#posts around 1pm cst

I’ve left pieces of my heart into the possession of many and I’ve watched them soon after throw and neglect it into the trash. Time and energy spent accosting my vitality. And it’s not on them strictly, it’s my own fault for being careless of the importance of where I devote myself too. I have left pieces of my body being torn and dissected to try fixing a disease and body that continues to decay and now is inoperable to fix from the holes carved into me. Hospital visits erased my opportunities and allowed me to stand side line oddly. I still recall being stuck there for a month, and I was bet against. Told I wasn’t strong enough. Watching my dreams shatter from Olympics, wrestling, everything gone, but one vital thing.

My mind is still intact. Although I deplete and have bitter limits. As long as I have that, I still have all I need. But expression is what I believe is the most important thing being’s bring; inside art you can prove that. In that atmosphere, you create worlds. And while you may get destroyed, you can convert that into something better. When things die like dreams, they can be recreated and transformed into a whole new positive landscape and impact.

I push myself to boundaries, challenge cause I need nothing ever wasted again. There is a way to do that. I can turn my entire life of years into memories good and bad, and bear it all on the table, in ONE full year... I can turn into stories, experiences, adventures. I can put it all into form and unleash it. Reveal my truth.

See although people have entrusted pieces of them to me. I have never lost it. And they are still important to me, to immortalize because every scar physically and mentally builds no matter how it’s constructed and molds you. I’ve always been second-rate in almost every regard, but I have never felt that way when sharing here and I continue to prosper and push because of the fondness and the out-pour of all the encouraging people who’ve tuned in, no matter the gaps in my appearances, or it almost seemingly like I’ve gone off to the seas and abandoned them on the shores.

I always return as one of the few constants.

Three months last year, I should just go for that alone as a benchmark, or go the normal idea and go for a consistent goal of Four, but I want more, more and more. In my heart of hearts.

One year. That’s where I want to go.

I will lay out every single emotion and I will turn it into some sort of screen set, writing, gif, comedic skits, poetry, lyrics, something to productively let out daily. Of course, I've had a handicap for one month and although that seems like a lot of distance to be ahead of me and easily achievable, I assure you all it takes is one bad day and that’s gone. A shifting wrong blow from life and it’s gone and I’m out.

Even if I don’t make the criteria of this challenge, I’ve set forth. I’ll still be happy with what I did and my opinion, alongside the love that I still can give myself daily, doesn’t change anything. 'Cause I did what makes me feel alive. Though I strongly believe, I can win this distance.

The reason is -- I’ve already succeeded in getting a month’s worth of work. Where my passion was perceived as a fire, thinking it dimmed, that the blaze couldn’t come back. I assure you, I’ve found it’s an explosive now.

It’s in my gratitude to all those who over the years have been on a life journey, being beside me, going through it all. Watching me adapt, evolve. I’m certain sometimes, there could’ve been questions if I was diminishing or regressing.

My duty is to hopefully aspire and inspire and I can take it that wasn’t easy. So that’s my apology if I’ve ever let your expectations down.

But now, if you stuck with me in this wild ride, I will deliver you the best that I’ve held in holding and couldn’t get too.

I owe it all to those who’ve come and slithered in whispers against me, targeted me with poison, aided in doubt. Thank you for allowing me to inject that into myself. It took a considerable amount of time to learn how to turn that poison into something useful, but I’ve found the antidote and gained beyond a tolerance to it, but immunity.

For those who’ve been my stars, who've been my guiding compass to return, who saw my spark, and encouraged me. Watching me leaping into turning my spark into a lightning strike here and there, I owe you a few worlds. Consider them created. I’ll go from lightning to thunder! And from there, I’ll become a whole thunderstorm of unbridled passion!

Even to those who often remain without even my presence, I have all my heart for you in this and it has given me my conviction to overcome. I’ll bring warmth into even the shadows themselves.

I’m out to develop a new writing style and form of art and trespass into it and ideally if it works, I’ll master it. If doable, I’ll be telling stories in this format. Not only easier to absorb but better for me too. But I haven’t given up, I attend to create all Captain’s stories, arcs, which I’ve hundreds remaining. Though this will allow me to ease it up and turn it into an alternative until I do so. I’m also going to be developing Captain’s final state and character arc, leading him up to being his pinnacle, prior to him going for his Last Voyage. This is a better idea instead, because it allows me to not only return to RP anywhere, but prevent partners from having to contend with any Story that is happening anymore. Now it’s strictly stories that are happening / stories that have happened. I'll be allowing them to be filled out / teased in my new style, and also one day, whenever not this challenge, I’m back to writing again, I can go at it.

Things haven’t changed though I’ll work on getting back to answering more stuff, being easier reachable for stuff. But most importantly, Build. Support. Hoist. Back to showcasing a lot of your inspiring tales, amazing works. You’ve kept all the engine running and that’s what matters. We’re all in this as a crew. Thank you for taking care of the helms and still never halting either in going through your tides. You’re what makes those seek fortune.