#pradaverse

         Keep in mind, Kristoff, we’re all adults here. Valerie- his sister- was in my basic analytics class, sat two seats away from me all the time, seemed totally regular. She didn’t stand out at all. She didn’t ask questions more than anyone else, she didn’t volunteer more than anyone else, she was just kinda there, you know? One of those supporting background characters in a television show or something. She blended in, but not in the sad way, not in the way someone who wants to be noticed blends in.

          Anyway, James and I met when he came to walk Valerie from class back to her dorm room. She stayed behind to talk to the professor, and I went out and collided with James face-first. Books and papers everywhere, and he helped me pick them up. We introduced ourselves and after that, we always exchanged brief conversation after analytics, when he would take Valerie back to her room. One day he invited me to walk with them, and that’s when the trouble started.

         He actually decided to ask me out in front of Val. He stood at her door, waited for her to open it, and apparently he assumed she’d close it before he got the words out, but she sure didn’t. He asked me out and, like, what was I gonna do? So I said yes. Besides, I kinda liked him, he was cute- I would’ve said yes either way, let’s be honest, but Valerie being there…I felt like it was super pressure time. She seemed to be okay with me walking around with them a lot, and so I assumed she’d be mad if I didn’t say yes.

         We go on a couple dates, and…er. Well, that’s when he kinda put the pressure on me to get into some…stuff. I mean, it wasn’t like I didn’t want to, just- two dates? I’m not that easy…I mean, when I’m not drunk and – ahaha, but anyway-

         So I show up to class the following Monday after that, and Valerie is sitting in my seat. Well, this is college, so there isn’t technically assigned seating, but…we all respect the arrangement, you know? You’ve been sitting in the same spot for six months, why would anyone take it now? So I knew something was up. But I just sat in her seat and didn’t pay much attention to it. This went on for like, two weeks, before I finally got the courage to go over and talk to her.

         She barely let me open my mouth to say hi before she started growling at me. Like, really growling! Like Sven! I swear to god, she was growling. And finally she got words out, and she was like, if you ever fuck my brother again I’ll kill you.

         So…I’m not going to ask how she knew, or if she was serious, I just- I just booked it. I didn’t even attend lecture that day, I just left. You don’t mess with someone who can do a perfect imitation of a dog’s growl around those words. I didn’t try to talk to her again, but I should have listened to her, because James and I slept together again, and the next thing I knew, he was dumping me.

         How?

         Oh, I guess…that’s not too important. But okay. Basically, he and I were just about to- yeah- when he stopped and turned the lights off, and said he couldn’t go through with it anymore. That he felt too guilty. He … said I was stupid, but pretty, and that Harvard wasn’t really the place for a girl like that. I was confused and, of course, a little bit offended, but he went over and shut the lid of his laptop, and I realized it…had been recording. Luckily I had all my clothes on, but he was going to record it. Ugh.

         I made him show me what had been done so far, and I made him delete it- like, really, seriously delete it. Not just open the trash and delete it, honest-to-god permanently erase it. I wasn’t stupid. I knew that could kill me. He was mad at me for making him do it, but god, what was I gonna do? Let him keep it? Ha! No.

         It turned out he was actually going to send it to Val. She…erm. Well, she made him promise that if I ever slept with him again, he’d tape it so she could send it around and prove…some stuff about me. Some awful stuff. That I slept my way into school, basically. Obviously I was pissed off that he ever agreed to it, but…I mean…I know how siblings can be. You’re just trying to protect each other…or I assume that’s how it is, anyway. I still want to protect Elsa, sometimes, from everyone out there who might want to take advantage of her, or hurt her.

         So we went out for a week longer before he broke up with me. He said he just felt sorry for me, he couldn’t actually be happy to be with me, he…was kind of dating me out of pity to begin with. So…that was it.

