23.06.17// that was me cramming to prepare a PP on Euripides “The Bacchae” for a seminar on radicalism. I was very anxious because of this task since the professor is brilliant (and demanding) and was also a good friend of my Italian professor. I was that scared to fail that I couldn´t relax and the presentation was not fluid and successful as I hoped. I messed up a little and I felt terrible because of I skipped a lot of things I wanted to say and I probably couldn´t give a clear idea of my thesis. I was really depressed in the last few days and quite scared for my next presentation, coming on the 4th of July. Sometimes I feel like blocked, impeded, hampered, like stuck in a mute hell. My German vocabulary is much tinier than my Italian one and I put a lot of effort in the study but I can´t learn by memory. I never had to do that at school, I would simply understand the matter. Learn dates, names, events came to me very naturally once I got interested in the topic. Now I feel terribly stupid since I don´t really get tested for this presentations, they are not going to give me grades, so it won´t affect my career. Yes, I know, it´s just my wounded honor and self-judging that are taking me done. But how it comes, that I still feel bad about it?
