May 31
Why must i deal with fools and nincompoops?????
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Why must i deal with fools and nincompoops?????
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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i thought it was endearing at first, but my neighbour keeps singing disney musical songs with his dusty, crusty, fucking voice, he plugged his keyboard on our shared wall too (egregious) and is screeching like a dying banshee.... woke me up TWICE. so i moved my entire setup... i am literally too mad at him to ask him to PIPE IT DOWN but I did open my door and the hallway noise outside is even worse 😂
ill gather the strength to be an adult about it and tell him to quiet down, but i've made urr exasperated remarks in my living room and he prob heard so im embarrassed lol
dont wanna use prawneggs to post WIPS or sketches but im lowkey excited for this campaign and i be sad that it's veering too far from ppl's comfort lol but i gotta pursue the art not the numbers yall
and also my self-indulgence tee hee
Made sprites of people who resemble a past that is haunting me
the last 2 years i had put a lot of effort in watching a Lot of movies, sometimes I'd do some crazy stuff like watch 4 movies a day for days straight lol. and I realise that this kinda created noise instead of inspiring me. This year I watched very few movies😂 But now I can also think clearer?! What gives. I love watching movies. But they do numb me a lot instead of inspiring me to draw. I'm very pressed about this. thought i could be a cool ahh artist of cultural knowledge n shit, just not built for it
Not to say I will "stop watching movies" but I wanted to approach them from an artistic POV, and it just doesn't do it for me. It litorly only be stressin me out
Arguably maybe the practice of watching 16 movies a week was kinda too much of me LAWL #ALLORNOTHING
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Intentional weight loss and disordered eating talk, be warned 🛂🛃
trying to convince myself not every story i am coming up with needs to be a 3 seasons epic series
in fact most of my shit would be better as a short story im realising...
i also tried thinking about alma and zooey and im already so fucking bored of them 😂 i kinda never want to draw them again. and part of me is like nooo... but it's so HOARDER of me. like... let them go and do new things...
extra unrelated vampire rant below:
It's been an emotional month for me and my bloggirl needs are at high capacity... more TMI deep-cut thoughts under cut...
Artemis II had me bawling a lot for selfish reasons... DUNDUNDUN
When I was a kid I did not have dreams of a career, marriage (cos I didn't know I was gay lol) or anything like that... I really wanted to become an astronomer for NASA. I actually REALLY wanted to become an astronaut, and I was like 200% sure I would make it to the moon.
Now in our lifetime we are experiencing these moon missions in real time, and idk man the kid inside me felt heartbroken instead of excited... maybe because it hit me... shit I'm never going to the moon huh?? (Yes lol this is not about logic it's about emotions 😤)
I started crying for a good 5 mins lol, seeing how I never had a chance to even pursue this as a kid, I mean shit I was abandoned af and my family only wanted TWO prospects out of me: do what my dad did or marry someone who will. Third option is middle finger and no dinner for "ungrateful" me.
Being this close to this vulnerable part of myself is due to the fact that I no longer speak to anyone in my family, and it feels safe to come out again. GADDAWM tho I've been FUCKING emotional, it's really like quitting cigarettes all over again.
It's also liberating because I am remembering things I really wanted to do as an adult as a permanent practice in my life:
mushroom picking
using a telescope frequently
crystal/mineral hunting
fishing
landscape + nature photography
zine making/writing articles and short stories
study the fkn universe GRRR
gardening (which i suck at rn lol)
List is fkn big but most take a lot of time and need no rush :)
So I may not be able to go to the moon in my life, that is inevitable... but I can still even pursue knowledge. I want to become literate... and I want to make a life that can accommodate what this kid part of me always wanted lol 😔