         Kris, it’s like, the minute they’re legal to drink, there’s no stopping them! It doesn’t matter that they’re all distinguished and full of money, it’s all alcohol all the time. I knew guys in school who could test BETTER when drunk! So they’d pound back like six beers before a midterm and ace it, no problem. Teachers didn’t really care, it was like, you know, whatever you gotta do to pass.

         Anyway, uh, Alex wasn’t really that bad with it. He just…was excited; like I’m sure everyone is when they can legally buy vodka. But that’s how I met him, at a party my roomie was going to. It was his birthday party. The frat he was in threw a huge party and there were all kinds of rumors about how the campus police had been paid off by his family not to shut down the house, because they never came, even when some really messed up stuff was happening right on the lawn.

         He was near the punch bowl for like two hours, and I knew that was him, and I didn’t want to go over but I was so thirsty for something that didn’t taste like straight burning. I eventually weaseled over there and tried to just, you know, ladle some stuff in a solo cup and run, but he reached out and grabbed my hand and got all mad. He said nobody should be drinking the punch. Kristoff, how much sense did THAT make? Don’t drink the FREE punch, which was sitting on a table, with a ladle, and cups, SPECIFICALLY to be served? Come on!

         So I got into a little argument with him and he tried to tell me that it was probably spiked with nasty shit. Not just the typical vodka and whatever else, he was pretty sure people had thrown like…drugs in it. I didn’t really believe him, but now we were talking, and he gave me his number before he got pulled off to do some dumb party thing. I don’t really remember, honestly, that whole party was really dark and … weird.

         We started dating and he was awesome. He was really kind, and he did charity work, and he loved animals. Kinda reminded me of you, a little! But he was way smaller. Like, twig-sized, Sven could totally overpower him in an instant. Anyway, things were amazing, he was a gentleman and we took things really, really, really slow. He wanted to learn all about me, he said he really loved family and thought it was so important. That made me really happy, I mean, you know how I feel about family. I told him a little bit about Elsa and how I was concerned for her, and … that’s when I should’ve started seeing it.

         El had moved to France already, I told you about that, and that was when I was visiting her every break I could to try to help her and spend time with her. He insisted on coming with me over Spring break to meet her, and I tried to tell him how she didn’t really like to be surprised, so he suggested I introduce her to him long-distance. So I did.

         He and Elsa got along okay. I mean, as okay as she can get along with anyone, I guess. They talked through e-mails and he showed me every one, told me how interesting he thought she was, how cool it was that she got to inherit my parent’s company and manage it long-distance. Eventually I…I guess every conversation was about Elsa, my parents’ company, or when we’d go visit her in Spring.

         Break time came and he was more invested in planning the trip than even I was. I tried not to think about how weird that was. I probably should’ve though, I should have known. I did know, I guess, I just didn’t want to. …Sorry, anyway, he went with me and met Elsa, and two days into my trip he blew up at me.  He admitted that he was only interested in Elsa, that she was prettier, better, smarter, more mature, than I’d ever be.

         Everyone at school knew who Elsa was. She was the face of the Chamberland estate, the company, the- everything- after my parents died. So everyone wanted to be friends with her. But since she fled to another country completely, and never even left her home there most of the time, they had to settle for getting to know me, and meeting her through me. So…

         He went to see Elsa after breaking up with me, and I wanted to go home, but I needed to see her first. I wanted to make sure she was doing okay, and stuff. El called me like twenty minutes after I’d stopped being stupid- crying and stuff- and said she kicked him to the curb for trying to kiss her. She asked if I was okay, and when I said I wanted to come over and have lunch she…she said she couldn’t. She was shaken up and didn’t want to see anyone. I understand that, you know, some random guy you thought was great coming over and trying to kiss you and tell you you’re amazing out of nowhere- so…

         I went home, and that was it. I never talked to him again, we never discussed what happened or why or how. I found out from my roomie that he didn’t actually do charity work, that he only started doing all those things and being so nice because he realized who I was. Well, haha, who I was related to. The last I heard, he was actually a pretty successful lawyer in Vegas. Tons of business there, I’m sure.