m still trying to let go.