#post 82

So... I was kinda freaking out last night because my mom took my iPod into their room and they made me give them my password to it. i prayed to god that night. I begged him to not let my parents get on my iPod and read notes or conversations, or stuff like that. I was so scared i was shaking so badly! I have ana and mia tips and suicide notes, and confessions of suicide attempts in my notes, and I would definitely not want them reading my conversations with Alex! Or Sean... or Anyone really. and I wouldn’t want them to find my Tumblr account or Instagram or Twitter, or vine, or Kik... god I have a lot to hide. it’s sickening. so... last night i prayed and was trembling with fear and I took a deep breath... and i said, “Lord, I trust you. I trust that my parents won’t look at my iPod.” and I put my trust, my life fully in him. and I took out that noose I've been hiding all these months, and with shaky hands, I untied it. while still continuing to pray and repeating over and over again that I trust god. I untied that noose, and I hid the rope in Christopher's room. I put my trust fully in the lord, and he didn’t let me down. i was at my lowest point last night. i was helpless, i was scared to death i was alone. and all i had left was my faith. all i could do was pray and trust in god. I'm selling you, I've never been more scared, more stressed out, in my life. but... it’s over. I have my iPod back. they didn’t look at it. i had begged god to let them trust me. and they did. if they had read things on the iPod, they would have said something by now. 

I thought I would keep the blog in a sleeping mode until the return of OUAT 5B, but today,so close to 2016, I felt the need of registering something here, though initially I didn’t know exactly what. I set free the ship of my thoughts, let them sail into random waters to see where they would get to, kind of expecting to relate them, in an afterthought, to Emma and Killian, somehow. 

The musical waves that conducted my ship turned out to be related to Eric Clapton and to two Beatles’ members. At first, singing with MacCarteney, I identified a song that Emma could sing to Killian. The winds would, then, led me to a Poetry Island where Carlos Drummond de Andrade, a poet who lives in my heart with so many fond memories, reminded his recipe of New Year. After that, navigating again, the Argo-ship floated over remembrances of Something, song by Clapton and Harrison, and this way Killian’s turn, thinking on or dreaming of Emma, came alive.

So, as a farewell to 2015, a simple but sincere homage to George Harrison, with love and gratitude. 

I don’t want you to not like it XD