My prayers, my thoughts, my heart, and every inch of my soul is with my dear sister-friend today as she mourns the departure of her dearest & beloved daughter, Natalia. Her sunflower, her cherry blossom, the apple of her eyes...

I met Egli in one of Vanessa Martir’s, Writing Our Lives Workshop on Feb. 3rd, 2013. I didn’t yet know how much she would impact my life, or that she would become my soul sister. However, there was an instant connection between the two of us, a loving embrace - as if this moment had been waiting to happen, as if we were sisters in a past life. This was solidified the day I was running late to class (we hadn’t exchanged numbers yet) and received a text from Vanessa: “Are you almost here Carmen, Egli is waiting to sit next to you, and she won’t share her piece until you get here.” This warmed my heart. I didn’t know she needed me, as much as I needed her. “I’m almost there,” I replied.

I offered her a ride home from Hunter College to her Harlem condo every Sunday after class. Although at times she resisted, worried she was taking me out of my way, I insisted she wasn’t. We’d talk about our personal lives, our stories and the journeys that brought us to this class, demanding to be written. She’d compliment my writing with such conviction, I wondered if she knew they were falling on deaf ears because I couldn’t yet see in myself, what she saw in me. “Carmen, you’re such an inspiration to me and you make me feel like I can do this too. You have such a gift. Please write.” This compliment coming from someone with a PhD and who I deeply admire because of her strength, resilience and determination. With someone like Egli, who came from such humble beginnings in Santiago, I was in awe of all she had already accomplished. Nonetheless, it was me she became invested in, “You are a diamond in the ruff, my dear.” With all of her guidance and dedication, she was relentless in showing me what I was truly capable of.

We’ve remained close for all these years and our friendship grew into one of sisterhood. She’s picked me up more times than I can count. When my depression was at its worse and I felt defeated, she took me by the hand to numerous holistic doctors from China town all the way up to Queens - determined I was going to beat this disease. She was who first educated me and convinced me to see a psychiatrist, when nothing else was working. She changed my life. She gave me hope. She insisted I had too much to offer to allow this disease to strip me of my light: “You are more than this disease, Negra. If you need to go on meds, do it. It doesn’t have to be permanent, and all it will do is stabilize your moods. You come off them when you feel stronger. I promise.”  

When in 2015 Egli asked me to be her “partera” or “word surgeon,” as she calls me, she was ready to edit her first manuscript, now a book you can find on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and more. A soon to be bestseller, “Unbroken: A Mother-Daughter Journey of Resilience, Faith and Courage.” For months we gathered at her place, feeding both myself and Jose​, our dear friend and editor, as if we were her children. She embraced us, she loved on us, and entrusted us with this book she was finally ready to birth. At times, she’d resist, getting into other things. Her fear was palpable. “Ok Negra, a lo que vinimos,” I’d insist. Let’s focus. We’d sit down in the comfort of her cozy living room and listen to her read out loud, her voice trembling, her heart racing. “It’s ok baby, we got you,” we’d assure her. “You are safe with us.” On several occasions, we couldn’t meet. Writing about Natalia’s battle with cancer meant going down memory lane and fleshing out a time in her life, she did not wish to relive. But Natalia had already beat cancer once before! She had been living life to the fullest, determined to fulfill each and every one of her dreams.  

And so when I received Egli’s text yesterday, I was in complete denial. I rejected her words. I threw my phone to the side and tried to get ready for my son’s Zoom therapy, convinced this was not true. I had SO much faith that Natalia would be healed by the grace of God, that I just couldn’t accept it. I fought this feeling for an hour, until I was overcome by overwhelming emotions and gathered the courage to call her. I wanted to help carry my Negra’s pain, her grief, the weight of her shattered soul. That text, forever etched on my mind... “I lost my Natalia negra! 💔”

To know Natalia, was to love her. It was to live life vicariously through her eyes, fearlessly and unapologetically. Because her light was so bright, she’d light up every room she entered. She was not only passionate about living her life with purpose, but to also bring hope to all who crossed her path. She dreamed of changing the world and of empowering others to always stay positive no matter what life throws your way. As her dear mommy best describes her: “Cancer didn’t have the last word, she’s a princess warrior that lived live intensely - with purpose, passion, boldness, intention, determination, gratitude, love and pure joy. She won!” In her almost 25 years of life here on Earth, Natalia accomplished more than many will accomplish in their entire lives. A true warrior who never accepted her diagnosis, who at only 12 years old stared cancer in the face with courage and an unrelenting determination to live her dreams, and who after each surgery, climbed into her heals during physical therapy and walked the runway she had envisioned for herself WITH a prosthesis. And that she did! Natalia was signed to STATE Management modeling, was a body positive image activist who was never ashamed to show the many scars on her body, walked for a multitude of well-known designers during NY Fashion week, has been featured in numerous magazines including Women’s Health, Cosmopolitan, and her latest solo cover on Vogue magazine. Was featured on Bravo’s Project Runway, season 17, as well as on a Time Square billboard by Foot Locker. She’s been featured in commercials, music videos, and was one of the faces for Delta Airlines and more! And more than all of her accomplishments, her faith in God is what she most embodied. So YES, she did win 👑 🙌🏽 !

Natalia and Egli shared a mother-daughter bond like none I’ve ever seen. They were each other’s best friend, each other’s number one supporter. They traveled the world together, danced together, cried together, encouraged each other, grew together, shared in each and every moment of their lives together, lived their dreams together, and pushed each other to become all God created them to be. The love they shared for each other was tangible, extraordinary, and beautiful to witness. Egli walked every single step of Natalia’s life by her side. She shaved her head in solidarity with her baby girl when she began to lose her hair during chemo. Their love is simply put, ONE of a kind. Natalia passed on Wednesday at 3:49pm in the comfort of her self-created oasis in the arms of her mommy and in the presence of her loved ones ;(

My tears will form a river for you, my dearest Egli, so that you know you’re not alone y porque te adoro, Negra! Natalia’s light will be sorely missed by so many, but her legacy will live on for eternity! May you forever be in the loving embrace of our dear Lord, Nat, and may the angels be as marveled by your presence as we were here on Earth... Paradise awaits you, and the heaven catwalk is waiting for you, baby girl!

Natalia Harris July 18, 1996 - May 6, 2020